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I did not deserve this miracle but God did it anyway and he will do it for you too. Here’s my story of deliverance, I hope it will help you and that you will share it with anyone who may need to hear it;

I am probably one of the best examples that you will ever find, of “how bad” things can be going for a person a year ago, and how good they can be now…

The condition I found myself in this time last year; in March of 2016.. Is such a frightening pitiful site I don’t even want to go into specifics… Just know, that it was as bad as it can get and the lowest point of my entire life. I had exhausted every resource I could, to try and pull out of the situation I was in, but everything kept imploding in on me anyway.

A battle I had fought with depression and anxiety for over 40 years had finally turned into the perfect storm to destroy me. I thought “well this can’t get any worse” and it did. I thought to myself “this is absolutely unbearable” and then it became even more unbearable..

I had begged and pleaded with God for so long to bring me out, that I finally just stopped asking Him, and just checked out spiritually. I had tried so hard to keep holding on, knowing in my heart that God must have a plan, but I sure saw no signs of a plan. I felt He had deserted me, and I questioned if he had ever really been there to begin with.

At the time I felt like a tortured animal.. I could not sleep.. I had no money.. I was unable to hold down a job because my condition had become debilitating.. I had become what I had feared the most.. a liability to the ones I loved. I really did try with everything I had left in me, but could not break out of this horrible dark place. There was not a doctor, or medicine I had tried that could help me and I had tried the whole gamut over the last 15 years.

Before this starts sounding to negative, let me say that this does have a happy ending.. When God did decide to bring me out… it was an amazing thing to witness. It was literally like he reached in and grabbed me by the shirt collar and pulled me out of that deep black hole I was in!

For a while, I questioned God as to why He let it go so far.. and why he waited so long.. I was convinced that I had gone into such a bad place, it had done permanent damage.. Damage that not only hurt me as I was going through it, but that would even make an imprint on my future, if I did survive. I thought to myself.. “God if I’m your child, this feels an awfully lot like child abuse”.

Well, I’m thankful to say; it didn’t ruin my future. When God decided to move for me “Wow, did he ever do it in a big way”… He started first with healing in my mind. The anxiety left.. I started sleeping peacefully at night, the depression left, and none of this has been back again (at any level) for over a year now…

After I experienced this first stage of healing, then God began the process of “making me whole”. This happened as I went along day by day… God began reconnecting the pieces of my relationship with him.. He spoke to me, one morning last winter in the most unexpected way.. I was walking my little dog “poky” in the snow. He would walk a few steps and get ice in his paws, and then start to stumble around. I kept picking him up cleaning out the ice between his pads, and warming his feet until he was ok to walk again.. We repeated this for a while, and then God spoke to my heart and said.. This is the way I love you.. I have cradled you with this same kind of tender care and concern through it all, even when it seemed I wasn’t there, I was. I really did care and I didn’t want you to even have the slightest discomfort… I know that may sound simple to some, or maybe even silly, but God knew exactly how to speak to me and what I needed to hear in order to break down the wall I had built up between Him and I. “I thought God had let me down and I was so wounded and angry”… It amazes me how God was able to use something as simple as walking my dog, to speak volumes to me. In that instant God healed years of damage and wounds inside me and the wall came down..

Once He mended our relationship, he started to reveal to me (as he continues to do).. some of the reasons he did allow me to go through these horrible times; and how I would reap many benefits from having endured all of this. Here are some of the things God has shown me so far;

1.) For the first time in my life I am really comfortable in my own skin. I was always so nervous and insecure before… I can’t find words to explain this blessing, but I believe somehow it was born out of the great suffering I endured..
2.) I have “perfect peace” that really does surpass all understanding, like I’ve never had before..
3.) I have become hardened to difficult times.. My heart is not hardened but now when “difficulties” come, they don’t impact me like they did before. I feel I have a force field around me.
4.) I have JOY that really is so great it can’t be described with words. It just floods my soul every minute of the day.

An example of how real this Joy is, I can share with you from a few days ago. I had talked for a few moments with a stranger in a car repair shop. Out of the blue she look at me and said: “You bring joy with you wherever you go”.. I realized after I left the shop what a big deal it really was for me to hear that I was putting out that kind of energy and here’s why.

I could not help but reflect back to this time last year. My typical day consisted of so much pain I spent most of my day trying to plan suicide. I sobbed uncontrollably all through the night, every night, month after month, with nothing but such a deep sorrow inside me.. I would have loved (at the time), to have cried myself to sleep, but sleep would not come. My family asked me to sleep in a different part of the house because my crying all night would keep them awake. I could not find a moment of relief. If you have never experienced this, I can only describe it as the worst of torture… After living through this period, I will never take peace of mind for granted again.

As God started my restoration process, He provided the perfect job for me. A place where I have become successful, and a place that provided me a spiritual support system and an environment where I could just heal up. I am now more on top of things professionally, than I ever have been. My future is very bright, and I’m now easily able to do things I never could do before.

My deliverance has had a ripple effect… All of my relationships are being mended. My relationship with God is better than I ever imagined it could be. I have a back and forth dialogue with Him every day. It just keeps getting sweeter and sweeter every day and I just keep enjoying it more and more. All the static and negativity of this world has just faded into the fringes, and God has lifted me up above all the fray and circumstances.

God loved me.. even with all my failures, even though I was weak, unfaithful, broken, and flawed.. he loved me anyway.. He not only loved me enough to heal me (which I did not deserve).. but also, He’s began to awaken spiritual gifts in my life that are uplifting me and others… I’m continue to discover these gifts everyday…. there is something new He’s revealing all the time.. In my weakness and brokenness.. His strength and love was made perfect.. It is true what they say “God does use those that are broken”.

I know that I am nothing in myself, but with Christ in me now I realize I really can do anything. I have truly went from victim to victor.. My new found unmovable confidence is in Him.

Walking in this new victorious mindset.. I still, fail God some days, and then other days I have victories. I know that he loves me just the same even in my failures. Nothing could make me doubt that now.

When you have been through hell and back again, and survived it.. I believe that God is qualifying you for something!.. To do great things in his name, and by his anointing, may come at a great cost. God may have to dismantle us in order to build us back up into the person that can realize and receive His best plan to be what He wants us to be. This finally helped me understand and put in perspective the “Why” behind my suffering.

If he would do this kind of total healing for me… He will do it for you… I can promise you this, You, still have a future! I am living proof of that! Please don’t give up better days are right ahead of you. We are all guilty of feeling “God wouldn’t use me”.. but that could not be farther from the truth.

I am a witness to the fact that God still cares.. he cares about the details of our lives.. because they matter to us they matter to him. He loves you and me with such a deep burning love.. He is a God that never tires of giving us “another chance”. He will Never allow anyone to miss out if they want Him. If you want God, then He wants you so badly… I don’t care how far down you’ve gone. He will not let you miss out on his great plan for your life, if you just hold on to him and keep going.

I believe God is raising up a remnant of people in these last days; that will desire a closeness with him, and that want to walk with him and have a sweet daily dialogue with Him… He wants you and I to be a part of it. This is his plan, if we will just accept it, and it’s so great and so good, that it’s beyond our wildest imagination.

Be encouraged, your answer is on the way. Even if you are in pain right now, and waiting on your answer and deliverance.. you can still be OK and happy in his presence at this moment. Experience this peace and joy immediately.. Just step into and stay in his presence. Let him know your waiting there for Him. He won’t let you down.

You don’t need anything else but God. God, by Himself, is more than enough to make you complete!

I love you, and I’m praying for you. Please keep me in your prayers too. If I can pray for you or help any further feel free to email me at [email protected]

May God keep you and bless you. I love you.. Todd
Staff Member
Welcome to Talk Jesus Todd.
For in Him dwells all the fullness of the Godhead bodily; and you are complete in Him, who is the head of all principality and power. Colossians 2:9-10
With the Love of Christ Jesus Todd. Be Welcome!

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