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Gay-overcomer Testimony

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I was brought up in a very abusive home. You name it, it was done to us. Mental, physical & sexual abuse. Had a non-existing father. He wasn't around to protect us, nor give us any support or comfort. {This is where my stand comes in that we aren't born gay, but made gay}.

I don't know how old I was when I realized I was gay, but it was in my mid to late teens. I couldn't deal with it. Kids in school calling me "gay" "******" "****", etc. Kids are cruel.

At the age of 17 I couldn't deal with life anymore. I couldn't handle the abusive situation at home and I couldn't handle the abuses from my classmates. So I decided to end it all. The only reason I'm still alive is God. The doctors told my parents I wouldn't live. But I did.

At the age of 19, I was at a New Years Eve party. My aunt cornered me and kept witnessing to me. I was drunk, but by 2 AM my aunt convinced me that I needed Jesus in my life. So I got down on my knees and we prayed together. Since it was 2 AM I always count New Years Day as my spiritual birthday.

I started reading the bible & going to church. But I didn't give up on the alcohol, and sex, and I didn't turn away from the few friends I had.

Over the next few years, my walk with the Lord was good, but not perfect. I had a lot of sins that needed confessing but didn't. I moved up to New Hampshire to live with an Aunt & Uncle who were both saved. This was an amazing time. It was the first time in my life that I experienced what a real family was like. I learned a lot from my Aunt & Uncle and am indebted to them for helping me build a foundation.

However, I struggled with serious depression. I moved back to Massachusetts and in with my mother & stepfather. {I have the worlds best stepfather!!!} Anyway, I couldn't deal anymore with the depression and decided to end my life, again.

I had it all planned out. The day came when I was going to carry it out. I was in my bedroom and a very, very heaviness over powered me. I can't explain it except to say that after the fact, it was the Holy Spirit. I fell into a deep sleep. The Lord gave me a vision. I was standing there with my two hands held out in front of me. And the Lord placed a piece of gold in my hands. It was a large piece of gold, it took both hands to hold it. It was pure gold, so pure I could see through it {I never read or heard of pure gold until later in the book of Revelation}. The Lord said to me: "You are more precious to me than this gold."{Is. 13:12} I woke up crying, and crying. And it was then that I realized it was the next day! The Lord intervened in my attempt to commit suicide and He brought me through it into the next day.

The next few years were filled with Church stuff. I got very involved. But the depression wouldn't lift. I was diagnosed with chronic severe clinical depression. But because I'm a Christian I had a hard time dealing with the depression because God was supposed to heal me {this was my warped thinking}.

Since then, I have attempted suicide several times and was hospitalized a few times as well. I have come to learn & accept that this is a disease and I need to stay on my medication.

Also, for the first 14 years of being saved, I still was involved in the gay lifestyle. But I never came "out", always remained in the closet. So my family and friends don't know about this struggle. Only a select few people know.

I didn't have but a couple of "long term relationships". Instead I was a male *****. I just would hop in bed with whomever, one night stands, so to speak.

Back in 1995 the Lord convicted me of this sin, having sex with men. But there was nothing I could do about it. Homosexual sin is the ultimate high, and so powerfully adictive. And it's very hard to leave this lifestyle. So, I sought help. There was one pastor at a church I was going to, that asked me if I was gay. I told him yes. And he worked with me and counseled me for 1 maybe 2 years. Plus I got professional counseling for my depression.

So now to the present. I still suffer from depression. But I have left the gay lifestyle. {now 11 years} In the past recent months I have been seeking/searching for a gay lover {back sliding}. However, the Lord has obviously intervened again, because it hasn't worked out.

What I want to work on now is the same sex attraction, lust & porn.

Blessings;
Corey
 
Member
well corey you have done great young man by opening your heart in here, no one here is to judge you but to love and support...we all have closet problems and my husband too has attempted to end things hold your hands out everyday and hold tight to the gold that the Lord gave you because you are worth all that and more to him, when you awake everyday or when the temptations come hold your hands out and hold tight to that piece of gold. Blessings and hugs from the Lord.
Love Gwen
 
Member
Corey, you just keep going brother, know He is with you. What comes to my mind is "be still and know I am God." We all face temptations but He always provides a way out under it (1 Corth.10:13), cling to that. We stand with you Corey, denoucing the devils work in your life, claiming you back, you belong to a King. Be strong and couragous.
Your sister,
Michele
 
Member
You've got such empathy for other's who have been through.

Sharing your life as you have is going to be a ministry to other's.

Press on into all else God has for you.

Your wisdom, faith & His strength in your sharing, speaks volumes to the rest of us.
 
Member
Wow that must have been hard for you to break from something so powerful. You would be such a help to others going through similar struggles. Keep looking to God for all the strength that you need. Thank you for sharing your story in such an open and honest way.
 
Member
Corey, you have overcome a huge obstacle in your path to The Lord my friend! We all love and support you in your trials. Satan wants more than anything to have you back in your old lifestyle because that's where he knows he's got you and can control you. If you commit suicide, Satan has won the battle and I know that's not what you want and it's sure not what God has planned for you.

Your testimony can be a blessing to gay men and women everywhere and I believe He wants to use you to witness to others in your situation. God has a plan for you Corey or He wouldn't have kept you alive to tell about it. Maybe you should pray about that because I really think He has a plan in ministry for you somewhere, some how.

Your trials are making you stronger and you WILL WIN the battle against Satan and his evil desires. God bless you and may He keep you strong in your fight!
 
Member
MrCorey, It is awesome that God has brought you this far and now you can tell of the awesome way in which He has intervened in your life over and over again :girl_hug: ------>spiritual hug! I posted my testimony not too long ago and I still remember one of my old boyfriends choking me and feeling as if I couldn't breathe (I really believe had he continued a few more seconds, I wouldn't be alive!) You and I and others like us who have gone through life's ringer are blessed in a very special way because the BIBLE says in "Luke 7:47
Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little." God Bless You and keep you from the evil one, you are in my prayers. Thanks for coming here.
 
Member
I've gone through things like that too, I always defend people who are picked on. It was very hard for me they said "slow","loser", and one person said "go to hell" I felt horble. Wanting revenge by chasing people and things like that.
 
Member
:rose: What an honest testimony Mr.Corey. I will say an "our Father" for you tonight, so that you don't backslide. You are on the right track, for sure. There is God you know and no matter how complex and great He is, He is also just simple and kind. Too bad about your life. I had a fairly abusive life too and it sure does destroy the spirit, doesn't it. Keep replacing your gay thoughts, with thoughts of how kind and loving the Holy Spirit is and how deeply our Father wants you to be healed and in Heaven. It takes a lot of strength to be so open. I really hope you succeed. You seem kinda special to me. Amen
 
Member
pixie said:
:rose: What an honest testimony Mr.Corey. I will say an "our Father" for you tonight, so that you don't backslide. You are on the right track, for sure. There is God you know and no matter how complex and great He is, He is also just simple and kind. Too bad about your life. I had a fairly abusive life too and it sure does destroy the spirit, doesn't it. Keep replacing your gay thoughts, with thoughts of how kind and loving the Holy Spirit is and how deeply our Father wants you to be healed and in Heaven. It takes a lot of strength to be so open. I really hope you succeed. You seem kinda special to me. Amen
Wow! Corey, that was some Testimony! You will be in my prayers. It's so sad to hear about the child abuse, or any kind of abuse on anyone, but child abuse, especially! My heart goes out to you. And all I can say is, stick with The Almighty GOD & Jesus Christ. Never, ever putting them out of your mind. Say a prayer, welcoming GOD & Jesus to share in everything you do. {Matthew 22:37} By doing this you will strengthen yourself with self - discipline. We all long to be close to GOD & Christ Jesus, and as our love grows for them, we hope to turn from our worldly wicked ways & become more like Jesus & therefore to become Holy as GOD is Holy. {1 Peter 1:14-16} You were brought up in sin, as many of us were. Though our sins may be different from one another we all still have sinned. Therefore, we developed bad habits. And like all (bad) habits - they can be very hard to brake, meaning it takes time to change - one can not always change over night - but be patient & most of all remain determined to turn away from the wicked ways of man, and endure to the end! Meaning with all your might, stand by The Almighty GOD & Jesus Christ. {Matthew 10:22} {Deuteronomy 6:5, Mark 12:30, Mark 12:33, Luke 10:27} I believe in you & that your Testimony is true! But I also believe that GOD is calling you! You have seen the ugly side of life, so therefore you have eye witness & experienced the hell of child abuse as well as experienced the cruelty of life itself! You know for a fact that the grass is not green on the sinful side life - like so many people seem to think it is. I believe GOD has chosen you help HIM set people straight, to convince people that HIS Love is real & not burdensome. GOD'S Love is the most beautiful Love of all! And HE has chosen you! {1 John 5:3} May your walk with GOD through our Beloved Savior Christ Jesus, be a blessed one! Jonah2005 {*genesis!}

[B]1 John 5:3
For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome.

John 14:21-28
21. "He who has My commandments and keeps them, it is he who loves Me. And he who loves Me will be loved by My Father, and I will love him and manifest Myself to him.''
22. Judas (not Iscariot) said to Him, "Lord, how is it that You will manifest Yourself to us, and not to the world?''
23. Jesus answered and said to him, "If anyone loves Me, he will keep My word; and My Father will love him, and We will come to him and make Our home with him.
24. "He who does not love Me does not keep My words; and the word which you hear is not Mine but the Father's who sent Me.
25. "These things I have spoken to you while being present with you.
26. "But the Helper, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in My name, He will teach you all things, and bring to your remembrance all things that I said to you.
27. "Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
28. "You have heard Me say to you, `I am going away and coming back to you.' If you loved Me, you would rejoice because I said, `I am going to the Father,' for My Father is greater than I. [/B]
 
Member
pixie said:
:rose: What an honest testimony Mr.Corey. I will say an "our Father" for you tonight, so that you don't backslide. You are on the right track, for sure. There is God you know and no matter how complex and great He is, He is also just simple and kind. Too bad about your life. I had a fairly abusive life too and it sure does destroy the spirit, doesn't it. Keep replacing your gay thoughts, with thoughts of how kind and loving the Holy Spirit is and how deeply our Father wants you to be healed and in Heaven. It takes a lot of strength to be so open. I really hope you succeed. You seem kinda special to me. Amen
Dear Pixie;
Mind if I say it with you?

Our Father, who art in heaven
Hallowed be they name
Thy Kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us this day our daily bread
And forgive us our trespasses
As we forgive those who trespass against us
And lead us not
Into temptation
But deliver us from evil
Amen.
 
Member
Your sorrow is for this life only!!!!

You are truly a child of God's Corey. What a battle and continuing too. You are really worthy of being a priest for the Lord after we go to him, Please try and be one step ahead of the enemy, as he will fail if you recognise his attempts to derail you.

God Bless you Corey and love to you also... Jesus is the Lord!!!!
 
Member
That is a very good testamony it takes alot of courage to let all that out, I would say, but thats just my opinion.

Stay strong in Christ, which im sure you will


see you later. :smile:
Janelle
 
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