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Funny Jokes and stories

Funny Jokes and stories

A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him toward a vacant pump.
"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get ready for a long trip."
The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same in my business."

A minister told his congregation, “Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17.”
The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up.
The minister smiled and said, “Mark has only sixteen chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying.”

A little girl was in church with her mother when she started feeling ill. "Mommy," she said, "can we leave now?"
"No," her mother replied.
"Well, I think I have to throw up!"
"Then go out the front door and around to the back of the church and throw
up behind a bush."
After about 60 seconds the little girl returned to her seat.
"Did you throw up?" Mom asked.
"How could you have gone all the way to the back of the church and returned
so quickly?"
"I didn't have to go out of the church, Mommy. They have a box next to the
front door that says, 'For the Sick

A little boy was watching his new baby brother who was crying full force.
"Where'd we get him, mom?" he asked.
"From Heaven," the mother answered.
The little boy wrinkled his nose and covered his ears with his hands and stated matter-of-factly, "This is probably why they didn't keep him there!"

People want the front of the bus; back of the church and center of attention.

Dear God:

So far today, I've done all right. I haven't lost my temper, haven't been grumpy, nasty, selfish or overindulgent. I'm glad of that, but in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed and from there on I'm going to need a lot more help. Thanking you in advance. Amen.

Many believers don't see the importance of regular church attendance. Members of Northend Prince of Peace Lutheran Church in Seattle received a special announcement in the mail, listing the many things that will be done for them at church on the following "no-excuse-to-stay-home-Sunday."

According to the pastor, cots will be available for those who say Sunday is their only day to sleep in. Eye drops will be supplied for those who have red eyes from watching late Saturday night TV shows. There will be steel helmets for those who say the roof would cave in if they ever went to church, blankets for persons who think the church is too cold, fans for those who say it is too hot, scorecards for those wishing to list all the hypocrites present, TV dinners for those who can't go to church and also cook dinner.
Finally, the sanctuary would be decorated with Christmas poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.

Church Signs

"Looking for a sign from God? This is it."
"Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!"
"Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!"

“Sign broken: Message inside this Sunday."

"Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church."

"This is a ch_ _ ch. What is missing?"

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