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friend's death

Guys, this one is a toughie. We have a friend from church whose daughter has been battling leukemia for 3 years. She just had her 17th birthday & graduated from high school. Mom & daughter both have had unshakable faith throughout this whole ordeal. They have witnessed to countless people.

Saturday nite I was at a friends house when the mom called & said she didn't want to be alone...her daughter had been taken to the hospital 2 days earlier & she wasn't getting any better. I just felt I needed to go & was really surprised when she said that was fine with her. She doesn't want any negativity around her daughter & had even turned her family away. She was still believing in total & complete healing.

I finally talked her into taking a nap around 1:30am. Her daughter had drank some juice & was resting a bit since she was in pain & had taken another dose of her med. We (another lady went also) prayed over her & read Psalms. Around 4am, her breathing changed...she had started bleeding from her mouth & nose also. The nurses were told by the docs to just do comfort measures. I felt God nudging me to wake her mom....we did & she was able to be awake with her for the last 3 or 4 minutes of her daughter's life. She slipped peacefully out into the Arms of her Father.

Now...her mom kept believing she would be risen up. She still believes it & says there will be no funeral (it is planned) because she will awaken. She had a "pastor" friend who was saying this also (not our pastor from the church we go to).

I totally believe God can do anything & do not want to limit Him in any way. However, I do not believe He is going to raise her daughter from the dead while here on earth. I believe she is already with Him & had a vision of that which another lady also had.

I hope I am not rambling...but if the mom believes this so fully...how can I attend the funeral & bring my negativity in? I want to go to show respect & be support. I have no idea what to say to her. I had to tell her the other morning that "no, I don't see the blanket moving & I dont' see her eyelids fluttering".

Help me guys...I'm lost here & can't get past her death. I feel like something isn't complete & I think of it all nite & wake up with her on my mind. Something feels out of kelter...if that makes sense.
Hello Sapphire,

When I was pastoring I met a man to do this same thing concerning his wife. Long after she was dead and buried he was still believing for her to be raised from the dead. He would not come to our church because we would not believe with him.

This mother is a case of totally insisting on her own way. There is no submission unto God to the point of unbalance. The thing for you to do is simply attend the funeral as you please as unto the Lord. You must keep your balance. You must not help this woman in any way to continue in this mode of thinking. She is in for a hard hard time. You do not have any negativity. You have sense! You know that some things are totally in the hands of God.

Be encouraged. You are not responsible for the mother. Just pray for her. And be honest when you speak to her.

Thinking of you,
Staff Member
I agree with sheperd on this. The mom seems to be desperately awaiting the "rising" and is not in the rght state of mind, as sad as it seems.

Do pray for her and the family. Attend the funeral and remain sensible to the reality of what is happening, has happened and going to happen.

If the mother seems stable, perhaps by GOD's guidance you can talk to her and let her know that her daughter is with GOD in Heaven.
shepherdsgrace said:
Hello Sapphire,

You must keep your balance. You must not help this woman in any way to continue in this mode of thinking. She is in for a hard hard time. You do not have any negativity. You have sense! You know that some things are totally in the hands of God.

Be encouraged. You are not responsible for the mother. Just pray for her. And be honest when you speak to her.


Sapphire, sis, I do agree with shephard and Chad completely . . .the time will come when *Mom* realizes how dead her daughter is :love: Thats when she will need you most to catch her with open arms :love: she is in shock . . .nobody can prepare their feelings for death . . .and the speed of these hospital days knocked her probably of her feet .. . she is exhausted and in deep mourning. . .go to the funeral and just show your presence so that she will know where to turn to when the pain starts settin in :love:

I will pray for the both of you . . .Lord touch Sapphire in a mighty way :love: bless her and strenghten her for the time to come :love: Be with *mom* in these upcoming days and hold her close in heart :love: catch *mom* when the moment of awakening comes :love: in Jesus name I pray AMEN
hey yeh the mum is probably in denial over her daughters deat. i cannot say i fully understand the feeling but sort of do a little bit. about 4 months ago when my mum was only moments from dieing i was in complete shock and i couldnt believe that it was happening!! although i wasnt in denial the way i dealt with it was by bottling up my feelings, that was my way of dealing with it. your friend is doing this because this is how she is dealing with it.... i think as hard as it is you need to be honest with her and dont go along with the hopes she has of her daught being risen....i guess all you can do as a friend is be there for her and just pray for her (which you are obviously doing).

I will pray for you that you can just be there for her and also pray for her to deal with her daughters death....

God bless you and keep you surrounded with love and comfort in this time as well as that family you are helping out. I know from losing my first son at a full term pregnancy you react strange to a loved one's death and desperation on the loss of a loved one is tough to pass but you are a strong person for her to be around and she will need lots of support. My prayers are with you in this also.
Guys, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. The "out of kelter" feeling is passing & I slept better last nite. I also finally had a chance to talk with my husband about this (we've been going in different directions for several days). He felt that Ashley (the daughter) had been given an opportunity for healing. Several months ago God provided a donor (from England I think). It's difficult to find a bone marrow donor, but God provided a perfect match. She refused & clung to the belief that God was going to heal her without the transplant. He said he felt she gave up her healing at that time.

The funeral is tomorrow & I feel more ready to go. I also have a concern for the youth who will be attending. They all knew each other - small church. My son is her age & he says he is ok, but I wonder.

Shepardsgrace, I keep reading over your post. It makes such sense with the way you worded it. I was being drawn in to something I didn't feel in my spirit was of God & didn't have the strength to get out of it. I needed the prayers of my brothers & sisters - thank you all so much for being faithful to God's call.
Hello Sapphire,

To lose a child breaks the natural order and her poor Mom is in the most awful state of denial. Hard as it is to comprehend it was God's wish to take His angel home.In time her precious legacy will shine in her Mom's life. We both know the Lord's wish for the child has been fulfilled.Her Mom will need your strength and support through what will be a terrible occasion for her. In time she will find sanctuary and peace within the love of God. Some pastors mean well and of course she will be raised on the last day.This will be a time of great compassion and caring but the Lord provides the shoulders for the burden and you will come through with His support in being there for your friend.I will be praying for you as will the new angel in Heaven.
Praise the Lord! Rejoice!

This child is in the presence of Almighty God. I can't wait till I get there.

I loss my brother (also best friend) a few months ago, I'm just so glad he knew Jesus as his Savior, and they will be there in heaven to welcome me when I get there.

Sure, I get sad and cry from time to time, and have had many a sleepless night, but Praise the Lord, my brother is only at the begining of eternity. :thumbs_up
Hey Guys, I wanted to update on this situation. The visitation was on the 17th & "mom" had one of her friends pack a bag & leave her cell phone for Ashley to call her when she awoke. It was so sad. The funeral on the 18th was an incredible celebration of life. The speaker was her youth pastor & he was very uplifting & honorable to her memory. Praise music was playing & we worshipped God openly during the service. He even gave an altar call!!

I think her mom is doing some better & I continue to pray that God will be her strength. She has been so strong until her death...I cannot imagine her pain. But I know God knows it well & He will comfort her as no one else can.

Thank you for all your prayers. I have felt very drained after all this & took some time off last week. It feels so good to be back among my church family!!