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Feel my faith fading/forgiveness when the damage is ongoing

Discussion in 'Introduction' started by Jay - In Bloom, Nov 2, 2016.

  1. Hello All!

    I've just joined this forum, thought i'd introduce myself and speak briefly on the things that prompted me to seek help.

    Recently I've been struggling with forgiveness. A person close to me caused me to have a traumatic experience that has been on-going now for many years and I struggle to love and forgive them. I know that verse in the bible about forgiving over and over again springs immediately to mind. It's so hard. Especially when the offender doesn't recognise the wrongs they have done and continues to offend.

    This has caused my faith to fade.

    I would be grateful for any thoughts/suggestions
     
  2. @Jay - In Bloom

    Focus on God and the Love which God has for each us in spite of our many shortcomings. Then remember these verses:

    "For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you:
    But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matt 6:14-15

    Possible of course on God's part but on man's part seemingly impossible:

    "With men it is impossible, but not with God: for with God all things are possible." Mark 10:27

    So then when it does seem impossible ask for help:

    "Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.

    And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief." Mark 9:23-24

    And Jesus did just that. He filled in the gap in the man's belief and healed the child. And what then about us?

    "Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: " Matt 7:7

    When we ask God for something, let us be certain that our focus is on Him rather than what we believe to be our needs.

    "O LORD, I know that the way of man is not in himself: it is not in man that walketh to direct his steps." Jerem 10:23

    God always knows what our needs really are.

    "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.
    In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Prov 3:5-6
     
  3. My wife sought healing for ten years and it didn't happen until she applied forgiveness.

    I took her to healing/deliverance meetings, I took her to churches of different denominations, I put her on prayer lists and people laid hands on her, but nothing happened.

    It was about this time that my wife experienced a miraculous healing delivering her from death's doorstep.
    She had become ill about ten years prior and she was on a dozen different prescriptions, about 40 pills a day.
    The doctor said she had conversion disorder and her body was shutting itself down and he didn't give her more than a year to live.
    She was 43 and she looked like she was in her 60's.
    Her right side was paralyzed and she had gone blind in her right eye.
    She needed a cane to walk and she did so with a shuffle.
    She had tremors similar to Parkinson's or MS.

    One day out of frustration she cried out to The Lord either take me home or heal me because I can't take this suffering anymore.
    She heard an audible voice in her ear say "Why don't you forgive?"
    She felt a spirit of anger well up inside of her and she said "I forgave everybody when I became a Christian"

    But it came from her mouth, not from her heart.
    When she was 13 she was put into a concentration camp and tortured every day for 3 years. She had never forgiven the people who tortured her.
    She thought about what The Lord had asked her for the rest of the day and made the decision to forgive when she went to bed that night.
    When she woke up in the morning she said it was like someone had turned on a light.
    Her paralyzation had disappeared and she could see out of her right eye.
    Her tremors were gone!
    She went to reach for the handful of pills that she had to take every day and she heard the voice again, it said "You don't need those anymore. "
    These were very dangerous medications and they would have to put her in the hospital just to adjust her dosage up or down a little bit.
    She trusted what God had told her and stopped taking them all.
    She had absolutely no withdrawals or reactions!
    She went from looking like she was in her 60's to looking like she was in her 30's.
    She would go out shopping with our daughters and people would think that they were sisters!
    She glowed with the glory of God and people were drawn to her. The Lord healed her physically, emotionally, and spiritually!
    Praise The Lord!

    Non believers were more amazed at her healing than people in the church and some churches didn't even want to hear her testimony.
     
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  4. As humans, we do have a very difficult time forgiving a person in the "natural man", especially when the offender continues to offend. Forgiveness must be completed through God's love within us. If we continue to live in unforgiveness, we may well end up going through a situation such as Trumpeter posted. May God grant you the counsel needed to accept what has been done to you, continues to be done to you, and the wisdom to move through this, accepting it and giving you a spirit to forgive.
     
    Jay - In Bloom likes this.
  5. i completely understand you and i can relate 100%
    i have been with my ex girl on and off for two years and all my friends turned there backs on me.
    what i did is just let go of control and i pray everyday. i talk to god as if i was talking to another person and i just vent with him. a lot of times i want a friend to vent with but i just dont trust people and its something i have to work on. my ex has her facebook public and today i made the decision to close my facebook and to not look her put anymore.
    i lose my faith at times when i see that everything is going wrong, but i understand that everything is a test and that all i can do is pray.
    i do not want to go to work or do anything because i feel sad and depressed that i give her all my love and i am not sure what she is thinking at all.my ex refuses to be honest and i am honest now because i understand that god doesn't like being lied to and he doesn't like it when i justify myself.

    what i understand from this experience is that i have to learn how to love even those who i love with all my heart and still they want to hurt me

    pray everyday in detail,make sure you are asking god for something that will be good for his glory and keep praying. god tests our hearts and sometimes he will have us pray for years to see if our faith in him is true and when he is ready to answer your prayers he will give you what is best for you and not what you want if you prayed like i advised you.

    be careful what you pray for because if you are not strong enough to handle what you are asking for that will only make your spiritual life harder.
     
  6. Jay I feel your pain. What you're experiencing is a problem almost all Christians struggle with daily. Unforgiveness holds us back from progressing. It makes you ill - literally.

    About 6 years ago, I experienced terrible back ache that wouldn't go away no matter what I took or did to get rid of the pain. The pain was so debilitating that I used to cry with frustration. It felt as though I were carrying a washing machine on my back. I walked doubled over like an old woman.
    Life still had to go on and one Wednesday morning during my prayer time, the Holy Spirit brought to mind all the people that I'd held unforgiveness towards. I asked God to help me to forgive them because I knew there was no way I could forgive these people on my own. I felt bad to hold the title "Christian" when I held so much resentment toward God's children, whom he loved so much and died for.
    I began to write their names down and to declare with each one "I choose to forgive you. I release you." Lots of tears ensued. Then I burnt the paper.

    I helped out at the soup kitchen at church on Wednesdays, and after my little "ritual", I drove to the church. As I drove into the church yard, the constant excrucuating pain, that I'd accepted as part of life by now, suddenly left my body. The heaviness that had me doubled over, lifted - instantly.
    I couldn't believe what had just happened. So, all that pain was because of unforgiveness? So, unforgiveness can almost cripple you? I believe that unforgiveness opens the portal for demonic oppression in our lives.

    Be willing to forgive, Jay. Give God something to work with. He doesn't need it, but He's a gentleman and will not force you to forgive anyone. A willing heart and prayer is all it takes. Pray for the person who offends you. Remember, offence is taken, not given. It's totally up to you. You decide whether you're going to receive it, or reject it.

    The less offense we choose to take, the less we have to forgive at a later date. And forgive, we MUST.
     
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  7. Amen brother, to God goes all the glory!
     
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  8. Seeing that faith comes only by hearing the Word of God, therefore if we lack faith, we must more abundantly hear God's Word (i.e. read, study).
    As for forgiveness, let us consider Christ's parable in (Matthew 18:23-35) the sum of which He is telling us that if God is willing to forgive us our thousands of sins, then we also ought to forgive one (or a few) sin(s) that someone has committed toward us: let us consider.
     
  9. I don't know enough about this traumatic experience that is on-going so as to advise you in that capacity.
    What I will say is in my own experience, if someone is abusive it is who they are first. It's what gets them off. Hurting people with their own behaviors be they physical or verbal abuse.
    Decent people don't thrive hurting others in either capacity; physical or verbal.
    As long as the person they abuse remains available to the abuse the victim will remain abused. The way to take away the power of the abuser is to save yourself and leave.

    If I'm setting you on fire and putting you out over and over again, do you forgive me? Each and every time? How about if I set you on fire and put you out 70 times 7? Do you forgive me each and every time?
    Do you think you'd live to do so? Being set on fire and put out 490 times?

    Or would you after a very short time pray for death? Mine or yours.

    Forgiveness for setting you on fire isn't for my sake. It would be for yours. If you forgive the person who wronged you and you do it without condition and let it all go, you do it for your own sake. Because you release the pain of their wrong against you. You free yourself of the control their abuse of you had in making you feel abused.

    And it lets them go on their way being what and who they are without taking your life as a trophy of their evil behavior. Thinking they've destroyed a person, a life, with their behavior against that person.

    Just because you forgive someone doesn't mean you have to stay with them. What you're forgiving in their behavior will still be there if you stay.

    Then forgive yourself for all that you thought of them while it occurred. Release! That's the key in forgiveness. Cutting loose those ties that bind to pain and suffering. Let it go.


    God be with you.

    You free yourself and forgive them for being what they are. And in the process you remove yourself from the circumstances that permit their abuse to continue.
     
  10. Hello All,

    Sorry about the last reply. Thanks for all the advice it's very helpful.
     
  11. Hi @Jay - In Bloom

    Just saw this so sorry for my tardy response. I'm sure every believe struggles with forgiveness more than a handful of times. Its a learning process and a lifelong spiritual exercise even. We must always rely on the Holy Spirit to enable us and equip us to do the supernatural, what is in contradiction to the natural flesh such as forgiving others.
     
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  12. It's said that he who can't forgive burns the bridge over which he must cross.
     
  13. Forgiveness

    I find it amusing that when Jesus had just finished teaching his apostles about becoming offended, and that they should forgive those who offend them, the first words that came out of Apostles mouth was.

    Lord, increase our faith” (Luke 17:5)

    I can just hear what they were thinking. “We can't do that!! Lord increase our faith so we can do what you just told us to do!!!” It is very important to know, and understand that these men were not “born again” at this time because Jesus was not yet glorified. The LOVE of God had NOT yet been shed abroad into their hearts by the Holy Spirit, so this sounded impossible for them to do. Even though the four Gospels are in the New Testament, they were still living under the Old Testament. The New Testament had not yet started. We know that ALL things are possible with God.

    Once a man/women becomes a child of God, the love of God is shed abundantly into our hearts by the power of the Holy Spirit. (Romans 5:5) What does love have to do with forgiveness? If we become offended by what someone might say or do towards us who is at fault? We are, not the person who offended us. 1 Cor 13 tells us something about “love

    1Co 13:5 It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) and does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights or its own way, for it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy or fretful or resentful; IT TAKES NO ACCOUNT OF THE EVIL DONE TO IT [IT PAYS NO ATTENTION TO A SUFFERED WRONG]. (AMP)

    We are suppose to be “controlled” by the “love” of God, and when the love of God is in control, we
    should never be offended over what anyone might say, or do unto us.

    2Co 5:14 FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST CONTROLS AND URGES AND IMPELS US, because we are of the opinion and conviction that [if] One died for all, then all died; (AMP)

    Jesus died for that person who might have offended us, as it says in this verse, so we should forgive them no matter what they might have done. This is easy when the Love of God is in control of our lives!! The Lord does not force us to do anything. If we want the love of God to control us then we must yield that control to him by offering our body as a living sacrifice holy unto him which is our spiritual form of worship.

    Rom 12:1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to PRESENT YOUR BODIES AS A LIVING SACRIFICE, HOLY AND ACCEPTABLE TO GOD, WHICH IS YOUR SPIRITUAL WORSHIP. (ESV)

    What happens if we do not let the love of God to control us, and we find our self's to have un forgiveness against anyone? This is what Jesus said would happen to those who would not forgive someone..

    Mat 18:34 And his lord was wroth, and DELIVERED HIM TO THE TORMENTORS, TILL HE SHOULD PAY ALL THAT WAS DUE UNTO HIM.
    Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.

    Those who walk in un forgiveness will be delivered over unto the TORMENTORS until they do forgive.
    How does that work?

    Example: We might have un forgiveness against a brother or sister in the Lord, and when we see them at “Win-co”, “Walmart” or any where out in the world, we usually turn around and go the other direction because we do not want to see, or talk to them. This is “TORMENT”, and it is “FEAR” in action. Fear has torment!!!

    1Jn 4:18 THERE IS NO FEAR IN LOVE; but perfect love casteth out fear: because FEAR HATH TORMENT. He that feareth is not made perfect in love.

    He that “fears” is not made perfect in love, because love never keeps track of wrong done to it!!!
    With man this is impossible to do, but with God, all things are possible.
    Someone might say, “hey, I forgave them, but I still remember what they did, am I still in un forgiveness?” Jesus said....

    Mat 18:35 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, IF YE FROM YOUR HEARTS FORGIVE NOT EVERY ONE HIS BROTHER THEIR TRESPASSES.

    Forgiveness has nothing to do with our “head”, or “brain”, it has to do with the “HEART”!!! Jesus said we are to forgive with our “heart”!!! The human brain remembers pretty much everything that happens to us, which is why we can not depend upon it for anything spiritual. :) :)
     
  14. Look around - There may be a boat in the bushes!

    As far as your forgiveness challenges - I want to advise you to read and pray - but that has been said and it's sound advice.
    God will heal your heart in time. His time. As a human we are inherently impatient. He Isn't and some of the greatest lessons he can teach us is peace in waiting - or patience.

    Forgiving someone is very challenging. I don't like Robert Schuller but he had this quote - "Let Go and Let God."

    Your burden is not your own - please share it with him or other believers.

    Please don't give up on God - He will never give up on you.
     
    Jay - In Bloom likes this.
  15. thanks you they are very kind words

    Times like these I find myself constantly clutching at the next thing. Do you understand what I mean by that? Where you are constantly searching for external stimuli to bring peace to my life where in reality it can only come from within. Clutching at the next thing man, one step away from desperation.
     

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