alivetoseetheday
Member
- Joined
- Apr 29, 2025
- Messages
- 10
Hello, I am new here as of today and currently struggling with fear. Pretty much everything has been taken away from me in then past years and a half. Lost my job cause I was having mental pain and paranoia at work, after someone had a disagreement with me and removed me from an employee chat, where we all would swap shifts. This happened October 2023 after my psychiatrist ended up leaving the practice I was going to and I had to switch to a new psychiatrist and finally got a therapist. The new psychiatrist loaded me up on meds. For a few months, I basically brought up every traumatic event with my therapist that I've ever experienced. During all this, I have a few friends and old coworkers I was talking to and updating them on what was going on and checking up on them. The longer I didn't get well, the more and more people either ghosted me or stopped talking to me. During all this time, I have been creating music, listening to pray.com, listening to worship music, daily, sometimes I would read the Bible. I have been mostly digital evangelizing on social media, Facebook originally, then instagram, threads, x and linkedin, later on in 2024 and mostly this year in 2025.
I now understand that I'm living under God's grace by faith.
God allowed me to have minor success last year in 2024 with music but this year, especially up to Easter, it really picked up.
Anyways, I end up getting banned from a different Christian forum site, the day before Good Friday this year. I also felt like I was condemn from my home church in winter or spring of 2024, so I felt banned from there as well, even though I still now watch their sermons online. I originally went to that church in 2000 or 2001 but have been pretty consistent since 2014, when I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior and I believe I inherited His Holy Spirit.
I have a good idea of who Jesus is but I have since rejected him possibly in October 2023.
Now I have skin issues as if I'm a leper on my face and scalp. Sometimes I can smell my scalp and it smells like rotting flesh.
Just wondering if Jesus is ever going to just knock on the door and check on me or what.
I haven't gone anywhere this whole year.
I know God has promises for me but I'm starting to have doubts and I'm becoming fearful, with no peace or comfort.
I now understand that I'm living under God's grace by faith.
God allowed me to have minor success last year in 2024 with music but this year, especially up to Easter, it really picked up.
Anyways, I end up getting banned from a different Christian forum site, the day before Good Friday this year. I also felt like I was condemn from my home church in winter or spring of 2024, so I felt banned from there as well, even though I still now watch their sermons online. I originally went to that church in 2000 or 2001 but have been pretty consistent since 2014, when I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior and I believe I inherited His Holy Spirit.
I have a good idea of who Jesus is but I have since rejected him possibly in October 2023.
Now I have skin issues as if I'm a leper on my face and scalp. Sometimes I can smell my scalp and it smells like rotting flesh.
Just wondering if Jesus is ever going to just knock on the door and check on me or what.
I haven't gone anywhere this whole year.
I know God has promises for me but I'm starting to have doubts and I'm becoming fearful, with no peace or comfort.
