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family estrangement

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Member
I haven't kept in touch with my family "of old" for some 5 years now. Our relationship has changed, like 180, since then. Some changes in my life are listed chronologically: 1) sold my land inheritance to my brother (terrible experience), 2) I am married and have a 4 year old boy - neither of which have they met in person 3) I (and my wife) have quit drinking alcohol, 4) I have repented, been baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost, 5) living a sacrificial life according to scripture...

I am going back to see them this weekend so long as the Lord wills. The occasion? My granma's funeral, so it will be a short visit. I will go and pay my respects to her and my Mom, her daughter. I really have nothing in common with them now that I don't DO as they do anymore. I fear that they'll be cracking up their first coors light around 2 pm and stopping around 3 am - that is - if nothing has changed since our lives were once intertwined.

I feel like I have rejected them. I feel strongly that I REALLY don't belong with them. I want to honor my mother but don't know if I am doing that by keeping a far distance between my family and her. I know it must hurt her to not have her grandkids in her life, but I don't want to expose them to that.

I have prayed for them recently and I should be praying more for them. I have shared with my mother my experience of repenting and being filled with the Holy Ghost. She acted as if she has been there done that; which puzzles me because she still gets drunk quite often. I told her that she hasn't done anything to me that caused me to stop visiting her, but that my life style doesn't fit with how I used to be.

Being raised with alcoholic parents I have always hated how people under the influence can hurt people but then all of a sudden act like everything is ok (I USED TO DO THE SAME THING!). But...Jesus broke that curse and I praise him for it!

I am at a crossroads and I would like some encouragement and prayers that God handle me while I am back "home". Can someone relate with me on this? Help please.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Dear @Mister
Praying for you!
Suggestion if I may?
There is a Sister in Christ Jesus who goes to the church I attend, and she gave a testimony about how she interacts with her family since she has been saved. Like all believers, she changed, and does not drink, curse, etc anymore. However, she still attends the family gatherings now and again. I guess the biggest thing I got from her testimony about these times, is that she doesn't allow her disapproval to show. She knows this is what they are going to do, so she'll stay quiet, and just watch without critique. They know she's a church goer, and "religious", so they appreciate it that she doesn't come down hard on them. She is sure enough in her Salvation, to go through the hard times in interacting with them, and has come to find out that because of her patience and not showing open disapproval. Whenever they have problems, or issues in their lives. Guess who they go to for talking, prayer, and guidance? Yep, to her! She has left the door open, to them, and they have walked through it now and again. Allowing her to witness, and the testimony of her own life be of help to those who are her family. Understanding that she is not the one to change them from the things that they do, like it was not her, but Jesus that turned her life around. So, she makes herself available to guide them, when they need the help, and this happens because she gives them love, and not disapproving looks during the times they getting together to act foolishly. Now don't get me wrong. She doesn't get involved in the drinking & cursing etc., but she allows all of that to roll of her back like water off a ducks back. Seeking the greater possibilities made available in Christ Jesus to those who are in a dying world, and are dying themselves, by showing the very love Christ showed her!

I will pray that you are guided in what to do, and for the Spirit of Peace to be upon you when you visit. Remember that there has been a loss of someone who was loved, and that people will grieve differently, and many won't have the hope that we have in Jesus. So, sharing our Lord's love is paramount, and the same comfort the Lord has given us, will now be the opportunity you will have to give to others! I hope this helps you some.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><
 
Member
Dear @Mister
Praying for you!
Suggestion if I may?
There is a Sister in Christ Jesus who goes to the church I attend, and she gave a testimony about how she interacts with her family since she has been saved. Like all believers, she changed, and does not drink, curse, etc anymore. However, she still attends the family gatherings now and again. I guess the biggest thing I got from her testimony about these times, is that she doesn't allow her disapproval to show. She knows this is what they are going to do, so she'll stay quiet, and just watch without critique. They know she's a church goer, and "religious", so they appreciate it that she doesn't come down hard on them. She is sure enough in her Salvation, to go through the hard times in interacting with them, and has come to find out that because of her patience and not showing open disapproval. Whenever they have problems, or issues in their lives. Guess who they go to for talking, prayer, and guidance? Yep, to her! She has left the door open, to them, and they have walked through it now and again. Allowing her to witness, and the testimony of her own life be of help to those who are her family. Understanding that she is not the one to change them from the things that they do, like it was not her, but Jesus that turned her life around. So, she makes herself available to guide them, when they need the help, and this happens because she gives them love, and not disapproving looks during the times they getting together to act foolishly. Now don't get me wrong. She doesn't get involved in the drinking & cursing etc., but she allows all of that to roll of her back like water off a ducks back. Seeking the greater possibilities made available in Christ Jesus to those who are in a dying world, and are dying themselves, by showing the very love Christ showed her!

I will pray that you are guided in what to do, and for the Spirit of Peace to be upon you when you visit. Remember that there has been a loss of someone who was loved, and that people will grieve differently, and many won't have the hope that we have in Jesus. So, sharing our Lord's love is paramount, and the same comfort the Lord has given us, will now be the opportunity you will have to give to others! I hope this helps you some.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><
:oops::) thank you
 
Loyal
The account of the person at Christ4Ever's church sounds exactly right. I'm praying for love and wisdom in abundance and in perfect balance.
 
Member
I disconnected from my family christmas eve 2017 over a disagreement about a younger woman. It is a very long story, but suffice to say, I do not really miss them, and had a disconnect with them from childhood , I simply felt that I did not belong with such people. I hear from my brother only easter and christmas time and via text message. I have no intention of contacting them at all. No great loss.
 
Member
@Mister How did it go this weekend?
Thank you Jesus thank you! Thank you Jesus thank you! Thank you Jesus thank you, in my harr ahr arrrrt!

The Lord took me on this trip just this morning after two days of being bed-ridden sick: keeping me from any over nights. I arrived shortly before the funeral service (10:45) and met with the family in the 'waiting room'. I was greeted by a few with hugs and I greeted those who didn't greet me with hugs. I wasn't uncomfortable as I suspected. I was at peace. I didn't feel any guilt. I felt no resentments. I didn't think back to what used to be. I didn't think about what they could be thinking about me. I was free to love them openly! It was as if, my past was wiped away! Thank you Jesus! I don't know how each of them felt towards me, I suspect a few had their reservations, but that didn't affect any part on my end. It was unreal, the peace I had!

Then, just as I thought, immediately after service, the beer cans cracked open. I didn't flinch. I didn't look with disdain. I seen the temptation and the lure it has still on my carnal side, but I thank God that he answered my prayer in service to put away the filthiness of the flesh 2 Cor 7:1.

I heard my brother talk negatively about my other brother, I didn't jump in to fight, defend, etc., I simply carried on as if nothing was said.

My Mom and her siblings are planting a tree for their folks in June; of which I will take the opportunity to my family to them. I wonder if God is putting me to work?

But I praise God and give him the glory! I thank you guys for your prayers and concern!

I think this is a testimony that can be captured in John 8:38.
 
Active
We might as well face it, we are different! Farther than the earth is from heaven. We are not the same "Creatures"> Big time! Sometimes we don't feel like it but we are. It is more than a change of mind or a change of values or a change of morals, or a change of what you believe. You are a completely New Creature!
You are different! and then the rest follows. Mind, values, morals, believeth, etc.......

Yes you have become a "stranger among your own people and your own house" and they are not like you! If you don't see it know you will! :eyes:
 
Member
Thank you Jesus thank you! Thank you Jesus thank you! Thank you Jesus thank you, in my harr ahr arrrrt!

The Lord took me on this trip just this morning after two days of being bed-ridden sick: keeping me from any over nights. I arrived shortly before the funeral service (10:45) and met with the family in the 'waiting room'. I was greeted by a few with hugs and I greeted those who didn't greet me with hugs. I wasn't uncomfortable as I suspected. I was at peace. I didn't feel any guilt. I felt no resentments. I didn't think back to what used to be. I didn't think about what they could be thinking about me. I was free to love them openly! It was as if, my past was wiped away! Thank you Jesus! I don't know how each of them felt towards me, I suspect a few had their reservations, but that didn't affect any part on my end. It was unreal, the peace I had!

Then, just as I thought, immediately after service, the beer cans cracked open. I didn't flinch. I didn't look with disdain. I seen the temptation and the lure it has still on my carnal side, but I thank God that he answered my prayer in service to put away the filthiness of the flesh 2 Cor 7:1.

I heard my brother talk negatively about my other brother, I didn't jump in to fight, defend, etc., I simply carried on as if nothing was said.

My Mom and her siblings are planting a tree for their folks in June; of which I will take the opportunity to my family to them. I wonder if God is putting me to work?

But I praise God and give him the glory! I thank you guys for your prayers and concern!

I think this is a testimony that can be captured in John 8:38.
If that could be edited to John 8:36. That is the correct verse!
 
Member
We might as well face it, we are different! Farther than the earth is from heaven. We are not the same "Creatures"> Big time! Sometimes we don't feel like it but we are. It is more than a change of mind or a change of values or a change of morals, or a change of what you believe. You are a completely New Creature!
You are different! and then the rest follows. Mind, values, morals, believeth, etc.......

Yes you have become a "stranger among your own people and your own house" and they are not like you! If you don't see it know you will! :eyes:
New creature indeed! This increases my faith in that scripture!
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Dear @Mister
Praise the Lord that all went well with your visit. Our Heavenly Father does not leave us unsupported when we seek Him in times of trouble.
Rather, He grows us up to the task at hand! I am so very happy that what you anticipated did happen with the beer drinking etc., but what God provided you, for which you
could not provide yourself, a total encompassing peace was yours to experience! Rejoice and give Him the Glory Brother!!! Also, don't forget this!! Lock this in your heart, and mind so that
whenever the trials, tribulations that surely this World, and the Adversary will toss at you again. You can pull it out, and be reinforced Spiritually with the Knowledge, Understanding, and the Wisdom
necessary to caste doubt behind you, as you walk Victoriously in Christ Jesus!

With the Love of Christ Jesus. Alleluia!
YBIC
Nick
\o/
<><
 
Loyal
So pleased to read this. Sounds like a really good start to being reconciled with your family again. Praise God! Thank you for updating.
 

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