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faith struggling

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I haven't been around much i'm afraid, so i'm sorry to post a prayer request again it seems.
I've just realised or woken up to the fact that what I thought was abuse when i was a girl was actually rape. I have no memory of it, but I'm 99% sure due to an injury and memory of events around it. I couldn't speak about it because I was so intimidated and terrified about the repercussions - my stepfather made threats about my real father.
I want to magic away members of my family so that I can move on. I told my mother that I was sure I was abused some time ago and her response was simply silence and then let's go get an icecream. I have felt very let down by members of my family and although I have prayed and forgiven, I just want to forget and it kind of makes me feel worthless having contact with them.
My whole life up until now has been shaped by this - depression, amnesia, loss of confidence, paranoia, mental illness, inappropriate choice of marriage partner.
I am struggling with my faith. I know that we are not meant to look back, but every time I look in the mirror or try to come to terms with where I am now I find myself drawn back again wondering what I could have done/ why did it happen/how I could have responded differently. I realise that other people may have it worse, but its like all my hopes and dreams crashed. I can't see how my life can be restored here on this earth because I am no longer a little girl with dreams for the future.. I also wonder about babies and children and other people who are abused and lose the will to live or who die. So much happens around the world, and I know that its because this world is fallen - but I don't understand - if God is so powerful and is love, why do so many people suffer? I guess this is a question many people wonder about.
 
Member
Behold, Jesus Makes All Things New!

My Sister Yeshua,
As I read your prayer request, I remember being where you are so many "testimonies" ago. When I was in 3rd or 4th grade, my parents were struggling, financially, so they took in boarders. Elderly men who lived on pension and social security checks. One of the chores of the children was to serve the men their meals in their rooms. I don't think that I need to go into detail as to what happened to me..and continued to happen for a few years. Somewhere in my teens my mother admitted that she knew about it, but did not want to lose the boarders' income. I felt betrayed. Add to that domestic violence, an ugly divorce, and abandonement of me and my siblings and you have someone who was a perfect candidate for grace....and grace is what I got! Praise God for His Son Jesus!
A street evangelist led me and my siblings to Christ.
That was over 30 years ago. Has it been "picture perfect" since then? No. But it has been a worthwhile journey filled with amazing adventures! My mother came (back) to the Lord and has become a consistent Prayer Warrior and an Excellent Grandmother!
Before my father passed away, 21 years ago, he became a believer and played guitar for a local church. He made peace with all of his children and is missed by all of us.
And, me? God gave me something that others may consider small....the ability to "blush." To me, this is a miracle. My lost of innocence at such a young age made it easy for me to fall into the ways of "street survival." But now, at the age of 50, I know what it's like to look at things with the "pure eyes" of a clean heart...and turn away. To be modest in dress and to know without a shadow of a doubt that I am a virtuous woman in God's sight!
My prayer, is that you will remember that the Holy Spirit not only empowers you to be a witness for Christ, but also gives you the power to forgive. My prayer, is that you will seek Godly counselling and get with others in your congregation so that they can pray for you...cry with you....and listen to your hurts. My prayer, also, is that you will remember that God's love can heal anyone of anything...believe it!

Yeshuahlives, I want you to know what it feels like to be free from the chains of bitterness and to be able to see your family members faces and have such joy and love for them. To let your light shine so that they may see and know that you are healed and will ask you how....
The Lord has allowed others that have had similiar abuse cross my path and my testimony has encouraged them to hope and trust in God. May it do the same for you, Yeshuahlives.

Praying For You,
Whendancer
All things work together for those that love the Lord and are called according to His purpose.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
I will be praying for you too sister.

Thank you for sharing your story of Grace with us, Whendancer... bless you

and bless you Yeshualives

Br. bear
 
Member
Heavenly Father I ask you to bring sister through to the other side of this tragic experience. I lift her up in my prayer to you and ask you Lord to undertake.........in Jesus
 
Member
Yeshualives My Sister in Christ

My dear Sister,
I cannot explain why we go through the stuff we do, accept maybe because of the Free Will of Mankind. Know that no matter what we go through that Jesus is standing in the mist to protect us.

I was molest at the age of 4. I was able to visual much of it and never until recent years was able to put a face to it, All through my childhood, men were my enemy. I could not understand, however, in the years of healing and God's grace, I have come to realize that it was wrong of them, and it is all right now. I had to do a lot of forgiving these people, and then I had to do a lot of prayer, I learned, after a long while, that my parents did what they could, that the law did what the could, and I was protected, It could of been worse, then it was. This is my situation. I know that I know, that I have been healed after many years of hurt and mis understanding, and I want you to know, that our love ones, sometimes, do not know what to say and they do the best they can. But no matter what they love you. Man is under Free Will, and until we are back with our Father in Heaven, this life will be is the devils play area, my thought of life, I am a foreigner in a foreign land, Passing through to tell others about my Father and Brother Jesus. I know daily I am protected. and as long as we stand in Unity we will all ways be protected. We may have to go through things, however, God will and has protected me and He will everyone that believes in Him.
I am sorry that you had to go through this, for I feel no child should ever have to be used by any person. God bless you and know that Jesus loves you and He will heal you. Go forward, forgive,love and trust in God to show you the way, you are so precious in His sight, Please remember this,
 
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Member
My dear Sister,
I cannot explain why we go through the stuff we do, accept maybe because of the Free Will of Mankind. Know that no matter what we go through that Jesus is standing in the mist to protect us.

I was molest at the age of 4. I was able to visual much of it and never until recent years was able to put a face to it, All through my childhood, men were my enemy. I could not understand, however, in the years of healing and God's grace, I have come to realize that it was wrong of them, and it is all right now. I had to do a lot of forgiving these people, and then I had to do a lot of prayer, I learned, after a long while, that my parents did what they could, that the law did what the could, and I was protected, It could of been worse, then it was. This is my situation. I know that I know, that I have been healed after many years of hurt and mis understanding, and I want you to know, that our love ones, sometimes, do not know what to say and they do the best they can. But no matter what they love you. Man is under Free Will, and until we are back with our Father in Heaven, this life will be is the devils play area, my thought of life, I am a foreigner in a foreign land, Passing through to tell others about my Father and Brother Jesus. I know daily I am protected. and as long as we stand in Unity we will all ways be protected. We may have to go through things, however, God will and has protected me and He will everyone.
I am sorry that you had to go through this, for I feel no child should ever have to be used by any person. God bless you and know that Jesus loves you and He will heal you. Go forward, forgive and love and trust in God to show you the way, you are so precious in His sight, Please remember this,
I pray that Jesus will heal you and protect you all ways
 
Member
Father I pray this morning that you will touch your servant, send your perfect grace and compassion to her. Give her the peace of mind she longs for. Protect and heal your daughter oh Lord, I ask in the name of my Savior, Jesus Christ Amen.

NC
 
Member
Father, I thank you for this beautiful day, and a new morning you have given us. I pray for my sister, and I pray for your glory to shine in her life. Show her, you this day, in the little things of life, Let God be the Glory in all things
In Jesus Name, Amen,
 
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