PrayerWarr1or
Member
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2010
- Messages
- 137
My name was Vermin. I accepted that name in ignorance several years ago, and continually went about my life with an occasional glimpse of complacency and contentness. I hate talking about my past though. Whenever I think about that or anything else for that matter I find nothing but pain. I am sure whoever may be reading this can easily relate to the feeling of pain in one form or another. I lived that life devoid of meaning all my childhood until I was finally living on my own. Being employed by a very large chain store only concerned about money got me just under enough money to survive physically. At this point, however; my spiritual state had gone from 'comfortably numb' with almost daily bouts of despair to existence devoid of love and meaning. "Why am I in this world that thrives only for a green and flimsy piece of paper?" I constantly thought.
Then the most curious thing happened. I was doing my standard labors in the store hoping that I could escape reality somehow when something in the books section caught my eye. It was in the 'religious' section and it was about a man dying and going to heaven. Some unexplainable feeling deep inside me kept pulling at my heart until I scraped up enough money to buy it. From the first time I felt this feeling, a light that completely overtook the hell inside me, I would never be the same. I have grown and learned so much since then but I still find that same hopelessness overtake me when I let my mind try to approach everything logically nowadays. I am about 450 poundsand I find my most debilitating desease to be my thoughts. Recently i almost lost my faith for the first time because I let the destroyer teach me how to pollute my heart and soul and the holy spirit inside of me with the thoughts of my mind. How amazing it was when once again he saved me from the darkness. I can feel hate following so closely behind me, but how great it is to know I can count on Him. I am his son, after all. My name is Casey, and I am someone who until recently could only stop and think when someone asked me if I thought I had truly been saved. Now I simply ask Him and I hear Him say 'yes'.
Then the most curious thing happened. I was doing my standard labors in the store hoping that I could escape reality somehow when something in the books section caught my eye. It was in the 'religious' section and it was about a man dying and going to heaven. Some unexplainable feeling deep inside me kept pulling at my heart until I scraped up enough money to buy it. From the first time I felt this feeling, a light that completely overtook the hell inside me, I would never be the same. I have grown and learned so much since then but I still find that same hopelessness overtake me when I let my mind try to approach everything logically nowadays. I am about 450 poundsand I find my most debilitating desease to be my thoughts. Recently i almost lost my faith for the first time because I let the destroyer teach me how to pollute my heart and soul and the holy spirit inside of me with the thoughts of my mind. How amazing it was when once again he saved me from the darkness. I can feel hate following so closely behind me, but how great it is to know I can count on Him. I am his son, after all. My name is Casey, and I am someone who until recently could only stop and think when someone asked me if I thought I had truly been saved. Now I simply ask Him and I hear Him say 'yes'.
