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I have heard the biblical truth for three years. I go to a reformed church, sit under very good teaching, and I don’t believe I am saved.

I feel like I cannot/willnot believe. I don’t know why, as I don’t want to walk away, but I constantly feel like I will. I doubt so much, it’s almost embarrassing. Not only do I doubt my salvation, I doubt my belief at all.

But then I know God’s word is true. I just fear I can’t believe. I know faith is a gift from God. I just don’t know how to believe, though I want to.
I just don’t know how to believe, though I want to.

Seeking like you are doing is a great start brother !! for all who seek will find.
Matthew 7:7-8

Faith is grown by hearing and reading the word and immersing yourself in the word daily.
Romans 10:17
So faith comes from hearing, and hearing through the word of Christ.

Faith and obedience have a direct connection imo, I mean it takes discipline to be in the word every day.

It is a slow process for some (me anyways), repenting of anything that is separating you from God is the first step, and if you have a problem with a particular sin fast on it, God will change your heart to hate the sin.