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Don’t think I can hold on much longer

Discussion in 'Counseling' started by JordanL103, Jun 21, 2018.

  1. #1 JordanL103, Jun 21, 2018
    Last edited by a moderator: Jun 21, 2018
    Hello everyone,
    I have been a faithful Christian ever since I was 4 or 5. And I always believed that God had a will and plan for everyone and he is always there for us. Most importantly, I always believed that he will never give us more than we can handle. But recently, I am starting to collapse.

    Everyday I’m getting near the end and I don’t think I can hang in there much longer. Life has been hell for me, today I finally let go and cried so painfully because I just cannot hold it in much longer. My relationship has fallen apart. The girl I loved so dearly for 6 years has left me, and I always thought she was the one. In fact I still do, I don’t mean to sound obsessive or opinionated l, but I still just have that gut feel that she’s the one that’s meant to be. I know in the past I’ve hurt her a bunch of times, but I was young and I love her. But this time I tried to save this relationship but it was no good. Friends say I wasn’t trying hard enough but there’s nothing more that I can do. Everyday I live in nightmares and live like a zombie because I just cannot think. Just a few days ago, for the first time in my entire life I woke up crying. I guess I finally just had it. And life is just... I don’t know how to say this but I know that this life I’m currently living is not aligned with who I really am or for the real purpose of me being in this world.

    Everyday I feel like I’m further off from what I truly should be living. I don’t know how I can describe it to you guys but I just know this is not the kind of life I should be living and I have absolutely no power to change that. I am not who I really am and I’m just not in sync with this current life. I know you all say that God has a purpose and plan for all of us but I really cannot see it. And I cannot feel the love and presence of God at all. I’m so close to renouncing my faith, I don’t wanna donthat but it has became to a point where I’m near giving up. And I know you all say that a better life awaits if we just be patient and hang on, but what you don’t understand is I am suffering right “now” and I cannot hold on much longer.

    Suicide has once again popped into my head quite a few times today. I don’t know where God is. I am close to losing it and be still has not given me any hope or let me see any way out. I am so tired of this life I lm thinking maybe I should just end the pain myself because I’ve waited and waited and God has not changed a thing. So from now on there is no hope in me. I don’t know where God is and I cannot deal with this anymore. I pray and pray but nothing ever happened. And so I give up. Don’t know how much longer it takes to give up my life but it’s heading in that direction. I cannot suffer any longer. Maybe I’ll go to hell but what’s the difference. I’m living in hell right now. I used to be the most outgoing, positive and optimistic person ever. I always bring joy to other people. But maybe God doesn’t like that because I am close to losing it.

    Everyone talks about God miraculously healing them. Why won’t He do that for me? Why won’t He take away even a little of the pain? Why won’t He give me even a little relief? How does He expect me to believe that He is real and He is good when He treats me like crap?

    and I refuse to just sit around and wait for our “loving” God to decide I’ve been tormented enough. I’d rather end the pain myself.
    Sent from a mobile device
  2. Praying for you right now. Praying that in time you will live out your true identity, that who you really are and how you live will be in harmony.

    Keeping holding on. Allow God to hold you too.
  3. Praying for you dont loose hope below are some tough questions that help me stay the course hopefully they may help you

    you say God treats you like crap, how do you treat him?? are you in his word everyday?? are you on you knees everyday several times a day?? are fasting ?? are you serving him?? where is your heart?? do you give thanks when things are good? or do you just go to him when things are bad?

    under the Lords Grace
  4. Then Jesus went with His disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and He said to them, ‘Sit here while I go over there and pray.’ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with Him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. Then he said to them, ‘My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with Me.
    Matthew 26:36-38

    Greetings @JordanL103

    Jesus knows what you are going through Jordon
    He endured deep deep sorrow and pain

    Suicide, the taking of a life is very serious sin, grievous to the Lord......Your pain and despair do not need to end in death.....thats what the devil wants.

    Your life is precious to Jesus and He the Good Shepherd keeps His sheep.

    Please write again, let us know how you are....let us seek out some help for you.
    Pm if you need to.
    Sue D., Hekuran and amadeus2 like this.
  5. Wherever you place your heart will tie you deeply emotionally to that person/entity. God is not physical that we can hug him and just do friend stuff with Him. So when you look to comfort the physical, people look to another person and thats what you had done with your girlfriend. But she is human and like you faulty. She herself looks for comfort in people/entities. She found it for awhile with you, but she didnt place her heart with you, she simply liked some of the things you provided her, probably made her feel good for a time. But she is human and faulty and has decided that something else was better for her to place her heart with, instead of you. The reasons for this are hers and she may not even tell you the truth of those reasons, either to hurt you less, or to be less embarrassed by her own actions. Accept both of yourselves faultiness and be more careful where you place what is left of your heart. Good news is that your heart is truly not destroyed, it is broken but able to be healed. It will take time, but it will heal. The heart is capable great love and healing, God made it this way to help overcome our own lack of ability to choose wisely in whom we give it to. God is certainly trustworthy to give our heart to Him mainly. Then its still big enough (our heart) to give it to our brothers and sisters of this earth, as long as its not the primary placement of our heart. Be sad for a time, but understand that pity overextended hurts yourself and those around you that care about you. Get yourself up, go through the motions that life demands, speak to others, tell others who ask, that you prefer not to talk about your ex girlfriend. You will grow less sad with time, but dont be impatient, the heart takes time to heal. And learn from this experience to make yourself wiser when you start to think about caring deeply for another again, which you will in time.
    amadeus2 likes this.
  6. You are not thinking straight in your state.

    God gets involved in who we date and marry if we are His, because it is a decision that effects our whole lives. It could be God removing her from you so that you can get prepared for the right person. What it seems like to me is the devil at work. Trying to destroy you.

    I have been where you are before. Many of us have. The advice for you is as you said, to just hang in there. Re-kindle your relationship with God. Was your relationship with this girl a God fearing relationship? Did you exclude God from it? In the past I did. Looking back I am glad that things went the way they did. Today I am happily married with a God fearing wife and two beautiful children.

    We so quick to blame God. God ties His hands to allow us free will to do as we please. This is love. You will better understand it when you get over this.

    I do propose you get on your knees and make right with God. Stop making assumptions about Him. Wait on Him in prayer. His peace surpasses all understanding. Don't try put Him in your box. Just wait on Him in prayer. Phil 4:7 And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

    Praying for you bud. I wish you all the best and a speedy recovery.
  7. @JordanL103
    It is NOT this life in the flesh that is most important thing. It is NOT even the ideal spouse that is the most important thing. It is rather as Jesus put it:

    "But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.
    Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof." Matt 6:33-34

    The things of the flesh including even a good spouse may be among the "all these things shall be added"

    To think otherwise is a childish and selfish attitude. God does want us to enjoy this natural life, but with Him it is still all secondary. If we truly strive to put first things first, then He may add some of your selfish desires, but always remember that until you get your priorities straight, God is unlikely to give you that which you desire:

    "Ye ask, and receive not, because ye ask amiss, that ye may consume it upon your lusts." James 4:3

    I am praying for you and your situation. Ask as Jesus asked when he prayed:

    "...nevertheless not as I will, but as thou wilt." Matt 26:39
    Fragrant Grace likes this.
  8. @JordonL103 -- have you sought out Biblical counseling -- talked with a Bible preacher. Do you have a pastor? I was in counseling for about 2 yrs. The counselor, himself, had been through a divorce that was devistating to him. He was on anti-depressants for a few months. His goal in counseling is to keep couples Together if at all possible. He had contemplated suicide once and used the tools he had given others to help himself. Our significance to God. We are Very important to Him.

    As hard as it is at times -- reading the Psalms helps. The Prison Epistles -- Philippians, Colossians are two of them. Journalize your thoughts, feelings -- getting exercise -- eating nutritious food. Getting sleep at night. Listening to up-lifting music.

    You Can get through this dark time in your life. Do things that get you around people.
    Brad Huber likes this.

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