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Divorce?

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A few years ago I was very close to the Lord and met my current wife. Soon after being married things our relationship took a turn for the worse. To me I was being manipulated all the time and if it didnt go her way I got the silent treatment. I slowly started to change for the worse and even got to the point that that raising my voice and saying mean things was the norm. I had never done anything like that and felt horrible but the constant pressure she put on me was unbearable. It's not an excuse bc I take full responsibility for it. It got to the point that I caught her on a dating site talking to a guy. We have tried counseling and tried to talk to each other to work it out but we just dont understand each other. We are currently separated and I am drawing closer to the Lord every day. I want to do the right thing but our conversations turn into arguments. Can I get your advice on this?
 
Active
Ok, no matter what, 2 sinners get married, both might be 2 sinners saved by grace or one saved by grace and the other might not have arrived yet. It seems you are the one saved by grace, and have learned that you still have problems in yourself that marriage has made come to the surface that the Holy Spirit has shown you that is still in you.

Marriage concerning most Christians is also a place that God shows how we are broken vessels, still in need of repair. Most people think a Christian marriage is the idea marriage of happiness.

Now I will say this. “How many happy marriages have you found in the bible, or a example of how a happy marriage should be?
As you have read your Bible from Genesis to Revelation have you not paid attention to all the “Husband and wife” relationship as the Biblical characters stories transpired. God does not leave his children in the dark in such matters. Everything for you transpires in the “volume of the book” trust Him take your time and read the Book my brother in Christ. God will deal with your wife just like He will deal with you. Keep getting closer to Him, no matter what happens keep your eyes on Him! Do not take your eyes off of Him. Let her do anything she wants. You focus on him and not her! Let him become your peace and joy. If you focus on her, it will break you. Give her to God! “If the Lord does not build the house the worker works but in vain”! Seek no divorce! Get closer to God!
 
Loyal
how much time do you spend with the lord in his word?? if the word of God does not saturate your mind, the world and all its snares will get a hold of you easily. we must be in the word of God daily in order to protect ourselfs from the snares of the flesh.

A 99% Chance to Prevent Divorce



Yes, you read that title right! There is one thing you can do while married to give your relationship a 99% chance of making it--pray together out loud on a regular basis.
Don’t believe me...Maybe you’ll believe a Gallup Poll that showed: “The divorce rate among couples who go to church together regularly is 1 out of 2--the same as among unbelievers. But the divorce rate among couples who pray together daily is 1 out of 1,153.” Are you kidding me?!?!?!?


 
Moderator
Staff Member
how much time do you spend with the lord in his word?? if the word of God does not saturate your mind, the world and all its snares will get a hold of you easily. we must be in the word of God daily in order to protect ourselfs from the snares of the flesh.
good advice that is best heeded


Bless you ....><>
 
Member
Mat_5:32 But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

Divorce does not fix a problem it may change a problem but it does not fix it.

Eph 5:25 Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

hope and pray this turns out all right for you. Most Christian know what is right as we look for the loophole.
 
Active
A few years ago I was very close to the Lord and met my current wife. Soon after being married things our relationship took a turn for the worse. To me I was being manipulated all the time and if it didnt go her way I got the silent treatment. I slowly started to change for the worse and even got to the point that that raising my voice and saying mean things was the norm. I had never done anything like that and felt horrible but the constant pressure she put on me was unbearable. It's not an excuse bc I take full responsibility for it. It got to the point that I caught her on a dating site talking to a guy. We have tried counseling and tried to talk to each other to work it out but we just dont understand each other. We are currently separated and I am drawing closer to the Lord every day. I want to do the right thing but our conversations turn into arguments. Can I get your advice on this?
The first question is do you love your wife? If the answer is yes, then what is the next move. Do you have children, how is your relationship with them? and are you still speaking?
 
Moderator
Staff Member
A few years ago I was very close to the Lord and met my current wife. Soon after being married things our relationship took a turn for the worse. To me I was being manipulated all the time and if it didnt go her way I got the silent treatment. I slowly started to change for the worse and even got to the point that that raising my voice and saying mean things was the norm. I had never done anything like that and felt horrible but the constant pressure she put on me was unbearable. It's not an excuse bc I take full responsibility for it. It got to the point that I caught her on a dating site talking to a guy. We have tried counseling and tried to talk to each other to work it out but we just dont understand each other. We are currently separated and I am drawing closer to the Lord every day. I want to do the right thing but our conversations turn into arguments. Can I get your advice on this?

Greetings again,

a couple of things are happening for you Brother.

I want to do the right thing but...
that is number one.... "but"
the old man needs to be buried more often than we often take time to admit. We tend to be more loyal to our fleshy mind than to the Lord. He gets the back seat, all too often, and i am not singling you out on that.... an honest man will agree that such things are commonplace, where they ought not be.

We are told to give thanks to the Lord. We are also instructed to lean not on our own understanding. We are also told that we are not fighting against flesh and blood.
Your wife is not your enemy. You are not your enemy.

How much is your wife, and marriage to her, worth to you?
How much are you worth to the Lord? Both of you?

May i recommend that you start giving thanks to the Lord for every single thing that bugs you? honestly. And while you are at it, giving thanks, also get giving thanks to the Lord for all He has done for you and for Who He is, for the hope that is within you.

Start praising God. It is like squirting fly spray up the enemy's nose.
Yes, praise the Lord, give thanks to Him, in all things. We want miracles and we want help, we want remedies and healing so give thanks is the first place to start. Acknowledge the Lord so that not only is He exalted above the passing trials of life, but also that you get in the right position to receive the gift He has for you, both.
Whose side are you on... and if you find yourself on the wrong side, get right back to the Lord's side and do so by praising Him with a sincere and joyful heart.
It might be a little strange and even difficult at first but get taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and it will start to flow as it used to.
A few years ago I was very close to the Lord
Do not expect your wife to be any better than you or for her to have it all together and to be singing praises to the Lord instead of doing things that irritate or hurt you in any way, if you are not doing it also and may i suggest, doing it first.

May the Lord bless you as you look to Him and seek His help


Bless you ....><>
 
Member
The first question is do you love your wife? If the answer is yes, then what is the next move. Do you have children, how is your relationship with them? and are you still speaking?
I do love my wife very much ..I have a 22 year old son, she has 2 boys. I get along with her boys and my son treats her with respect but is not very fond of her. He is not one to get into my business and he is very reserved. He has voiced his concerns to me. As have the rest of my family and her family. Meaning they see how she the manipulation I go threw. She and i are speaking and giving it a try but we are running into the same problems so idk. I just want to do the right thing by God but it is difficult to deal with the same problems over and over. She gets upset about things that I just dont understand. I know that I am to show her that I live her and I truly try but on the other hand after over 2 years of marriage I feel I constantly have to go above and beyond on a daily basis to prove my love to her and its exhausting. I may be wrong but that's how it feels. Sorry it's so long.
 
Member
Greetings again,

a couple of things are happening for you Brother.



that is number one.... "but"
the old man needs to be buried more often than we often take time to admit. We tend to be more loyal to our fleshy mind than to the Lord. He gets the back seat, all too often, and i am not singling you out on that.... an honest man will agree that such things are commonplace, where they ought not be.

We are told to give thanks to the Lord. We are also instructed to lean not on our own understanding. We are also told that we are not fighting against flesh and blood.
Your wife is not your enemy. You are not your enemy.

How much is your wife, and marriage to her, worth to you?
How much are you worth to the Lord? Both of you?

May i recommend that you start giving thanks to the Lord for every single thing that bugs you? honestly. And while you are at it, giving thanks, also get giving thanks to the Lord for all He has done for you and for Who He is, for the hope that is within you.

Start praising God. It is like squirting fly spray up the enemy's nose.
Yes, praise the Lord, give thanks to Him, in all things. We want miracles and we want help, we want remedies and healing so give thanks is the first place to start. Acknowledge the Lord so that not only is He exalted above the passing trials of life, but also that you get in the right position to receive the gift He has for you, both.
Whose side are you on... and if you find yourself on the wrong side, get right back to the Lord's side and do so by praising Him with a sincere and joyful heart.
It might be a little strange and even difficult at first but get taking every thought captive to the obedience of Christ and it will start to flow as it used to.


Do not expect your wife to be any better than you or for her to have it all together and to be singing praises to the Lord instead of doing things that irritate or hurt you in any way, if you are not doing it also and may i suggest, doing it first.

May the Lord bless you as you look to Him and seek His help


Bless you ....><>
I can admit that I put my Lord in the back seat and I feel awful I did it. I have put Him first again and it really irritates her.
 
Active
I do love my wife very much ..I have a 22 year old son, she has 2 boys. I get along with her boys and my son treats her with respect but is not very fond of her. He is not one to get into my business and he is very reserved. He has voiced his concerns to me. As have the rest of my family and her family. Meaning they see how she the manipulation I go threw. She and i are speaking and giving it a try but we are running into the same problems so idk. I just want to do the right thing by God but it is difficult to deal with the same problems over and over. She gets upset about things that I just dont understand. I know that I am to show her that I live her and I truly try but on the other hand after over 2 years of marriage I feel I constantly have to go above and beyond on a daily basis to prove my love to her and its exhausting. I may be wrong but that's how it feels. Sorry it's so long.
It sounds like your wife is insecure, and as a person who, at one time had the same problem, I can empathise with her. You say you love her, well maybe you could try understanding why she is like she is. If she is also a Christian maybe you could seek answers in the Word together and pray together. Helen and I pray together daily, this brings the Lord into our relationship and hearing each others prayers is a great way to get to know how each other thinks, Sometimes people can read body language and if as you say, your son pays her respect but doesn't like her, she may pick up on that, and that won't help her insecurity. Maybe you could pray with your son for the Lord to help with regards to that. I pray that the Lord will give you wisdom. Bless you,
 
Member
It sounds like your wife is insecure, and as a person who, at one time had the same problem, I can empathise with her. You say you love her, well maybe you could try understanding why she is like she is. If she is also a Christian maybe you could seek answers in the Word together and pray together. Helen and I pray together daily, this brings the Lord into our relationship and hearing each others prayers is a great way to get to know how each other thinks, Sometimes people can read body language and if as you say, your son pays her respect but doesn't like her, she may pick up on that, and that won't help her insecurity. Maybe you could pray with your son for the Lord to help with regards to that. I pray that the Lord will give you wisdom. Bless you,
Thank you brother
 
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