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Divorce

Member
I am thinking about divorce. I am at my wits end. I was told I’m selfish. She threw her mirror at me in the head. Our communication is non existent. I told her I’m done with this marriage. It’s sad because I saw my parents get a divorce and it hurt then.
 
Loyal
Think back to what brought the two of you together. Every marriage has rough times. Goes with being married. Sit down and talk with each other.

How long have you been married.

Sometime marriage simply consists of taking out the garbage and changing the non-ending diapers and cleaning up after someone has the flu bug. Not a lot of fun but it's part of building a life together. Those vows -- for richer or poorer / sickness and health / through the boring and the fun times. Commitment.
 
Active
I am thinking about divorce. I am at my wits end. I was told I’m selfish. She threw her mirror at me in the head. Our communication is non existent. I told her I’m done with this marriage. It’s sad because I saw my parents get a divorce and it hurt then.
If you get a divorce it shows you are not a Christian.

A Christian is someone who puts God first. Not themselves Matt 16:24.

If ''you'' want a divorce it s because ''you'' are putting ''you'' before God. God hates divorce Mal 2:16.

If there is no adultery, there are no grounds for divorce Matt 19:9, Matt 5:32.

As the man, you need to be the spiritual leader 1 Tim 3:4. By taking your problems to God, to church elders, your problems can be fixed.

Your wedding vows were ''richer, poorer, sickness and health, until death do us part''. You made those to her and God.
 
Loyal
Greetings brother

How long have you two been married?

Remember when you first got married, your love for one another then, your vows to each other.

Do you really want a divorce?

The best way not to argue my friend is, not to argue. It takes two to argue.

If you want to save your marriage, love her through it and stand in faith, it is not easy, I assure you it is not easy I been through it.

Stand in faith my friend, pray in Jesus Name, plead with God.

Show your wife love, not materialistic love though a bunch of flowers never goes a miss, show her Love and love her through it.

Jesus said, 'Love one another as I have loved you'

Avoid arguing, give your lovely wife a hug, when she least expects it. I think this verse sums up the three items you should consider.

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)
13 And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
 
Loyal
And even believers / Christians / do divorce. God is not pleased with it. It's meant to be a life-long commitment with each other. Sometimes people get married Too young. Not because of an unplanned pregnancy, but because 'young love' Doesn't always work out. A lot of times there's lots of 'chemistry' between a guy and a gay -- And That is a strong attracting force for people. In fact there's a Need for Some chemistry between two people.

Everyone needs time to mature some Before settling down to a marriage partner.

By all means -- go to your pastor and wife for marriage counseling. Take time Together to really talk.

If you shared your age and how long you Have been married , it would help Us as we try to talk with you. For instance, I'm 70 and had been married for 46 yrs. Almost 47 -- my husband passed away 9 months ago. Lots of ups and downs for us. We had 4 kids together.

As has already been suggested -- You are the leader of your marriage. You take the initiative to Calmly sit down with your wife -- a nice, relaxing setting -- and Talk. About what got the two of you together -- your dreams, goals in life.
Maybe you Don't have a church to go to. Find a good Baptist church -- that's what My background is. But any mainline denomination is okay. And start reading the Bible together.
 
Loyal
I am divorced and it has been a deeply painful and bitter experience. No-one should enter marriage lightly, and marriage should not be ended lightly.

If you've not yet tried marriage counselling together, then it's worth putting effort into that. It's simply having a neutral person helping you to resolve differences.

Things you describe such as having mirrors thrown at you are completely unacceptable.

Do you have Christian friends that you can trust and are able to talk this through with you?

I pray that God will guide you through this difficult time.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
I am thinking about divorce. I am at my wits end. I was told I’m selfish. She threw her mirror at me in the head. Our communication is non existent. I told her I’m done with this marriage. It’s sad because I saw my parents get a divorce and it hurt then.
Hello Brother Keith,
Sorry to hear about the circumstances you find your marriage in. Not surprisingly you are not the first and I'm sure won't be the last to go through these difficulties, whatever the reasons are. Which of course leads me to the first question.

What do you believe is the reason you both seem to be at each others throats?

However, even before that. From your bio I can see you say you're Born Again Believer. Is your wife? I ask this, because by your location and occupation is it possible that your family still holds on to Tribal practices, that one would consider non-Christian?

Dear Brother. There are so many dynamics that go into a marriage, but as a Christian, the family should be, must be Christ centered. Meaning that even before you talk to others have you prayed to our Lord and Savior Jesus? For surely He will intercede for you with the Father. "Who [is] he who condemns? [It is] Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us." Romans 8:34.

I just don't sprout Scripture at you. Early in my own marriage I too was at wits end!! Divorce was the only way I saw as a solution. I even believe, that my wife wanted it as well, but wanted me to be the one to initiate it. This way she could always point to me as the initiator of it! We have now been married 35 years last December. Now I can't even imagine going through with the thought. Why, didn't it happen? Because I got down on my knees and prayed with tears running down my cheeks for His help! What did I pray you may ask? I prayed that He would change her!! What did He say to me? You need to change!!! LOL He said this by letting me know that I should be a servant. Yep, that's right a servant to the one who I believed was the cause of it. He was telling me to do the little things for her. Without seeking recognition for doing them either! Seeing her working, and taking the time to ask if she needed help, even though I had things to do at the time. Taking the time to ask her how her day went before dumping all the things that were happening to me in my day. I knew she liked hot tea, so I got her a cup without asking. They may seem small, but what a servant does is not the big things, for that is for the Master to do. Just the little things. So, what God was telling me to do, was to Love her, as a woman is meant to be loved by a husband that would give his life for her, type of husband.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, ... So husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. Ephesians 5:25,28

Love her no matter what Brother Keith. What God was asking me to do was for me to change and to stop trying to change her or expecting her to! At the time I didn't realize it, but he was telling me that if she needed to be changed, that He'd do the heavy lifting. And He did it by changing me! Making me Love her, pray for her, be the same servant to her that our Lord was/is to us!!!! If God is willing to do for us, who are unworthy. Why is it so difficult for us to do? Swallow pride brother. Just like I had to do. Become that man of God, that He wants you to be in your family, for your family.

So, you can regress, and start thinking about things you or she could have done better. Better yet is to not repeat them, learn from them, and be as another here has stated "You are the Spiritual Head of the Family", be "The Man of God for your Family". It may take time, because you'll find that the change you're going to do, she won't believe it. In fact you won't believe it!! :smile: Give it time, and stay in prayer! You have the God of the Universe on your side! What have you to lose with Him on your side?

Fear not, for I [am] with you; Be not dismayed, for I [am] your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.' Isaiah 41:10

You are a man of faith. Time to go to the one who gave you it, and humble yourself and ask for help! Being where you're from, Alaska, you're probably having to be a bit self-sufficient, or be that "Manly Man" that Society, Culture, etc. expects you to be. However, you also know that when you can't do it alone, you seek friends, family, whoever to help you. Time to go to the one who can really help you in your marriage. You and your wife made a covenant with Our Heavenly Father. Allow Him the opportunity to help, but you need to go to Him brother!

I will be praying for you Brother Keith, as I'm sure others here will as well.

With the Love of Christ Jesus.
YBIC
Nick
<><
 
Loyal
I am thinking about divorce. I am at my wits end. I was told I’m selfish. She threw her mirror at me in the head. Our communication is non existent. I told her I’m done with this marriage. It’s sad because I saw my parents get a divorce and it hurt then.
Dear Keith

I look again at your post, your heart felt comments.

First what your wife says about you, (red) and the positive (green)

I am thinking about divorce. I am at my wits end. I was told I’m selfish. She threw her mirror at me in the head. Our communication is non existent. I told her I’m done with this marriage. It’s sad because I saw my parents get a divorce and it hurt then.

Next lets look at your comments, first we have the same positives, (green) if there are positives that is good my friend.
Then we look at the negatives, (red), you told her you are done with this marriage!
I believe you said this because 'you are at your wits end', I also believe you didn't mean it in your heart.

I am thinking about divorce. I am at my wits end. I was told I’m selfish. She threw her mirror at me in the head. Our communication is non existent. I told her I’m done with this marriage. It’s sad because I saw my parents get a divorce and it hurt then.

Your wife says you are selfish, that should be a warning sign
- To look at what you do, and what you don't do.
- To look at what you say and what you don't say.

You say dear brother you are thinking about divorce,
- that says you are considering it in your mind, not your heart

You say Keith you are at your wits end, it is not surprising my friend
- your wife is throwing 'things', she threw her mirror
- you are throwing 'words', I'm done with this marriage (I am sure she is throwing words also)

It appears to be becoming the devil's playground, he loves setting people against each other, especially husband and wife

You are a born again Christian Keith, May I ask is your wife born again also. This is important to help us pray clearly for each of you Keith.

Looking again at the above,
- can two negatives make a positive?
- can reconciliation come when conflict is being exaggerated?

Everyone of your brothers on here are saying the same thing 'LOVE' your wife, don't get drawn into arguments, as hard as it can be, love one another as Christ loves us.

Give everything to the Lord, cry like a baby if it helps, it helped Nick, it helped me. Pour your heart out with the Lord, repent your errors with your wife and with God, love your wife through this heart wrenching time in your marriage and love for each other, if you now why she says your selfish adjust, if you don't, pick a time, tell her you love her and ask her why she feels you are selfish, I had to go through this.

In all things - Pray first and give thanks afterwards.

When God is in control, all you need is patience and faith Keith, Trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding, let Him guide your paths.

When God is in control you can be sure of the Greatest of all Love's, you love your wife with an earthly love, God loves us with a Divine Love, an agape love, an unfailing Love, an hesed (steadfast) Love.

May the Lord Bless you and your dear wife, may you both be protected through the blood of Christ, the devil has no rights over a believer, if you are the only born again person in your marriage, stand in faith and claim your right as head of the family spiritually, claim your wife's salvation in Jesus Name, pray for peace in your hearts and your home Keith. We stand in faith in agreement with you, give it to the Lord in prayer, stand outside any arguments, love your wife, tell her you love her, and wait and watch the Holy Spirit work in your lives. In Jesus Precious Name. Amen.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
@Keith


When God is in control you can be sure of the Greatest of all Love's, you love your wife with an earthly love, God loves us with a Divine Love, an agape love, an unfailing Love, an hesed (steadfast) Love.

May the Lord Bless you and your dear wife, may you both be protected through the blood of Christ, the devil has no rights over a believer, if you are the only born again person in your marriage, stand in faith and claim your right as head of the family spiritually, claim your wife's salvation in Jesus Name, pray for peace in your hearts and your home Keith. We stand in faith in agreement with you, give it to the Lord in prayer, stand outside any arguments, love your wife, tell her you love her, and wait and watch the Holy Spirit work in your lives. In Jesus Precious Name. Amen.


amen
 
Active
Marriage counselling from Larry Stockstill is very good. He's in Baton Rouge. He had marriage encounters. Don't know if he still has them.
 

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