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Divorce and Remariage

Member
Marriage can be tricky, it has it's downs and it has its benefits. You get to spend your life with someone you love, and share a growing relationship, or your spouse can be unfaithful and leave you to be alone.

When it comes to finding someone to marry, we need to be extremely careful; because marriage is a one time thing. No do overs, once you find someone (whose never been married, and you also have never been married) and make that commitment to have sex, children, and live together that's your spouse for life!

"Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning." Matthew 19:8

"I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery." Matthew 19:9, Matthew 5:31-32, 1 Corinthians 7:8-12

When it comes to divorcing I think that Jesus made it very clear, the only time we can divorce is when our spouse is unfaithful. But even then, after they have done what they did if they have a retentive spirit we can and should forgive them and stay with that person. If we do end up divorcing that person we don't have the right to go and marry again, because Jesus does say "and marries another woman commits adultery". That's why marriage is a one time thing, even if we divorce our spouse because of unfaithfulness that was our one shot at marriage. We don't get all the chances we want to find more woman.

What do you guys think?
 
Active
I agree with what you say, other than it is not so clear that Jesus would not ever allow remarriage of the innocent party in a marriage that had been broken by unfaithfulness. I do agree that reconciliation should be sought diligently and all avenues be pursued in this.

But if we examine Jesus' statement we cannot say for sure that he is forbidding remarriage for the one who was cheated on. It would make the most sense that the "exception clause" also refers to remarriage since you cannot take out "marries another" or the statement does not make sense. It would then read "anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, commits adultery". You do not commit adultery by divorce.

No provision seems to be clearly made for the unfaithful partner to get remarried though. Which should be a deterrent for anyone thinking they can somehow get by with breaking up a marriage because they want to be with someone else.
 
Loyal
@TheTruthWithin37
Sounds good, but remember that what happened before we met Jesus should be included in our repentance. Once God has forgiven us, do we not have a clean slate? For instance if both partners to a marriage married when neither one of them knew the Lord, we would have a different situation from the one where both partners knew the Lord at the time of marriage.
 
Member
@TheTruthWithin37
Sounds good, but remember that what happened before we met Jesus should be included in our repentance. Once God has forgiven us, do we not have a clean slate? For instance if both partners to a marriage married when neither one of them knew the Lord, we would have a different situation from the one where both partners knew the Lord at the time of marriage.
Sure, but if that couple who were married and didn't know Jesus came to find out about Jesus. That marrige would still stand and they would have to act on his teaching. I don't think God would let them be an exception just because they didn't want to seek at first, got married then came to him. God holds us all to the same standard, Jesus.
 
Member
I agree with what you say, other than it is not so clear that Jesus would not ever allow remarriage of the innocent party in a marriage that had been broken by unfaithfulness. I do agree that reconciliation should be sought diligently and all avenues be pursued in this.

But if we examine Jesus' statement we cannot say for sure that he is forbidding remarriage for the one who was cheated on. It would make the most sense that the "exception clause" also refers to remarriage since you cannot take out "marries another" or the statement does not make sense. It would then read "anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, commits adultery". You do not commit adultery by divorce.

No provision seems to be clearly made for the unfaithful partner to get remarried though. Which should be a deterrent for anyone thinking they can somehow get by with breaking up a marriage because they want to be with someone else.
"And anyone who marries the divorced PERSON commits adultery." Matthew 5:32

This is why I say we get no retry, because if we are in a relationship and the other cheats; then we get a divorce. Anyone who marries the two commits adultery because they've already had their one and only spouse, they're meant to be together, it just so happens they left one another.
 
Loyal
Sure, but if that couple who were married and didn't know Jesus came to find out about Jesus. That marrige would still stand and they would have to act on his teaching. I don't think God would let them be an exception just because they didn't want to seek at first, got married then came to him. God holds us all to the same standard, Jesus.
Before any person comes to God, he is dead in the eyes of God, but through Jesus, God gave them opportunity. If he sees Jesus and having seen, he makes the wrong choice, will he not remain dead? What does his natural marital situation ultimately matter then? On the other hand, if he chooses to follow Jesus he has a new pathway to walk. If he chooses right but his wife from prior to his encounter with God fails to make the same choice, they will definitely be on different roads even if they remain married.
If both spouses choose God together [as happened to my wife and me 42 years ago] then the commitment to the marriage needs to be renewed even as the commitment to God is being jointly made. In the case of my wife and I, we chose to have our vows renewed to let the world know what we were doing. Our two toddlers attended that second natural wedding ceremony.
Give God the glory for saving our marriage initially and then keeping us together for a total of more than 46 years.
 
Member
@TheTruthWithin37
Sounds good, but remember that what happened before we met Jesus should be included in our repentance. Once God has forgiven us, do we not have a clean slate? For instance if both partners to a marriage married when neither one of them knew the Lord, we would have a different situation from the one where both partners knew the Lord at the time of marriage.
Where is the scripture that provides you with this thought?
 
Member
Before any person comes to God, he is dead in the eyes of God, but through Jesus, God gave them opportunity. If he sees Jesus and having seen, he makes the wrong choice, will he not remain dead? What does his natural marital situation ultimately matter then? On the other hand, if he chooses to follow Jesus he has a new pathway to walk. If he chooses right but his wife from prior to his encounter with God fails to make the same choice, they will definitely be on different roads even if they remain married.
If both spouses choose God together [as happened to my wife and me 42 years ago] then the commitment to the marriage needs to be renewed even as the commitment to God is being jointly made. In the case of my wife and I, we chose to have our vows renewed to let the world know what we were doing. Our two toddlers attended that second natural wedding ceremony.
Give God the glory for saving our marriage initially and then keeping us together for a total of more than 46 years.
Jesus is the standard, so NO MATTER WHAT we have to look at what HE thinks about marriage and how it should go. Say for example if I'm married, I leave my wife and find a "new" one; even though I don't know that Jesus doesn't like it; it's still the overall truth. So when I find out about how he thinks I need to return to my first wife or stay single. Of course if we don't know that teaching until the day we die and live a sincere/loving life I think we'll be okay with God; but in this day and age with all the technology we have that's hard.
 
Loyal
Where is the scripture that provides you with this thought?
Consider what happened in the Garden of Eden:

"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Gen 2:17
And then... the woman listening to the lies of the serpent and the man following the error of the woman instead obeying God... ate of the forbidden fruit:

"And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat." Gen 3:6

Then according God's Word, they both died. And the of spring of dead people are certainly born dead. That is you and I and everyone born to woman thereafter... then what did God do?

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10

Jesus brought Life to dead people for whosoever will! Now we have been given to do right that which Adam and Eve did wrong... that is, obey God.

"Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men." Acts 5:29

Unlike Adam and Eve we need to obey God rather than our own fleshly selves. Jesus was sent to make it a possibility, but the choice, once we have recognized the opportunity, is ours to make.

Each person must make that choice. The husband and wife married without God may have new choices when they meet Jesus. Which way they go is up to them according to their hearts and according to what God speaks to their hearts. I would guess that meeting Jesus they have become sheep or they have the seen the way in which they can become sheep and sheep...?

"To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out.
And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.
And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers." John 10:3-5
 
Loyal
Jesus is the standard, so NO MATTER WHAT we have to look at what HE thinks about marriage and how it should go. Say for example if I'm married, I leave my wife and find a "new" one; even though I don't know that Jesus doesn't like it's still the overall truth. So when I find out about how he thinks I need to return to my new wife or stay single. Of course if we don't know that teaching until the day we die and live a sincere/loving life I think we'll be okay with God; but in this day and age with all the technology we have that's hard.
For a sheep of His flock what is hard? Of course it is likely that some believing themselves to be sheep are really goats:

And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

"And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left" Matt 25:32-33

"Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:" Matt 10:41

If we are a sheep, we will really be hearing and obeying His voice... Hypothetical questions will get us into trouble. We need to really hear God's voice and obey Him in real situations where it is our place to do so.
 
Member
Consider what happened in the Garden of Eden:

"But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die." Gen 2:17
And then... the woman listening to the lies of the serpent and the man following the error of the woman instead obeying God... ate of the forbidden fruit:

"And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat." Gen 3:6

Then according God's Word, they both died. And the of spring of dead people are certainly born dead. That is you and I and everyone born to woman thereafter... then what did God do?

"The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly." John 10:10

Jesus brought Life to dead people for whosoever will! Now we have been given to do right that which Adam and Eve did wrong... that is, obey God.

"Then Peter and the other apostles answered and said, We ought to obey God rather than men." Acts 5:29

Unlike Adam and Eve we need to obey God rather than our own fleshly selves. Jesus was sent to make it a possibility, but the choice, once we have recognized the opportunity, is ours to make.

Each person must make that choice. The husband and wife married without God may have new choices when they meet Jesus. Which way they go is up to them according to their hearts and according to what God speaks to their hearts. I would guess that meeting Jesus they have become sheep or they have the seen the way in which they can become sheep and sheep...?

"To him the porter openeth; and the sheep hear his voice: and he calleth his own sheep by name, and leadeth them out.
And when he putteth forth his own sheep, he goeth before them, and the sheep follow him: for they know his voice.
And a stranger will they not follow, but will flee from him: for they know not the voice of strangers." John 10:3-5
Look brother, we OBEY God by listening to his son, and His Son say's NOT A SINGLE PERSON can divorce, except for fornication, you cannot remarry, Jesus said that from the Beginning it wasn't so, Moses gave us this 'Law' because of the hardness of our hearts, and we still have hardened hearts because the way we want it, is not God's way, so we put him in a box, that's part of our sinful nature.
 
Member
For a sheep of His flock what is hard? Of course it is likely that some believing themselves to be sheep are really goats:

And before him shall be gathered all nations: and he shall separate them one from another, as a shepherd divideth his sheep from the goats:

"And he shall set the sheep on his right hand, but the goats on the left" Matt 25:32-33

"Then shall he say also unto them on the left hand, Depart from me, ye cursed, into everlasting fire, prepared for the devil and his angels:" Matt 10:41

If we are a sheep, we will really be hearing and obeying His voice... Hypothetical questions will get us into trouble. We need to really hear God's voice and obey Him in real situations where it is our place to do so.
Have a blessed day!
 
Loyal
Look brother, we OBEY God by listening to his son, and His Son say's NOT A SINGLE PERSON can divorce, except for fornication, you cannot remarry, Jesus said that from the Beginning it wasn't so, Moses gave us this 'Law' because of the hardness of our hearts, and we still have hardened hearts because the way we want it, is not God's way, so we put him in a box, that's part of our sinful nature.
I am not disagreeing with what you say. You asked for scripture so I provided it. It still is necessary to listen to God now and not try to set up black and white rules to all follow every single time. Usually these black and white hypothetical situations will hold, but we always need to be listening to Him and obeying Him now. Remembering that God has never changed how else can we understand what Hosea was required to do in light of what Paul wrote under inspiration?

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" II Cor 6:14

Back in the beginning of Hosea this unchanging God said what to the prophet?

"The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD." Hosea 1:2
 
Member
I am not disagreeing with what you say. You asked for scripture so I provided it. It still is necessary to listen to God now and not try to set up black and white rules to all follow every single time. Usually these black and white hypothetical situations will hold, but we always need to be listening to Him and obeying Him now. Remembering that God has never changed how else can we understand what Hosea was required to do in light of what Paul wrote under inspiration?

"Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?" II Cor 6:14

Back in the beginning of Hosea this unchanging God said what to the prophet?

"The beginning of the word of the LORD by Hosea. And the LORD said to Hosea, Go, take unto thee a wife of whoredoms and children of whoredoms: for the land hath committed great whoredom, departing from the LORD." Hosea 1:2
Who is your savior Paul or Jesus?
 
Active
"And anyone who marries the divorced PERSON commits adultery." Matthew 5:32

This is why I say we get no retry, because if we are in a relationship and the other cheats; then we get a divorce. Anyone who marries the two commits adultery because they've already had their one and only spouse, they're meant to be together, it just so happens they left one another.
Yes but I believe in this instance it is still talking about a divorced person who did not fall into the "exception", rather than saying that anyone who is divorced and gets remarried commits adultery.

I believe divorce and remarriage should be very rare and ultimately as both parties in a marriage seek God he can redeem their relationship instead of them going separate ways.
 
Active
Again the only clear exception I see is for an abandoned or cheated on partner to perhaps get remarried if it becomes impossible to reconcile. Of course with God all things are possible but if one partner refuses to repent and is joined to another, it seems that at some point the Word of God gives exception to the faithful one to consider themselves not bound.
 
Member
Again the only clear exception I see is for an abandoned or cheated on partner to perhaps get remarried if it becomes impossible to reconcile. Of course with God all things are possible but if one partner refuses to repent and is joined to another, it seems that at some point the Word of God gives exception to the faithful one to consider themselves not bound.
Okay an example;

@TheTruthWithin37 is my Husband, and he cheats on me, and I want a divorce because he is still continuing his relationship with the woman he cheated on me with. So you're saying that I can remarry because I am not the one who caused the adultery. But he cannot because he cheated on me?

I do not see where you are getting that out of these verses...

Matthew 5:31-32

Matthew 19:6-12

1 Corinthians 7:8-12

All of these to me are saying if they divorce because of marital unfaithfulness then that is fine, but neither of them have a chance at getting remarried because they have their one and only husband/wife, who they should always be with.

2 Corinthians 6:14 -- This is not just for the married who are not "equally yoked" this is literally talking about everyone, and I say this because it does not just say "to those who are married". So I can apply this to my mom, my dad, my best friend, my aunt Trudy, you, anyone... It's not just about a spouse, I think if it was, Jesus would have said it, not Paul. Paul is not who saves us, it is Jesus.

Proverbs 3:5 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding."

We must trust Jesus, and that is what I am trying to do, not Paul, not John, not anyone, just Jesus.
 
Active
Okay an example;

@TheTruthWithin37 is my Husband, and he cheats on me, and I want a divorce because he is still continuing his relationship with the woman he cheated on me with. So you're saying that I can remarry because I am not the one who caused the adultery. But he cannot because he cheated on me?

I do not see where you are getting that out of these verses...
All I am saying is that there appears to be an exception regarding getting divorced and remarried, but we can't just assume the exception applies to the one being unfaithful or breaking the relationship... because I believe Jesus' is speaking to the one who is doing the divorcing because of marital unfaithfulness. "You should not get divorced, unless your partner is unfaithful, and if you get remarried (for any other reason than your partner being unfaithful) you commit adultery".** That is what that verse says to me. It doesn't specifically say that God would ever be ok with the unfaithful one living in a relationship wherein they broke the marriage bond.... Some say that "when the bond is broken it is broken for both parties" which might be logical but I am just saying that the exception, to me, doesn't clearly say this.

I am not saying that the answer is cut-and dried to me... it just isn't clear in the scripture that Jesus gives the exception to both parties, but rather, gives hope to those who have been abandoned.

**(you can see in one of my previous posts why I think that the exception clause also applies to getting remarried, not just divorced)
 

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