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desperate help

hi, i need help,counsel,prayer and maybe deliverance.i was 8 years old wen i started experimenting wit wat i saw on t.v..sex..as achild, it was kissing one another and lying together wit clothes on..then we grew up but d drive didnt leave me...i would fantasize till i learnt self-stimulation.at the age of 13, i heard the good news at school and gave my life to God instantly..there was no struggle,i knew i needed him and grab him ...i had a good discipline back in school, it was boarding and there was a good fellowship...so i never went near wat cld influence me negatively...even movies...then i got to college and got freer...t.v,movies...once in a while i wld fall into a craving and indulge in self stimulation...then it got worse...i av struggled wit this disgusting habit for almost 20 years...wen i was strong spiritually,it wld go but the moment i get slaack it comes in slowly,first athot,then a movie in my mind till i get stimulated...wen i got married..it stopped and amazingly i found out i had apoor drive wit my husband..and i wld feel guilty after being wit him...well it seemed to av disappeared but my husband has been abroad for 3 months now and its back..i am sad, depressed,feel hopeless,helpless,condemned and sick...i beg of u...help me..
thing is wen the urge comes, i want it so bad,but after the act i feel like a pig, a worm...i feel sick.....i av talked to a pastor once who said i didnt need deliverance but discipline of my mind and self control...wat i want to no is...why do i av to have this issue?why cant it just go away forever?am worried cos i dont want to miss heaven...i need God...the more i indulge, the more i runaway from God..cos am getting sick and tired of asking him to forgive me ,only to do it again willingly 24 hours later..i need help..please help.
I am having a difficult time understanding exactly what you are meaning but I am able to discipher that you are having difficulties with sex, inappropriate sex from what I can gather. Well, Paul makes it clear what we are to spending our minds on...what so every is love, what so ever is good, etc. Those are the things you need to focus on not on fleshly desires. You need to be in God's Word for that is our strength.
you know I cant give advice on the actual sin here but I can say one thing and that is your sin is no worse than mine or anyone else that reads this...you done great by just admitting it right here right now..You will be a survivor like many of us