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Dating a non-believer

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I never thought I'd have this problem because I've never been interested in someone who doesn't share the same faith as me— not only if someone isn't a Christian, but also someone's relationship with God. I've met many people who are Christians, but there isn't any discussion or connection about God with them... to them it seems to be more so religion.

I know of the equally yoked passage in 2 Corinthians. I did not remember that passage, but I always maintained that I couldn't see myself with someone who didn't believe in what I believe because there wouldnt be a connection. I met this wonderful guy online and we talked for awhile. There are multiple problems in what happened. 1) We both assumed we are around the same age, later we found out we're 12 years apart, but both legal (e.g. neither of us are underage). 2) I found out although he comes from a Christian home, he is NOT Christian. 3) We probably have talked more than other couples if they were in person. We've cried together and talked for hours at a time. There have been a couple of times we stayed up all night talking about ancient ruins, my belief in God and etc. I'd say we are very close and both love each other deeply. Perhaps based on my own wickedness, or I was truly blind, I did not feel conviction about pursuing him.

In every way besides religion and age, he matches me completely. Obviously, God is the most important. From the beginning of liking him, I laid down that if anything were to continue, my faith will not be compromised. I laid out what I want in a relationship and what I will not put up with. We've discussed differing beliefs – of course some of his contradict the bible, but the worst one is that he doesn't believe in Jesus. I told him I do not believe I could marry him if he wasn't Christian and I'd like to try with him because I care about him, but there would definitely be a day I'd want him to read the Bible with me and seek God with all his heart. I explained that I don't want him to just be a "Christian," but a follower of Christ. He seems to understand this which is shocking to me...

He seems open to God, he has made the connection that my faith, as well as protestants in general, is about a relationship with God, not religion. I find this interesting because I haven't heard many agnostic people make that connection. He has agreed to look into Christianity with me, but of course has made no promises. I also have said I wouldn't force him as that would be pointless— it has to be from his heart.

The other problem is that he has struggled with depression. Truly, I believe what he has struggled with is 0 hope and meaningless. He has recognized that, he has recognized that following Jesus would make the world better and that he isn't as loving as he needs to be.

I have been an encouragement in his life, I have been a friend that others are not willing to be. He has no other Christian influence in his life except his parents (that seem to follow rules moreso, and aren even doing that...). I first started really talking to him because he was struggling and I told him about God's promises, who we are in God and etc. I know it is God and not me, but I believe God has used to me to show him that there is hope. To show him that there is even joy in sadness. He does not completely understand what I tell him, but he told me he can see it's not normal.

He agrees that my faith has made me who I am and that any good in me he sees if from God (he believes that the ideology has helped me and that I feel something, he just isnt sure it's true).

A Christian friend shared with me 2 Corinthians 6:14. I have been praying for this man and us since the beginning and even after my friend shared this verse with me I did not think that it meant it was a sin. My sister has told me she thinks it is and I look up to her. This has led me to wanting to seek God harder— I know emotion can get into the way of things and cloud judgement. I pray daily that God opens and closes the doors that need to be. I pray for wisdom and for his salvation — regardless of our relationship.

I've felt so many doubts about our relationship because I'm unsure if I'm doing the right thing and following God. I told him these doubts and he said he would stay by my side and support me and to take all the time I needed to think about it and pray. However, I told him I didnt know if I could be with him and that I doubt us and it hurt him. The next day he stayed in bed until 6 PM and sounded depressed.

I do not want to be his God, I do not want to make him sad. I want to follow God. I know God is the one who speaks to our hearts, but I know he also uses people so I don't want to miss an opportunity. I believe the best choice is to be in the word and pray, which I have been doing, but right now he and I are trying to think about what's happening.

Until I hear from God, do you guys think I should cut off communication from him? Is it okay to pray and still be with him? I will not marry him if he does not become Christian. Am I only fooling myself?

As always, please pray for me. I do not want to follow man or my own heart, but God. Pray God opens my eyes and speaks to me. Pray that I do the right thing, that I have strength. Pray for his salvation and that the little light I maybe gave to him I'm not now stomping out that light (I feel like I am now).
Pray my eyes are open and I don't look for what my itching ears want.
 
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Hi Laulaur, firstly can I congratulate and thank you for really thinking this through and for all the detail you've gone into. It's lovely that you haven't already made up your mind and come on here asking for justification.

But I'm really sorry, I don't think this is one for Talkjesus. We don't know what God's plan is for you and we've got no idea which guy He has got lined up for you. Maybe him, maybe another.

Just like they did in olden days, better introduce him to the parents, and I'm not talking of your mum and dad here but your Father in Heaven. Really ask what his will is, what does He want?

If you were to ignore God you risk upsetting the one who loves you so much He purchased you at an exorbitant price and was really pleased with the deal. That's how much He loves you, more than this guy, your family, your Christian family and friends combined. Almost as bad, if you did disrespect and ignore God and just went your own sweet way, it would likely end in tears.

If you want my opinion, in general a romantic relationship needs to be three way, not two. God needs to be at the centre, so you can pray together, share quiet times, verses and blessings together and encourage each other. All that would be missing.

If you do come to the conclusion that this is not God's plan for you, try to stay friends. He has a soul and you can be a witness to him pointing him in the right direction.

So please, any advice you get; ignore it. Pray and talk it through with God, and then stop, think and meditate, let the Holy Spirit get a word in edgeways.

Me and a whole bunch of us in Talkjesus will be praying for you.

God bless you sister x
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings @Laurlaur99

You know the answer

You are a Believer

The Bible is clear

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?
2 Corinthians 6:14
 
Active
According to the bible, just like Fragrant Grace, has said, you know, what the Bible has made clear. 1st error you dis-obeyed God’s word. Now you are a servant of sin, now you are worshipping the creature and not your creator! You are not to even have fellowship with unbelievers because our hearts are wicked and our flesh loves sin.

(Proverbs 4:23).
23Above all else, guard your heart,
for everything you do flows from it.
Sin will produce more sin and more sin will breed some more sin, Then that Sin will justify another Sin, then behold a field of Sin. a lonely heart is far better than a field of sin, that will never go away on this planet. The Truth!
 
Member
my faith will not be compromised. 2 Corinthians 6:14
Today is our 56 anniversary . If you marry this person you will be compromising your faith by your our words. I married a non believer the road has been difficult to say the least . I would not wish my road on anyone . I made a vow before God i will not break God has never broken a vow. Please dont do this
 
Active
I know you right! Just because a person have God on their lips and their names on a church roll and quote a few “scripture” if you ain’t speaking in a unknown tongue, you will be! Match up with that person if you want too! You better go over there and read Adam & Eve again. What did God say!:love:
 
Member
Thank you for all who have posted! I appreciate hearing from my brothers and sisters. Maybe I am wrong and should follow what the majority of people said — but I will continue to pray about this. Please pray for me as well. I trust Jesus will reveal what I should do and I have already told Him that even if it hurts, I will obey. Because even if I have this whole world, I have nothing if I don't have God. I'm running to you Jesus
 
Member
@Laurlaur99

Sister Reba1 is correct and the Bible has clearly revealed.

Would you pray for revelation about stealing or murder or just obey?

No, but I do find that scriptures don’t seem to always be black and white. I want to be careful because that can be dangerous territory. There was a very clear law to the Jews: “Do not break the sabbath” and Jesus “broke” it. Another point I want to make r/t black and white verses. There are plenty of verses that talk about things being unclean, later Jesus reveals it’s not what goes into the body, but what comes out of it. My point is that yes, this is a slippery slope, but there are times that something seems clear that it isn’t good, but God explains it more (unclean things) or a good thing is done instead (sabbath). I don’t want to be against God, so then why do you guys seem against me praying? If I’m blind, isn’t this a job for God? Isn’t this when prayer is needed? Shouldn’t I pray? Being in prayer is good and needed. The pharisees studied the law to the T, yet they did not understand the laws. I’m not saying that I do, that is why I’m going to God. The closer I get to Him, the more the light shines on the darkness. I realize my thinking may be flawed, but what can I do about it? If it’s a heart issue, then I need Jesus! I need prayer!

Matthew 5:16 says for your life to shine before others and Romans 12:2 says we must renew our minds and discern what is the will of God. I don’t think it hurts to pray. If I’m wrong, God will speak to me. If I’m right God will speak to me. If I’m unsure, God will speak to me. Either way, He will speak to me.

If married, we are not to divorce the unbeliever: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. I know this is slightly different, but if that verse were not there I’m sure you guys would say to divorce the person based on 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. Also, sometimes we’re called to stay in situations that don’t look the best. I’m praying to God about it because regardless if we’re together or not, I do love this man and I want to do it GOD’S WAY. Not my way, not anyone else’s way. I’ve already gotten very close to him, it would be hard to be friends at this point. I would not marry him, but I can still share God to him. I’m not sure if God wants me to do that or not.

I’ve always thought it isn’t wise to be with an unbeliever and there’s a good reason for that. I don’t know if it’s always sinful, but I believe it should be avoided. A connection is missing and a third person that should be there (God) isn’t completely. If this verse had been pointed out to me right when I started to like him I would have never initiated anything. It seems like a veil was over me, it just happened so naturally, without a lot of thought.

I’m curious what you guys believe about 1 Corinthians 14:34. Should women not talk in church? The general consensus that I’ve heard from people is that Paul is talking specifically to that church. Then who is to say what is for all believers and what is for some? I believe as Christians we have to make a choice. We need to look at context, we need to understand the background, we need to ask God for guidance and wisdom. We need to look at who Paul was speaking to or if he said it was he who said it (e.g. Paul says it’s better if we don’t marry, but says it is HE who says this, not God). We need to look at who Jesus was and what other verses say about the topic. You’d say it is wrong for me to kill someone and take their belongings, but we see instances in the OT where God says to kill and take what isn’t the Israelites (Ex: Deut. 20:14). You could say it isn’t looting or killing because everything is God’s. However, stealing is considered wrong. If someone prayed “God, may I take their things and kill them if they’re wicked?” you may say “huh?” but at least in the OT it was possible God could have said “yes”. If I had a slave right now, I could look at one verse, black and white, and beat that slave as long as they recover after a day or two (Exodus 21:20-21). I don’t think Jesus would be for that, do you?

There have been things in my life that I wasn’t convicted for right away, but I knew it was wrong. There have been times I have been convicted of things. I believe that God convicts and shares to us when we aren’t in the right.

What did Jesus teach? Jesus taught to love others. Jesus taught to be sacrificial and to follow Him. He taught us to spread the news to unbelievers. He befriended sinners; he ate with them. He supposedly “broke” laws. Yet, he did good and none could deny that. I will not marry this man if he isn’t a Christian, but I will take every opportunity while I’m with him to pray with him, tell him about Jesus and show him who Jesus is. If that is not God’s will, then I won’t. You may say, “what’s the point?” and of course we should not date for the sole purpose of converting. My thought, however, is that we’ve already gotten very close. We’ve already formed bonds. Just as it is wrong for someone who is married to divorce, I think it would be wrong to leave now, at least without consulting God. A bond you form with someone is not just a piece of paper…Wrong or rightfully so, I have given him my heart and he has given me his. This situation is delicate, so yes, I will pray to God about what he wants me to do about it.
 
Moderator
Staff Member
A Christian friend shared with me 2 Corinthians 6:14. I have been praying for this man and us since the beginning and even after my friend shared this verse with me I did not think that it meant it was a sin. My sister has told me she thinks it is and I look up to her. This has led me to wanting to seek God harder— I know emotion can get into the way of things and cloud judgement. I pray daily that God opens and closes the doors that need to be. I pray for wisdom and for his salvation — regardless of our relationship
Greetings @Laurlaur99

In your posts you say you are seeking the Lord in prayer for guidance as to what you should do about your relationship with an unsaved man.

I think the Lord has worked through people to tell you the answer.
Your friend and your sister as stated in your quote above.

Plus sisters in Christ here.

It's easy to candy coat worldly love and lust because it seems so beautiful and innocent. As our sister @Sue D. says:

When our heart seems to be leading us in a certain direction -- it's easy to rationalize.
 
Active
No, but I do find that scriptures don’t seem to always be black and white. I want to be careful because that can be dangerous territory. There was a very clear law to the Jews: “Do not break the sabbath” and Jesus “broke” it. Another point I want to make r/t black and white verses. There are plenty of verses that talk about things being unclean, later Jesus reveals it’s not what goes into the body, but what comes out of it. My point is that yes, this is a slippery slope, but there are times that something seems clear that it isn’t good, but God explains it more (unclean things) or a good thing is done instead (sabbath). I don’t want to be against God, so then why do you guys seem against me praying? If I’m blind, isn’t this a job for God? Isn’t this when prayer is needed? Shouldn’t I pray? Being in prayer is good and needed. The pharisees studied the law to the T, yet they did not understand the laws. I’m not saying that I do, that is why I’m going to God. The closer I get to Him, the more the light shines on the darkness. I realize my thinking may be flawed, but what can I do about it? If it’s a heart issue, then I need Jesus! I need prayer!

Matthew 5:16 says for your life to shine before others and Romans 12:2 says we must renew our minds and discern what is the will of God. I don’t think it hurts to pray. If I’m wrong, God will speak to me. If I’m right God will speak to me. If I’m unsure, God will speak to me. Either way, He will speak to me.

If married, we are not to divorce the unbeliever: 1 Corinthians 7:12-16. I know this is slightly different, but if that verse were not there I’m sure you guys would say to divorce the person based on 2 Corinthians 6:14-16. Also, sometimes we’re called to stay in situations that don’t look the best. I’m praying to God about it because regardless if we’re together or not, I do love this man and I want to do it GOD’S WAY. Not my way, not anyone else’s way. I’ve already gotten very close to him, it would be hard to be friends at this point. I would not marry him, but I can still share God to him. I’m not sure if God wants me to do that or not.

I’ve always thought it isn’t wise to be with an unbeliever and there’s a good reason for that. I don’t know if it’s always sinful, but I believe it should be avoided. A connection is missing and a third person that should be there (God) isn’t completely. If this verse had been pointed out to me right when I started to like him I would have never initiated anything. It seems like a veil was over me, it just happened so naturally, without a lot of thought.

I’m curious what you guys believe about 1 Corinthians 14:34. Should women not talk in church? The general consensus that I’ve heard from people is that Paul is talking specifically to that church. Then who is to say what is for all believers and what is for some? I believe as Christians we have to make a choice. We need to look at context, we need to understand the background, we need to ask God for guidance and wisdom. We need to look at who Paul was speaking to or if he said it was he who said it (e.g. Paul says it’s better if we don’t marry, but says it is HE who says this, not God). We need to look at who Jesus was and what other verses say about the topic. You’d say it is wrong for me to kill someone and take their belongings, but we see instances in the OT where God says to kill and take what isn’t the Israelites (Ex: Deut. 20:14). You could say it isn’t looting or killing because everything is God’s. However, stealing is considered wrong. If someone prayed “God, may I take their things and kill them if they’re wicked?” you may say “huh?” but at least in the OT it was possible God could have said “yes”. If I had a slave right now, I could look at one verse, black and white, and beat that slave as long as they recover after a day or two (Exodus 21:20-21). I don’t think Jesus would be for that, do you?

There have been things in my life that I wasn’t convicted for right away, but I knew it was wrong. There have been times I have been convicted of things. I believe that God convicts and shares to us when we aren’t in the right.

What did Jesus teach? Jesus taught to love others. Jesus taught to be sacrificial and to follow Him. He taught us to spread the news to unbelievers. He befriended sinners; he ate with them. He supposedly “broke” laws. Yet, he did good and none could deny that. I will not marry this man if he isn’t a Christian, but I will take every opportunity while I’m with him to pray with him, tell him about Jesus and show him who Jesus is. If that is not God’s will, then I won’t. You may say, “what’s the point?” and of course we should not date for the sole purpose of converting. My thought, however, is that we’ve already gotten very close. We’ve already formed bonds. Just as it is wrong for someone who is married to divorce, I think it would be wrong to leave now, at least without consulting God. A bond you form with someone is not just a piece of paper…Wrong or rightfully so, I have given him my heart and he has given me his. This situation is delicate, so yes, I will pray to God about what he wants me to do about it.
Hi Laurlaur, it's me again. Just checked in to see how the decision process was coming along. From what I could see, correct me if I'm wrong, you seem to be looking for loopholes in the Bible's advice which you yourself quoted in your OP and others have added supporting passages. Can I add another one? Deuteronomy 7:3 Before you say that it's Old Testament so it doesn't apply, it's still God's will for His people and you disregard it at your risk. I don't mean to be judgemental but you're sounding a bit like Saul, read 1 Samuel 15:20-23.

But that said, I'm not saying no: I'm saying seek God's will with an open obedient heart and mind. My cousin who's a believer met a guy in uni went on a date, 2nd date she took him to church and he loved it and gave his heart to God. Later they married and are still together, practising and believing Christians. That though is the exception rather than the rule and proves nothing.

My view on your OP is that I doubt you have God's approval. BF's listened to your testimony, you've told him what God means to you, guessing he's been to church with you, but still doesn't think it's for him and hasn't accepted Jesus for himself. Guessing he 'respects your faith' but not convinced it's for him. But that's my view, it may or may not be God's view. If you don't and you just do what you want to do, then you're disrespecting and disobeying Him and you've read what God thinks of that.

So yes, seek God's will with an open and obedient heart. I think He'll tell you He's got bigger, better plans for you - but what do I know? Best speak to the man Himself.
 
Member
You’re not married and you’ve made it abundantly clear that you don’t want to marry an unbeliever, so I don’t see any reason to break off the current relationship you have now. The verse highlights being unevenly yoked in the context of marriage, not friendship or even, shall I say it, casual dating. And it sounds like he may even be interested in Christianity, and that’s a start.
I don’t believe you should break it off, not while you’re making such an impact on his life, and while he’s obviously making you happy.
 
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