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Counselling forgiveness and mercy

Have a friend that shared an issue with me but would like some biblical wisdom on.

My friends mum is a widow and her brother (who is single) stays home to look after his mum. The daughter visits her mum once a week to take her mum out, give her brother a breather, as the mum is housebound, and isnt really too active, needs a wheelchair and in her 80s.

Her brother isnt talking to her now because she went away on holiday with her family (shes married with three children) and they are retired and always going away on holiday. The brother got sick while she was away and was mad at her cos she wasnt there to take mum out, and complained he never had a holiday cos he always had to look after mum.

Well, she couldnt help going away at that time as was all planned and couldnt forsee her brother would be sick, but on the other hand I could understand why her brother didnt want to talk to her cos she is always going away on holidays with her husband that are quite expensive and he never has one. Not one.

So I said well give your brother a break and go look after your mum for a week, so says no thats never going to happen as she doesnt want to live at home again. Not even for just a week. She said if her mum wants to she can stay at her place but her mum doesnt want to. So her brother is never going to have a holiday, ever, apart from the one day in the week when the sister visits her mum.

Ok, something isnt right here can you discern what it is...should the brother forgive the sister for always going away on holiday and not looking after her mum while he never has one? Or is it the mum at fault for being so needy and not wanting to stay with the daughter when there is room, or is the daughter being unmerciful?

Well they arent speaking to each other, I dont know the son, hes not a believer but the daughter is.
Staff Member

Rather than trying to discern the rights and wrongs in this complex family situation.....why not lift them to the Lord in prayer trusting Him who knows all things.

Rejoice evermore.
Pray without ceasing.
In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.
Quench not the Spirit.
Despise not prophesyings.
Prove all things; hold fast that which is good.
Abstain from all appearance of evil.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-22
1 Timothy 5:8
But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

I can tell you taking care of your elderly parents is one the greatest privileges the lord gives us, and sometime people do not realize it until its to late.

taking care of elderly widows is a great opportunity to please the Lord

1 Timothy 5:3-6
Honor widows who are truly widows. But if a widow has children or grandchildren, let them first learn to show godliness to their own household and to make some return to their parents, for this is pleasing in the sight of God. She who is truly a widow, left all alone, has set her hope on God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day, but she who is

Ok I will pray for that situation. I am not a counsellor but this disturbs me when I hear stuff like this.

My bible does not say grandchildren it says nephews. This widow has great granchild but he is only 2. He cant look after her! I dont know if she has any nephews, she an immigrant so left her family behind, and had three children, two sons and a daughter, i think the other son is overseas. Maybe its on the other son to look after her. Or maybe her three granchildren can step up, two are living here and one overseas.

Its not really on the daughter is it because shes married?

Lord please sort this family out, the brother needs a holiday, maybe her grandson can step up, if only for week. He's married though, so she will get to meet her grandaughter in law.

It seems to me if the mother is prepared to travel overseas to spend a week with her daughter, she could travel across town to spend one week with her mum. Although it would be a live in situation, still...her daugher sometimes does the same with her mum, comes from overseas and stays at her house. Sometimes with her husband and sometimes without. Just cos her mum in a wheelchair doesnt mean its going to be harder, I suppose its quality time.

I can see why her brother is mad at her but she cant see it. Overseas trips costs thousands of dollars but what price your mother?

If i were the brother maybe if the sister doesnt want to I would look into hiring some home help. Thats what many people do these days cos relatives are not willing to step up. Its like daycare for parents. Personally I think daycare is a terrible money making scheme.

It can be exhausting caring for someone all the time. But since dont know the brother I cant assume hes doing out of goodness of own heart, I hope he is...maybe we can only have holidays once a week. When look back on my childhood I can't recall my parents ever taking a holiday from children. We only ever had two family holidays in the whole time I was growing up.

The thing is, this friend takes holidays whenever cos her husband is very wealthy I lost count of how many trips she takes a year. Anyway. Will pray as this gives me a headache. She seems ok with her brother not talking to her though. I would be going 'forgive me' but shes not me.
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