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Hello,
I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.
My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.
I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.
I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.
Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.
I'm new here. I wanted to find a Christian platform to learn and strengthen my faith. This site showed up so I hope it is what I am looking for. I am a Christian woman who loved God and his word and went to church nearly all her life. I grew up in a baptist household, read the bible, and studied it for many years. I have a degree in Christian theology and a Bachelor of Fine Arts in Photography. I run a small studio here in my city and God blessed me with success and creativity.
My family are Christians who attend church regularly. I am one of three children and my father is a pastor. I was lost and came back to God just this year. So praise the lord. He is so great! I was a Christian, then I was not, then I came back to the faith, then I walked away, and now I am a Christian again. I struggled with addiction, depression, and same-sex attraction for a long time. I kept the same-sex attraction locked away, because I’ve always known that being gay is against God’s will. My family did not give me a chance to express it or discuss it. When I was 14, I noticed my attraction to girls and boys alike. I use the term “bi-sexual” these days, even though I avoid it, because I am not sure that is the best way to put it. I remember telling my mother about it during high school and she slapped me because I mentioned that I could be gay. I decided to not bring this subject ever again, but it left a hole in my heart, and being scared of talking about it did not help much. I prayed many times about it because I hated it. I read many stories about Christians who changed and became straight, but God did not change my nature.
I came out of the closet in a way that shocked a lot of people in my family after marrying a woman. I thought I was going to find a way to compromise. My parents said that I am an abomination and a disgrace to the family and then we were not talking for a long time. I walked away from the Christian faith because I felt rejected by everyone around me. I was very angry with God. I know my anger should have been directed at my sin, and not God, but Satan had the best of me. My marriage did not last long but It made me feel very empty after it ended. It is like I did not exist anymore. That is when I turned to drugs and I was jumping from a bad relationship to another. I was clinging to same-sex relationships from time to time, and it was difficult to maintain a Christian identity. After that I met my boyfriend and I felt settled in this relationship, perhaps because we had a child together. My life was stable then another crisis occurred. Because of my addiction, I got in trouble with the law. I was locked up for about 3 weeks but it really felt like the end of the world. I was worried about my daughter. I was feeling very guilty about it and I just remembered the things my mother used to tell me how I’m going to be horrible mother ...etc... I was moved to a psychiatric hospital after a suicide attempt. Finally, I started reading the bible, praying, and I asked God to forgive me. After nearly long 6 months I was released from the hospital. I think I understand better about myself now. I was diagnosed with a Borderline personality disorder. My doctor said this can trigger sexual relationship disorders in some patients. I know God will take care of me. I had horrific days in the hospital, I insulted the nurses, threatened to harm people, refused to take my meds, and I was forced some needles. I was very paranoid kitty I think lol. It was a mess and not me at all. I thank God for my recovery.
I do not attend any church now, because of the lockdown, but I listen to Christian music and sermons online. This is not going to be easy for me because of my current situation with my boyfriend who is not a Christian. If it was not for our child, I may think about leaving, but he did not give me any reason to do so. I keep praying for him.
Well. I hope to make some friends on these forums. I expect myself to work next week or next month. I'm very very happy about getting my life back together. Please, keep me in your prayers.
