I really hope someone can take the time to read this message. In the beginning of the year I was going to church and was heavily involved in church. I was with my church family everyday of the week. I decided to write a list of qualities I wanted in my future husband to have and prayed over it with my pastors. Little did I know that in the coming months I would meet him. One day out of a spir of the moment decision I decided to move cross country from NYC to LA, I took a bus ride there and saw crosses my entire trip there and even prayed with people I was so on fire for God. That no one could tell me nothing. In a few short weeks I ended up meeting someone that I didn't think I would ever meet, the guy of my dreams. We clicked instantly and had something that I knew was real because we spoke about it on so many occasions. We hung got to know each other and god revealed to me he was the one I have been waiting for. However out of impatience I rushed things and wanted so much to be in a relationship with this man that I pushed him and he started to feel uncomfortable. But he started telling me he has been having prOblems with his ex. And they begin to become big problems. I started praying that god heals the guy I'm talking to and heals his ex. I know that prayer works but somehow being in LA I have developed a sense of doubt and uncertainty and lack of faith and started going back to old behavior that I used to do. Such as lying, I lied about two major things in the same week and than when I really needed him the most he wasn't there. I found out I was pregnant and the baby is his and he didn't believe me up until I sent him a sonogram. Which is my fault because I lied, we were talking about fixing our relationship and making it work and working on our trust issues, No I am not okay I found out that I was pregnant two weeks ago, and at first Jared didn't believe until I should him a sonogram of the baby. He of course didn't want the baby so we would argue back and forth about it. From his point of view I understood where he was coming from. But here we are two weeks later after we said everything is going to be okay, we are going to work on fixing us and get through this together as a team. I was about to do an abortion but instead found out that I had a miscarriage. i told Jared this and he asked for me to do a pregnancy test to confirm that this is true. I did and it came back negative why he would even have me do that I have no idea and instead of taking 5 steps forward we have taken 20 steps back because he's doing that thing again where he's like I don't want to talk right now maybe later thing being mad selfish I asked him if he was mad at me he said no, I asked him what was on his mind he said he has a a lot to think about and when I asked him why and what he said cause he does i asked him what happens now he said everything goes back to the way it was but it doesn't seem like that I asked him if we could talk he said no right now. If this is how he's being and I had a miscarriage how was he going to be if I went through the abortion either way I was going to need support. And now he's not answering my phone calls or text messages. I need answers as to what to do and j don't want to lose him out of my life I'm lost and confused about his actions and just want to know he is okay and for god to step in and repair our trust in each other and repair our relationship. I know that god can do all things even when they seem hopeless.