Brian's ex-best friend

D

diana31483

Member
This was a year ago that I went over his friends house to hang out as friends and he found out that we almost had an affair and I told him nothing happened and I still love you and I am sorry and all he does is bring it up what should I do? I tell him to forgive me and accept my apology; but it seems not to be enough. Please give me some pray on that; thank you!
 
Will pray for you Diana. I hope your marriage/relationship pulls through. Just repent of your sins to Jesus. He will pull you through. I wanted to reply to this thread a while ago, but I wasn't sure what to say. We all make mistakes in life, we shouldn't go on making them if we can help it, but time really does heal wounds.

I will pray for you today and I hope you will feel better soon.

teraside
 
I will pray for your resolution, healing and his forgiving you. Keep your faith. I'm surprised he hasn't forgiven you almost one year later, that's pretty rough but we reap what we sow. Just give it to Jesus and let it be with Him.
 
I would tell him that you really do understand his pain and hurt and feelings of rejection. It is a little unreal to expect him just to forgive and forget without some type of resolution. Do more than ask him to forgive and forget. Let him understand that you truly understand his feelings. Then tell him that all you know to do is for both of you to begin to move in forgiveness. Tell him how that was just some kind of foolishness and you do not intend to ever put yourself in such a situation again. And whatever you do NEVER flirt or act out around men. When he says something bringing up the past say "I understand how deeply it must pain you"...............UNDERSTAND him as you are requiring him to understand you. He needs your help in letting it go. It saddens me that people expect those who are deeply hurt just to move on without receiving the healing they need. And you are the one to minister to his wounds..........May you be blessed as you love your husband.
 
I've been in a twelve step recovery program for quite a few years and one thing has become pretty obvious to me:people who have issues of their trust being violated do not heal quickly, even when they do decide to forgive.
In Brian's case he hasn't got just one loss of trust issue to deal with, but two. He's lost trust in you AND in his former best friend. Those are heavy, heavy issues to deal with
You say that you tell him you love him. Brian remembers you telling him that many times before. But to him, those expressions of love have been sullied and they aren't going to mean much for a long time (longer than a year).
You need counselling to uncover and deal with why you almost jumped in bed with this other guy. That would do more to heal the relationship than constantly telling Brian you love him.
SLE
 
SpiritLedEd said:
I've been in a twelve step recovery program for quite a few years and one thing has become pretty obvious to me:people who have issues of their trust being violated do not heal quickly, even when they do decide to forgive.
In Brian's case he hasn't got just one loss of trust issue to deal with, but two. He's lost trust in you AND in his former best friend. Those are heavy, heavy issues to deal with
You say that you tell him you love him. Brian remembers you telling him that many times before. But to him, those expressions of love have been sullied and they aren't going to mean much for a long time (longer than a year).
You need counselling to uncover and deal with why you almost jumped in bed with this other guy. That would do more to heal the relationship than constantly telling Brian you love him.
SLE
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Very good advice SLE, many people confuse trust with forgiveness. Those of us who are born again, as God's children are commanded to forgive others but we are not commanded to trust others. When someone violates the trust of another it can be very difficult to rebuild that trust. It takes lots of patience, gentleness, longsuffering and most importantly self discipline (temperance), these are all qualities of true love according to 1Corinthians 13.

Diana 31483, are you and Brian married yet? Live your life in the way that makes God happy and you will see change in Brian.
 
I've been on the side that Brian is on, and it isn't pretty. It hurts. Don't take his hurt so lightly. There are consequences for actions and for what comes out of our mouths. Healing takes time. Trust is built slowly and with respect and care.
 
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