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Beyond Hot: Marriage and Sex - August 22, 2007
Phil Wagler, a pastor in Zurich, Ontario, wrote a recent column with an attention-getting title, "Sex in the Pews." I wondered if it was going to be about yet another priest/pastor sex scandal.
No, it was a different outrage he was decrying: two TV commercials pushing condoms and other sex products in the most casual, humorous way, and of course marriage is not in the picture at all in the commercials. In one, real literal pigs turn into "men" attractive to women when they buy a condom from a restroom vending machine. In the other, a suitor slips a small box across the table to his girlfriend at a restaurant, but it contains not a ring but a sex toy (see "Sex in the Pews," Canadian Mennonite, July 9, 2007 Canadian Mennonite ).
Wagler says that what we see in TV commercials often reflects current culture and also shapes it, and that today's generation of young people "are not only extremely flippant and even dangerously casual about sex, but, even more disturbing, completely ignorant of what it means to be women and men." He says that it is time for churches to talk about sexuality--not just the moral questions, but to propose an alternate vision for what the committed marriage relationship and sex is all about. "We have allowed the beautiful divine gift of sex to be seductively defined by pop culture..."
Divine gift? Yes, remember sex was God's idea. We could have reproduced without the gift of sex.
Do our young people think that all it takes to become a man is a condom? The thrill of a quick hookup with someone who makes us "hot" is a far cry from the joy of reconnecting with your spouse of 25 or more years who has been there as a bulwark for you through diarrhea-ed diapers, or the grief after loss of parents or siblings.
Today's casual ideas about sex lead to relaxed ideas about marriage. It is one thing to believe marriage is important for healthy ongoing relationships, and quite another to actually put those beliefs into practice. As pastor/author/counselor, (and personal friend) Harvey Yoder points out in his first book, Lasting Marriage: The Owner's Manual, (Herald Press, 2007, MennoMedia Store) we often give our cars more maintenance than we do our marriages. Each new vehicle comes with a very thorough list of maintenance checks that are recommended for 10,000, 20,000, 30,000 (and so on) miles or kilometers. If cars failed completely after one or two years as many marriages do, imagine how quickly manufacturers would try to figure out why. Couples spend more time (and money!) planning weddings than thinking through and planning for life together after the wedding.
Harvey's chapter titles offer tips for how to maintain a good marriage: Take time to work, pray and play together; take responsibility for your own behavior and happiness; lecture less, listen more; conflict is inevitable, combat is optional; seek help before difficulties become crises. The book contains a number of appendices with helpful tips, charts, and discussion items for engaged couples.
Parents preach wordless sermons to their kids on the importance and sanctity of marriage in the way they treat each other. Do I treat my partner with respect and dignity? Do I put his or her needs and interests before mine? Do we act like we enjoy each other--taking time to go on dates and just-couple trips? Sometimes we have to put words to our actions as well, as Wagler mentions in my opening illustration. Talk back to commercials that cheapen or ignore the marriage relationship. Talk with kids about why the lifestyle portrayed is less than what God intended. It may be too late once they reach late teenage or early adulthood, but impressionable children need to hear why marriage can be much more than a fling with the latest hottie.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
Phil Wagler, a pastor in Zurich, Ontario, wrote a recent column with an attention-getting title, "Sex in the Pews." I wondered if it was going to be about yet another priest/pastor sex scandal.
No, it was a different outrage he was decrying: two TV commercials pushing condoms and other sex products in the most casual, humorous way, and of course marriage is not in the picture at all in the commercials. In one, real literal pigs turn into "men" attractive to women when they buy a condom from a restroom vending machine. In the other, a suitor slips a small box across the table to his girlfriend at a restaurant, but it contains not a ring but a sex toy (see "Sex in the Pews," Canadian Mennonite, July 9, 2007 Canadian Mennonite ).
Wagler says that what we see in TV commercials often reflects current culture and also shapes it, and that today's generation of young people "are not only extremely flippant and even dangerously casual about sex, but, even more disturbing, completely ignorant of what it means to be women and men." He says that it is time for churches to talk about sexuality--not just the moral questions, but to propose an alternate vision for what the committed marriage relationship and sex is all about. "We have allowed the beautiful divine gift of sex to be seductively defined by pop culture..."
Divine gift? Yes, remember sex was God's idea. We could have reproduced without the gift of sex.
Do our young people think that all it takes to become a man is a condom? The thrill of a quick hookup with someone who makes us "hot" is a far cry from the joy of reconnecting with your spouse of 25 or more years who has been there as a bulwark for you through diarrhea-ed diapers, or the grief after loss of parents or siblings.
Today's casual ideas about sex lead to relaxed ideas about marriage. It is one thing to believe marriage is important for healthy ongoing relationships, and quite another to actually put those beliefs into practice. As pastor/author/counselor, (and personal friend) Harvey Yoder points out in his first book, Lasting Marriage: The Owner's Manual, (Herald Press, 2007, MennoMedia Store) we often give our cars more maintenance than we do our marriages. Each new vehicle comes with a very thorough list of maintenance checks that are recommended for 10,000, 20,000, 30,000 (and so on) miles or kilometers. If cars failed completely after one or two years as many marriages do, imagine how quickly manufacturers would try to figure out why. Couples spend more time (and money!) planning weddings than thinking through and planning for life together after the wedding.
Harvey's chapter titles offer tips for how to maintain a good marriage: Take time to work, pray and play together; take responsibility for your own behavior and happiness; lecture less, listen more; conflict is inevitable, combat is optional; seek help before difficulties become crises. The book contains a number of appendices with helpful tips, charts, and discussion items for engaged couples.
Parents preach wordless sermons to their kids on the importance and sanctity of marriage in the way they treat each other. Do I treat my partner with respect and dignity? Do I put his or her needs and interests before mine? Do we act like we enjoy each other--taking time to go on dates and just-couple trips? Sometimes we have to put words to our actions as well, as Wagler mentions in my opening illustration. Talk back to commercials that cheapen or ignore the marriage relationship. Talk with kids about why the lifestyle portrayed is less than what God intended. It may be too late once they reach late teenage or early adulthood, but impressionable children need to hear why marriage can be much more than a fling with the latest hottie.
Contributed by Melodie Davis: [email protected] Melodie is the author of eight books and writes a syndicated newspaper column, Another Way
