Can somebody help me! Today, you would not be proud to have me as a member of this site. How can I be in the spirit one moment and the next allow dh to get me to the point where I'm slamming doors and shouting just like he is? And the worst part about it is that he called me the "b" word! Then I really lost it. I just sang praise and worship last night. I'm a bit over weight so one of his final cutting comments was that I didn't need church but that I needed a gym. Needless to say that I have struggled with my weight all of my life so I really needed that....not! I am so tired of being cursed at, treated mean with no respect, every single day. For the last few days I have really been trying to just submit and be quiet and God knows I have been doing just that....not even talking back, but today I just lost it! Everytime it seems that I get a few steps up, an incident will happen to push me way back down again. I'm just so tired of the way he treats me, then when I pack my stuff he says how much he needs me and loves me. Is that whack or what? Love, to me doesn't act like that. How could he treat his wife like this? I know he's not saved, but what about common decency or is that not reality. He even calls me a fake Christian because I react when I get to the boiling point. I beg to differ with anyone...it's because of Christ that I haven't walked by now. I want to please God so much, but I'm blowing it big time. I know that my blow-ups are no surprise to a God who knew me and my ending before I was even created, but why does it have to be like this? I'm reading books, joining support groups like these, I'm active in church....I'm really trying, but who could walk one hour in my shoes? It's a hurting feeling that the only place I receive love, affection, attention, joy and the like is at church. My job ***** right now so no joy there. There is very little peace in my home, so no joy there...no love affection...right now I don't even feel any love for my husband at all! In fact, I told him I hated him! God heard me so there's no use in lying to you all about it. I'm just really down right now. I never thought my husband would turn out like this. What do I do? How do I go on? I'm really low...no power. I'm pathetic and I will understand if the owner rejects my membership from this group cause I know we're supposed to be working towards winning our spouses, but this is toooooo hard for me.