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Are young marriages the solution to sexual immorality among teens and young adults?

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Are young marriages the solution to sexual immorality among teens and young adults?

  • Yes, it is a good moral alternative to abstinence.

    Votes: 10 25.6%
  • No, they should just keep practicing abstinence until they are much older.

    Votes: 29 74.4%

  • Total voters
    39
Member
I am a Christian and like all Christians, I believe in the Bible teaching of abstinence before marriage and monogamy within marriage. However, like some Christians, I believe there is a major problem with the abstinence teaching. The problem is that teens and young adults are told that they are not ready to marry until they are much older; around the ages of 25-30. If you tell them that they should only have sex until marriage, and that they should practice abstinence for 10, 15 or more years before they can marry, many of them will not even bother to wait. It is for this reason that I advocate making the marriage option available to teens and young adults ages 16 and over with a period of mandatory premarital counseling and preparation to help prevent divorce. This option is practiced in a lot of foreign countries and meets Biblical principles.

The Bible verses that I use to justify this are these:

1 Cor. 7:1-2 (NKJV) says, "Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman, Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and each woman have her own husband."

1 Cor. 7:8-9 (NKJV) says, "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion."

Here is what an anonymous former youth pastor has to say on the subject that I saw on another message board:

I used to be a youth pastor in a large church, and I will tell you why abstinence programs do not work: because God (or if you prefer, Nature) made the human body to reproduce beginning in the teenage years. Around 16 is the healthiest time physically to have a baby; that's also when the hormones telling teenagers to go forth and multiply kick in really hard. To tell a teenager to suppress his or her God-given urges and not have sex till marriage and not get married until they're 25 or 30 is not only utterly unrealistic, it violates the very law that God has put in their hearts.


The church that I was in had the good sense to recognize this and actively promoted young marriages. If a young couple appeared to be getting serious about one another, they were invited to explore their relationship with their parents and the pastors. There was a special 8-week premarital class, and the church made it clear that parents were still expected to help support their married kids while they graduated from high school or college, learned a trade or started a business. Most teen couples continue to live with one set of parents or the other until they could be in financial shape to buy a house, with the parents expected to put up the down payment. And of course having parents around is built-in free child care and marriage counseling.

I'm very happy to say that this program works. I saw probably 10 or 12 teen marriages while I was with this church and only one of them has ended up in divorce. It's amazing what happens when you do things God's way.



I would be interested in reading what the rest of you have to say on this subject. Please vote in the poll.
 
Member
I can see the points of view from both sides, but i'm not so sure what which one is right. But I think that getting married in your teens is not right, because they may realise after a while that the person that they are married to are not what their first thought they were like. I think that 16 is very young to get married! Maybe, like you said with the counselling and the preparation, they may see what they are getting themselves into, giving them time to pray and seek God's guidance. Well that's my two cents! Sorry I couldn't be of much help! God bless!
 
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Staff Member
I believe in the Scripture you quoted 1 Cor 7:8-9. This is the plain truth, especially nowadays where lust is in the there like the air is in the air itself. So long as both man and woman are believers of GOD and assuming they pray for discnerment and guidance by the Holy Spirit to do what is the Father's will, then I see no problem in this.

I am 25 yrs old, I will marry soon and I am more than 100% postivie that she is the chosen one that the Father selected for me long ago. Abstinence is difficult but again, not too difficult if you truly love GOD and repent of your sins. I have been in control for many years praise GOD. He taught me well, disciplined me with His Word of Wisdom.

I think the first step is seeking GOD's Word, His Truth. You need that for every aspect of your life not just regarding sex and self control.

Psalm 51:6

Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.

Ephesians 1:17

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.

James 1:5

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.
 
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Member
Thank you Chad. There are not many Christians who agree with this; even though it meet Biblical principles. I guess they are uncomfortable with the idea.

Current laws in both the U.S. and Canada allow an early marriage at 16+ with parent's permission. I hope that this option becomes more popular because I'm sure there are a lot of Christian boyfriends and girlfriends who want to obey God, but are struggling with abstinence. I also don't think it's a good idea to teach teens that sex outside of marriage is wrong, when the marriage option is not available to them. Oh, I forgot to mention that the premarital counseling would involve not only the young couple, but it would also involve both of the parents and the Christian religious leader of their church.

I agree that it would be better if such a couple waited, but if they are not able to, then it would be a good idea to consider the early marriage option; especially if they have been together for at least 2 years.
 
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Your profile says your single and 36yrs old. So what are you waiting for?

Around 16 is the healthiest time physically to have a baby; that's also when the hormones telling teenagers to go forth and multiply kick in really hard. To tell a teenager to suppress his or her God-given urges and not have sex till marriage and not get married until they're 25 or 30 is not only utterly unrealistic, it violates the very law that God has put in their hearts


Current laws in both the U.S. and Canada allow an early marriage at 16+ with parent's permission
Laws? Parents permission? No. GOD's will not parents permission or "hormones kicking in". Just because they "kick in" is NOT a sign that its time to get married. Back up your comment with Scripture before you jump to conclusions.
 
Member
Chad said:
Your profile says your single and 36yrs old. So what are you waiting for?

[/i]



Laws? Parents permission? No. GOD's will not parents permission or "hormones kicking in". Just because they "kick in" is NOT a sign that its time to get married. Back up your comment with Scripture before you jump to conclusions.
The part about the "hormones kicking in" was a quote from the former youth pastor, not me, but the scripture I quoted should still apply here. He was part of a church that promoted young marriages. Have you changed your mind on the issue?

I'm able to wait, but not every is able to do this.

I mentioned the current laws and parent's permission just to show that it is possible to impliment this decision. If I didn't mention it, then some people might think that our laws might not allow it when in fact, it does.
 
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Jemdude said:
I'm able to wait, but not every is able to do this.
Wrong. GOD gave everyone the ability to sustain themselves and repent of sin through Jesus Christ. Every person has the will and freedom to choose GODliness or not. We have full authority over tempations through the name and blood of Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 6:10-12

"A final word: Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms."
 
Member
Chad said:
Wrong. GOD gave everyone the ability to sustain themselves and repent of sin through Jesus Christ. Every person has the will and freedom to choose GODliness or not. We have full authority over tempations through the name and blood of Jesus Christ.

Ephesians 6:10-12

"A final word: Be strong with the Lord’s mighty power. Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies and tricks of the Devil. For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms."
There are two ways to deal with sexual temptation. One is to resist sexual temptation and the other is to provide a moral acceptable outlet for it in the form of marriage. I don't see why you are arguing with me since I thought we were in agreement before.
 
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Staff Member
Where is the argument? I did not agree with you. I agreed and agree with Scripture. That is not an argument. The Word of GOD is Authority. Plain and simple.

The Word has been spoken and is clear before your eyes. 16yrs old getting married in our day and age is ridiculous and stupid. See research on statistics of divorce rates, especially that range 16-21. Hold your breath when you do.
 
Member
Chad said:
Where is the argument? I did not agree with you. I agreed and agree with Scripture. That is not an argument. The Word of GOD is Authority. Plain and simple.

The Word has been spoken and is clear before your eyes. 16yrs old getting married in our day and age is ridiculous and stupid. See research on statistics of divorce rates, especially that range 16-21. Hold your breath when you do.
You are confusing me Chad. Do you not agree with 1 Cor. 7:8-9 earlier?
 
Member
I agree that feelings alone should not be a reason for getting married. I just think that the early marriage option would be good to use within the Christian community for young Christian couples that are struggling to wait for the appropriate time, but do not want to have sex outside of marriage. This type of thing happens in the church as well as in the world. Paul is the one that said that it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Some people here have forgotten that I did mention premarital counseling involving the young couple, both of their parents and their Christian religious leader (paster, minister, bishop, etc.). This would help them to prepare them for marriage, show them the serious nature of marriage, and help to prevent divorce. The former youth paster whose church advocated young marriages also said that he saw several young marriages and only one of them ended in divorce.

Paul used both abstinence and marriage when he dealt with sexual immorality within the church. Couldn't the same plan be used in today's society?
 
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Member
I agree that marriages amungst young people is a very good thing. I have been part of the thought that one should wait until they are graduated from college and have a steady job to get married. For me it did not work. During those years at the end of high school and following, the need within me to have a woman was too distracting for me to be at all successful or stable in the other areas of my life. Oh, how I wish I was with my high school sweetheart right now!!!
Just a few months ago, at 27, I arrived at my first duty station in the military. I still did not have a solid career, but I had to find a woman to keep myself stable. I went to the club and just picked one, and now I asked her to marry me.
How much better if I could have done this right ten years ago! LORD GOD what terrible things I have been through!


Very Respectfully,
Thunderbird
 
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How about these also?

16yrs old married but not living together, because your young, naive and living with mommy and daddy.

16yrs old going to high school can you control your lust there while your now married?

Parents permission to get married? Are you serious? Clearly the 16yr old person is too naive to decide on their own if they should get married or not.

Marriage is more than just sex and its burning desire for sex with a person. Don't be ridiciulous and use wise judgment according to SCRIPTURE / GOD's Word instead of "man's wisdom".
 
Member
Angel's Touch said:
Saying that getting married at 16+ with parents permission (better to marry than to burn with passion) Is this what we should teach young adults. If passion and lust are an issue than get married? How can one be ready for marriage (even with your sugested premartial counseling) when one can not control passion and lust.
chad said:
How about these also?

16yrs old married but not living together, because your young, naive and living with mommy and daddy.

16yrs old going to high school can you control your lust there while your now married?

Parents permission to get married? Are you serious? Clearly the 16yr old person is too naive to decide on their own if they should get married or not.

Marriage is more than just sex and its burning desire for sex with a person. Don't be ridiciulous and use wise judgment according to SCRIPTURE / GOD's Word instead of "man's wisdom".
Fornication is a major problem both within the Church and in the world. As I said before, there are 2 ways out of sexual tempation. One is to resist the sexual tempation and the other is to provide a morally acceptable outlet for the temptation. Since not everybody is able to resist sexual tempation, it is important to make the marriage option available to these people. As shown in previous quoted scripture, this is in line with Biblical principles. The abstinence only method that is the mainstream way of trying to deal with these situations doesn't work in every situation. Fortunately, the Bible provides the marriage alternative.

Remember, this is not my own idea but a Bible principle. Also, forbidding marriage will not necesarly prevent sex from happening, but will only decide whether it takes place within marriage or outside of marriage. Young Christian people should be given the early marriage option if their situation warrents it.
 
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Your idea of what you think the Bible says what is and what is not for marriage is wrong. Let me explain. 16 yrs old getting married because a burning desire for sex? That's stupid plain and simple. Marriage is NOT based on sex and marriage is not decided by feelings and passion burning desires in your heart!

Sex should NOT be an issue if you can't control it then how can you be mature enough to handle marriage? That's plain stupid. GOD decides who the mate is for marriage, NOT a person's "burning desire for sex". Please. Get with the program here.

Your 36yrs old where is your wife brother? Your here advocating 16yrs old to get married if they have burning passion for sex. Please quit your nonsense. This is utterly stupid and disgusting and NOT biblical.

So I guess I should have married a freshman or 8th grader when I felt a burning passion for sex in 8th grade / 9th grade myself correct and get mommy/daddy's permisison so I can marry someone to ease my burning desire for sex? I think not.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
 
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Chad said:
Your idea of what you think the Bible says what is and what is not for marriage is wrong. Let me explain. 16 yrs old getting married because a burning desire for sex? That's stupid plain and simple. Marriage is NOT based on sex and marriage is not decided by feelings and passion burning desires in your heart!

Sex should NOT be an issue if you can't control it then how can you be mature enough to handle marriage? That's plain stupid. GOD decides who the mate is for marriage, NOT a person's "burning desire for sex". Please. Get with the program here.

Your 36yrs old where is your wife brother? Your here advocating 16yrs old to get married if they have burning passion for sex. Please quit your nonsense. This is utterly stupid and disgusting and NOT biblical.

So I guess I should have married a freshman or 8th grader when I felt a burning passion for sex in 8th grade / 9th grade myself correct and get mommy/daddy's permisison so I can marry someone to ease my burning desire for sex? I think not.

Proverbs 3:5
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
I don't want to get into trouble here so I guess I will just have to humbly agree to disagree with you.

Keep in min that the Aposole Paul was single too.
 
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The lack of self control shouldn't be a reason to get married if you ask me it should be a reason not to get married. If you and your significant other who you supposedly love and respect can't control your selves, what's going to happen when 5 years down the road (when things aren't so hot between the two of you) some other attractive person comes into the picture, now this person doesn't have any morels to speak of (yes this is common these days) and decides that they like one of you and start trying to seduce him/her, and you couldn't ever control your lust in the first place, never learned how ? Wearing a wedding ring doesn't change anything about you except what you have on your finger. It's been said that what ever you are before your married you'll be even more so after your married, if you were a fornicator before hand what are you goign to be after, that's right unless you get your heart right with God which it apparently wasn't before, your still going to be a fornicator.
Ok passion doesn't neccesarily mean LUST, you can have passion for someone with out wanting to have sex with them, it's possible you know ?
definitions for passion from websters dictionary [/I] (4 a (1) : EMOTION <his ruling passion is greed> (2) plural : the emotions as distinguished from reason b : intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction c : an outbreak of anger
5 a : ardent affection : LOVE b : a strong liking or desire for or devotion to some activity, object, or concept c : sexual desire d : an object of desire or deep interest)
Note only one of these dealt with sex there were a whole lot more definitions up there to. Perhaps say I was passionately in love (not lust) and it kept me from serving God to the best of my abilitys because I was so distracted not being with this person is more of the context that he meant it in.
Lust is something that you can have for your wife/husband, and it's not a good thing lust is when you do something to build yourself up and make you feel happy, not doing something that makes the other person happy, only for the point of making them happy, if you do it so that they inturn will make you happy your lusting after them, I don't even care if it's not sex that you want, or are having with them. Oh and it's perfectly possible to make it though your teenage years with out having sex, and still having a pyisical desire to, just to let you know.
I'm done for now, what I want to say first though is, I don't disagree with getting married at the age of 16 though I'm glad I didn't. I am against getting married at the age of 16 because I don't have self control.
 
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Both marriage and divorce are not taken serious enough anymore, even in the church among Christians where we should have the lowest divorce rate, the stats are staggering. If you cant wait to make an informed decision that has ETERNAL consequences, than you are not mature enough for marriage IMHO.
 
Member
OK well I voted yes, but under a few conditions. I got married when I was 19 and my wife was 18. I had a lot of people tell me, "Dude you gotta live a little". "You are way too young" I know I am young, but I knew what I wanted. I wanted to serve God as best I could. Being married was the best way I could do that. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with this woman, we were together every day the only difference between when we were dating is obviously the marital relations, and sleeping in the same bed.
Otherwise not much has changed.
Now that I have over a year of marraige under my belt I have really lost respect for people who divorce in the first year. Your not even trying. My secret to a happy marraige is simple: Do as the Bible says. Every divorce can be traced to pride and selfishness. Both not biblical traits.
Maybe we are an exception. Maybe we are lucky. I don't know, but what I do know is I would never go back to being single. I love my life, wife, and everything in between. And I thank God for all he has given me. He is too generous to an undeserving soul like me.

God Bless you all

Bill
 
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I agree with u Jemdude but I also agree with you Chad. Getting married at a young age is very dificcult especially with school and other responsibilibities and on top of that MARRIAGE! I don't know if I'm ready for that, I'm barely learning how to cook.lol. Seriously though, resisting temptation is something very hard and if you love that person and they love you back and you can handle that responsibility or better yet can't resist then just leave it in the hands of God, he'll know what to do. Temptations for me has never been a problem until now. Please pray for me.
 
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