APPLICATION TO DATE MY DAUGHTER
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
1. What are your name, nickname or alias, age, social security number, IQ and Boy Scout rank?_____________________________________________________________
2. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____ If "No", explain: _________________________________________________________________
3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____
4. A truck with oversize tires? ____
5. A waterbed? ____
6. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____ Why ??_________________________________________________________________
7. Do you have a tattoo? ____ Why ?? _________________________________________________________________
*If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.*
8. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does LATE mean to you?
9. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
10. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
11. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?
12. Church/Temple/House of Worship you attend:
_________________________________________________________________
13. How often do you attend: ____________________________
14. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________________________________________________
15. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my _________________________________________________________________
16. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my _________________________________________________________________
17. A woman's place is in the
_________________________________________________________________
18. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is _________________________________________________________________
19. Now answer question 18 _________________________________________________________________
20. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is _________________________________________________________________
*Note: If answer to last question begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised*
21. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_________________________________________________________________
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, Native American ant torture, crucifixion, electrocution, Chinese water torture, red hot pokers, the Hillary Clinton kiss torture and mental abuse including listening continuously to music you hate the most.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of priest/rabbi/minister ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________
Thank you for your interest (and it had better be genuine and non-sexual). Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If denied, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE and never ever apply again.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
Note: This application will be incomplete and rejected unless accompanied by a complete financial statement, job history, lineage, and current medical report from your physician.
1. What are your name, nickname or alias, age, social security number, IQ and Boy Scout rank?_____________________________________________________________
2. Do you have one male and one female parent? ____ If "No", explain: _________________________________________________________________
3. Do you own or have access to a van? ____
4. A truck with oversize tires? ____
5. A waterbed? ____
6. Do you have an earring, nose ring, or belly button ring? ____ Why ??_________________________________________________________________
7. Do you have a tattoo? ____ Why ?? _________________________________________________________________
*If you have answered YES to #3, #4 or #5, discontinue application and leave immediately.*
8. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does LATE mean to you?
9. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does DON'T TOUCH MY DAUGHTER mean to you?
10. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does ABSTINENCE mean to you?
11. In fifty words or less, on a separate sheet of paper, what does REAL PAIN mean to you?
12. Church/Temple/House of Worship you attend:
_________________________________________________________________
13. How often do you attend: ____________________________
14. When would be the best time to interview your mother, father and priest/rabbi/minister? _________________________________________________________________
15. If I were shot, the last place on my body I would want wounded would be my _________________________________________________________________
16. If I were beaten, the last bone I would want broken would be my _________________________________________________________________
17. A woman's place is in the
_________________________________________________________________
18. The one thing I hope this application doesn't ask is _________________________________________________________________
19. Now answer question 18 _________________________________________________________________
20. When I meet a girl, the one thing I always notice about her first is _________________________________________________________________
*Note: If answer to last question begins with "T" or "A", discontinue and leave premises - keeping your head low and running in a serpentine fashion is advised*
21. What do you want to be IF you grow up?
_________________________________________________________________
I swear that all the above information is correct to the best of my knowledge under penalty of death, bodily harm, dismemberment, Native American ant torture, crucifixion, electrocution, Chinese water torture, red hot pokers, the Hillary Clinton kiss torture and mental abuse including listening continuously to music you hate the most.
Signature of applicant _________________________________
Signature of father _____________________________________
Signature of mother ____________________________________
Signature of priest/rabbi/minister ___________________________________
Signature of State Representative _________________________
Thank you for your interest (and it had better be genuine and non-sexual). Please allow 4-6 years for processing. You will be contacted in writing if approved. Please do not try to call or write (since you probably can't, and it would cause you injury). If denied, you will be notified by two men wearing white ties answering to the names GUIDO and LOUIE and never ever apply again.
Don't call me, I'll call you.
