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Another D&R Thread, Please Read

Member
My belief and my testimony about Divorce and Remarriage.

I've been married to my second husband, my Prince Charming, for 7 years. I am also his second wife. In the beginning we both believed that it was God who brought us together and orchestrated our whole getting together. We met online and spent two years getting to know eachother through emails, instant messages, photos, phone calls and we even sent cassette tapes back and forth talking to eachother. By the end of the two years, after much prayer, we had all the plans we needed for me to drive across country to be meet and marry him. It’s been the best 7 years of my life. I will always love him. But recently we have been seeking more of God. We’ve been trying to be holy before God. We’ve been praying for God to bring up any sin that’s still in us so that we could repent of it and get it all out so that we could be holy and blameless before God. Well shortly after praying that we learned something that literally tore our hearts out. We learned that because we were both in a second marriage, (and our former spouses were still alive) ours was an adulterous marriage. How heart wrenching! We couldn't believe that something so right could be so wrong. But there is a scripture in the bible that says: (Luke 16:18 “Whosoever puts away his wife, and marries another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery”.) And I am not going to do anything to jeopardize my future with Jesus, including holding on to my marriage. So in order to repent of this adulterous marriage I’d had to leave my Prince Charming. Because being with Jesus is my ultimate goal. There is also another scripture in the bible (Ezekiel 33:7-9 “So you, son of man: I have made you a watchman for the house of Israel; therefore you shall hear a word from My mouth and warn them for Me. When I say to the wicked, ‘O wicked man, you shall surely die!’ and you do not speak to warn the wicked from his way, that wicked man shall die in his iniquity; but his blood I will require at your hand. 9 Nevertheless if you warn the wicked to turn from his way, and he does not turn from his way, he shall die in his iniquity; but you have delivered your soul.”) That makes me responsible to tell you this so that you who are also in second or more marriages will see the truth.

For those of you who have been, or are being convicted of being in a second marriage and are in the process of divorce and are still together in the same house until you can make other arrangements, the question may arise, "What do I do about the feelings that I still have for my spouse?" (After all, they don't just shut off automatically.) "Are these feelings adulterous too?" Well this depends on the feelings. If you are longing and missing your spouse because of the great love that you have for them, then they wouldn't be adulterous. But if you longing for them still, with sexual desires, then yes it would be adultery. Matt 5:28 "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Here is where the power of the Holy Spirit has to be working in you, giving you the strength to make determined decisions to take those thoughts captive and not allow the enemy to tempt you with them. If you can remember that you are, actually, longing and missing what God sees as sin, then it might make it easier to take these thoughts captive to the obedience of Christ. Remember that it's not beyond God's ability to remove those feelings altogether from you. As long as you are abiding in Him and seeking Him, giving up your will for His, and asking Him to remove them, He will.

Please know that I know oh so well how hard this is. And it truly will be a battle within you. A battle between your flesh and your spirit. Just remember why you are doing it. Because you love the Lord your God with all your heart, mind, soul, and strength, and because continuing in an adulterous marriage grieves Him. The whole reason this came about was because John and I were seeking to be Holy before Him and asking Him to bring up sin in our lives. So when He showed us the sin, we did have the choice to either reject Him and grieve Him, or obey Him and please Him. And friends, this is what it means in Galatians 5:24 "And those who are Christ’s have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. If we live in the Spirit, let us also walk in the Spirit." This means that we are to crucify our flesh, our wants and desires, if God is to be "God" in our lives, and if He is our first love. It means total surrender because of your love for Him and trusting Him to get you through the pain. Praise and thank Him continually. Worship Him through it. Remember when Paul and Silas were beaten and in prison, how they praised and worshiped God? That is how we are to be also. And friends He will get you through.
I’ll share with you below, all the passages of scripture and information that I’ve found on this.

The First Marriage

God introduces marriage in the garden. He created it for us. For us to become one flesh. A connection so great that it was never meant to be broken.

Genesis 2:21-25 “And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the LORD God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man.

And Adam said: “This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

Malachi 2:13-16: And this second thing you do. You cover the Lord’s altar with tears, with weeping and groaning because he no longer regards the offering or accepts it with favor from your hand. 14But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the LORD was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant. 15Did he not make them one, with a portion of the Spirit in their union? And what was the one God seeking? Godly offspring. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and let none of you be faithless to the wife of your youth. 16“For the man who does not love his wife but divorces her, says the LORD, the God of Israel, covers his garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So guard yourselves in your spirit, and do not be faithless.”

Matt 19:3-9 “And Pharisees came up to him and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful to divorce one's wife for any cause?” He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Mark 10:6-9 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”

Ephesians 5:30-32 30 For we are members of His body, of His flesh and of His bones. 31 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife and the two shall become one flesh.”

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

Bound for Life

It is a connection so great that it was never meant to be broken. Bound to eachother for life.

Romans 7:2 “for the woman who has a husband is bound by the law to her husband as long as he lives.
1 Corinthians 7:15 “The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth”

1 Corinthians 7:39 “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives.”

The Reason the One Exception does not Apply to Married People

God’s original plan was for marriage to be between two people, until death do they part. He intended for the two to become one flesh at the time of the consummation of marriage. Divorce was never a part of God’s plan. It’s not an option. After the marriage there are no grounds for divorce, except for the death of a spouse. Jesus did give one exception though. And the exception is actually only allowed during the betrothal period, not the marriage. It is fornication

In biblical times, a betrothal contract was created between both fathers and the two people involved. During this betrothal period, the couple was considered legally married by the signing of the contract. But if either one of them had sex with someone else during this betrothal time, it was called fornication and was grounds for divorce. (An example of this would be when Mary was found to be pregnant with Jesus prior to her marriage to Joseph. This was during their betrothal and under Jewish law he could have divorced her at that time for her supposed fornication. And he would have, had it not been for an angel appearing to him telling him not to be afraid to take Mary as his wife because she was conceived of Holy Spirit.) However, consummation of their marriage after the betrothal period was over would make it a binding marriage rather than a betrothal and any sex outside the marriage after that time was considered adultery and God made no way out for that. This is why Jesus refers to fornication as being a way out, because during the betrothal period the marriage would not have been consummated yet, so it was considered fornication. The betrothal period was the only time a divorce could take place, and not after the consummation of the marriage.

Matthew 5:31,32 “It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causes her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced commits adultery.”

Matthew 19:9 “And I say unto you, whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry commits adultery: and whoso marries her who is put away does commit adultery.”

The Reason the Marriage is Considered Adultery

God sees a first marriage as binding and permanent, no matter what you might do as far as courts or divorce papers. No state divorce can nullify a marriage that God put together. And, God puts all first marriages together. In the eyes of God, you’re still one, for as long as you live. Even if you marry another person that second marriage is not valid in God’s eyes. According to God, the first marriage is still valid. That’s why the new one is adulterous.

Mark 10:11, 12 “And he says unto them, whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, commits adultery against her. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and be married to another, she commits adultery.”

Luke 16:18 Whosoever puts away his wife, and marries another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

1 Corinthians 6:9,10 “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, 10 nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled; but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.”

Repentance

If you are in another marriage aside from your first one, and your spouse is still alive, it is considered an adulterous marriage and needs to be repented of. The only time that you are permitted to remarry is after your first spouse has passed away. (1 Corinthians 7:39) As with any other sin, repentance requires stopping of that sin. Therefore the repentance of an adulterous marriage requires the stopping of the marriage. Even if you ask for forgiveness while in the adulterous marriage that doesn’t mean that everything is ok. As long as you live within that second marriage you continue to commit adultery. And it doesn’t stop until you’re divorced. Repentance demands leaving the marriage. Christ will accept nothing less. "How shall we, who died to sin, live any longer in it?" (Rom. 6:2)

2 Peter 3:9 “The Lord is not slack concerning His promise, as some count slackness, but is longsuffering toward us, not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance.”

Luke 13:3 “Unless you repent you will likewise perish”

1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

Romans 6:1, 2 “What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin that grace may abound? 2 Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?”

Ezekiel 18:21-22 “But if the wicked will turn from all his sins that he hath committed, and keep all my statutes, and do that which is lawful and right, he shall surely live, he shall not die. All his transgressions that he hath committed, they shall not be mentioned unto him: in his righteousness that he hath done he shall live.”

Job 11:14-15 “If iniquity were in your hand, and you put it far away, and would not let wickedness dwell in your tents; then surely you could lift up your face without spot; yes, you could be steadfast, and not fear.”

The Solution

The bible does give us options as to what to do after ending the adulterous marriage.

I Corinthians 7:11 “If she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.”

I Corinthians 7:15 “But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace…(v.39) The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to who she will; only in the Lord.”

1 Corinthians 7:39 “But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord.”

Romans 7:2,3 “For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.

Conclusion

For those of you who want to wait until God tells you if remarriage after divorce is ok, it already tells you in His word that it’s a sin. You don’t have to pray and fast or knock down heavens door in order to know the truth. The word already tells us plainly God’s view on divorce and remarriage. Just as the enemy twisted the truth that God gave to Adam and Eve in the garden, he is also twisting the truth about divorce and remarriage. He is fooling everyone into believing that marriage after divorce, while your former spouse still lives, is not a sin. There is nothing more important than your eternal salvation. If you continue in an adulterous remarriage, you will lose your salvation. If there is no repentance, this will lead to separation from God and a future in hell.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor homosexuals, 10nor thieves, nor the covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor swindlers, will inherit the kingdom of God.”

 
Member
Hi, elishiva123: In Matthew 19:9, Jesus him self said: "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." (NASB) Jesus acknowledged that sexual immorality would give the innocent mate the right, or Scriptural ground, to divorce. Yet, Jesus did not say that the innocent one should divorce. Nevertheless, he clearly implied that she can do so.

Marriage is a tie that binds two people together. (Romans 7:2) But when one of them is unfaithful, the bond can be severed. Also, others do not have the right to try to dictate or to pressure the innocent mate into deciding one way or another, to stay married, unmarried or divorce. Remember, Jesus did not say what the innocent mate should do. Clearly, then, God is not displeased with those who choose to divorce on proper Scriptural grounds, God allows them to make the choice what to do!
 
Member
remarriage...

elishiva123

Your writing is pretty weighty..and you missed some scripture that would remove you hard line adherence to your doctrine...You also did not say why you left your first Husband..... where you talking to this man while you were married to the first?? Why would you do that??

Did you not have faith to keep the first Husband?? Did things just look greener on the other side??
Just because you left a husband for something else, does not make a case of one shoes size fits all here.... Nor does it make a case where a women must remain forever alone because her first husband was mean and cruel... and did not serve God, and would not let her serve God..

Jesus came not to abolish the Law, but to fulfill the law... God's Word never changes.... So the Scriptures can not contradict...

Deu 24:1
When a man hath taken a wife, and married her, and it come to pass that she find no favour in his eyes, because he hath found some uncleanness in her: then let him write her a bill of divorcement, and give it in her hand, and send her out of his house.

What Jesus said.

Mat 5:31
It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement: Put away.......apoluō
Divorcement...... apostasion

Pay attention... two different Greek Words....

Jesus agrees with the Word of God.....

Mat 5:32
But I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.

You can't just put away your spouse and have another, without a legal document that Free's the put away person....

Deu 24:2
And when she is departed out of his house, she may go and be another man's wife.
Deu 24:3
And if the latter husband hate her, and write her a bill of divorcement, and giveth it in her hand, and sendeth her out of his house; or if the latter husband die, which took her to be his wife;
Deu 24:4 Her former husband, which sent her away, may not take her again to be his wife, after that she is defiled; for that is abomination before the LORD: and thou shalt not cause the land to sin, which the LORD thy God giveth thee for an inheritance.

You theory to go back to the first spouse contradicts the Word of God!!!!

Case 2: Mark


Mar 10:2
And the Pharisees came to him, and asked him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife? tempting him.

They just asked about putting her away... Not letting her go, and hence keeping control of her.

Mar 10:3 And he answered and said unto them, What did Moses command you?
Jesus honors the Word of God, and asks them.. What did Moses command you??

Mar 10:4 And they said, Moses suffered to write a bill of divorcement, and to put her away.
Mar 10:5 And Jesus answered and said unto them, For the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept.
That you just can't put them away, but you must let them also go with a legal document of divorce.... For women were treated as cattle back then, and had no rights.

Mar 10:6 But from the beginning of the creation God made them male and female.
Mar 10:7 For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife;
Mar 10:8 And they twain shall be one flesh: so then they are no more twain, but one flesh.
Mar 10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder. chōrizō Depart, space between, divide.....

Jesus said... what God Joined together.... you can not separate.... or just put away..... Which was their original question.. can we just put them away and keep them under control legally Jesus asked them to quote what Moses had said....

Case 3:

Mat 19:3
The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, Is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?
Set the wife aside, for any reason to have someone else.... or to control her...

Mat 19:8
He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so.
Mat 19:9
And I say unto you, Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery: and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.
Once again, the Word divorced is not used.... This was a case of having multiple wives which was practiced.. Jesus said it was not suppose to be that way, and you just can't put away a wife, and have another... Someone that is legally tied to one can not marry another..

Does other scripture agree with that??
Moses laid it out really clear, and Jesus agreed with Moses... It was the hardness of the pharisee's tempting Jesus to ask if it was just Ok to put away without setting them free....


1Co 7:10
And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband:
1Co 7:11
But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.

This agrees with Jesus and Moses...There is nothing mentioned about divorce here... "
apostasion"
.

1Co 7:12 But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.
1Co 7:13 And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

1Co 7:15 But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace
1Co 7:16 For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

Women are not called to suffer with a unsaved husband who do not care about the things of God.. She is not in bondage to that.. .and same with a unsaved wife... we are not to be in bondage...

To tell a women she is trapped in a marriage that does not allow her to serve God, and puts her in constant fear is evil...


Jesus and the Women with 5 husbands...

Jesus told the women...

Joh 4:18
For thou hast had five husbands; and he whom thou now hast is not thy husband: in that saidst thou truly.

He called each of the five men she had as Husbands.... Was Jesus confused if they were all considered husbands??? This would have been a good place for him to mention all those Husbands she had... Why didn't He??
In biblical times, a betrothal contract was created between both fathers and the two people involved. During this betrothal period, the couple was considered legally married by the signing of the contract. But if either one of them had sex with someone else during this betrothal time,
Could you supply scripture for all of that??? About having sex..... at betrothal time???? It must be in the Word, and rule 7 of the forums states scripture must be supplied when asked..

Jesus Is Lord.
 
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Member
elishiva123

You also did not say why you left your first Husband..... where you talking to this man while you were married to the first?? Why would you do that??

My first husband was verbally and physically abusive and demonic for the entire 15 years of our marriage and even for the 5 years we were together before we got married. (Please don't ask why I married him, and why I stayed so long. I loved him and prayed for him to change one day, is my only answer).

Thats why I finally left him though. Because I was barely hanging on by a thread by that time, and I was literally dying. I had to get away from him. That's why I left.

Yes I met my 2nd husband while married to my first. I bought a computer and met him through that. We spent 2 years getting to know eachother.

Anyway I will be back in a day or so to answer the rest of your questions and to continue our talk. Thanks for your responses. :happy:
 
Member
Thank you

My first husband was verbally and physically abusive and demonic for the entire 15 years of our marriage and even for the 5 years we were together before we got married. (Please don't ask why I married him, and why I stayed so long. I loved him and prayed for him to change one day, is my only answer).
I feel for you Sister... and that is horrible... Many Women are in that situation...

I hate divorce BTW.. and God hates Divorce...(I do not advocate divorce) If you felt God showed you this, and you had to leave your 2nd happy marriage, then I won't question that... but you did find and seek this other guy while married. So I don't question that you heard from God...

My question is the one shoe size fits all... and for every circumstance..

Thank you and God bless.. look forward to your post back..

Jesus Is Lord
 
Member
<DIR>Lev 20:10 The man who commits adultery with another man's wife, he who commits adultery with his neighbor's wife, the adulterer and the adulteress, shall surely be put to death.When one of them is unfaithful, the bond can be severed by death. </DIR>
 
Member
Sister,

You are on the right path - I am a sister in the same predicament. I have separated from my second husband and will remain unmarried for the rest of my life. My predicament involves children as well. Hard road but then again Jesus never said it would be easy. I am available if you want to talk off-line as discussing publically is not my thing. God Bless!
 
Member
Since you are looking into practicing holiness, should you reunite with your first husband to correct the first divorce?
 
Member
Since you are looking into practicing holiness, should you reunite with your first husband to correct the first divorce?
Can't speak for the sister who started this thread but for myself my first husband is happily married to the woman that he divorced me for along with children. Since I pray that he have a long life and plenty of time to know the Lord and repent I would expect to be single for the rest of my life - consecrated to the Lord! Halleluyah! No better to be consecrated to - my "ishi" - Hosea 2:16.

God Bless!
 
Member
Consecrated...

King'sGirl

You are on the right path - I am a sister in the same predicament.
I would expect to be single for the rest of my life - consecrated to the Lord!
Being consecrated to the Lord is a Predicament???

Do you expect to be single, or are you going to stay single, and if staying single, what do you base that on??

Jesus Is Lord
 
Member
Brother Mike: Being consecrated to the Lord is a Predicament???

Not at all - you are misquoting me. Being remarried again was the predicament - it is now not so. Consecrated to the Lord in pleasure otherwise why would I quote Hosea 2:16 - look up the word "ishi". It is more than a Lord or a Baal but the term of "my man".

Brother Mike: Do you expect to be single, or are you going to stay single, and if staying single, what do you base that on??

I am going to stay single and serve the Lord (that is my basis (without distractions) - not that I need to answer to you but only the Lord ).
 
Member
Two Wrongs Make A Right?

I don't know if I missed a response here. But if she has remarried, do you believe that divorce from the second is the right thing to do? Is this not just following down the same path. Especially now that they are both saved?
 
Member
Marriage..

King'sGirl
I am going to stay single and serve the Lord (that is my basis (without distractions) - not that I need to answer to you but only the Lord
While nobody wants to pry into your business, and your personal life should be respected, this is a "Bible Study" thread. Rule Seven of this forum is to provide scripture when making a biblical point. This is why I asked what your basing your choices on, so that others may weigh the scripture your believing (Standing on) in making your decision.

This is a Bible study thread where others with similar circumstances in life may come to find "Scriptural" answers to their questions.

Many women who have divorced feel they have to be alone the rest of their life, and not everyone has the faith and resolve to stay unmarried, yet remain in torment because of false teachings of bondage by certain church groups. I watched my mother go through this pain while growing up.

Mat 19:10 His disciples say unto him, If the case of the man be so with his wife, it is not good to marry.
Mat 19:11 But he said unto them, All men cannot receive this saying, save they to whom it is given.

You don't have to answer to me, or anyone if you choose. If you do not wish to comfort those with the same comfort and conclusion you have come to (with scripture to support your choice) then you posted in the wrong thread and should have just PM the original Poster.

Rom 15:4
For whatsoever things were written aforetime were written for our learning, that we through patience and comfort of the scriptures might have hope.

2Co 1:4 Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.

You can be self absorbed if you wish, the bible study thread is not the place though.
------------------------------------------------------------

Montovine
I don't know if I missed a response here. But if she has remarried, do you believe that divorce from the second is the right thing to do? Is this not just following down the same path. Especially now that they are both saved?
It is the same path. Her first Husband was very mean from her post and she found someone that is saved and was no longer yoked with a non believer. She went about it wrong by finding someone while still legally married to someone else, but being with someone that does not love you or serve God is very hard. If the 2nd marriage could have been a force and team for God, she should have received forgiveness and not put herself under bondage..

Jesus Is Lord.
 
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