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Advice?

Discussion in 'Parents & Couples' started by Dias3, Dec 15, 2014.

  1. My wife brought me back to the church 2 years ago. I initially went to please her but as soon as our pastor spoke, I knew I was committed for life. Since then I've read the word everyday, prayed, attended church services regularly, attended our men's ministry group, and attended a small marriage group. I'm a work in progress. I'm trying my very hardest. And I'm not who I used to be.

    My wife has trust and anger issues. It stems from being stood up as a very little girl by her birth father. Her first marriage was also very bad and involved alcoholism, and mental and physical abuse. And she's been in relationships where she was hurt by mistrust.

    My problem is that while I try to apply biblical principles to everyday life, my wife does not. The devil will whisper in her ear and rather than recognize and resist, she listens. And then it gets into her head and spills out into our lives. She knows it's not right. We're both currently re-reading Joyce Meyer's "Battlefield Of The Mind" so we're very aware of what's happening.

    I need advice on how to deal with this. Something beyond "pray for her". I'm already doing that constantly. How do I live with a wife that lives biblically selectively? The flesh gets in the way of her living in the spirit. How do I deal with this as the spiritual head of our household?
     
  2. If I am true to myself and to my wife, then I will realize that my wife is just fearful.
    In that regard, I would treat her as I would any scared person, with honesty, love, patience, tolerance, allowance, forgiveness, support, etc.

    In regards to trusting issues:
    Not trusting is about having a fear of losing our investment in others. The real problem is having an investment in anything but truth, for anything other than truth is unreliable. As soon as we invest in people, places, things, and situations, we take a high risk in losing our investment. Co-dependency and conditional love is based on expecting returns for our investments.
    To escape from such a life of mistrust, is to hand our will and life over to the care of God. So regardless of what goes down in our life, we still feel okay because God loves and cares for our soul.

    In regards to anger issues:
    Anger is only an expression of fear. Fear that things are, will, or have not, gone our way to feel okay and secure. As soon as something changes from our expectations, we fear losing our investment in things going our way.
    In truth, an angry person is a scared person. Again we treat angry people the same we would a scared person. Treating anger with anger is two scared people wanting security from each other, but no one is in that loving mode to provide it.

    In both, or all cases, the humble and meek will always overcome fear, because they know the truth of the matter (people only act in two ways, loving or fearful).
    It takes courage to be a man who is soft and gentle in heart while strong and firm in truth.
     
  3. We all have choice in our service to our Lord. The Lord puts up with us, and our wayward ways because He loves us, He has compassion for us knowing our weakness, and although He always encourages us to draw closer in honest devotion, He is patient with us. Likewise be patient with your wife and her half hearted faith. Share with her sometimes how hard it is for YOU to live with the desires to do what is wrong, versus doing what it right, and how you dont always serve the Lord as you are convicted to do so. Then love her as she is just like the Lord loves you and forgives you. Let your love and its ACTIONS (not words) toward her speak the witness in the same way our Lord's love shines so brightly to us.
     
    Fragrant Grace and Peter like this.
  4. Greetings @Dias3

    I am writing from a womans and a wifes point of view

    And would just like to ask a couple of questions for you to think about

    You say that you try to live as a Christian man/husband according to the scriptures

    May I ask do you assert this verbally to your wife and claim your 'position' as a man

    Or do you perceive that the beautiful nature of Jesus shines from you so that your position as a man/husband flows naturally from you in a lovely Christlike way?


    And whilst writing this the scriotures from todays Daily Light (June 1st) came to mind....


    The fruit of the Spirit is . . . longsuffering, gentleness . . .
    Galatians 5:22

    The LORD, the LORD God, merciful and gracious, longsuffering, and abundant in goodness and truth.
    Exodus 34:6

    Walk worthy of the vocation wherewith ye are called, with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love.
    Ephesians 4:1, 2

    Be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you.
    Ephesians 4:32

    The wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
    James 3:17

    Charity suffereth long, and is kind.
    1 Corinthians 13:4

    In due season we shall reap, if we faint not.
    Galatians 6:9

    Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain.
    Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh.

    James 5:7, 8
     
    Brad Huber and Peter like this.
  5. When I act like a jerk my wife treats me so kind and smiles at me so much I feel like the jerk I am being and that is too uncomfortable. why won't she fight back and give me an excuse to be a jerk.
    Man,I just can't seem to beat love.
     

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