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A year on...

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It's just over a year ago when I happened upon this website and how life has changed since.

It was in the Easter holidays. I was off work. Mum had another operation to go through and after contracting MRSA the previous operation I was very worried about Mum and desperately unhappy (I wanted to cease existing because everything seemed so painful). I think I typed in Jesus or talk to Jesus in my search engine in the vain hope I could find some answers from God. Then I arrived here and I think the first thing I did was post a prayer request of desperation in the shoutbox and was unprepared for what happened next.

Following that first contact, I entered the chat room out of curiousity, just to listen to Christians, hear them talk and it all seemed very friendly and so I joined in the chat. At one point I nearly left but I received a pm which got my attention and held me here. From there I learned so much and then started a journey which lead to my expression of that journey through poems which were my first ever posts here. I was becoming curious about Jesus. I always believed in Him as a figure but not as a friend and saviour. I thought I believed because of my upbringing, exposure to christianity and wanted to believe but deep down just didn't really buy it.

However, one evening in chat a flood of bible verses were filling the screen. I wrote them all down and as I turned off the computer at about 6am I read them frantically and they ALL spoke to me ... BANG I believed, I understood, I was elated. There through God's word I had an amazing experience that morning. I went downstairs to Mum the next day and she said I was like I light. I knew I'd met Jesus.

I prayed in a different way after that not "Please take me as well as Mum" or "Please make her better" or "Take me instead" I prayed "I trust you with Mum, in your hands, I'm scared, I don't want to lose her but in your hands"

Things started to go crazy following this as I got stronger with Jesus as my friend, mum got physically weaker. She took a turn for the worst and began to lose her fight against cancer. I finally felt strong inside yet my whole world (my mum ) - the only human being I trusted and adored was beginning to struggle more than ever. I was strong for her but what was happening?

It got very hard but I started to post here for help/prayer or just a listening ear when I was most frightened for Mum. This is where I begin my thanks because everyone who responed to each and every post carried me like Jesus (footprints) through such dark and traumatic times. I'm certain that without that support the experiences to follow would have been deeply painful and too much for me to bear. Thank you all those who replied to that thread 'My Mummy' you blessed both our lives and many more...

to be continued...
 
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Member
Praise the Lord sleepy. It is so good to read your testimony. I look forward to hearing more of what God is doing for you.
 
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Staff Member
God bless you sister and thank you for sharing this testimony with us to glorify GOD. Jesus Christ is our Savior who has full authority over all things and can do anything so we must always trust our Father in Heaven in Jesus' name to make all matters right.
 
Member
Sleepy said:
It's just over a year ago when I happened upon this website and how life has changed since.
It was in the Easter holidays. I was off work. Mum had another operation to go through and after contracting MRSA the previous operation I was very worried about Mum and desperately unhappy (I wanted to cease existing because everything seemed so painful). I think I typed in Jesus or talk to Jesus in my search engine in the vain hope I could find some answers from God. Then I arrived here and I think the first thing I did was post a prayer request of desperation in the shoutbox and was unprepared for what happened next.
Following that first contact, I entered the chat room out of curiousity, just to listen to Christians, hear them talk and it all seemed very friendly and so I joined in the chat. At one point I nearly left but I received a pm which got my attention and held me here. From there I learned so much and then started a journey which lead to my expression of that journey through poems which were my first ever posts here. I was becoming curious about Jesus. I always believed in Him as a figure but not as a friend and saviour. I thought I believed because of my upbringing, exposure to christianity and wanted to believe but deep down just didn't really buy it.
However, one evening in chat a flood of bible verses were filling the screen. I wrote them all down and as I turned off the computer at about 6am I read them frantically and they ALL spoke to me ... BANG I believed, I understood, I was elated. There through God's word I had an amazing experience that morning. I went downstairs to Mum the next day and she said I was like I light. I knew I'd met Jesus.
I prayed in a different way after that not "Please take me as well as Mum" or "Please make her better" or "Take me instead" I prayed "I trust you with Mum, in your hands, I'm scared, I don't want to lose her but in your hands"
Things started to go crazy following this as I got stronger with Jesus as my friend, mum got physically weaker. She took a turn for the worst and began to lose her fight against cancer. I finally felt strong inside yet my whole world (my mum ) - the only human being I trusted and adored was beginning to struggle more than ever. I was strong for her but what was happening?
It got very hard but I started to post here for help/prayer or just a listening ear when I was most frightened for Mum. This is where I begin my thanks because everyone who responed to each and every post carried me like Jesus (footprints) through such dark and traumatic times. I'm certain that without that support the experiences to follow would have been deeply painful and too much for me to bear. Thank you all those who replied to that thread 'My Mummy' you blessed both our lives and many more...
to be continued...
Part 2 :sun:

That listening ear from when I first arrived here... Mum having contracted MRSA from the local hospital, unable to hold her first grandchild. I was shouting for help in the shoutbox. Painful place, we had been so excited about baby's arrival and so saddened she had to keep a distance (labelled diseased/infectious but just had cancer and needed joy like this. My heart was aching but from February to March we accepted the situation and had some good times together and with the new blessing in our lives... Amelia Freya. It was mid April after that prayer of trust to God I talked of above that things took that real turn for the worst.

On my birthday and Mum made the most beautiful meal she had ever made (and she made brilliant meals) but this was different. Each mouthful was like a taste explosion. She had worked all day on it to make it special and had found the recipe from a funky cookbook. Also she had rushed into town to get the most amazing chocolate cake. A perfect bithday.

At the end of the meal I could tell there was something wrong. Mum said there was nothing the matter but we were so close I knew. She said she didn't want to spoil my birthday - I told her nothing could, but I wanted to know what was the matter so I could help. It was her best friend(Eileen's) grandaughter ( baby Isobel), she had been born the day before my birthday and had failed to breathe after an emergency cesarian. Baby Isobel was revived but starved of oxygen for many minutes. If she was to survive it was expected that she would be severly mentally and physically handicapped. Mum was heart broken, a friend had told her in town, not knowing that Eileen hadn't told mum because she felt she didn't need the stress.

She cried so much for Eileen. We both felt bad as we had been angry and upset about her not being able to hold our family's new arrival because of a midwives wrong information about MRSA and Eileen was going through a far greater pain. It put our niggles into perspective. The days that followed this trauma is where things got worse.

I arrived home from work a few days later I think and spotted that things didn't look right. Mum's tummy was enlarged. We talked and then I decided it was best to call a helath professional and I rushed her to the emergency doctor. I really remember that car journey as Mum and I travelled there. I remember Mum said to me "I'm my mum...I'm just like my mum...I just feel I am my mum" I knew she was saying she was poorley as her Mum had died at 53 with cancer when I was just 3 months old. It seemed at this point Mum recognised she was ill. Perhaps remembering her Mum's illness. Before this Mum never acted like she had a fatal disease. She saw it as living with a condition that she could beat and live with.

I thought this too. I thought I could help her survive and she trusted me. We fought for each other. Our bond was deep and full of trust and love. Here I knew she really needed me to be strong.

God gave me the backbone here. I was walking with God and was about to hit a real rocky time and when I had that revelation (those verses in the chat room) on Good Friday last year where Mum saw a change in me (light, a benevolence shining from within a warmed up soul). I knew I had been gifted with God's spirit for the first time in my life and i was beginning to have strength beyond my own. Peace about things in my heart. I even felt happy, elated, filled and even though shortly after this I dipped and nearly shut God out. I could never deny that experience. It gave me peace. It gave me strength and I was talking and praying to God with a confidence that He would talk back. I loved God instead of fearing judgement or trying to be good all the time and miserably failing. God's love matured my love for the closest love of my life - My mummy. I knew God was with us now and boy did I need to feel that!

So on arriving, there we sat waiting for that appointment in this strange surgery. A child was coughing, I remember the parent looking our way puzzled to see two healthy looking adults waiting to go through to the doctor. Cancer, a silent killer, how healthy she looked.

Click "Next Please" and in we went...
 
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Member
Sleepy you are a blessing to all of us in your openness and honesty. You don't pretend things but say it as they are and God has a perfect plan for you as you look to Him.

You can rejoice because you will one day meet up with your mum again but in the meantime your life is being changed as God has His hand on the direction for your life.

God bless you.
 
Member
It's so bizare you flagged this up smilebig. I had a funny night last night, full of overwhelming fear of allsorts after feeling so secure. I was scared God was about ask me to do something I wouldn't be able to do. Perhaps I was over sensitive but it took a bit to settle down and chill.

Anyway, my dreams were about fighting spiritually although I saw and spoke to mum again. She was strong like she was before she was ill. Hmmm could there be a message there?

But funny anyway ... maybe God's giving me a nudge hmmmm
 
Member
your story has touched me deeply as i read it my heart went out to you and your wonderfull mother
I pray the lord will keep shining on you throughout your hardship filling you with peace and strenght
God bless you my friend in Christ
 
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