I had a very bad time with religion when a kid, being force fed the 'born again' mantra was horrific and scary. I was pleased to lose my faith. I post on religious forums to see if I am missing something, but so far no one has persuaded me there is anything worth having where Christianity or any other religion is concerned.
Welcome to the forums. I believe in speaking the truth without reservations or cutting corners. I'll say this outright, you are missing absolutely everything you need. That is Jesus Christ. In Him alone is found forgiveness of sins, eternal life, hope and purpose. I have nothing to gain by saying this is I weren't convinced it's truth.
Based on your intro, it seems to me that your upbringing was not in a style and purpose that God teaches parents to raise their children. It's not about religion but relationship. Legalism is also not God's will.
Just ask God to reveal Himself to you. Do this sincerely if you truly seek Him and He will make Himself known to you. He wants that more than you do! tIt's a beautiful thing.
John 6:37
All that the Father gives me will come to me, and whoever comes to me I will never cast out.