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a lost soul...........

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ok so i guess im here cuz i got no where else to go or no one to talk to. I do beleive in god somewhat, i see it as something to hold onto when times is hard. Anyways the reason im here is im really a lost soul. I grew up with gangsters and grew up in the drug trade ever since i was young, im not like those street gangs u see on t.v were more respectful towards people and we dont announce the fact we are drug dealers. But see i got a skin disease called psoriasis and ever since i had it i became a drug dealer cuz i was to embarrased to be in school since it was really bad than. Any who i never had a father so i never had guidance and thats my reasons for living this life. But im trying to overcome this lonliness i feel and i think god might be able to help me on this dark path im stuck on. See, i spent my whole life selling drugs and i never felt a girls love, its something i dream of. I always get sad when i see a beautiful girl and i know she dont want some low life gangster. I spent my life hidden from the public cuz of my "job" and this skin disease i got, they both go hand in hand with each other so i couldnt help but stay in that life. But i really need some help as what to do, i dont really enjoy life i been alone for 10 years since the disease started. Being alone kills me cuz i pray theres a girl who worries about me or wants me to be safe but its hard to meet a girl cuz im so use to living a discreet lifestyle and im ashamed to admit im a drug dealer. I cant go to bars and drink cuz its like a rule in this life cuz police watch ppl who go into clubs, plus my skin disease makes it so i cant drink. As you can tell i got a big fight with my inner demons. What can i do? i cant go to church? i need some advice as to how to control my emotions and depression. Funny how a gangster is such a nice guy to girls but they dont want me? i dont tell them i do bad stuff , youd have to ask me to find out i keep it well hidden. Anyways please dont judge me i dont think this life is cool i regret it and i want to change but where can i start? sorry for the novel im writing but its best you know my back round first. Anyways i hope someone can guide me to something that will help me out cuz i really cant take being alone anymore and the mental effects of this negative life has caught up with me. Thanks for listening :smile:

james
 
Member
First off my prayers to God has been answered. I asked him for someone to show his presence and love to. And look someone who needs counsel in the definite path to redemption and salvation.

To begin things know that Jesus Christ loves you very much and that he will never leave you or forsake you. It does not matter if times are hard or if you are being blessed substantially. He loves you no matter what you have gone through and no matter what you have done. He has unlimited grace and his affections for you are out of this world :embarasse.

As you can see God's power is already working in your life for he has lead you here to a community of people that love Jesus Christ and speak with the holy ghost. People that care for you and pray to see that you join us on this righteous path to our salvation. I want you to know that you can always come here and that you will find your home here.

Now to your current situation. God knows your pain and your loneliness and he feels for you greatly. And what he wants is for you to come to him. His arms are open and he is ready to take you in. And care for you unconditionally. I want you to know that we worship a God that is infinite, holy, and all knowing.

Hebrews 4:13 Neither is there any creature that is not manifest in his sight: but all things are naked and opened unto the eyes of him with whom we have to do.

Psa 102:12 But thou, O LORD, shalt endure for ever; and thy remembrance unto all generations.

He knew you before you were in the womb.

Jer 1:5
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations."

This shows that he has loved you before you were even thought of being born.

Growing up I never had a father as well. I always would want such a figure in my life to love me and show me the ways of being a man. But as I came closer and closer to Christ. I have seen that the heavenly father loves us much more than any earthly father could ever do.

Mat 7:11 If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!

I can reassure you that the woman that God seeks perfect for you is out there. But you will not be able to find her unless you align your will to being God's will. For these things we must not worry about for God has the blessings already mapped out and all we have to do is follow Christ to catch those blessings.

There is much to learn in Christ and there is much growing that is to be done! But there is only one way to the truth.

John 14:6
Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

Your salvation is a gift from God but in order to receive this gift you must believe.

Say this prayer with me.
Oh Lord Jesus Christ I know that I have not had a relationship with you like I would like. I pray this prayer today to mark my salvation in you Lord God. That today be the day where I confess all of my sins to you lord. I confess (insert sins here). And Lord I ask you for forgiveness and that you would give me Life and save me from destruction. Lord I believe that you came to this Earth to die for my sins on the cross so that I might be saved through you. And I believe that you defeated death and sin when you rose up on the third day. That it will always be known that through you sin and death is defeated forever and ever. Amen!
 
Member
ok so i guess im here cuz i got no where else to go or no one to talk to. I do beleive in god somewhat, i see it as something to hold onto when times is hard. Anyways the reason im here is im really a lost soul. I grew up with gangsters and grew up in the drug trade ever since i was young, im not like those street gangs u see on t.v were more respectful towards people and we dont announce the fact we are drug dealers. But see i got a skin disease called psoriasis and ever since i had it i became a drug dealer cuz i was to embarrased to be in school since it was really bad than. Any who i never had a father so i never had guidance and thats my reasons for living this life. But im trying to overcome this lonliness i feel and i think god might be able to help me on this dark path im stuck on. See, i spent my whole life selling drugs and i never felt a girls love, its something i dream of. I always get sad when i see a beautiful girl and i know she dont want some low life gangster. I spent my life hidden from the public cuz of my "job" and this skin disease i got, they both go hand in hand with each other so i couldnt help but stay in that life. But i really need some help as what to do, i dont really enjoy life i been alone for 10 years since the disease started. Being alone kills me cuz i pray theres a girl who worries about me or wants me to be safe but its hard to meet a girl cuz im so use to living a discreet lifestyle and im ashamed to admit im a drug dealer. I cant go to bars and drink cuz its like a rule in this life cuz police watch ppl who go into clubs, plus my skin disease makes it so i cant drink. As you can tell i got a big fight with my inner demons. What can i do? i cant go to church? i need some advice as to how to control my emotions and depression. Funny how a gangster is such a nice guy to girls but they dont want me? i dont tell them i do bad stuff , youd have to ask me to find out i keep it well hidden. Anyways please dont judge me i dont think this life is cool i regret it and i want to change but where can i start? sorry for the novel im writing but its best you know my back round first. Anyways i hope someone can guide me to something that will help me out cuz i really cant take being alone anymore and the mental effects of this negative life has caught up with me. Thanks for listening :smile:

james
James my friend, Jesus specializes in restoring broken lives. He looked at the bottom of the barrel one day, reached down digging deep through all the garbage and pulled me out. If He did that for me He will do it for you. In fact the Father loves you so much He sent His only Son to die on a cross; bearing your sin He offers you the trade of a lifetime - come to Him with a repentant heart and He will give you His very own righteousness which is the only way to stand in the presence of a Holy God.
The really cool thing about this is He gives you a new heart, one that loves to do what is good and right. When you open the doors of your heart He comes into your life and His presence is always with you. It is a most wonderful thing to share your life with the One who loves you most and there is no part of your life that He will not gladly share with you. Once you have Jesus everything changes but unlike dead religion this is a living relationship with a Living God who changes us from the inside out.
Please feel free to private message me if you want to talk.
You are in my prayers,
your friend Larry.
PS: Find a non-denominational Spirit filled Church, where God is moving you will not be rejected but you will be welcomed with open arms.
 
Member
Grab a bible and read it... All your answers and in there, they are gods word and God loves you as much as he loves me and everyone else. I used to judge others awfully but since finding christ i don't do that and i am still to find a christian that judges so please don't be affraid of that. we are all made in Gods image and to judge others is to judge our lord. I am in a simalar place in my life as i have only just found god and my family are against it, so i have to keep to myself very much. And also i have 2 kids and their dad will not let me involve them. Stay strong, Give it all to god coz his plan for you is way better than your plan for you XXOO
PM me if you'd like to chat
michelle
 
Member
i appreciate the replys it does help alot having people to talk to, it just gets hard cuz of all the negative things that surround me daily. Im involved in drug dealing, i got psoriasis which is bad on my face and arms, i never felt a girls love and i dont have any guidance in life. Like im sick of being alive it almost seems like its not worth the pain anymore. The only thing that i feel that could save me is having a girl to care about and be there for me when im lonely. I do know god could save me but being alone is the only thing really keeping me from living a good life. Almost every night i cry cuz it hurts so bad, i see beautiful girls and its all i really want, but than i realize im a drug dealer cuz this disease took everything from me. I donno it just gets hard dealing with all this negative stuff and being alone makes it hurt even more :crying: I try praying every ngiht, i have a cross i faithfully wear and kiss and hold in my hand when im hurting, i have a rosary and i did have a bible in my car. I just hope god guides someone into my life cuz its what i really need, someone to be there and so i dont feel so alone and i coould escape this life. In all i feel like this cuz i dont like being alive so i chose this dark path and figured if i cant find love ill jsut do this till i die. Anyways again i thank you all for listening cause i really aint got anyone to talk to in my life.
 
Member
see its like im destined to live this life you know? like i beleive everything happens for a reason and i was destined to live this life. Im not suppose to find love and a girl friend, im not suppose to be happy and live a normal life. Its like im destined to be a lonely gangster and die young which should have happened as i have been shot at, jacked with a knife to my throat. As it is now i can never live a normal life im too far into this life now , i am kinda seeing a girl but its like shes not really into me and it breaks my heart cuz shes so beautiful and i get along good with her and if i dont get anywhere with her and i get hurt i prolly wont ever have a chance cuz im so sick of the pain im feeling,its a combination of everything. Being a gangster is my way of suicide, i figure if i wanna die anyways and i dont like being alive...ill just become a drug dealer and wait until my time is up. Im sorry if im kinda typing alot but it helps having some people to talk to. Anyways i wont be back on for awhile i hope soome of you can keep me in your prayers im a really good person stuck in a world of darkness and i need some light shed on me. And btw im not selffish in anyways, i knwo others have it worse but you have to admit im in a real predicament here , how often does a highly respected drug dealer come into a christian forum to explain his pain he's feeling? so u can tell im in a lot of pain :crying: anyways thanks again

James
 
Member
God has brought you to a place where you are looking at your life and realizing that is not the way to live. He is drawing and convicting you and that leaves one question: Are you satisfied to stay in your current situation or do you want a new life?
Warning: opening your heart to Jesus will change everything.
I went from a life drugs, alcohol and any kind of sin that was convenient to falling in love with a Living God. He became so real in my life that I didn't try to quit or change but simply lost interest in that old life. There is nothing else that cam compare with being in His presence or as a friend once said " there is no high like the Most High"!
The life you are living now is spreading death and sin, will you consider leaving that awful ,mess behind?
 
Member
Dear alosthustla
You can begin your journey with God by praying all that you have said
in your message here, handing it all over to God and asking HIS forgiveness.
Then tell God you are willing to follow HIS ways so that you can be freed
from all these things that you are bound up with.

Then read Psalm 51 .
You can let me know what results comes about after this and I will
continue to tell you some more ways to keep going with JESUS>
God bless you in this new walk with God

LIZABE
 
Member
God truly Promised us all, through King David, in Psalms68:5,
A father of the fatherless, and a judge of the widows, is God in his holy habitation.

God truly wants to be The Good Father that you never had.

God said, in BookofActs16:29-31,
"28But Paul cried with a loud voice, saying, Do thyself no harm: for we are all here. 29Then he called for a light, and sprang in, and came trembling, and fell down before Paul and Silas, 30And brought them out, and said,

Sirs, what must I do to be saved?
31And they said, Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house."

All that is required of you this day to receive the free gift of eternal life is believe on Christ as your personal Savior. Only by believing can a person appropriate the gift of God. Ask Him to save you right now. Believe on Him and you shall be saved.
To believe on Jesus Christ is to be aware of the truth that Christ died for your sins and to accept that truth and commit yourself to it. There is the element of trust, committal, obedience and abandonment to what you believe.
In faith we receive and rest upon Christ alone for salvation. Faith is to trust in a person, the person of Christ, the Son of God and Savior of the lost. Faith is not something that merits favor with God. The essence of faith is to bring the lost sinner, dead in his trespasses and sins into direct personal contact with the Savior, Jesus Christ. It is not faith that saves, but Christ that saves through faith. Faith unites us to Christ. Christ saves us. If you will believe on Him you shall be saved today.
<dir> <dir> <dir> <dir> Just as I am without one plea
But that Thy blood was shed for me,
And that Thou bidd'st me come to Thee,
O Lamb of God, I come.
Just as I am, and waiting not
To rid my soul of one dark blot,
To Thee whose blood can cleanse each spot,
O Lamb of God I come.
</dir> </dir> </dir> </dir>
 
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