Need to know God's guidance for my life. I'm working at a nursing home where my Mom used to live. She passed away last Sep. I felt God had me there to be with my Mom. But now that my Mom is gone I see no reason for me to still be at the home. Don't really mind the work. But I'm part-time oncall and it is really hard in the winter to get enough shifts to pay my bills. I'm stressed all the time worrying about my bills. I thank God for my time with my Mom. But now I'm wondering what is next. I would really like to get a more stable job.
I spent 3 years in theology or Bible School and always felt I had a call on my life. But Bible School was many years ago and I still feel that call. I left a full time job in Toronto to help start a church in Nova Scotia, it failed. Done various types of mostly youth ministry with varying degrees of success. Got totally burnt out on being involved in another failed pioneer church. Subsequently I have not attended church regularly in ten years.
My friend who I've done a lot of youth work with just invited me to do some youth outreach work with him. I would've been booking Christian bands into his youth services. Since I've struck out with him so many times I was very hesitant to get involved again. I thought, prayed and sought advice about it. I never felt a peace about it and so decided against doing it . Problem is it's the kind of ministry I love to do and it was really hard to say no to it. While I feel it was the right decision I just don't understand why God would have me turn down something I love to do.
So I'm stuck in a boring deadend job, that barely pays my bills and as we know idliness is the Devil's workshop and I tend to play in it.
The short of it is what is God's will for me now. To live out my life in futility in a mind numbingly boring job, what is the sense of that.
I have another friend who is a minister in a very small church in my home town. I know he would love me to come home and help him there. But he and I have vastly different views on ministry. I actually have more in common with my friend doing the youth out reach. But God said no.
I have only one thing that gives me any peace in my life and that is preaching. I know I have an anointing from God to do it, as well, as the gift of healing. But here, like Moses I'm with the sheep on the back side of the desert and I am dying. I've asked God for death many times. I'm so Old Testament emotionally and New Testament in all else.
I fail continually and fear I am destined to languish in deadend jobs the rest of my life. A fate much worse than death.
I would love to preach again but feel it might never be, because of my sin.
So if anyone has a word for me or feel God is telling you something about me please enlighten me. I really feel that God wants me back in my home island of Cape Breton. I feel no connection to the city I live in now. God had me here for Mom. Problem is Cape Breton has very little work so returning there has many risks.
So at the moment I am listless, a flower in the eddies of life, being washed out to sea. Depression is a constant, any spiritual insight would be greatly appreciated.
I spent 3 years in theology or Bible School and always felt I had a call on my life. But Bible School was many years ago and I still feel that call. I left a full time job in Toronto to help start a church in Nova Scotia, it failed. Done various types of mostly youth ministry with varying degrees of success. Got totally burnt out on being involved in another failed pioneer church. Subsequently I have not attended church regularly in ten years.
My friend who I've done a lot of youth work with just invited me to do some youth outreach work with him. I would've been booking Christian bands into his youth services. Since I've struck out with him so many times I was very hesitant to get involved again. I thought, prayed and sought advice about it. I never felt a peace about it and so decided against doing it . Problem is it's the kind of ministry I love to do and it was really hard to say no to it. While I feel it was the right decision I just don't understand why God would have me turn down something I love to do.
So I'm stuck in a boring deadend job, that barely pays my bills and as we know idliness is the Devil's workshop and I tend to play in it.
The short of it is what is God's will for me now. To live out my life in futility in a mind numbingly boring job, what is the sense of that.
I have another friend who is a minister in a very small church in my home town. I know he would love me to come home and help him there. But he and I have vastly different views on ministry. I actually have more in common with my friend doing the youth out reach. But God said no.
I have only one thing that gives me any peace in my life and that is preaching. I know I have an anointing from God to do it, as well, as the gift of healing. But here, like Moses I'm with the sheep on the back side of the desert and I am dying. I've asked God for death many times. I'm so Old Testament emotionally and New Testament in all else.
I fail continually and fear I am destined to languish in deadend jobs the rest of my life. A fate much worse than death.
I would love to preach again but feel it might never be, because of my sin.
So if anyone has a word for me or feel God is telling you something about me please enlighten me. I really feel that God wants me back in my home island of Cape Breton. I feel no connection to the city I live in now. God had me here for Mom. Problem is Cape Breton has very little work so returning there has many risks.
So at the moment I am listless, a flower in the eddies of life, being washed out to sea. Depression is a constant, any spiritual insight would be greatly appreciated.
