When I was 13 (about 4 years ago) my father left my mother, I cried for about 15 mins and asked him not to leave but after that there was no more tears. I don't know how, but I repressed all the pain from that experience. People will be talking to me and saying "oh when my parents left I cried and cried and cried" or some one will tell me that they had to put there kid in counseling due to the divorce. I never related to that, in my mind I didn't care and it didn't affect me. But my emotions control my life, the wound my dad has inflicted on me has festered and infected every other area of my life. I struggle with anger, with fear, with emotional freak outs and I struggle with mental interrruptations of things. I struggle often with the fear of loosing everything I love, I struggle with trusting God, I struggle with hearing satans voice over Gods. So clearly this event has effected me but i don't connect emotionally with it. Not at all, my Dad in himself is a distant person, when he lived with us he always come home late. he hardly try to spend time with any of us, and now I am damn lucky to get a phone call from him at all. So honestly when he left, it was kinda the same for me, no big changes really. I seriously want to emotionally connect with this, I want to go back and cry it all out and get healing but I don't know how.