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I don’t really know how to began but I’ll give this a shot.

had issues with depression, anxiety, self harm, thoughts of self harm, and suicidal ideations.

They all went away when I got with my current boyfriend and I got saved last December. Until we ran into some trouble. Backsliding, falling into sexual sin, etc. then I discover he is now talking to another girl. Not just talking. But engaging in a sexual and romantic relationship with her. He and I aren’t “officially” together. Which makes me sound crazy. But we’re together just without that label because he isn’t sure if he wants a relationship right now because of past bad relationships. I’m more than willing to wait. I’m more than willing to do whatever it is that I need to do to make this stop. I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life until this started. In fact I can honestly say even back to childhood I have never been truly happy until getting with him and getting saved.
Now my depression is back, my anxiety is back, thoughts of self harm, suicidal thoughts. It’s all coming back but in a much stronger way that I have a hard time controlling. I’ve not self harmed. But I feel like I’m about to have a nervous breakdown at any point and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t keep my thoughts steady and I have this overwhelming thought that I just wish I were dead. Not to kill myself. But to just fall asleep and just not wake up. Ever. I feel so inadequate. He is so good to me in every way. But this is killing me seeing he say all these sweet things to her like he use to me. Getting extremely sexual with her. It’s killing me on the inside but I don’t want to leave him. He is sooooo good to me and he does make me happy despite feeling all this. I’ve begged for this to stop and he says he will. He will for a while but it starts back up again. He told me he would stop and he actually really did. Didn’t talk to her at all and then out of the blue he started talking to her again and they’re now just like before.

I feel like I am about to crack and nothing I do is helping. I need prayer but I also need advice.

A lot will say to leave him but I feel compelled to stay with him and help him with some issues that he has (woman, sex, etc) but I don’t know how to get through to him and my mental health is deteriorating. Please pray for me and please, tell me what to do. Help.

Thank you!
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings,

one thing stood out to me when reading your post,

He is so good to me in every way.
He is sooooo good to me
If he is "sooooo" good to you..... or if he was sooooo good to you, he would not be engaging himself with the other woman.
Please think about this.

The problem you have is quite possibly not the other person doing what he is doing but the fact that you are/have elevated him way beyond where it is healthy to do so. (To the point of exalting him, despite his adultery and faithlessness towards you as his partner.) May i gently remind you that as a Christian, there is only One Who is so good, soooo very good and only ever good to you... and that is the Lord Jesus Christ.
My advice to you is to stop , turn away from thinking and talking about this man being so good to you and start exalting the Lord Jesus Christ Who alone is so good to you.

Saying someone is so good to you is not very honest if that person is not always good to you, as only the Lord Jesus Christ is. Someone may be very good to you but they would be good ALWAYS or else they are not so good after all.

The man you have shared about is definitely not always and in every way good to you or for you. This is something you need to accept and my advice is that you place Jesus as the One Who is good you you and for you. The more you do that and continue to do so until it sinks in deeply into your mind and heart, the easier it will be for you to see that this man is not all you make him out to be.

You are deliberately putting yourself through a very unpleasant time. Don't blame him but do cease from being 'with him'.

IF... and again, if, one day the man you talk about repents and stays repented, so to speak, you might find that you can befriend him again.... BUT at the moment you are allowing yourself to be a slave to all the negative things that you mention regarding your emotional space and thoughts. For now, you must nurture your faith in Christ Jesus and allow yourself space and time to get to know Him as your real Lord and Saviour, Who loves you and is ever only faithful.

Pray for your friend (and for your enemies) but that does not mean you have to be in a relationship as partners.

Do you have fellowship with other Christians? If not, why not? If you do, good; spend quality time with them!

But first, do place the Lord Jesus Christ as the One and only One Who is so good to you and let Him lead you and guide you and keep you, as His dear child.


Bless you ....><>
 
Moderator
Staff Member
“Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you; not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.”
John 14:27

“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

and, @bornagain24
“The LORD lift up His countenance upon you, and give you peace.”
Numbers 6:26


Bless you ....><>
 
Active
I don’t really know how to began but I’ll give this a shot.

had issues with depression, anxiety, self harm, thoughts of self harm, and suicidal ideations.

They all went away when I got with my current boyfriend and I got saved last December. Until we ran into some trouble. Backsliding, falling into sexual sin, etc. then I discover he is now talking to another girl. Not just talking. But engaging in a sexual and romantic relationship with her. He and I aren’t “officially” together. Which makes me sound crazy. But we’re together just without that label because he isn’t sure if he wants a relationship right now because of past bad relationships. I’m more than willing to wait. I’m more than willing to do whatever it is that I need to do to make this stop. I was the happiest I’ve ever been in my life until this started. In fact I can honestly say even back to childhood I have never been truly happy until getting with him and getting saved.
Now my depression is back, my anxiety is back, thoughts of self harm, suicidal thoughts. It’s all coming back but in a much stronger way that I have a hard time controlling. I’ve not self harmed. But I feel like I’m about to have a nervous breakdown at any point and I feel like I’m losing my mind. I can’t keep my thoughts steady and I have this overwhelming thought that I just wish I were dead. Not to kill myself. But to just fall asleep and just not wake up. Ever. I feel so inadequate. He is so good to me in every way. But this is killing me seeing he say all these sweet things to her like he use to me. Getting extremely sexual with her. It’s killing me on the inside but I don’t want to leave him. He is sooooo good to me and he does make me happy despite feeling all this. I’ve begged for this to stop and he says he will. He will for a while but it starts back up again. He told me he would stop and he actually really did. Didn’t talk to her at all and then out of the blue he started talking to her again and they’re now just like before.

I feel like I am about to crack and nothing I do is helping. I need prayer but I also need advice.

A lot will say to leave him but I feel compelled to stay with him and help him with some issues that he has (woman, sex, etc) but I don’t know how to get through to him and my mental health is deteriorating. Please pray for me and please, tell me what to do. Help.

Thank you!

Hi Bornagain,

I really feel for you. I think we've all been there and it's horrible, unrequited love is destructive to the one that's unloved. Been there, got the badge, the T-shirt and the bedroom poster! For you it's doubly painful because you're in such a fragile state.

I know you love this lad, but me, I'm not a fan. He has casual sex with you, and he's not even prepared to elevate you to the status of his girlfriend, and then he's off romping with some other girl who does get that privileged title. Does she know about you?

Bornagain, you are worthy of so much more than that. I can picture God looking at how he's been towards you, shouting at him, 'How dare you treat her like that, I sent my son to die for her, and that's how you treat her!' I believe that one day we'll all have to give an account of how we've treated each other.

I have two favours to ask of you.

1.) Refocus your whole life towards God your heavenly father. At the expense of all others, make serving God, showering Him with praise and adoration, getting to know and follow Him your imperative. He will never use you or mess you about or hurt you.

2.) Get some counselling and therapy to sort your head out and overcome these dark thoughts of self harm and death.

and let that be a lesson to you, 99.9% of boys are not worth the hassle that comes with them, but very rarely you'll come across one that is. He'll love you more than he loves himself, you'll know without having to convince yourself that he's good for you. That's the one you need to commit to, if he's less than that he's one of the 99.9!

============================

Dear Lord God,

I do pray for Bornagain, you're with her right now and you can see her stressing and hurting. Please Lord, give her hope, hope that she can get close to you and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit, comforting her, helping her to deal with the stresses of life, knowing that you're in control.

Wipe her tears and replace them with tears of joy when she realises she has a God that's so protective and loving. I pray for special blessings for her, that she can relax in you the blessings and love that can only can only come from you. We love you God xqa
 
Member
bornagain24 God has your perfect husband waiting for you but your won't meet him until you free yourself of your obsession with the current man. Give yourself whole-hearted to Jesus, join a Bible believing church, become water baptised and talk with God constantly. That will help you grow in the Lord and become the person He created you to be. No man should come between you and God.
 
Member
First of all you need to assess who you love most, God or this boyfriend? If you say you have gotten saved why are you still in fornication - having sex outside of marriage? This boyfriend does not love you he is using you for his own lustful purposes. Sex should be between a husband and a wife and no where else. Most of us come out of such relationships, including me, but once we have come to the knowledge of the truth the truth sets us free and we walk in His righteousness. Jesus is the truth and He alone can set us free from our sins. Read 1 Corinthians 13 and Galatians 5:19-26 emphasis verse 24. If we say we are one with Christ then there should be fruit to that relationship Galatians 5:22-23.
There is no way that your boyfriend can ever take away your depression, anxiety etc. You may have rejoiced for a while in this relationship but when the shaking of your foundation came you were found wanting. Your foundation was on the sand and not on the rock - Jesus is the rock on which we must be built. He is the Chief corner stone. Psa 127:1 A Song of degrees for Solomon. Except the LORD build the house, they labour in vain that build it: except the LORD keep the city, the watchman waketh but in vain. If anyone is in Christ he or she becomes the temple of the living God - God dwells within him/her so giving your body over to fornication is a sin because it is the temple of the living God. If your boy friend was walking with the Lord Jesus Christ and led by the Spirit of God he would show some fruit as a result of that relationship, he would want to do what is right before God and would be keeping with repentance. He is not!
Broken relationships are horrible. We want acceptance from people especially from those who love us and it is devastating when a relationship breaks down because we have given our all into that relationship in the hope it will last. We become people pleasers. The Bible says that we are naked before God and no amount of covering up our sins in self righteousness will ever lift His judgements on us, only once a sinner has repented, that is turned away from them because they have come under the conviction of the Holy Spirit by the Word of God about the sin, righteousness and judgement, then God will now be for you and not against you. - you have sought His forgiveness and He has shown mercy. Once in that relationship with God and His Son He will heal the past and give you a glorious future. The love of God is by far the only love we should seek, it is outward going, and is not self seeking (read 1 Corinthians 13), once we have found that love, we never, ever want to let it go. I found that love after many, many, many broken relationships. I thought that sex was the closeness that I needed but it was not. Once I came to know the Lord God through His Son I entered into a marriage and have been married now for nearly 27 years. That marriage was to my present wife and she is also in Christ and is by far my best friend after God and His Son.
There is no point in attempting to help him if his relationship with God is not right. First love God and His righteousness then one will be able to keep all the other commandments because the fear of God is the beginning of all wisdom Proverbs 1. I suggest you find a true bible based church with a pastor who follows the Lord Jesus Christ faithfully and keeps to the Word of God. He will be able to counsel you from the bible and help you grow in Christ to the Glory of God.
 
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