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How do I submit to the Lord?

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Member
Hi guys.

I'm 26, suffer from anxiety/OCD intrusive thoughts, homosexuality and a bit of gender dysphoria, not extreme like transgenders do, but I do wear make up, diet to have a feminine body, have feminine interests, etc.

I know Jesus is the way and the only way. I know that the life I am living right now is not the proper life to live and it does not glorify God in any way. I also suffer a lot because of my anxiety and OCD and these intrusive thoughts which I believe are all demons that I allowed into my life with years of drug use, alcoholism and studying the occult.

I'm not sure why, but it is hard for me to submit to the Lord, trust Him and give my passions up. I know He is the way and I know I will suffer in Hell for eternity if I don't repent and give my life to Him, but for some reason, I am too weak to give up my passions (like cosmetics, feminine things, etc that are not meant for men). I feel like I would live an entire life restraining myself and not being able to express who I am (or who I think I am, anyway). I logically understand and know that the after-life in Hell would be worst then anything I can even begin to imagine, and like I said, I know Jesus is THE way, but still, I choose to live in sin and won't submit to God. I feel like it could be a demonic spirit that is in me that refuses to repent and give my life to Christ or something.

How do I start changing my heart so I can give up the things of the world and dedicate my entire life to God? I tried this summer after God brought me back from psychosis and a lot of crazy events that should have me in a psychward for the rest of my life, and I did well reading the bible and watching Christian YouTube videos, but ultimately the demonic spiritual attacks got really intense (the depression, my OCD got worst, lots of anxiety, etc) and I strayed away from the righteous path to find relief in old hobbies which are meant for the opposite sex.

Any advice on how to fully submit to the Lord, give up worldly things and passions and follow Christ with 100% dedication? The heart is wicked and I know mine is but I don't know how to change it. I know in the bible it says that if you give up your life for God here on earth, you gain eternal life in heaven after you die but I find it to be a major struggle for me. Any advice on how to do it and how to cope with temptations and giving up the "old" you? Any kind of particular prayers I can do? I want to change my heart but it's hard. The homosexual spirit is a very tough one to deal with because it's like all your interests as a gay male are "women things" and God doesn't condone effeminate men. It's like, for me to please God and truly be a real Christian, I would have to give up a lot of things I identify with and even a romantic life and that is difficult for me to process fully.

Thanks
 
Active
Hi Mark,

Many thanks for opening up and telling us all about your situation in such detail, there's a lot in there that's very positive. The big, massive positive is the choice that you made when you turned your back on your sexuality and gender crisis and gave yourself to the Lord. You are His, and nothing but nothing will take you away - No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37‭-‬39 NIV

Whilst the war is won, you are God's redeemed son, there's still a few skirmishes going on, and in your case they're quite ferocious. I think it's wonderful that in obedience you've chosen celibacy. You are an inspiration to the straights in here that have suffered divorce and are struggling with this one, just like you.

With regards to your OCD can I urge you to seek psychological help and support? It's a condition that we sometimes joke about when someone is overly tidy but actually it's a serious condition that is medically recognised and treatable.

Please don't beat yourself up over slipping into old ways and habits, Satan doesn't want to lose you, and he's throwing everything at you to stop you from being a loving, obedient and delightful son of the living God.

Jesus sometimes referred to us as servants of God and sometimes as sons. For now, let's think of us as employees. If we were to turn up late for work, made dozens of mistakes and not do a very good job of what we were employed to do, we wouldn't need to wait long to get sacked! Well God's not like that, He will never sack you. He is a very caring boss who will sit with you all the time, helping you and encouraging you to do the right thing.

That said, if your life is one of frequent compromise and God finds himself slipping in your priority list to third, fourth or 15th then that will will severely impact upon your walk and relationship with him. Can I ask you to stand fast, face down and ignore and refuse your urges, and turn to God in prayer at ask Him to deliver you from them. I believe that Ephesians 6:10-20 was written by Paul for you. Please read it, memorize it, recite it and and refer to it every time you have any of these dark thoughts or urges. Pray constantly for God's help through his Holy Spirit working in you to perfect you according to His will in your life.

If you fail and slip up, please, please, please do not listen to Satan who will tell you that God has given up on you, that you've blown it and there is no way He wants to hear from you. God loves you, no matter what. Just ask forgiveness and get back on the wagon and keep on loving and praising God. He will have forgiven you. We both know that when you do relapse, that rather than a feeling of gratification you feel so empty and yeuck within and so far away from God. Please, please, don't do it.

When you do overcome these urges and and put them behind you, can you please thank God and praise and worship Him? There will be slips but so long as your heart, love and affection are for God, the trend will hopefully be upwards and one day, you will have put all of this behind you, ready for the next challenge. Your reward, apart from delighting your Lord and God will be magnificent!!

The reward of success is an amazing loving relationship and feeling of joy and peace that I couldn't even begin to describe here. Well worth the struggle.

God bless you bro.

Love Andy

=============================

Dear Lord God, we all have wild thoughts that we struggle with on a daily basis just like Mark is. But I pray for my poor brother who seems to be in such torment over his and ask that you help him to overcome his weird desires and instead focus upon pleasing you because obviously he loves you so much and he wants to be your precious son in whom you are well pleased.

I pray Lord for your protection through your Holy Spirit, building him up and reminding him that he needs you and helping him to resist the the ephemeral desires that that seems to torment him and try to undermine his love for you. Give him Lord this day the victory, so that he can overcome and no longer feel or have these desires, so he can focus upon praise and adoration of you dear Lord.

Amen
 
Member
Hi Mark,

Many thanks for opening up and telling us all about your situation in such detail, there's a lot in there that's very positive. The big, massive positive is the choice that you made when you turned your back on your sexuality and gender crisis and gave yourself to the Lord. You are His, and nothing but nothing will take you away - No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:37‭-‬39 NIV

Whilst the war is won, you are God's redeemed son, there's still a few skirmishes going on, and in your case they're quite ferocious. I think it's wonderful that in obedience you've chosen celibacy. You are an inspiration to the straights in here that have suffered divorce and are struggling with this one, just like you.

With regards to your OCD can I urge you to seek psychological help and support? It's a condition that we sometimes joke about when someone is overly tidy but actually it's a serious condition that is medically recognised and treatable.

Please don't beat yourself up over slipping into old ways and habits, Satan doesn't want to lose you, and he's throwing everything at you to stop you from being a loving, obedient and delightful son of the living God.

Jesus sometimes referred to us as servants of God and sometimes as sons. For now, let's think of us as employees. If we were to turn up late for work, made dozens of mistakes and not do a very good job of what we were employed to do, we wouldn't need to wait long to get sacked! Well God's not like that, He will never sack you. He is a very caring boss who will sit with you all the time, helping you and encouraging you to do the right thing.

That said, if your life is one of frequent compromise and God finds himself slipping in your priority list to third, fourth or 15th then that will will severely impact upon your walk and relationship with him. Can I ask you to stand fast, face down and ignore and refuse your urges, and turn to God in prayer at ask Him to deliver you from them. I believe that Ephesians 6:10-20 was written by Paul for you. Please read it, memorize it, recite it and and refer to it every time you have any of these dark thoughts or urges. Pray constantly for God's help through his Holy Spirit working in you to perfect you according to His will in your life.

If you fail and slip up, please, please, please do not listen to Satan who will tell you that God has given up on you, that you've blown it and there is no way He wants to hear from you. God loves you, no matter what. Just ask forgiveness and get back on the wagon and keep on loving and praising God. He will have forgiven you. We both know that when you do relapse, that rather than a feeling of gratification you feel so empty and yeuck within and so far away from God. Please, please, don't do it.

When you do overcome these urges and and put them behind you, can you please thank God and praise and worship Him? There will be slips but so long as your heart, love and affection are for God, the trend will hopefully be upwards and one day, you will have put all of this behind you, ready for the next challenge. Your reward, apart from delighting your Lord and God will be magnificent!!

The reward of success is an amazing loving relationship and feeling of joy and peace that I couldn't even begin to describe here. Well worth the struggle.

God bless you bro.

Love Andy

=============================

Dear Lord God, we all have wild thoughts that we struggle with on a daily basis just like Mark is. But I pray for my poor brother who seems to be in such torment over his and ask that you help him to overcome his weird desires and instead focus upon pleasing you because obviously he loves you so much and he wants to be your precious son in whom you are well pleased.

I pray Lord for your protection through your Holy Spirit, building him up and reminding him that he needs you and helping him to resist the the ephemeral desires that that seems to torment him and try to undermine his love for you. Give him Lord this day the victory, so that he can overcome and no longer feel or have these desires, so he can focus upon praise and adoration of you dear Lord.

Amen
Thank you so much for your response, encouragement, advice and prayer Andy. I really appreciate it!

I do seek help for my OCD that I suffer with for over a decade now, and finally, after seeking treatment last summer, it has improved so I'm very thankful to the Lord for that. I feel like I had to go through psychosis and be admitted so that finally I could get the treatment I needed because it completely took over my life for a long time.

And thanks for the advice about slipping up and getting back on the horse! I can be an extreme person and if I slip up and decide to wear make up one day (I like the process of blending products, it's kind of like art to me) I feel like I've betrayed God, I've made him angry and disappointed so I stop my walk with him and just end up giving up. But you're right, I need to continue my walk with him, pray and fight through my temptations and urges. I need to find other hobbies and interests. Easier said then done but if I want to be with God then I must be strong and battle these demonic forces. God has been calling on me since August of last year, and I know he has a special purpose for me, he has saved me from times where I should have died and now more then ever for the last few months he has really been calling on me to be born again and lead a righteous lifestyle. I just get discouraged and feel like a complete failure when I slip up and the disappointment is hard to deal with.

Thanks again. God bless.
 
Active
Our thoughts and prayers are directed at you. It is a battle, and God has shown you your enemies. It will not be easy on the mind or the heart body and your soul, take the written word of God with you for it is your “Sword” and God will be your light! And when you come out! You are going to know you been in a fight. Many of us, went through things that we thought we could never make it out! But God who was our hidden strength was there all the time. “Andyindauk” has given You Precious oil, just apply it to all of your wounds. Shalom!
 
Member
Hi guys.

I'm 26, suffer from anxiety/OCD intrusive thoughts, homosexuality and a bit of gender dysphoria, not extreme like transgenders do, but I do wear make up, diet to have a feminine body, have feminine interests, etc.

I know Jesus is the way and the only way. I know that the life I am living right now is not the proper life to live and it does not glorify God in any way. I also suffer a lot because of my anxiety and OCD and these intrusive thoughts which I believe are all demons that I allowed into my life with years of drug use, alcoholism and studying the occult.

I'm not sure why, but it is hard for me to submit to the Lord, trust Him and give my passions up. I know He is the way and I know I will suffer in Hell for eternity if I don't repent and give my life to Him, but for some reason, I am too weak to give up my passions (like cosmetics, feminine things, etc that are not meant for men). I feel like I would live an entire life restraining myself and not being able to express who I am (or who I think I am, anyway). I logically understand and know that the after-life in Hell would be worst then anything I can even begin to imagine, and like I said, I know Jesus is THE way, but still, I choose to live in sin and won't submit to God. I feel like it could be a demonic spirit that is in me that refuses to repent and give my life to Christ or something.

How do I start changing my heart so I can give up the things of the world and dedicate my entire life to God? I tried this summer after God brought me back from psychosis and a lot of crazy events that should have me in a psychward for the rest of my life, and I did well reading the bible and watching Christian YouTube videos, but ultimately the demonic spiritual attacks got really intense (the depression, my OCD got worst, lots of anxiety, etc) and I strayed away from the righteous path to find relief in old hobbies which are meant for the opposite sex.

Any advice on how to fully submit to the Lord, give up worldly things and passions and follow Christ with 100% dedication? The heart is wicked and I know mine is but I don't know how to change it. I know in the bible it says that if you give up your life for God here on earth, you gain eternal life in heaven after you die but I find it to be a major struggle for me. Any advice on how to do it and how to cope with temptations and giving up the "old" you? Any kind of particular prayers I can do? I want to change my heart but it's hard. The homosexual spirit is a very tough one to deal with because it's like all your interests as a gay male are "women things" and God doesn't condone effeminate men. It's like, for me to please God and truly be a real Christian, I would have to give up a lot of things I identify with and even a romantic life and that is difficult for me to process fully.

Thanks
Blessings in Christ, Mark.

You paraphrased a verse that may actually be the key to your deliverance, or at least one of them. "I know in the bible it says that if you give up your life for God here on earth, you gain eternal life in heaven."
The actual verse reads (in the original), "whosever should want to save his life (literally, his psyche) shall lose it, but whoever will lose his life (again, ψυχὴν in the Greek) for my sake and the gospel's shall save it."

The meaning is this: Yes it means "lose your life," but not in the physical sense. He's talking about in essence forsaking your former persona, with its desires, passions and interests. You must renew your mind, heart and soul to the place where it becomes entirely consumed with loving, serving and worshipping the Living God. This can be a long process. It is for most. But what you want to be doing is making progress continually in the right direction, and this starts with always seeking to draw closer to God by spending time in His word, and in prayer and worship. Don't worry about your failings. Let them worry about themselves. If you mess up, just put it behind you and keep focusing on growing in God.

In time, He will replace with Himself everything your heart is consumed with.

God bless, and congratulations. You did a wise thing by being open and direct about where you are in your spiritual life.
Hidden
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings,

I have taken liberty to copy paste your testimony here for others to better understand where you are at and what is going on for you, Mark.

=======================

I am a homosexual struggling with mental illness which I know are demons. I have "intrusive thoughts" connected to my OCD and social anxiety. Whenever I am around people, I always think they are gonna think the worst of the worst of me. That I'm jealous, a murderer, a pedophile, that I'm going to harm them, steal from them or do something terrible when I'm walking behind them even though I would never and I am not any of those things. The thoughts automatically come when I'm around people to make me look bad and I look awkward and guilty/like a suspect around people because the thoughts are so overbearing. I am very paranoid. I know these are demons and they came into my life from my past drug abuse, marijuana habit, leading a rebellious lifestyle and from researching Astrology/Numerology/tarot cards/the occult. I consciously know that these are paranoid thoughts but it's so hard for me to ignore them in social situations because they just pop up and make me feel very uneasy and uncomfortable and people notice it and it makes me awkward and paranoid. I have really bad energy from the demonic attacks and people pick up on it. The intrusive thoughts started from when I was about 15-16, it started with social anxiety and then the intrusive thoughts came but I didn't stop smoking weed or doing other drugs and they got worst overtime... Then I quit because I couldn't live with how awkward and embarrassing and paranoid I was coming across around people when I used to be popular/well liked but the intrusive thoughts and social anxiety never went away... So then I ultimately became an alcoholic because whenever I was drunk, I felt like the "old me," no awkward thoughts, no social anxiety, no "if I do this, people will think that," "if I say this, people will think that," - I just felt like my funny, social self but it ultimately made me feel hopeless down the line. I started smoking weed again and it gave me psychosis and I ended up in a mental hospital recently where I was put on antipsychotic drugs and the psychosis stopped but the intrusive thoughts/OCD and social anxiety remained. I gave my life to Jesus on 2019-09-15 because I felt so hopeless and like I couldn't go on anymore. But I've never wanted to kill myself because I always believed in God and the after-life. I also always knew that being a homosexual was a sin and I had nightmares about it since the age of about 5 years old. I no longer want to live a homosexual life and I've turned from drugs and alcohol and pornography/masturbation and I've been on the straight and narrow since the day I gave my life to Christ. I still struggle with the intrusive thoughts and I currently go to a hospital for appointments and see a psychiatrist but would ultimately like to be completely healed by God because I am a believer and I know he can do all things. I am on strong medications to treat my symptoms though and it's fairly new treatment. I have been on and off medications since about 15-16 when the symptoms popped up. I also have an eating disorder past which I've overcome. Sometimes I struggle with gender identity issues and I used to wear make up but I turned from all of that. I don't mind being tempted by homosexual urges or wanting to wear make up/be effeminate because I can overcome those temptations as I grow stronger in the Lord, however, I got here because God broke me down so much over the years with these mental problems and always thinking people are thinking the worst of me that I had no choice but to turn to my Faith. I am looking for support, basically, and to hear other people's stories. I purchased a bible from Amazon but it's hard for me to understand some of the stuff and it's hard for me to concentrate with the demonic delusions in my head, always expecting/thinking the worst of how others perceive me. I've been going through quite the mental anguish for many years now... I know Jesus can heal me but I'm still fairly new to the Christian lifestyle and have a lot to learn but I've always been a believer.

=====================

Bless you ....><>
 
Moderator
Staff Member
Greetings again,

i don't know how medications effect fasting but may i recommend fasting. First please seek medical advice. You don't need to tell the reasons why, only that you are considering a fast. If the 'experts' in whatever field they stand in, say it is OK, please do fast and pray and read your Bible some. Psalms would be a good place to fast with. Also keep away from all internet during fasting! ALL internet and tv, music, etc. Get serious!
Two or three days max. If you can do this a few times, you might lengthen it but I STRONGLY RECOMMEND first seeking medical advice as problems might arise due to medications you may be taking.
If you are told to not fast fully, at least keep away from anything worldly and do a part fast of much less food and beverages... and pray! Three days is a little, a very little time, to give to the Lord. You CAN do it! If you are told to not fast, go a week without all the internet and stuff that distracts one and satisfies the flesh. If you are happy with receiving the victory... keep clean from anything that might remind you of the old way.... and give thanks! [to the LORD]
I used to drink a lot of alcohol. Should i go sniffing alcohol and think i will be safe from temptations because i am only smelling it?

Another vital aspect of the fast is repentance. You either want to repent or you don't. Do not overlook this or be happy to say a few words and leave it at that.
We all must repent for all sin, not only for the few you listed here, so far. Sin is sin. the wages of sin is death, but thanks be to God Who has provided a Way for all who believe and trust in His Way, His Son, Who, while we were yet sinners, died for us that we might have life.
Get heavy on the grace you have been offered and the filthiness of your condition, your need, like mine and all others, for God's grace in Christ Jesus His Son.

Stop labeling any problem as yours. In Christ you have been set free. if you are His, then He is your 'owner' and what is His is yours and likewise, what is yours is His and He does not have any issues .... so quit calling any problems, yours. Same as any tendencies or homosexual fancies etc. They do not belong to you if you are His.
What do you confess? You and your old sin or Christ and your new life in Him?

For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Romans 10:10


Bless you ....><>
 
Member
Greetings again,

i don't know how medications effect fasting but may i recommend fasting. First please seek medical advice. You don't need to tell the reasons why, only that you are considering a fast. If the 'experts' in whatever field they stand in, say it is OK, please do fast and pray and read your Bible some. Psalms would be a good place to fast with. Also keep away from all internet during fasting! ALL internet and tv, music, etc. Get serious!
Two or three days max. If you can do this a few times, you might lengthen it but I STRONGLY RECOMMEND first seeking medical advice as problems might arise due to medications you may be taking.
If you are told to not fast fully, at least keep away from anything worldly and do a part fast of much less food and beverages... and pray! Three days is a little, a very little time, to give to the Lord. You CAN do it! If you are told to not fast, go a week without all the internet and stuff that distracts one and satisfies the flesh. If you are happy with receiving the victory... keep clean from anything that might remind you of the old way.... and give thanks! [to the LORD]
I used to drink a lot of alcohol. Should i go sniffing alcohol and think i will be safe from temptations because i am only smelling it?

Another vital aspect of the fast is repentance. You either want to repent or you don't. Do not overlook this or be happy to say a few words and leave it at that.
We all must repent for all sin, not only for the few you listed here, so far. Sin is sin. the wages of sin is death, but thanks be to God Who has provided a Way for all who believe and trust in His Way, His Son, Who, while we were yet sinners, died for us that we might have life.
Get heavy on the grace you have been offered and the filthiness of your condition, your need, like mine and all others, for God's grace in Christ Jesus His Son.

Stop labeling any problem as yours. In Christ you have been set free. if you are His, then He is your 'owner' and what is His is yours and likewise, what is yours is His and He does not have any issues .... so quit calling any problems, yours. Same as any tendencies or homosexual fancies etc. They do not belong to you if you are His.
What do you confess? You and your old sin or Christ and your new life in Him?

For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness; and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.
Romans 10:10


Bless you ....><>
It's interesting that you mention Psalms, I found a book in the hospital called "The Book of Psalms" and started reading it but stopped when the anxiety and intrusive thoughts got unbearable while reading it. Those were totally demonic attacks. I do still have the book! But being put in a hospital was ultimately what needed to happen because I finally know my condition, it's a form of OCD called "Pure O" and it's connected to my anxiety as well. It's basically obsessive, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that give you anxiety. Medications have definitely helped and I've improved so much but I know these are demonic attacks. I suffered with this for a very long time before finally getting help.

Thank you for the advice. I'll ask my doctor about fasting. I'm sure it'll be fine. Fast, pray and read the book of Psalms. I can do that. I stopped drinking alcohol a few weeks ago and I haven't smoked weed or done any kind of drugs for a few months now. I intend to remain clean and sober. Thank you so much for your advice and tips. I'll research more about fasting. God bless.
 
Member
It's interesting that you mention Psalms, I found a book in the hospital called "The Book of Psalms" and started reading it but stopped when the anxiety and intrusive thoughts got unbearable while reading it. Those were totally demonic attacks. I do still have the book! But being put in a hospital was ultimately what needed to happen because I finally know my condition, it's a form of OCD called "Pure O" and it's connected to my anxiety as well. It's basically obsessive, unwanted, intrusive thoughts that give you anxiety. Medications have definitely helped and I've improved so much but I know these are demonic attacks. I suffered with this for a very long time before finally getting help.

Thank you for the advice. I'll ask my doctor about fasting. I'm sure it'll be fine. Fast, pray and read the book of Psalms. I can do that. I stopped drinking alcohol a few weeks ago and I haven't smoked weed or done any kind of drugs for a few months now. I intend to remain clean and sober. Thank you so much for your advice and tips. I'll research more about fasting. God bless.
Hey, Mark.
I liked Brother Bear's advice a lot, especially about both fasting and the confessions of your mouth. This is going to be a battle of Faith, and I mean against what does indeed sound like demonic attacks. I didn't want to jump to that immediately because it might increase your anxieties, but the demons are not stronger than the Lord Jesus Christ, and He will expect You to fight the good fight of faith yourself through faith in Him. He will help you if you do.

Let me show you a few things from James. First it says, "Submit yourselves to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you" (James 4:7). In context, this was about resisting the temptation to use one's tongue to slander and curse others in anger (James 4:1-2, 3:1-12). But he clearly attributed this temptation to demons, saying in 3:16 that "wisdom" which is spoken out of envy and jealousy is "earthly, soulish, and demonic" (see NIV, which reads, "of the Devil," but the Greek word is what we get our English word "demonic" directly from). He also said the tongue is "set on fire of Hell" (James 3:6).

Applied to your situation, the same answer would apply. You must resist the Devil whenever he puts those thoughts in your head. Counter every word with a response in Christ, and if you get tired of hearing it, start appealing to the Lord Jesus Christ, out LOUD especially whenever possible, to silence the voices you are hearing, and KEEP praying to Him that He do so until they finally DO stop, and not a minute sooner. Like I said, it will be a test of Faith, and your faith in the Lord hearing and answering your prayers will have to be stronger than the doubts and negative thoughts that the enemy will put in your head.

I also agree with the fasting, as it will increase your prayer life in general while weakening the flesh. Not sure three days will do much in the immediate, but it is an excellent habit to get into. The demons can't stand it when you weaken your flesh. They want it strong so they can tempt you through it. But always focus attention on God, not demons. Whenever they have you thinking negatively or about doubts and fears and failures, silence them, and if they refuse to shut up then begin praying to the Lord Jesus Christ incessantly to silence them for you until they are finally silenced.

God bless.
 
Member
Hi guys.

I'm 26, suffer from anxiety/OCD intrusive thoughts, homosexuality and a bit of gender dysphoria, not extreme like transgenders do, but I do wear make up, diet to have a feminine body, have feminine interests, etc.

I know Jesus is the way and the only way. I know that the life I am living right now is not the proper life to live and it does not glorify God in any way. I also suffer a lot because of my anxiety and OCD and these intrusive thoughts which I believe are all demons that I allowed into my life with years of drug use, alcoholism and studying the occult.

I'm not sure why, but it is hard for me to submit to the Lord, trust Him and give my passions up. I know He is the way and I know I will suffer in Hell for eternity if I don't repent and give my life to Him, but for some reason, I am too weak to give up my passions (like cosmetics, feminine things, etc that are not meant for men). I feel like I would live an entire life restraining myself and not being able to express who I am (or who I think I am, anyway). I logically understand and know that the after-life in Hell would be worst then anything I can even begin to imagine, and like I said, I know Jesus is THE way, but still, I choose to live in sin and won't submit to God. I feel like it could be a demonic spirit that is in me that refuses to repent and give my life to Christ or something.

How do I start changing my heart so I can give up the things of the world and dedicate my entire life to God? I tried this summer after God brought me back from psychosis and a lot of crazy events that should have me in a psychward for the rest of my life, and I did well reading the bible and watching Christian YouTube videos, but ultimately the demonic spiritual attacks got really intense (the depression, my OCD got worst, lots of anxiety, etc) and I strayed away from the righteous path to find relief in old hobbies which are meant for the opposite sex.

Any advice on how to fully submit to the Lord, give up worldly things and passions and follow Christ with 100% dedication? The heart is wicked and I know mine is but I don't know how to change it. I know in the bible it says that if you give up your life for God here on earth, you gain eternal life in heaven after you die but I find it to be a major struggle for me. Any advice on how to do it and how to cope with temptations and giving up the "old" you? Any kind of particular prayers I can do? I want to change my heart but it's hard. The homosexual spirit is a very tough one to deal with because it's like all your interests as a gay male are "women things" and God doesn't condone effeminate men. It's like, for me to please God and truly be a real Christian, I would have to give up a lot of things I identify with and even a romantic life and that is difficult for me to process fully.

Thanks
Hi Mark. To me you are not different to any other man on this world. And your sin either. Everyone needs a repentance, everyone needs Christ. The fact is that you in a difference to others can recognise your sin and that you are in need of God. The thing is that now you need to have faith that He can forgive you and of course He can. You just need to ask Him this by opening your heart and being more and more sincere with Him. Sometimes it is not a question of just giving up things. We can try, but the main thing is to know more of God. In base of what I know of Him, I am going to live as well. And I am not speaking about intellectual knowledge, but about knowing Him with my heart and having experiences with Him. So I what I think is that right now you just need to relax and focus more on knowing God with your heart, having a faith. Sometimes it comes bit by bit, sometimes is like something overwhelming over us, but it will eventually come if we focus with our hearts. This will help you and lead you how to live a life for Him in the right way. An encounter with God helped me one day to repent and start living for Him. Before that I didn't know exactly what was right and wrong, but He helped me to see it.
 
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