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Have a parent with a mental illness

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Member
Hi all.

I really need someone to talk to who will understand what I am going through. My mom is bipolar. She has cut me out of her life for the past 7 months now, as she has with the rest of her family. I do hear from her through harrasing text messages. I have let my mom go. In an emotional way. I can't let her run my life, or my feelings. I need to get myself healthy again. She has had a lot of control over me. I believe that when I get healthy enough I will be better when my mom comes back into my life (this is not the first time this has happened)

Sorry to ramble.. I was just wondering if there was anyone out there who understood who I could talk to about this. I have let my mom go, yet there are times that it is very hard. Especially with the mean text messages.

Thank you all for listening. God Bless!
 
Administrator
Staff Member
Please do not give up on your mother. I know GOD understands why you would distance yourself from here, and perhaps its a must in your situation. However, keep on praying for her. Bipolar is a serious issue.

I know you can agree with me when I say GOD did not intend for her to have bipolar. So, this means you are left obligated (out of love and humility towards GOD) to pray for her.

GOD bless you
 
Member
Hi Journey1! , and how are you all doing, on this blessed night? I'am in somewhat in agreement with Chad, however! The Lord sees and hear you every time that you would cast all! I mean every bit of your cares directly on him,

but for your sake, he will show himself strong on your behalf, nevertheless! if you just stay faith all the days and nights of your life, because of your weakness would prove any room for the enemy to hinder your faith walk and prayers also,

so then! by your faith and working out of your own soul salvation would make you that soldier until your saviour grants issues to you, do you understand my sister? I Peter 5:7-11.
 
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Member
Please do not give up on your mother. I know GOD understands why you would distance yourself from here, and perhaps its a must in your situation. However, keep on praying for her. Bipolar is a serious issue.

I know you can agree with me when I say GOD did not intend for her to have bipolar. So, this means you are left obligated (out of love and humility towards GOD) to pray for her.

GOD bless you

I would never give up on my mother. I am sad to see that you said this. My mother has harrased me. She has cost me jobs, colleges, relationships. I can't be around her anymore. I know that bipolar is serious. I have seen horrible things happen. All I am asking for is someone who understands. I love my mother, but she is not healthy and she takes it all out on me. Its been a very hard life. I pray for my mother everyday.

I am really hurt, but thanks anyways.
 
Administrator
Staff Member
I would never give up on my mother. I am sad to see that you said this. My mother has harrased me. She has cost me jobs, colleges, relationships. I can't be around her anymore. I know that bipolar is serious. I have seen horrible things happen. All I am asking for is someone who understands. I love my mother, but she is not healthy and she takes it all out on me. Its been a very hard life. I pray for my mother everyday.

I am really hurt, but thanks anyways.
There is no reason to accuse me of hurting you. I simply responded with encouraging words. I was merely trying to help, but you reject it. I do not need your accusations whatsoever, so if you cannot show some respect around here then do not bother asking for help. Don't bite the hand that feeds you ( in this case, those that bless you).
 
Member
There is no reason to accuse me of hurting you. I simply responded with encouraging words. I was merely trying to help, but you reject it. I do not need your accusations whatsoever, so if you cannot show some respect around here then do not bother asking for help. Don't bite the hand that feeds you ( in this case, those that bless you).
I did not accuse you, it did hurt me. Its how I feel. I can't help how I feel. The whole situation hurts me. I have been trying to find someone who will let me vent and listen to me for the longest time, but everyone always sides with her and tells me to keep talking to her and keep staying in her life. I just want to let it out to someone who will let me scream it all out.

I am sorry if I offeded you. I understand that you do not understand how I feel. Just try to understand that I am hurting, and I meant you no harm.
 
Member
Hi Journey

Greetings dear sister Journey,

I really understand how you must be hurting terribly, and I also understand how sensitive the situation is. I also understand Chad's original response, that it was meant in a spirit of love and encouragement, and how when we are hurting even encouraging words can seem hurtful.

Being in a close relationship with someone with mental and emotional issues can wear out the best of us. Draw on the strength of Christ, pray for your mother, but also pray for yourself. James chapter 1 talks about trials, and in between verses 2 and 12 (which are about enduring times of trial) there is a passage about wisdom...trials demand wisdom, so ask God for wisdom, believing you will receive it, and He will guide you.

I am, by the grace of God, one who understands the pain and torment of mental illness, but by His equal grace am able to take a more balanced look at it now. Keep the faith sister...through this He will make you stronger, and better equipped for the future.

Read 1 Peter 1:13.

God bless,
Mark.
 
Member
Greetings dear sister Journey,

I really understand how you must be hurting terribly, and I also understand how sensitive the situation is. I also understand Chad's original response, that it was meant in a spirit of love and encouragement, and how when we are hurting even encouraging words can seem hurtful.

Being in a close relationship with someone with mental and emotional issues can wear out the best of us. Draw on the strength of Christ, pray for your mother, but also pray for yourself. James chapter 1 talks about trials, and in between verses 2 and 12 (which are about enduring times of trial) there is a passage about wisdom...trials demand wisdom, so ask God for wisdom, believing you will receive it, and He will guide you.

I am, by the grace of God, one who understands the pain and torment of mental illness, but by His equal grace am able to take a more balanced look at it now. Keep the faith sister...through this He will make you stronger, and better equipped for the future.

Read 1 Peter 1:13.

God bless,
Mark.
Thank you. Thank you for the bible verse also.
 
Member
Hi all.

I really need someone to talk to who will understand what I am going through. My mom is bipolar. She has cut me out of her life for the past 7 months now, as she has with the rest of her family. I do hear from her through harrasing text messages. I have let my mom go. In an emotional way. I can't let her run my life, or my feelings. I need to get myself healthy again. She has had a lot of control over me. I believe that when I get healthy enough I will be better when my mom comes back into my life (this is not the first time this has happened)

Sorry to ramble.. I was just wondering if there was anyone out there who understood who I could talk to about this. I have let my mom go, yet there are times that it is very hard. Especially with the mean text messages.

Thank you all for listening. God Bless!
Hi Journey,
I will pray for you and your Mom. I do understand because I watch a similar situation happening to my sister from my Mom, however I can't blame bipolar because I don't know what is making her do this. A lot of anger though. They never had a good relationship in life but it's gotten worse. You can PM me if you want to talk. God bless!
 
Member
Hi J11,

I unfortunatly do understand. My mom has not been diagnosed, yet it is apparent that something is amiss and has been for a very very long time. She also had a brain anyourism a few years back that seems to have also had an effect on her brain.

My mom has not talked to me since June, @ 7 months, for no real big reason. I have been trying my best to respond as Jesus would. I found out through my sister and the only e-mail from my mom. It was a little mis communitcation - very little. I called and left her an apology message taking responsibilty where I had mistaked and extra. I have a slightly differant communication problem than you. Yet, maybe in sharing my "journey" you can glean some helpful things for your life. She will not respond to anything from me: phone calls, voice mail, e-mail(after her first one to me) nor hand written letters. We live about 8 hours away from each other. I really belived that she and I and my Dad had come to have a pretty good relationship via the Lord's work. But there is no contact from her. Sometimes it feels so lonely. I cry out to the Lord and can see that my trust in Him has increased as well as my love for Him. I also appricate His love for me lots more than before and I really did need His love a lot before this time. Some times it feels like she has died and I greive and mourn the loss of my Mother. you see I love her and miss her (not the abuse though). My Mom is a Christian and led me in the sinner's prayer when I was eight years old. My husband and I pray most nights together for my Parents for their healing and blessing. As well as our relationship with them.

I am from an abusive home. I am all about forgiveness b/c God is. I have worked years upon years with Jesus in healing and growing into the woman that the Lord designed me to be. It's not easy but so worth it. Most important is hanging onto the Truth found in the Bible.

Here are some tools that I have used:
Bible (reading, thinking about scriptures and praying while reading), Prayer (just plain talking with Jesus/My Heavenly Father/The Holy Spirit constantly - I tell Him everything (I figure that He knows it all anyway & knows my heart), Journaling has been key for me as well (I most often write letters to the Lord pouring out my heart to him - for some reason when I write, my heart is touched deeper and change is longer lasting. Sometimes I just write out the answers to the following questions: I think...I feel...I belive... Some times I write out the scripture that I just read that stuck out to me (I did this for a long while today while seeking the Lord's will as to the next steps with my parents (my Dad follows my Mom). I just kept on getting that I am to love them. And I kept on asking Jesus to help me have a HEALTHY relationship with them.

Another thing that has been key to me is to have some older Godly ladies walk life with me. They have been often a seragate mother to me. They have prayed for me and held me up. Sometimes they have just plain cried with me and let me cry into their arms. Other times they have spoken truth to me that I had not seen. Always they point me to Jesus and I am forever grateful.

Bible studies/Home groups - just a great blessing to be around others for prayer support and encouragement. As well to focus on things other than the issues at hand - Bible, prayer and other people's needs.

Also support groups - to be with others that are going through the same thing as you might be a huge blessing. I know that they have been for me in differant seasons of my life.

{I am sorry for the mis-spellings, the spell checker is not working. I've tried five times and need to send this off and head to sleep. Please Chad or other "leader" of the group feel the freedom to fix my mistakes. Thanks so much.}
 
Member
I would appreciate prayers for this situation as well. My husband and I are headed back to my "home land" for Christmas & don't know what to do. Thanks so much.
 
Member
Let me tell you that I understand. I wish I did not understand. I understand right down to the bones of my body.

If God is releasing you from the torment of having to deal personally with your mother than simply accept that release with thanksgiving and continue to pray for your mother in faith. But accept your release.

I am hear to say to anyone who will hear that until you deal with mental illness in the family you just do not know the torment and anguish that is involved. It changes the lives of all involved.

Also I want to say this. Let it drive you to God. Let the pain and anguish of the entire situation drive you to the LORD. As you reach out to Him through the grace of Jesus Christ He will turn it all to your good. Instead of telling you not to give up on your mother I would say to you don't give up on God. Let your faith in Him enrich and grow. He will lead you concerning your mom. He will lead you concerning your entire life.

God bless you and keep you. May you be comforted and encouraged in the Name of Jesus.
 
Member
I have a bi-polar friend and am somewhat familiar with his story. I also know the pain of being cut off by a loved one. I did a great deal of damage to my daughter in her younger years - alcoholism, wasted money, domineering behavior, etc. I came to Christ in 1983 and the maturing process re-started, but my daughter has refused to have anything to do with me.

How do I deal wih it? First of all, I decide to own the situation. To try to pretend that it is something less than what it is would be disatrous and dishonest. Secondly, when anger over the situation comes, I work my way through it, then fall on my knees and give it to God.

Two suggestions: First, give your mom over to God when ever strife over this situation attacks you. He has ALL POWER, you have no power of your own. Secondly, memorize Mark 11:22-24 and meditate on it daily. Remember that Jesus is speaking hyperbole in this teaching - He's not talking of actually heaving a mountain into the sea. But He is saying that in your petition to God for healing of this situation, if you do not allow doubt to take root in your mind,/B] you will receive what you ask in His time and according to His will.

SpiritLedEd (SLE)
 
Member
Hello Journey. There's a delicate balance that's needed here. You can't submerge yourself into her harmful lifestyle and at the same time, you can't cut her off.

I understand exactly where you are coming from. Although my mom isn't bipolar, she's like a faithbuster and everytime I tell her something good is happening in my life, she sucks all my faith out and fills my world with doubt by giving me a "reality check"

So over the years I have distanced myself from her doubtful ways, but I still keep her in my prayers. We have a 200 mile buffer between us so I only see her about 4 times a year.

Am I saying to move far from your mom? No, I'm just giving you my scenario. Pray vigorously about the situation as Jesus is the only person who can set your mom free from those chains of bondage.

God Bless you. Keep the faith.
 
Member
Also I want to say this. Let it drive you to God. Let the pain and anguish of the entire situation drive you to the LORD. As you reach out to Him through the grace of Jesus Christ He will turn it all to your good. Instead of telling you not to give up on your mother I would say to you don't give up on God. Let your faith in Him enrich and grow. He will lead you concerning your mom. He will lead you concerning your entire life.

God bless you and keep you. May you be comforted and encouraged in the Name of Jesus.
Thank you Shepherdsgrace for this above. I am not the original poster for this thread, but this so encouraged my heart. It came up in my e-mail box at just the time I needed it. I have been driven to God so much more in this season of pain/growth. I am so thankful for Him and to Him. Each time stuff comes up and pinches my heart or my head hurts from trying to figure it out, I run as fast as I can to Jesus. I can't change my mom, so instead I'll hold as tight as I can to the Lord. Sometimes I just know that He picks me up and carries me. The other night at a prayer mtg. I had the most restful peace time. I know that the Lord did and is doing stuff.
Thanks again.
 
Member
[Am I saying to move far from your mom? No, I'm just giving you my scenario. Pray vigorously about the situation as Jesus is the only person who can set your mom free from those chains of bondage.

God Bless you. Keep the faith. [/COLOR][/QUOTE]

AMEN.
 
Member
Hi journey11,

I'm not quite sure what to say, but wanted to reach out to you. I have had mental illness - psychotic depression - and became estranged from some of my family because they became part of delusions I was having. I couldn't separate reality from fantasy, and my perception of who they really were and are became distorted.

I also have a son, who now lives with his dad, largely because I couldn't cope with the care of him.

If there were times that you shared with your mum in love, these memories can help you know that all what's happening now is illness. It's so hard when someone close to you is ill mentally - I think its hard to come to terms with because outwardly they look the same yet what they are saying and how they are acting can be difficult, sometimes very difficult, to deal with.

Because God is so good, I don't have the debilitating delusions that I used to have. There is hope - stay faithful to God in this trial. I think it is appropriate that your boundaries may be different now around when you see or speak with your mum - only you and God know what is appropriate.

If you want to chat feel free to pm me.
 
Member

Kat

Hi all.

I really need someone to talk to who will understand what I am going through. My mom is bipolar. She has cut me out of her life for the past 7 months now, as she has with the rest of her family. I do hear from her through harrasing text messages. I have let my mom go. In an emotional way. I can't let her run my life, or my feelings. I need to get myself healthy again. She has had a lot of control over me. I believe that when I get healthy enough I will be better when my mom comes back into my life (this is not the first time this has happened)

Sorry to ramble.. I was just wondering if there was anyone out there who understood who I could talk to about this. I have let my mom go, yet there are times that it is very hard. Especially with the mean text messages.

Thank you all for listening. God Bless!
Hi Journey11,

I'm sure this is a difficult period for you to go through, especially when you love your mother so much. Understand that you and your mother are 2 separate individuals and both of you need to be healthy. Because she's your mother, alot of things that happen to her will affect you alot as well. But you need to be strong. Bipolar is a difficult thing to go through, be assured that she does not mean what she says. It is probably also not within her means now to provide anything for you as a mother. She needs to get well, and medicine is the first step. Try to get some professional help for her if it's within your ability at the moment. Go find out what works for bipolar, medicine and psychotherapy combined may help, and how family members can be supportive.

This is not your fault, and I am sure you will not give her up. Certain things are not within your means at this point. Work on those you can handle and within your control and don't focus on issues that are not within your means. There is wisdom and awareness when you say that you cannot let her control your life and her problem affect you, because only when you are healthy can you help her in a healthy way. As much as you want to help her, you need to take care of yourself too. You probably need to build up your resources now before you can do anything, coz it seems to me that you have been trying and you are really tired now.

All things are possible, especially when we have God with us. I have seen bipolar patients who got well. Be strong and hopeful in our Lord. There is nothing he cannot handle. Cast all yr cares on him, and He is made strong in our weaknesses.

Take care sis, and I will be praying for you.

Kat
 
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