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Duties of a Christian Wife

Discussion in 'Bible Answers' started by Chad, Aug 22, 2004.

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  1. Chad

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    #1 Chad, Aug 22, 2004
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 17, 2005
    What Does The Bible Say About The Duties of a Christian Wife?
    The Christian Wife -- By Betty Miller
    Critical Words Destroy Marriages -- By Betty Miller


    The Christian Wife
    By Betty Miller

    In Titus 2:3-5, women are given some instructions regarding their husbands, children and homes. "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children...that the word of God be not blasphemed." One thing we notice about these verses is that the older women are instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. In our society we have the idea that when we fall in love with a man, this love (emotion) will keep the marriage together. This is far from the truth. Of course, emotional love is part of marriage, but the kind of love that the Scripture is referring to here in these verses has to be taught and learned. It is God's love as spoken of in 1 Corinthians 13. We might also call it character.

    The first step in learning how to love a husband, or anyone else for that matter, is to receive Christ into our hearts and let Him become our teacher. As we love Him and He loves us, that love spills over to those around us. We learn how to love others through reading, studying and applying God's Word to our hearts and our lives. Those who are older and more experienced can share with the younger ladies in order that they may be spared many heartaches by heeding their godly advice. Let us not think that we have all the answers but truly be open to the advice of those who are older and wiser whether they be in the church, or part of our family. Remember, the first commandment with a promise is the one that says, "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Exodus 20:12).

    Even as small children, if we fail to obey our parents, our days can be shortened. For example, if a parent tells his child not to play in the street and he disobeys, he can be killed. God places elders as leaders and guides to help the younger Christians to mature. We need a submissive spirit to be able to learn from others.

    A necessary ingredient for a compatible union, in spite of the abuses that occur when men are wrongly taught about their headship, is that women submit to their husbands. What does God expect of women in this area? First of all, we must understand that submission is an attitude and not just an action. Submission begins in the heart. There is a story about a little boy that was instructed by his teacher to sit down and be quiet. Because of his rebellious nature he did not want to do this, but was forced to by his teacher. Later, the children in the class were chiding him by saying, "Boy, you really sat down and shut up when the teacher approached you with the paddle." The rebellious boy replied,"I may have been sitting down on the outside, but I was still standing up on the inside."

    Many times women who claim to be submissive are only outwardly going through the motions of submission while inwardly they are still resenting their position in life. A prayer of submission would be in order: "Father, help me to be content in the role you created me for and give me a submissive spirit, not only toward my mate, but also toward each member in the body of Christ. Let me serve and not expect to be served. Create within me a lamb-like spirit even as Christ our Lord had. Amen." Of course, as we have mentioned, there are limits to submission as it should always be "as unto the Lord." We must first submit to God and then the problems involving submission to others will be resolved by Him. Some results that can occur when women are not in a right relationship with men are divorce, rebellious children, emotional problems and sexual frigidity. (To read more on the proper submission to a husband click here: http://www.bible.com/answers/asubmit.html )

    One of the main causes for these problems is an evil spiritual force of female domination. In I Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-25, and Ephesians 6:1-3, the divine order for families is stated. The husband is the head, then the wife is second in command, with the children in obedience to them. When the woman seeks to usurp this authority and rule the home, havoc results and the home is left wide open for Satanic attack. "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths" (Isaiah 3:12). In our land today, children are rebellious, causing strife in the homes, and women have become bossy and demanding. It is no wonder homes are falling apart. This type of spirit in a woman is a "Jezebel spirit." Just as Jezebel ruled her husband, King Ahab, in the Bible (I Kings 21:25), many women today are guilty of the same sin. This domineering and ruling spirit is not just found in women alone for we see it in men, too, when they use tyrannical means to rule their homes. The Lord would have our homes be examples of love, and the authority should be exercised in love. When someone has a "Jezebel spirit," it subtly manipulates the lives of everyone around him. Should we be guilty of this domineering spirit, let us ask the Lord to deliver us and create within us a sweet submissive spirit that is pleasing to the Lord. We will then be willing to listen to our husbands, knowing that the logic God gave man is for the protection of the woman.

    Man's logic and ideas, coupled with a woman's sensitivity, blend to aid each other in making decisions. Learning to hear the voice of the Lord is one area where both husband and wife can confirm to each other what the Spirit is saying as they each seek the will of God on any given circumstance. The woman will usually have a certain inclination about it, while the man will have a definite idea regarding the situation. The ideal is, of course, for both husband and wife to walk totally submitted unto the Lord. When this is not the case, the woman should not disregard her husband's advice, for the Lord can and does speak through unsaved husbands. When the wife is submitted to the Lord, the Lord will deal with her husband. Extreme submission where the wife never offers advice to her husband, or is never allowed to think for herself, is out of balance as God did not intend any human being to be another's "door mat." This is an example of that domineering "Jezebel spirit." People under this kind of dominance need deliverance, as do the ones imposing their domineering spirit. The Lord wants every area and dimension of our lives to be balanced in Him.

    CHRISTIAN DUTIES OF WIVES AND MOTHERS

    Another area where Satan tries to push women to extremes is in keeping household duties and spiritual pursuits in balance. Women who are unequally yoked are especially vulnerable in this area. Perhaps you know women who serve their husbands "tapes for breakfast," "Charismatic book reviews for lunch," and "Praise-the-Lord's for dinner." If this is not done under the Holy Spirit's unction and with His wisdom, it can turn husbands away from, not toward the Lord. A change of diet might speak more loudly than incessant talking about Jesus. A neat house, nice meals, and a genuine interest in the husband and his interests many times speaks louder than all the tapes. To fulfill her household duties, a woman may have to give up some of her "spiritual" activities. Three meetings a week really do not make us spiritual anyway.

    Real love is giving up what we would like to do in order to make another happy. We have all heard the old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." If a wife has claimed her husband's heart for Jesus, she might try reaching it through his stomach, if all else has failed. Then, when he asks why the sudden change, she can humbly say the Lord spoke to her about neglecting him and the home, and that Jesus very much wants happy homes and happy husbands. He will be interested in knowing a God like that. It works with rebellious kids, too, applied a little differently. Many of our family members are really crying out for love through their very acts of rebellion. Let's remember to spend time with them, as God gave us the home first.

    Some wives neglect their husbands and homes by engaging in too many spiritual pursuits. Of course, the opposite problem can also exist in our homes. Other problems arise when wives are so neat and fastidious about their homes that so much time is spent on cleaning and cooking that they neglect the much needed time of family worship and fellowship. Houses then become a "shrine" to be admired, placing more emphasis on the residence than the residents. Women can become "Marthas" instead of "Marys.''

    "Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

    The Lord wants both areas balanced in our lives, so let us remember not to be so "heavenly minded" that we are no "earthly good." And on the other hand, let's not get so earthbound that we miss the beauty of the Spirit.

    The woman has her primary responsibility in the home since the Scripture says she is to be the keeper of the home. "To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2:5). Preparing meals for the family is one of her prime duties. The world has set the standard when it comes to eating, rather than the Word of God. Here is another area where we need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance. Besides seeing to it that each member receives spiritual food, the Lord is emphasizing to His people that they need to make changes in their physical diets and receive the proper natural foods. Most of God's people have experienced His healing hand in their bodies, but one problem that seems to be prevalent is that after receiving healing, the devil comes to rob them of God's gift of healing. If we exercise our faith and rebuke the enemy in the name of Jesus, he will flee. If, however, you have done this and are still experiencing illness, perhaps the problem is one of maintaining the gift God has given you. By this I mean we must not only obey and keep spiritual laws, but also we must keep physical laws if we expect to walk in God's blessings.

    Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and many of our temples are filled with trash and garbage. Yet we expect the Holy Spirit to abide there, too. As women, we can be instrumental in ministering the proper food to our families. Instead of eating according to the present mode, we need to eat according to God's Word. The Bible has much to say about diet and eating. Of course, the extreme we should avoid here is to become so "food-minded" that we allow cooking and diet to absorb too much of our time. Obesity has become such a problem for so many people in the U.S.A. that we need to seek God to control our appetites and help us in this all important area. The Lord wants us to learn self-discipline and temperance in all things. In and of ourselves, we may not be able to overcome our old eating habits, but through prayer, with the Lord's help, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).

    Proverbs 31:10-31 gives us an excellent description of an ideal wife and mother. Verse 28 says, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also and he praiseth her." As wives and mothers we should examine our lives to see where we fall short and ask God to help us be like the companion and mother spoken about in these verses. Do our children call us blessed? What about our husbands? Are they praising us as wives? Perhaps our children are rebellious at this time; maybe our husbands are far from the Christian ideal, and neither is praising nor blessing us. Do we blame them and insist that the Lord change them, or do we look at ourselves and ask the Lord to turn the searchlight upon our own faults and failures so that He might work a change in us? Our number one problem is not our children, our mates, our job, or our circumstances--it is ourselves. Until we are willing to change ourselves, the Lord cannot begin the needed changes in our families.

    How does God effect these changes in our lives? First of all, we must be honest with God and face our shortcomings and sins. We must come confessing, "God, I am resentful toward this person; I can't help it; I don't want to be like this; help me change. Lord, help me to be the kind of wife and mother that will inspire my husband and children to rise up and call me blessed. Amen." As we yield to the Lord and follow His promptings, we shall surely see changes in our lives and in the lives of those we love.

    We must begin by seeing the kind of woman we are. The woman in Proverbs 31:28, "Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her," or the one in Proverbs 21:19, "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." I'm sure our desire is that we fit into the category of the first type, for we certainly do not want to be referred to as angry and contentious. But I wonder, if we honestly examined our hearts and motives and let the Lord turn His searchlight on us, if we might not see some areas where anger and contention do exist in our lives. Perhaps we do not openly voice our anger, but inside we feel it toward our husbands or children; and because we do not voice it, we have feelings of resentment toward them.

    Jesus, in the New Testament, talked much about our thought life and our inner feelings. Remember as he spoke to the religious leaders of His day, He reproved them for their evil hearts even though their outward deeds appeared to be right and good. We can outwardly do our duties as mothers and wives, but inside our hearts we may not really be lovingly ministering to them. We may be motivated by duty, not love. None of us really appreciate people doing things for us simply because it is their job. The real witness to others is when we do something simply because we love them. A lot of Spirit-filled Christians are eager to show the love of Jesus to everyone else, but those of their own households often suffer from a lack of love. Let us certainly show the love of Jesus to all we meet, but let's remember to show it in our homes first, asking the Lord to give us the true Spirit of love in performing our daily chores."Lord, may we turn the daily tasks into celebrations of love. Amen.''

    This article is taken from the book Neither Male Nor Female by Betty Miller. You may copy and circulate it freely.

    Critical Words Destroy Marriages

    By Betty Miller

    1 Peter 3:7-12:

    7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
    8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
    9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
    10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
    11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
    12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil."


    One of the things that begin to erode a marriage away is when one spouse begins to speak critically to and of the other one. The things we say to and about the other one can either be uplifting and encouraging or they can bring disharmony and hurt. Little critical words will lead to a dissatisfaction with one's mate and can escalate to bring about a divorce. No person should threaten to divorce the other just to get their way, or manipulate the other to do something they really don't want to do. When any one threatens divorce this is like speaking words of murder to your marriage.

    Words can accumulate in the spirit and cause one to react lovingly or hateful by what is spoken. The above verses warn each spouse not to return "railing for railing" but "blessing for a railing." As kind words are returned this stops the cycle of "railing for railing."

    Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."

    We are admonished in the Bible to seek to do good and to seek peace, not to stir up trouble because we want to air our anger and wrath. As Christians we are to give our anger to Jesus and ask Him to remove it, and replace it with His love, patience and forgiveness. We are not to take it out on someone else, especially our mates.

    Some husbands can be very cruel criticizing their wives appearance. If the wife is on the thin side or over-weight, the husband should pray to help her make the necessary changes that will help her to be healthy, but never should he belittle her appearance. This can damage their relationship, where it is difficult for her to reach out and love him and receive love from him. (This, of course, applies to a woman criticizing her husband about his appearance too.)

    The Lord calls us to love our mates, as we would love a sister or brother in the Lord and to be courteous. Many times, after people get married, they cease to be courteous to one another and they are rude and unmannerly. These things start with little things they quit doing to please the other and soon they grow into gross neglect. We should be kind to one another and think about saying nice things that edify and build our marriages instead of the hurtful words that tear them down. This "little fox" of critical speech in little things can be the root cause that later destroys the marriage.

    Proverbs 18:21: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
    22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."


    This article was taken from the Overcoming Life Digest (Jan./Feb. 2000 Issue); click here to view Digest
     
  2. Maureen

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    The Christian Wife

    Chad
    I am really impressed at reading the piece quote
    'For the Lord can and does speak through unsaved husbands,
    When the wife is submitted to the Lord
    the Lord will deal with her husband'
    HALLILULJAH
    perhaps that's why mine has started
    to ask me to choose the church for Sunday Morning Worship
    and he will go along Amen
     
  3. Nugget

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    Sorry But I dont have time to read through your whole post I just wonder what your iews (in brief) are on Women speaking in the church, doing readings and stuff like that.
     
  4. Bible_Lover_Bill

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    God-pleasing wives

    God-Pleasing Wives



    Teach the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the Word of God.” Titus 2:3-5

    Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucks it down with her own hands.” Proverb 14:1

    We have a great book titled, As Unto the Lord. This is a great study for a wife (or wife to be), to learn how to be focused on meeting the needs of her husband. I remember when I first took a look at the inside pages and said to myself, “Wow! I need to study this book!

    If you want a great study tool that will help you to be a submissive wife, then this is it!




    Blessing Our Husbands
    (by Rachel Weaver)



    Ways that a Wife Can Bless Her Husband taken from ideas given by a group of husbands:

    1. Pray for your husband daily, not just casually ("God Bless Hubby") but for specific areas of need and blessing.

    2. Thank God for your husband's strengths, for the growth you see, and for the kindnesses that he shows you and the needs he meets in your life.

    3. Meditate often (at least once a week) on the Scriptures that teach your responsibilities and position in the home.

    4. Listen to him. Try to really hear what he is saying when he communicates with you.

    5. When he seems perplexed and troubled, do not pressure him. Support him by prayer, your presence, and words of encouragement.

    6. Be ready to share your observations and insights in a meek spirit, but openly and honestly, when he asks you. You can be his best counselor. You can anchor him when he needs it most.

    7. Encourage him. Do not nag him, or boss him. Do not argue with him even if you are sure he is wrong. He may have something in mind that you are not aware of or do not understand. Ask his counsel and advice.

    8. Only say up-building and affirming things about your husband to others. Do not criticize him even in a joking manner. Very rarely should you find yourself sharing anything about his faults or failings, and then only with someone who is truly in a position to help.

    9. Bless your husband in public. Do not apologize for his background, weaknesses or failures. This will build up your reverence for him and help establish the trust that you should both have for each other.

    10. If your husband has failed, entreat him in meekness, don't exaggerate the issue or berate him.

    11. Let him know that you want him to be your leader not only by what you say but by what you do. You get that message across by the way you respond to the leadership he does give you.

    12. Seek to please your husband even when he does not spell out what he wants you to do. Try to determine what his heart's desire is and do it as fully as possible.

    13. Teach your children to honor him, respect him, and bless him. You do this best by your own example.

    14. Depend on him. Be very sensitive to areas in which he wants you to act independently. Do not run away with this responsibility. Handle it carefully. If in question, choose dependence not independence.

    15. Seek opportunities to serve your husband in love. Find ways to show him that he is your “lord”.

    16. Be ready to make changes in your day or schedule to accommodate his needs or desires, especially if you run a home business and he needs you or the children to serve in some capacity.

    17. When you need to make an appeal, prepare carefully. Choose your words wisely. Choose the time well so that you can have his attention and time to explain yourself. That way you can be sure that he understands you. When he is weary, at the end of a long day is not a good time to communicate weighty matters.

    18. Always let your husband have the last word, the deciding vote, the majority rule.

    19. Don't say “I told you so.”

    20. Show appreciation for the way he provides for you.

    21. Let your husband know that you love his attention to you and his singleness of heart for you. Bask in this attention and help him relate discreetly to other women especially by letting him know what makes women respond.

    22. Reserve yourself, your beauty, and your charm for him. Maintain true modesty and reserve while relating to other men.




    There are many, many ways to bless your husband that were not even touched here. These are just a some of the ways some husbands discussed that would make them feel honored. Women tend to think of kisses, hugs, notes in lunch boxes and a meal spent together alone. I am sure that our men appreciate all of those things. But as I typed this list that husbands had made, I was extremely impressed with their need for support and encouragement. They need and want a visible show of this. It is born out in our everyday life in the way we walk and talk, and in the way we respond to their leadership, plans, and desires.

    I think that many times we ladies are blind to how much contriving and planning we do to get our own way. Perhaps not consciously, but non-the-less we often tend to get what we really desire. We think we just make good valid appeals. These appeals are in order sometimes, but where is your heart? Is it where your husband can safely rest or are you always pushing the limit? Are you always going to bat for your young people and helping your husband to see why this or that is such a good idea? No doubt you do have good ideas that need to be shared, sometimes. But I am fully persuaded that I, all too often, am really blind to my husband's true desires.

    Let us pray for each other and meditate on how we can be women whose husbands can safely trust in. Let us be supporters, encourages and blessers. Let us affirm our husbands and be there for them. I think it is especially important as our families grow up and husbands need to make boundaries and guidelines for our young people. Often these guidelines are hard to make and even harder to implement. Let us back our husbands up and help them in their sincere desire to guide our families right. We can make their job infinitely easier and thus build a relationship of trust that deepens through the years, rather than ones that erodes as our young people grow in maturity.

    What a valuable legacy to pass on to posterity! Can he trust you to stand by him? :teeth:
     
  5. evangeline

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    #5 evangeline, Jan 10, 2005
    Last edited: Feb 2, 2005
    I have been looking into the place of women in leadership roles in the church a lot lately. My desire has always been to obey God and His word and to fulfil the call that I believe He has placed in my heart. Sometimes these things seem to be in conflict due to some conservatist misconceptions.

    Here are some of my findings...
    Nympha was the pastor of a church in Colossae (Colossians 4:15)
    Chloe had a church in Cenchrea (1 Corinthians 1:11)
    Priscilla was a noted Bible teacher with her husband Aquila, who is usually, and significantly, mentioned second to her. They also had a church that met at their home for a time. (Romans 16:3, Acts 18:18, etc)
    Phoebe was a noted evangelist who "preached to the Barbarians" as noted by a secular historian. She travelled widely preaching the gospel and delivered the Letter to the Romans written by Paul. She is mentioned in the Bible in Romans 16:1 where some versions call her a deacon, but the Greek word used here is more often translated, in other places as "minister." Phoebe was a Christian minister in every sense of the word.
    In Romans chapter 16, ten other women are mentioned by Paul and commended for their service. This doesn't mean that they knitted socks or served cups of tea, these were front line people. Junias in mentioned, alongside Andronicus, possibly her husband, as being an apostle. (Romans 16:7)
    Philip's daughters were respected prophets

    Women have always featured prominently in revivals, etc.

    It is important that New Testament Scriptures be read as a whole to get the full picture of a woman's "place" in ministry.
    Yes - the husband is the head of the wife! The scriptures that talk about this are referring to the marriage state only, not church heirarchy.
    Yes - women (and men) should remain seated and not cause a disturbance during church proceedings. These verses refer to the congregation not to the speaker/leader, etc. If you read 1 Timothy 2:11-12 in the Greek it is really talking against usurping authority and causing a disturbance. It is not saying that a women, called of God, cannot in the correct context bring a message from God.

    A strange double standard that many people have is that a woman can become a missionary and "preach" to both men and women in a foreign country, but they are banned from preaching in their own church.

    Women, like men, need to be sure of their calling from God and submit to authority. No one likes a pushy, domineering, self serving personality, this seems to be particularly offensive in women. As a Christian our motivation should always be love and obeience to God.

    I hope this helps
     
  6. Bobinfaith

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    #6 Bobinfaith, Jan 11, 2005
    Last edited: Jan 11, 2005
    Dear Evangeline,

    The NT scriptures you are referring to, we have to consider the geographical and political conditions during those times. And of Paul's letters, each letter addressed specifically to a certain people and their customs at that time. Today's "here and now" times are different. God knows that. But the point of the scriptures, and how it is applied today, is what God is saying to us.

    I don't disagree with you, sister, I want to understand your view. Why do you feel there is a double standard? A pushy, domineering, self serving personality is something that may be unbecoming in any woman or a man. Are you referring to a person in leadership with that attitude or in general? I personally would not follow any shepherd or anyone be it a man or woman with that approach. How would I then expect to grow?

    I do feel you may have a burning in your heart for God's calling to go into leadership ministry? Wonderful!

    I am saying I do agree with you, Evangeline, but need you to break it down a bit more for me so I can understand how God is using you to help me learn here.

    Your brother in Christ Jesus.
     
  7. evangeline

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    Hi Bobbinfaith,

    I do feel that people are more critical of women leaders. Many people don't feel that the Ephesians 4:11 ministries (prophet, evangelist, pastor, teacher) are applicable for women despite notable Biblical examples.

    Some people also think that the whole idea of women in leadership is offensive, that it is somehow against their intrinsic nature.

    As I mentioned in a previous post, some people/denominations who do not allow a woman to teach men in their own church, or in their own country, have no problem if that same women goes overseas and preaches to others (including men), as though foreigners are not classified as men.

    I can tell by your comments that I have not been clear to you. But I don't know how to make my thoughts more comprehensible. Basically I do feel that some women are called by God into leadership ministeries and that there is some (not a lot) of Biblical precedents to back this belief. Perhaps it is not a big issue in America, but in Australia it is rare for a woman to have a senior role in leadership which I think is sad. I know I have held back for many years because I thought it was unscriptural for me to have a leadership role in the Body of Christ. I'm still trying to find out precisely what my calling is, but I know that God is preparing something for me (Ephesians 2:10) as I continue to prepare myself.

    Is this any clearer...probably not....sorry...just some ramblings from someone who is still trying to work things out for herself in the Light of God's Word

    love
    evangeline
     
  8. JustJesus

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    I think that one should always check the Truth with the Spirit. Then Peace will be knit together, and the garment of His Praise complete.
     
  9. tissie1

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    Why is that we are always talking about being submissive wives? O.k. I do know why, sorry. But why aren't there any lists telling men how they could bless their wives??? They are allowed to do that right? Sorry for the sarcasm...
     
  10. Bible_Lover_Bill

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    about God-pleasing spouses

    Three Lists of Goals for Spouses Wanting God-Pleasing Marriages

    A. For both:
    1. Ideal things to think
    B -- I believe in you. I will boast about you because I appreciate you.
    E -- We can endure anything together. I always enjoy being with you.
    S -- I will stand-up and stand-by you whenever necessary. You completely satisfy me.
    T -- I will tolerate your unusual or strange habits. I am thankful for all of you.

    F -- I am so happy because you have let me become completely familiar with you. You are fantastic.
    R -- I rejoice for every smile and touch from you. We can have daily revival.
    I -- You are plenty intelligent enough for me. I greatly enjoy all types of intimacy with you.
    E -- You give me so much excitement and hope. Special energy comes from you and goes into me.
    N -- No one but you is the best for me. Nothing can stop my love for you.
    D -- You are the dearest person in the world. You are the best divine blessing for me every day.
    2. Both husband and wife should desire to frequently appreciate his/her spouse, who is the closest neighbor. This fulfills the Second Great Commandment. (Matthew 22:39) First, a true Christian should be doing frequently loving to God. Then each spouse should want to frequently appreciate to the beloved as the Holy Spirit urges. This requires living Proverbs 3:5 & 6 via prayer in order to be sensitive to the just mentioned. This is different than flattery because it includes no selfish motives. Appreciation without any expectations can be done in hundreds of different ways.
    3. Love for Holy Spirit guided affection. This is not just having what is called “the right chemistry” with another individual and usually there is way too much emphasis on sexual intercourse. God wants married couples to emphasize spiritual/peaceful/unselfish intimacy. There are so many forms (verbal and physical) of the love that comes from God (which is guided only by the Holy Spirit) compared to the common eros love ways. Unselfish affection loving will always result in peace, joy, supernatural feelings and physical reactions. There will be no guilt feelings or ungentle or forced physical actions.
    4. Each spouse should want to have the following agapè love instead of philèo and eros loves: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a-- “Love endures long {and} is patient and kind; love never is envious {nor} boils over with jealousy, is not boastful {or} vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) {and} does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights {or} its own way, {for} it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy {or} fretful {or} resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice {and} unrighteousness, but rejoices when right {and} truth prevail. Love bears up under anything {and} everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” Also, each spouse should want Galatians 5:22-26 to be manifested in their lives: “But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence).”
    5. Each spouse should desire to be always honest and truthful. Trust can be broken so easily by not doing such. There should always be a willingness to share all feelings when and where appropriate. Constructive criticism should only be done in private and done as tactfully as possible. The only way to go against the wiles of the spiritual enemy (via human beings, fallen angels, and human nature) is being honest and truthful. Philippians Paul said that the top priority of thinking should be about “whatsoever is truth” and Ephesians 6 states that the first piece of spiritual armor represents truth. The Bible is full of examples and commandments for truthfulness and honesty.
    6. Each spouse should want to completely trust God. “Lean on, trust in, {and} be confident in the Lord with all your heart {and} mind and do not rely on your own insight {or} understanding (or past experiences). In all your ways know, recognize, {and} acknowledge Him, and He will direct {and} make straight {and} plain your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear {and} worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves {and} sinews, and marrow {and} moistening to your bones.” Proverb 3:5-8
    God the Father should be at the top of the triangle of the marriage and Jesus Christ should be on the throne of each spouse's lives as He guides each of them via the Holy Spirit and the Bible. According to the first of the “Two Great Commandments” (Matthew 22:37), their first focus is to love God the Father, and as they do this and proceed up the triangle sides, they will get closer and more in love with each other. Each should love God so much more than his or her spouse.
    7. Both husband and wife should want to love and live the Bible more and more, especially the commandments of the New Testament. The just mentioned should be seen as God's best advice for how to relate to others. They all are contrary to the normal or common attitudes and actions, but especially Christian married couples should both live them so that they can be more and more Christ-like in this sinful world (which is full of selfishness, untruthfulness, prejudice, bitterness, hatred, etc.). They should also both love the promises of God for Christian believers. They require loving God or/and humbles.
    8. Christian spouses should have love for clean, non-offensive humor. Someone said, “If you don't have a sense of humor, you will not survive this negative world.” It took me over twenty-one years to do this; I was a serious, worrying, perfectionist until I realized that I needed to stop worrying about things and people I am not responsible about and to enjoy good humor. I wouldn't be sane now at age 58 if I didn't make these two changes in my thinking. Jokes or funny stories about marriage should be avoided or rejected.
    9. Love for same and similar hopes. This is last because true Christians will have the same and similar hopes because of the Holy Spirit urging such desires and unselfishness. So many spouses have used change of desires as the excuse for divorce. But what does Philippians 2:1-5 indicate:
    So by whatever [appeal to you there is in our mutual dwelling in Christ, by whatever] strengthening {and} consoling {and} encouraging [our relationship] in Him [affords], by whatever persuasive incentive there is in love, by whatever participation in the [Holy] Spirit [we share], and by whatever depth of affection and compassionate sympathy, fill up {and} complete my joy by living in harmony {and} being of the same mind {and} one in purpose, having the same love, being in full accord and of one harmonious mind {and} intention. Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit {and} empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than {and} superior to himself or herself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves]. Let each of you esteem {and} look upon {and} be concerned for not [merely] his or her own interests, but also each for the interests of others. Let this same attitude {and} purpose {and} [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus. [Let Him be your example in humility.]


    B. For the husband:
    1. “For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.” Ephesians 5:23
    2. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].” Ephesians 5:25-26
    3. “Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes {and} carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members (parts) of His body.” Ephesians 5:28-30
    4. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
    5. “However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; ....” Ephesians 5:33
    Note: Verse 25 commands “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” In John 14-17, the following is what Jesus Christ said that He wanted for His disciples, His church. I have indicated what Christian husbands should want for their wives.
    6. for their hearts not to be troubled”-- John 14:1 & 27-28; 15:3; 16:1-11
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- do comfort, give assurance, hug/hold/cuddle his spouse to help eliminate her fears, and remind her of 2 Corinthians 10:13 and Romans 8:28 when needed.
    7. for them to keep trusting in God the Father, in Him (Jesus Christ), and the Holy Spirit-- John 14:1, 24b-31: 15:26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- when needed, remind her about Proverbs 3:5-6 living, the promises to true Christians, and the purposes of the Holy Spirit.
    8. for them to know that He is looking forward to eternal life future with them-- John 14:2-3, 18-20; 16:19-25; 17:2-3 & 24-26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- when needed, give her assurance of Salvation and what life in Heaven and the new Earth will be like.
    9. for them to know all about God the Father-- John 14:7-9 & 24b; 17:1-4 & 6-8
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- teach when desired about God’s attributes, wisdom, concerns, and desires (commandment living).
    10. for them to have good ministries as He did when on Earth-- John 14:12; 15:1-5 & 16
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- encourage her by good example to be compassionate and help others and expressing appreciation when she does.
    11. for them to have all of their God-pleasing desires fulfilled -- John 14:13-15; 15:7-8 & 16-17; 16:12-15 & 22-24
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse—please and serve (do things for) her when appropriate (not for selfish reasons).
    12. for them to obey His proper and helpful commandments because of their love and trust in Him-- John 14:15 & 21-23; 15:1-10; 17:6 & 13
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- suggest, by example and appropriate statements, only good, God-pleasing ways of thinking or doing based on what Scripture says for true Christians.

    13. for them to always have proper counsel and comfort even without Him being present-- John 14:16-17 & 26-27; 15:26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- encourage her to learn more from the Bible and the Holy Spirit.
    14. for them to know all about Him-- John 14:4-11; 15:26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- when appropriate, teach her more about Jesus Christ by example of Christ-likeness, reading with her Scripture about Him, and sharing other articles/books/sermons about Him. [Philippians 2-3 and Ephesians 5:1-18]
    15. for them to feel so close to Him, always being in their minds-- John 14:21-23 & 26-27
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- encourage her by example to make Jesus and the Holy Spirit more and more her best friends. (What are the characteristics of a true friendship?)
    16. for them to have abundant, divine-origin, peace and joy-- John 14:27 & 28b; 15:11; 16:20-22
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- remind her of Romans 14:17 and that her only responsibility is the righteousness part. We cannot produce that peace and joy; they are gifts from God for us doing 1 John 1:9 (along with any needed retribution and changes) and Proverbs 3:5-6.
    17. for them to have "fruitful" or properly successful futures-- John 15:1-8
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- help her understand that success will always happen if one lives Proverbs 3:5-6.
    18. for them never to feel completely alone or any stoppage of His sacrificial love-- John 14:18, 21-23, & 26-27
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- do comfort, give assurance, hug/hold/cuddle his spouse to help eliminate her fears. Make appropriate promises and read her examples from the Bible of God the Father’s and Jesus Christ’s unselfish love/compassion.
    19. for them to continue being His friend and loving others as He loved them while He was on Earth (with no untruthfulness)-- John 15:7-17
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- frequently express thankfulness for her words and actions of friendship to him and for others.
    20. for them to understand why others will respond to them favorably or with persecution-- John 15:18-25; 16:1-4
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- express thankfulness about other true Christian acquaintances/friends/relatives and at appropriate times, warning what could happen in the future to true Christians before the Second Coming, and share how others in the past responded to persecution because of what they believed. When appropriate, remind her of God’s promises in 2 Corinthians 10:13 and Romans 8:28.
    21. for them to speak or testify about Him-- John 15:27
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be an example of appropriately talking about Jesus Christ, voice appreciation when she does such sharing, and be willing to teach her how to share in other ways that she requests.
    22. for them not to give in to temptations to say or do things displeasing to God, by remembering His warnings-- John 16:1-4
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be a consistent example of responding to temptations as God commands and examples in the Bible indicate, warning/advising her when necessary, and congratulating her when she responds properly to temptation to sin.
    23. for them not to grieve because of His temporary physically being away from them-- John 16:7-33
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- give comfort, assurance, and promises that he will keep. Also, he might suggest some things to do to help her keep her mind from grieving or worrying.
    24. for them to always be teachable by the Holy Spirit and to realize His goodness-- John 14:26; 15:26; 16:12-15
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be a consistent example of being learning from others and her, and be eager to enthusiastically/thankfully teach whenever she requests information or/and guidance. (If he doesn’t know what to teach when requested, he should ask for time to find the information needed.)
    25. for them never to forget that there is a time in the future for great rejoicing when no one will again be able to take away their joy and a time of plain, completely understandable, oral communicating-- John 16:20-30
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- whenever she gets frustrated about current events, remind her about God’s promises about the future in Heaven and living on the new Earth.
    26. for them to realize the fullness of His victory over the world (Satan and non-God-pleasing statements, activities, and things by self-guided humans)-- John 16:33-17:4
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- whenever needed, remind her of what Jesus Christ has done and what He finished. This can even be done by reading the words to some of the old hymns about the just mentioned.
    27. for their divine protection from Satan etc. and for divine help in maintaining or preserving the unity between them-- John 17:12-15
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- do frequent intercessory prayer for her and others she cares about for safe travel and right choices.
    28. for them to become sanctified (completely righteous/holy)-- John 17:16-19
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be a good example of becoming more and more Christ-like and teaching her when she requests help for her to be more God-pleasing. Knowledge of the commandments of God the Father and Jesus Christ is necessary to do such.
    29. for all of them and all future Christian disciples to develop complete unity to “let the world know” that He was sent by and loved by God the Father and that true disciples of Him are also sent and loved by the Almighty Creator of the Earth-- John 17:20-26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- patiently and appropriately attempt to be united with her in all of the ways possible (but not doing non-God-pleasing compromise). Do appropriate public expressing of thankfulness for her and being joyful and affectionate with her when appropriate. [Philippians 2:1-4]

    C. For the wife:
    1. “Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
    2. “As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:24
    3. “..... and let the wife see that she respects {and} reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].” Ephesians 5:33

    Blessing Our Husbands
    (by Rachel Weaver)

    Note: Ways that a Wife Can Bless Her Husband taken from ideas given by a group of husbands:
    1. Pray for your husband daily, not just casually ("God Bless Hubby") but for specific areas of need and blessing.
    2. Thank God for your husband's strengths, for the growth you see, and for the kindnesses that he shows you and the needs he meets in your life.
    3. Meditate often (at least once a week) on the Scriptures that teach your responsibilities and position in the home.
    4. Listen to him. Try to really hear what he is saying when he communicates with you.
    5. When he seems perplexed and troubled, do not pressure him. Support him by prayer, your presence, and words of encouragement.
    6. Be ready to share your observations and insights in a meek spirit, but openly and honestly, when he asks you. You can be his best counselor. You can anchor him when he needs it most.
    7. Encourage him. Do not nag him, or boss him. Do not argue with him even if you are sure he is wrong. He may have something in mind that you are not aware of or do not understand. Ask his counsel and advice.
    8. Only say up-building and affirming things about your husband to others. Do not criticize him even in a joking manner. Very rarely should you find yourself sharing anything about his faults or failings, and then only with someone who is truly in a position to help.
    9. Bless your husband in public. Do not apologize for his background, weaknesses or failures. This will build up your reverence for him and help establish the trust that you should both have for each other.
    10. If your husband has failed, entreat him in meekness, don't exaggerate the issue or berate him.
    11. Let him know that you want him to be your leader not only by what you say but by what you do. You get that message across by the way you respond to the leadership he does give you.
    12. Seek to please your husband even when he does not spell out what he wants you to do. Try to determine what his heart's desire is and do it as fully as possible.
    13. Teach your children to honor him, respect him, and bless him. You do this best by your own example.
    14. Depend on him. Be very sensitive to areas in which he wants you to act independently. Do not run away with this responsibility. Handle it carefully. If in question, choose dependence not independence.
    15. Seek opportunities to serve your husband in love. Find ways to show him that he is your “lord”.
    16. Be ready to make changes in your day or schedule to accommodate his needs or desires, especially if you run a home business and he needs you or the children to serve in some capacity.
    17. When you need to make an appeal, prepare carefully. Choose your words wisely. Choose the time well so that you can have his attention and time to explain yourself. That way you can be sure that he understands you. When he is weary, at the end of a long day is not a good time to communicate weighty matters.
    18. Always let your husband have the last word, the deciding vote, the majority rule.
    19. Don't say “I told you so.”
    20. Show appreciation for the way he provides for you.
    21. Let your husband know that you love his attention to you and his singleness of heart for you. Bask in this attention and help him relate discreetly to other women especially by letting him know what makes women respond.
    22. Reserve yourself, your beauty, and your charm for him. Maintain true modesty and reserve while relating to other men.

    There are many, many ways to bless your husband that were not even touched here. These are just a some of the ways some husbands discussed that would make them feel honored. Women tend to think of kisses, hugs, notes in lunch boxes and a meal spent together alone. I am sure that our men appreciate all of those things. But as I typed this list that husbands had made, I was extremely impressed with their need for support and encouragement. They need and want a visible show of this. It is born out in our everyday life in the way we walk and talk, and in the way we respond to their leadership, plans, and desires.
    I think that many times we ladies are blind to how much contriving and planning we do to get our own way. Perhaps not consciously, but non-the-less we often tend to get what we really desire. We think we just make good valid appeals. These appeals are in order sometimes, but where is your heart? Is it where your husband can safely rest or are you always pushing the limit? Are you always going to bat for your young people and helping your husband to see why this or that is such a good idea? No doubt you do have good ideas that need to be shared, sometimes. But I am fully persuaded that I, all too often, am really blind to my husband's true desires.
    Let us pray for each other and meditate on how we can be women whose husbands can safely trust in. Let us be supporters, encourages and blessers. Let us affirm our husbands and be there for them. I think it is especially important as our families grow up and husbands need to make boundaries and guidelines for our young people. Often these guidelines are hard to make and even harder to implement. Let us back our husbands up and help them in their sincere desire to guide our families right. We can make their job infinitely easier and thus build a relationship of trust that deepens through the years, rather than ones that erodes as our young people grow in maturity.
    What a valuable legacy to pass on to posterity! Can he trust you to stand by him?
     
  11. Bible_Lover_Bill

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    Matthew Henry Commentary of Ephesians 5:21-33 -

    Here the apostle begins his exhortation to the discharge of relative duties. As a general foundation for these duties, he lays down that rule Eph_5:21. There is a mutual submission that Christians owe one to another, condescending to bear one another's burdens: not advancing themselves above others, nor domineering over one another and giving laws to one another. Paul was an example of this truly Christian temper, for he became all things to all men. We must be of a yielding and of a submissive spirit, and ready to all the duties of the respective places and stations that God has allotted to us in the world. In the fear of God, that is, so far as is consistent with the fear of God, for his sake, and out of conscience towards him, and that hereby we may give proof that we truly fear him. Where there is this mutual condescension and submission, the duties of all relations will be the better performed. From Eph_5:22 to the end he speaks of the duties of husbands and wives; and he speaks of these in a Christian manner, setting the church as an example of the wife's subjection, and Christ as an example of love in husbands.
    I. The duty prescribed to wives is submission to their husbands in the Lord (Eph_5:22), which submission includes the honouring and obeying of them, and that from a principle of love to them. They must do this in compliance with God's authority, who has commanded it, which is doing it as unto the Lord; or it may be understood by way of similitude and likeness, so that the sense may be, “as, being devoted to God, you submit yourselves unto him.” From the former sense we may learn that by a conscientious discharge of the duties we owe to our fellow-creatures we obey and please God himself; and, from the latter, that God not only requires and insists on those duties which immediately respect himself, but such as respect our neighbours too. The apostle assigns the reason of this submission from wives: For the husband is the head of the wife, Eph_5:23. The metaphor is taken from the head in the natural body, which, being the seat of reason, of wisdom, and of knowledge, and the fountain of sense and motion, is more excellent than the rest of the body. God has given the man the pre-eminence and a right to direct and govern by creation, and in that original law of the relation, Thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee. Whatever there is of uneasiness in this, it is an effect of sin coming into the world. Generally, too, the man has (what he ought to have) a superiority in wisdom and knowledge. He is therefore the head, even as Christ is the head of the church. There is a resemblance of Christ's authority over the church in that superiority and headship which God has appointed to the husband. The apostle adds, and he is the Saviour of the body. Christ's authority is exercised over the church for the saving of her from evil, and the supplying of her with every thing good for her. In like manner should the husband be employed for the protection and comfort of his spouse; and therefore she should the more cheerfully submit herself unto him. So it follows, Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ (Eph_5:24), with cheerfulness, with fidelity, with humility, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing - in every thing to which their authority justly extends itself, in every thing lawful and consistent with duty to God.
    II. The duty of husbands (on the other hand), is to love their wives (Eph_5:25); for without this they would abuse their superiority and headship, and, wherever this prevails as it ought to do, it will infer the other duties of the relation, it being a special and peculiar affection that is required in her behalf. The love of Christ to the church is proposed as an example of this, which love of his is a sincere, a pure, an ardent, and constant affection, and that notwithstanding the imperfections and failures that she is guilty of. The greatness of his love to the church appeared in his giving himself unto the death for it. Observe, As the church's subjection to Christ is proposed as an exemplar to wives, so the love of Christ to his church is proposed as a pattern to husbands; and while such exemplars are offered to both, and so much is required of each, neither has reason to complain of the divine injunctions. The love which God requires from the husband in behalf of his wife will make amends for the subjection which he demands from her to her husband; and the prescribed subjection of the wife will be an abundant return for that love of the husband which God has made her due. The apostle, having mentioned Christ's love to the church, enlarges upon it, assigning the reason why he gave himself for it, namely, that he might sanctify it in this world, and glorify it in the next: That he might sanctify and cleanse it, with the washing of water by the word (Eph_5:26) - that he might endue all his members with a principle of holiness, and deliver them from the guilt, the pollution, and the dominion of sin. The instrumental means whereby this is affected are the instituted sacraments, particularly the washing of baptism and the preaching and reception of the gospel. And that he might present it to himself, etc., Eph_5:27. Dr. Lightfoot thinks the apostle alludes here to the Jews' extraordinary carefulness in their washings for purification. They were careful that there should be no wrinkle to keep the flesh from the water, and no spot nor dirt which was not thoroughly washed. Others understand him as alluding to a garment come newly out of the fuller's hand, purged from spots, stretched from wrinkles, the former newly contracted, the latter by long time and custom. That he might present it to himself - that he might perfectly unite it to himself in the great day, a glorious church, perfect in knowledge and in holiness, not having spot, nor wrinkle, nor any such thing, nothing of deformity or defilement remaining, but being entirely amiable and pleasing in his eye, holy and without blemish, free from the least remains of sin. The church in general, and particular believers, will not be without spot or wrinkle till they come to glory. From this and the former verse together we may take notice that the glorifying of the church is intended in the sanctifying of it: and that those, and those only, who are sanctified now, will be glorified hereafter. - So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies, etc., Eph_5:28. The wife being made one with her husband (not in a natural, but in a civil and in a relative sense), this is an argument why he should love her with as cordial and as ardent an affection as that which he loves himself. For no man ever yet hated his own flesh, Eph_5:29 - (no man in his right senses ever hated himself, however deformed, or whatever his imperfections might be); so far from it that he nourishes and cherishes it; he uses himself with a great deal of care and tenderness, and is industrious to supply himself with every thing convenient or good for him, with food and clothing, etc. Even as the Lord the church: that is, as the Lord nourishes and cherishes the church, which he furnishes with all things that he sees needful or good for her, with whatever conduces to her everlasting happiness and welfare. The apostle adds, For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones, Eph_5:30. He assigns this as a reason why Christ nourishes and cherishes his church - because all who belong to it are members of his body, that is, of his mystical body. Or, we are members out of his body: all the grace and glory which the church has are from Christ, as Eve was taken out of the man. But, as one observes, it being the manner of the sacred writings to express a complex body by the enumeration of its several parts, as the heaven and earth for the world, evening and morning for the natural day, so here, by body, flesh, and bones, we are to understand himself, the meaning of the verse being that we are members of Christ. - For this cause (because they are one, as Christ and his church are one) shall a man leave his father and mother; the apostle refers to the words of Adam, when Eve was given to him for a meet help, Gen_2:24. We are not to understand by this that a man's obligation to other relations is cancelled upon his marriage, but only that this relation is to be preferred to all others, there being a nearer union between these two than between any others, that the man must rather leave any of those than his wife. - And they two shall be one flesh, that is, by virtue of the matrimonial bond. This is a great mystery, Eph_5:32. Those words of Adam, just mentioned by the apostle, are spoken literally of marriage; but they have also a hidden mystical sense in them, relating to the union between Christ and his church, of which the conjugal union between Adam and the mother of us all was a type: though not instituted or appointed by God to signify this, yet it was a kind of natural type, as having a resemblance to it: I speak concerning Christ and the church.
    After this, the apostle concludes this part of his discourse with a brief summary of the duty of husbands and wives, Eph_5:33. “Nevertheless (though there be such a secret mystical sense, yet the plain literal sense concerns you) let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself, with such a sincere, peculiar, singular, and prevailing affection as that is which he bears to himself. And the wife see that she reverence her husband.” Reverence consists of love and esteem, which produce a care to please, and of fear, which awakens a caution lest just offence be given. That the wife thus reverence her husband is the will of God and the law of the relation.
     
  12. Yeshua

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    #12 Yeshua, Aug 12, 2005
    Last edited: Aug 12, 2005
    That's a good idea! Can you make one for all of us to read and share??

    That's a good idea,tissie1! Can you make a list for all of us to read and share??

     
  13. Chad

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    Brother Bill I would read your posts but each one is one long paragraph. Could you edit them to paragraph them so that they are easier to read?

    Thank you.

    Tissie....GOD told us we are both to submit to each other. Please read my first post. The scripture quotes are there.

    God bless you
     
  14. Buddy2

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    The entire article was incredibly well written.

    Our tongues are what usually destroy any relationship.
    My wife once said how can she can't respect me because of some things I did. I was wrong, not terrible but dumb.

    Now where I lose it truly in our relationship is railing back.

    I said after all the things that she's done, she doesn't deserve my love either.

    The point is that Love and Respect for the other person is not earned but given. I'll never in this life be perfect so can't earn her respect and she'll never either so can't earn my love. We need to just give them freely and trust God to bring us through. We are doing well and in some respects living abundantly, though it still could be better.

    Thank You God!
     
  15. Dreamer

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    #15 Dreamer, Dec 4, 2006
    Last edited: Dec 4, 2006
    buddy2, I was reading this thread at the same time you were, last night. I went to "Who's Online" and when I saw what you were reading I thought it was interesting.

    My husband said, "What are you reading?" I said, "Duties of a Christian Wife". He didn't know what to say. After all, I was reading it quietly and agreeably and with interest.

    The subject of submission has been discussed at talkJesus many times, from several viewpoints. I like this article too. I also liked the responses to it from Bible Bob.

    My hubby has stopped criticizing me and yelling at me recently. I feel secure in my home and my relationship with him. This makes submission something that I want to do now. My whole viewpoint, and even my personality is changing.

    Before, he always insisted that I accompany to him to the holiday get-togethers that his family has. These were uncomfortable to me for several reasons that I won't get into. This past Thanksgiving, I went through a horrible emotional time. I just knew that I could not handle going to his sister's house, and I told him to go ahead and take the kids with my blessing, I was staying home.

    Like usual, he got angry and said, "You're my wife, You're going, etc."

    I just remained quiet this time, and prayed to God, offering GOD my complaints instead of complaining to my husband. On the day we were to go, I declined, saying I wouldn't be attending at his sister's this year. Hubby was angry all day and the next day too. The next day happened to be a Sunday. So the kids and me went off to church, and he got on his motorcycle to ride and think. He ended up stopping at the city park; he felt that the Lord wanted him to pray.

    As he prayed, the Lord spoke to him and told him to stop forcing me to go to these events. God tolde him to love me and give me a choice, and that as I healed, I would gladly attend these events with him.

    Because my husband is a christian, the Lord took care of this for me. The only statement I disagree with in the original article of this thread is, "If the wife submits, God will deal with the husband." This is not true if the husband is not walking with Christ. That's why we should not be unequally yoked.

    I am praying and thinking about going to my husband's daughter's house for Christmas. Last year and the year before I was forced to go. (Hubby's ex-wife is there and makes it uncomfortable for me.) Now that I've been given a choice, I want to accomodate my husband and do what's right.
    L-o-v-e makes submission easy.
     
  16. Popples

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    thanks Chad this was great reading
     
  17. Buddy2

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    Hiya Dreamer. Neither role (husband/wife) is easy without Jesus. Like that old saying "It takes two to tango". Comparing that to marriage... Both can be very beautiful, but if one person is stepping on the other's toes then it's painful to be in or watch.
     
  18. dannibear

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    I may not be married nor will I be for a while, but I do look forward to
    marriage as a part of my future. And I agree with your statement, that it
    takes 'two to tango'. Both sides must give their all, and just as my pastor
    taught us one Sunday, not one or the other can give 50% and hold something
    back. Everything must go into the relationship.
    And when the other is being disrespectful or not showing love as it should
    be shown (1Corinthians 13: 4-7) things go downhill.

    Like I said, I am not married, and wont be for a while, but I do know that
    even I have faults, and sometimes I can be grumpy or not very kind
    to my boyfriend, and when the qualities of love that are described in those verses are not shown...well...that is when the rough spots start coming.
    But I do try to show humility and humble myself, and apologize to my boyfriend when I have snapped at him or done him wrong, and vice versa,
    and we always forgive. Because both of us are Christian (and try to live as such) our relationship has lasted longer than most in high school. We are going on 7 months now :) I also agree when you say neither role is easy without Jesus. I am glad that Jesus is a large part of our relationship, and I give full credit to Jesus for our long time together. And I am still happy with my boyfriend :) I hope that when I do marry, that me and my future husband are both believers, so that Jesus can keep the relationship going strong :) Because as you say: a relationship is not easy without Jesus! very true
     
  19. Bible_Lover_Bill

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    Advice for Wives by a Christian Woman

    “A prudent wife is from the Lord.” “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her. . . . She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.” “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.” {AH 46.1}
    But if the wife is fitful in character, self-admiring, exacting, accusing, charging her husband with motives and feelings that originate only in her own perverted temperament; if she has not discernment and nice discrimination to recognize his love and appreciate it, but talks of neglect and lack of love because he does not gratify every whim, she will almost inevitably bring about the very state of things she seems to deplore; she will make all these accusations realities. {AH 109.2}

    Perpetual Differences in a Divided Home.-- The happiness and prosperity of the married life depend upon the unity of the parties. How can the carnal mind harmonize with the mind that is assimilated to the mind of Christ? One is sowing to the flesh, thinking and acting in accordance with the promptings of his own heart; the other is sowing to the Spirit, seeking to repress selfishness, to overcome inclination, and to live in obedience to the Master, whose servant he professes to be. Thus there is a perpetual difference of taste, of inclination, and of purpose. Unless the believer shall, through his steadfast adherence to principle, win the impenitent, he will, as is much more common, become discouraged and sell his religious principles for the poor companionship of one who has no connection with Heaven. {AH 84.1}

    Sanctity of the Family Circle.--There is a sacred circle around every family which should be preserved. No other one has any right in that sacred circle. The husband and wife should be all to each other. The wife should have no secrets to keep from her husband and let others know, and the husband should have no secrets to keep from his wife to relate to others. The heart of his wife should be the grave for the faults of the husband, and the heart of the husband the grave for his wife's faults. Never should either party indulge in a joke at the expense of the other's feelings. Never should either the husband or wife in sport or in any other manner complain of each other to others, for frequently indulging in this foolish and what may seem perfectly harmless joking will end in trial with each other and perhaps estrangement. I have been shown that there should be a sacred shield around every family. {AH 177.1}
    The home circle should be regarded as a sacred place, a symbol of heaven, a mirror in which to reflect ourselves. Friends and acquaintances we may have, but in the home life they are not to meddle. A strong sense of proprietorship should be felt, giving a sense of ease, restfulness, trust. {AH 177.2}
    Tongues, Ears, and Eyes to Be Sanctified.--Let those composing the family circle pray that God will sanctify their tongues, their ears, their eyes, and every member of their body. When brought into contact with evil, it is not necessary to be overcome of evil. Christ has made it possible for the character to be fragrant with good. . . . {AH 177.3}
    How many dishonor Christ and misrepresent His character in the home circle! How many do not manifest patience, forbearance, forgiveness, and true love! Many have their likes and dislikes and feel at liberty to manifest their own perverse disposition rather than to reveal the will, the works, the character of Christ. The life of Jesus is full of kindness and love. Are we growing into His divine nature? {AH 178.1}

    Husband and wife learn each other's character as it was impossible to learn it in their previous association. This is a most critical period in their experience. The happiness and usefulness of their whole future life depend upon their taking a right course now. Often they discern in each other unsuspected weaknesses and defects; but the hearts that love has united will discern excellencies also heretofore unknown. Let all seek to discover the excellencies rather than the defects. Often it is our own attitude, the atmosphere that surrounds ourselves, which determines what will be revealed to us in another. {AH 105.3}
    It should henceforth be the life study of both husband and wife how to avoid everything that creates contention and to keep unbroken the marriage vows. {AH 85.1}

    Love Must Be Tested and Tried.-- Affection may be as clear as crystal and beauteous in its purity, yet it may be shallow because it has not been tested and tried. Make Christ first and last and best in everything. Constantly behold Him, and your love for Him will daily become deeper and stronger as it is submitted to the test of trial. And as your love for Him increases, your love for each other will grow deeper and stronger. {AH 105.4}
    Though difficulties, perplexities, and discouragements may arise, let neither husband nor wife harbor the thought that their union is a mistake or a disappointment. Determine to be all that it is possible to be to each other. Continue the early attentions. In every way encourage each other in fighting the battles of life. Study to advance the happiness of each other. Let there be mutual love, mutual forbearance. Then marriage, instead of being the end of love, will be as it were the very beginning of love. The warmth of true friendship, the love that binds heart to heart, is a foretaste of the joys of heaven. {AH 106.1}
    All should cultivate patience by practicing patience. By being kind and forbearing, true love may be kept warm in the heart, and qualities will be developed that Heaven will approve. {AH 106.2}
    The Enemy Will Seek to Alienate.-- Satan is ever ready to take advantage when any matter of variance arises, and by moving upon the objectionable, hereditary traits of character in husband or wife, he will try to cause the alienation of those who have united their interests in a solemn covenant before God. In the marriage vows they have promised to be as one, the wife covenanting to love and obey her husband, the husband promising to love and cherish his wife. If the law of God is obeyed, the demon of strife will be kept out of the family, and no separation of interests will take place, no alienation of affection will be permitted. {AH 106.3}
    Counsel to a Strong-willed Couple.-- Neither husband nor wife is to make a plea for rulership. The Lord has laid down the principle that is to guide in this matter. The husband is to cherish his wife as Christ cherishes the church. And the wife is to respect and love her husband. Both are to cultivate the spirit of kindness, being determined never to grieve or injure the other. . . . {AH 106.4}
    Do not try to compel each other to do as you wish. You cannot do this and retain each other's love. Manifestations of self-will destroy the peace and happiness of the home. Let not your married life be one of contention. If you do, you will both be unhappy. Be kind in speech and gentle in action, giving up your own wishes. Watch well your words, for they have a powerful influence for good or for ill. Allow no sharpness to come into your voices. Bring into your united life the fragrance of Christ-likeness. {AH 107.1}
    Let each give love rather than exact it. Cultivate that which is noblest in yourselves, and be quick to recognize the good qualities in each other. The consciousness of being appreciated is a wonderful stimulus and satisfaction. Sympathy and respect encourage the striving after
    excellence, and love itself increases as it stimulates to nobler aims. {AH 107.3}

    Too many cares and burdens are brought into our families, and too little of natural simplicity and peace and happiness is cherished. There should be less care for what the outside world will say and more thoughtful attention to the members of the family circle. There should be less display and affectation of worldly politeness, and much more tenderness and love, cheerfulness and Christian courtesy, among the members of the household. Many need to learn how to make home attractive, a place of enjoyment. Thankful hearts and kind looks are more valuable than wealth and luxury, and contentment with simple things will make home happy if love be there. {AH 108.1}
    The Little Attentions Count.-- God tests and proves us by the common occurrences of life. It is the little things which reveal the chapters of the heart. It is the little attentions, the numerous small incidents and simple courtesies of life, that make up the sum of life's happiness; and it is the neglect of kindly, encouraging, affectionate words, and the little courtesies of life, which helps compose the sum of life's wretchedness. It will be found at last that the denial of self for the good and happiness of those around us constitutes a large share of the life record in heaven. And the fact will also be revealed that the care of self, irrespective of the good and happiness of others, is not beneath the notice of our Heavenly Father. {AH 108.2}

    Mutual Forbearance Is Needed.-- We must have the Spirit of God, or we can never have harmony in the home. The wife, if she has the spirit of Christ, will be careful of her words; she will control her spirit, she will be submissive, and yet will not feel that she is a bondslave, but a companion to her husband. If the husband is a servant of God, he will not lord it over his wife; he will not be arbitrary and exacting. We cannot cherish home affection with too much care; for the home, if the Spirit of the Lord dwells there, is a type of heaven. . . . If one errs, the other will exercise Christ-like forbearance and not draw coldly away. {AH 118.1}
    Neither the husband nor the wife should attempt to exercise over the other an arbitrary control. Do not try to compel each other to yield to your wishes. You cannot do this and retain each other's love. Be kind, patient, and forbearing, considerate, and courteous. By the grace of God you can succeed in making each other happy, as in your marriage vow you promised to do. {AH 118.2}
    Let Each Graciously Yield.-- In the married life men and women sometimes act like undisciplined, perverse children. The husband wants his way, and the wife wants her way, and neither is willing to yield. Such a condition of things can bring only the greatest unhappiness. Both husband and wife should be willing to yield his or her way or opinion. There is no possibility of happiness while they both persists in doing as they please. {AH 118.3}
    Unless men and women have learned of Christ, His meekness and lowliness, they will reveal the impulsive, unreasonable spirit so often revealed by children. The strong, undisciplined will will seek to rule. Such ones need to study the words of Paul: “When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.” {AH 118.4}

    Christ in Each Heart Will Bring Unity.-- If the will of God is fulfilled, the husband and wife will respect each other and cultivate love and confidence. Anything that would mar the peace and unity of the family should be firmly repressed, and kindness and love should be cherished. He who manifests the spirit of tenderness, forbearance, and love will find that the same spirit will be reflected upon him. Where the Spirit of God reigns, there will be no talk of unsuitability in the marriage relation. If Christ indeed is formed within, the hope of glory, there will be union and love in the home. Christ abiding in the heart of the wife will be at agreement with Christ abiding in the heart of the husband. They will be striving together for the mansions Christ has gone to prepare for those who love Him. {AH 120.1}

    God's Purpose for the Husband and Wife.-- God made from the man a woman, to be a companion and helpmeet for him, to be one with him, to cheer, encourage, and bless him, he in his turn to be her strong helper. All who enter into matrimonial relations with a holy purpose-- the husband to obtain the pure affections of a woman's heart, the wife to soften and improve her husband's character and give it completeness-- fulfill God's purpose for them. {AH 99.1}
    Christ came not to destroy this institution, but to restore it to its original sanctity and elevation. He came to restore the moral image of God in man, and He began His work by sanctioning the marriage relation. {AH 99.2}
    He who gave Eve to Adam as a helpmeet performed His first miracle at a marriage festival. In the festal hall where friends and kindred rejoiced together, Christ began His public ministry. Thus He sanctioned marriage, recognizing it as an institution that He Himself had established. He ordained that men and women should be united in holy wedlock, to rear families whose members, crowned with honor, should be recognized as members of the family above. {AH 99.3}
    Jesus Wants Happy Marriages.-- The divine love emanating from Christ never destroys human love, but includes it. By it human love is refined and purified, elevated and ennobled. Human love can never bear its precious fruit until it is united with the divine nature and trained to grow Heavenward. Jesus wants to see happy marriages, happy firesides. {AH 99.4}

    The Sweetest Type of Heaven.-- Home should be made all that the word implies. It should be a little heaven upon Earth, a place where the affections are cultivated instead of being studiously repressed. Our happiness depends upon this cultivation of love, sympathy, and true courtesy to one another. {AH 15.3}
    The sweetest type of heaven is a home where the Spirit of the Lord presides. If the will of God is fulfilled, the husband and wife will respect each other and cultivate love and confidence. {AH 15.4}
    The blessing of God in the home where this union shall exist is as the sunshine of heaven, because it is the Lord's ordained will that man and wife should be linked together in holy bonds of union, under Jesus Christ, with Him to control, and His spirit to guide. . . . {AH 102.1}
    God wants the home to be the happiest place on Earth, the very symbol of the home in heaven. Bearing the marriage responsibilities in the home, linking their interests with Jesus Christ, leaning upon His arm and His assurance, husband and wife may share a happiness in this union that angels of God commend. {AH 102.2}

    Religion Ensures Family Happiness.-- Family religion is a wonderful power. The conduct of the husband toward the wife and of the wife toward the husband may be such that it will make the home life a preparation for entrance to the family above. {AH 94.1}
    Hearts that are filled with the love of Christ can never get very far apart. Religion is love, and a Christian home is one where love reigns and finds expression in words and acts of thoughtful kindness and gentle courtesy. {AH 94.2}
    Religion is needed in the home. Only this can prevent the grievous wrongs which so often embitter married life. Only where Christ reigns can there be deep, true, unselfish love. Then soul will be knit with soul, and the two lives will blend in harmony. Angels of God will be guests in the home, and their holy vigils will hallow the marriage chamber. Debasing sensuality will be banished. Upward to God will the thoughts be directed; to Him will the heart's devotion ascend. {AH 94.3}
    In every family where Christ abides, a tender interest and love will be manifested for one another; not a spasmodic love expressed only in fond caresses, but a love that is deep and abiding. {AH 94.4}
    Christianity to Be a Controlling Influence.-- Christianity ought to have a controlling influence upon the marriage relation, but it is too often the case that the motives which lead to this union are not in keeping with Christian principles. Satan is constantly seeking to strengthen his power over the people of God by inducing them to enter into alliance with his subjects, and in order to accomplish this he endeavors to arouse unsanctified passions in the heart. But the Lord has in His word plainly instructed His people not to unite themselves with those who have not His love abiding in them. {AH 94.5}
    Counsel to a Newly Married Couple.-- Marriage, a union for life, is a symbol of the union between Christ and His church. The spirit that Christ manifests toward His church is the spirit that the husband and wife are to manifest toward each other. If they love God supremely, they will love each other in the Lord, ever treating each other courteously, drawing in even cords. In their mutual self-denial and self-sacrifice they will be a blessing to each other. . . . {AH 95.1}

    Chapter Seventeen - Mutual Obligations

    Each Has Individual Responsibilities.-- The two who unite their interest in life will have distinct characteristics and individual responsibilities. Each one will have his or her work, but women are not to be valued by the amount of work they can do as are beasts of burden. The wife is to grace the family circle as a wife and companion to a wise husband. At every step she should inquire, “Is this the standard of true womanhood?” and, “How shall I make may influence Christ-like in my home?” The husband should let his wife know that he appreciates her work. {AH 114.1}
    The wife is to respect her husband. The husband is to love and cherish his wife; and as their marriage vow unites them as one, so their belief in Christ should make them one in Him. What can be more pleasing to God than to see those who enter into the marriage relation seek together to learn of Jesus and to become more and more imbued with His Spirit? {AH 114.2}
    You now have duties to perform that before your marriage you did not have. “Put on therefore, . . . kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering.” “Walk in love, as Christ also hath loved us.” Give careful study to the following instruction: “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. . . . Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it.”

    Wives Submit; Husbands Love.-- The question is often asked, “Shall a wife have no will of her own?” The Bible plainly states that the husband is the head of the family. “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” If this injunction ended here, we might say that the position of the wife is not an enviable one; it is a very hard and trying position in very many cases, and it would be better were there fewer marriages. Many husbands stop at the words, “Wives, submit yourselves”, but we will read the conclusion of the same injunction, which is. “As it is fit in the Lord.” {AH 115.3}
    God requires that the wife shall keep the fear and glory of God ever before her. Entire submission is to be made only to the Lord Jesus Christ, who has purchased her as His own child by the infinite price of His life. God has given her a conscience, which she cannot violate with impunity. Her individuality cannot be merged into that of her husband, for she is the purchase of Christ. It is a mistake to imagine that with blind devotion she is to do exactly as her husband says in all things, when she knows that in so doing, injury would be worked for her body and her spirit, which have been ransomed from the slavery of Satan. There is One who stands higher than the husband to the wife; it is her Redeemer, and her submission to her husband is to be rendered as God has directed-- “as it is fit in the Lord.” {AH 116.1}
    When husbands require the complete subjection of their wives, declaring that women have no voice or will in the family, but must render entire submission, they place their wives in a position contrary to the Scripture. In interpreting the Scripture in this way, they do violence to the design of the marriage institution. This interpretation is made simply that they may exercise arbitrary rule, which is not their prerogative. But we read on, “Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.” Why should the husband be bitter against his wife? If the husband has found her erring and full of faults, bitterness of spirit will not remedy the evil. {AH 116.2}
    Wives Subject Only As Husbands Are Subject to Christ.-- The Lord Jesus has not been correctly represented in His relation to the church by many husbands in their relation to their wives, for they do not keep the way of the Lord. They declare that their wives must be subject to them in everything. But it was not the design of God that the husband should have control, as head of the house, when he himself does not submit to Christ. He must be under the rule of Christ that he may represent the relation of Christ to the church. If he is a coarse, rough, boisterous, egotistical, harsh, and overbearing man, let him never utter the word that the husband is the head of the wife, and that she must submit to him in everything; for he is not the Lord, he is not the husband in the true significance of the term. . . . {AH 117.1}
    Husbands should study the pattern and seek to know what is meant by the symbol presented in Ephesians, the relation Christ sustains to the church. The husband is to be as a Savior in his family. Will he stand in his noble, God-given manhood, ever seeking to uplift his wife and children? Will he breathe about him a pure, sweet atmosphere? Will he not as assiduously cultivate the love of Jesus, making it an abiding principle in his home, as he will assert his claims to authority? {AH 117.2}
    Let every husband and father study to understand the words of Christ, not in a one-sided manner, merely dwelling upon the subjection of the wife to her husband, but in the light of the cross of Calvary, study as to his own position in the family circle. “Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave Himself for it; that He might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word.” Jesus gave Himself up to die upon the cross in order that He might cleanse and keep us from all sin and pollution by the influence of the Holy Spirit. {AH 117.3}
     
  20. MelodyC

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    #20 MelodyC, Jun 30, 2010
    Last edited: Jun 30, 2010

    First of all it's ALL about submission. Jesus submitted to the Father's will this wqas very clear when he said as he prayed in the garden "...yet your will not mine".

    Our husbands have to submit to Jesus. We submit to our hubbies and children submit to parents. Elsewhere is tells Christians to submit to their authorities/governing bodies and of course slaves need to submit to masters as unto the Lord.

    So it's not just women doing the submitting here. We get our noses out of joint because we have to submit to men who are not perfect. I don't believe we have to submit to abuse etc..

    Men do have a list of how to act in the Bible and there are a few instructions to the married man.

    However here is my advice to you. If you have a thing about changing the man BUT you haven't looked at yourself take a look at what Jesus says and does as he speaks to Peter below.

    Jesus was dealing with Peter here. Peter tries to redirect the Lord's attention to someone else "what about him?". Yeah Lord I know I did the wrong thing but what about that other person over there Lord don't they need to be doing this or that. Jesus replies "it's none of your business I will deal with that person".

    So Jesus will deal with the husbands but you have to "follow Jesus". We are responsible for our own actions as we can only employ our wills on ourselves not someone else.

    You need to look at yourself and ask God to help change you. God will take care of the others around you.
     

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