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Confused yet hopeful

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How to start... seems like it's been a while since I've tried to speak with other Christians due to the abusive nature of my marriage. I'm married (now separated) to a non Christian for about 3 years.
I have always had a liberal stand point of view and thought that getting married to a person that believes in God was enough as long as love was what holds us together. Unfortunately from a pleasant relationship from my true"soulmate " it slowly vanished due to lack of passion (so he says) I being the Christian in the relationship I had to die to my flesh (meaning that i had to bite my tongue, stop the fights and submit ) I was kind, gentle in nature and patient. But I also was the one hurt in the end.

From being the man of my dreams he retaliated ever giving me respect. The first year of marriage he abandoned me. Within this time he was physically, and emotional abusive. He was controlling, manipulative and honestly ignorant. We got together after 3 months after he left and tried again. But his resentment lead to abuse again although I forgave him and choose to love him. The physical abuse ended the moment I didnt question his lifestyle. I learned to not confront him about money or his outings. I got physically sick and gained alot of weight. We got separated after 7 months of trying to work it out because a large amount of infidelity (I have no physical proof that he did but by the messages and calls , online dating sites indicated)that I tried to deny since we've met. He has always spoken to women online and hes confessed that it's his weakness. I over looked it because I thought that chatting wasn't a huge issue but when he would disappear and not answer my calls or texts for hours at a time I asked him to leave.

Now the 3rd time around we tried to mend things and I've expressed to him that i cant be living in an ambient of stress because while separated i needed to get surgery (which also he never helped me financially for instead left me in debt) he started to be more controlling, I didn't leave the house and I was out of a job due to the surgery...while trying to find a job he would say he will take care of me since he wanted to make it up to me ...... but it didnt work that way. Instead when he would get angry at me he would say I'm not helping him that I do nothing and I'm worthless, he'd threaten me and came close to hit me again.... we couldnt be together for 2 months because in the end he kicked me out. He said that he doesnt need me or want me and divorce is more important to him because he prefers his life alone or with friends.

I'm honestly here because I'm in a tough situation where I have no money, no friends and virtually cant work not because I dont want to but because we are in a pandemic moment. I wonder why would god let me go through this... and I dont think I'm a bad person to deserve this. But I need spiritual support now more then ever. I sometimes wish I could have been smarter... but at this time I feel alone. And I'd be grateful if God at least answers one of my prayers. ..... do you think I deserved being abused? Should I go back if he comes back? Do I wait for him to submit divorce? How do I forgive myself? Can I ever be loved again? Can God supply me a job and money?......
 
Member
Hi,

I am sorry that you have gone through this. I can't tell you what you should decide to do but I can tell you that sufferings we face in this life in no way reflects the enormous love God has for you. Look at the prophets & apostles most suffered great and long testings in their walk with God. I want to encourage you to seek God and read through the psalms, you can hear Davids cries to the Lord when he is triumphant and also when he is in complete despair. Sometimes we are brought to places in our lives where everything is stripped away, although this seems completely unnatural God can use this to refine us and help us become more christ like and draw us closer to him. David Wilkerson (look on YouTube) has some sermons that I believe will really speak to you with what you are going through.

You are so loved by God, you are truly precious. You may feel broken right now but God promises to restore you if you look to him and seek him with all your heart. You can do this by spending time in prayer and reading your Bible.

Try to recognise when you are doing things in your own strength not God's, this is when you are over thinking and trying to work out situations in your own might and strength instead of giving it God and trusting him.

God tells us to seek his kingdom first, then all these things shall be added unto you, which means focusing on his kingdom and trusting he will take our burdens of this life.

I pray God gives you his peace & comfort. I will be praying for you xx
 
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Staff Member
God tells us to seek his kingdom first, then all these things shall be added unto you, which means focusing on his kingdom and trusting he will take our burdens of this life.
and this is manifest as we give thanks to Him, for Who He is


Bless you ....><>
 
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How to start... seems like it's been a while since I've tried to speak with other Christians due to the abusive nature of my marriage. I'm married (now separated) to a non Christian for about 3 years.
I have always had a liberal stand point of view and thought that getting married to a person that believes in God was enough as long as love was what holds us together. Unfortunately from a pleasant relationship from my true"soulmate " it slowly vanished due to lack of passion (so he says) I being the Christian in the relationship I had to die to my flesh (meaning that i had to bite my tongue, stop the fights and submit ) I was kind, gentle in nature and patient. But I also was the one hurt in the end.

From being the man of my dreams he retaliated ever giving me respect. The first year of marriage he abandoned me. Within this time he was physically, and emotional abusive. He was controlling, manipulative and honestly ignorant. We got together after 3 months after he left and tried again. But his resentment lead to abuse again although I forgave him and choose to love him. The physical abuse ended the moment I didnt question his lifestyle. I learned to not confront him about money or his outings. I got physically sick and gained alot of weight. We got separated after 7 months of trying to work it out because a large amount of infidelity (I have no physical proof that he did but by the messages and calls , online dating sites indicated)that I tried to deny since we've met. He has always spoken to women online and hes confessed that it's his weakness. I over looked it because I thought that chatting wasn't a huge issue but when he would disappear and not answer my calls or texts for hours at a time I asked him to leave.

Now the 3rd time around we tried to mend things and I've expressed to him that i cant be living in an ambient of stress because while separated i needed to get surgery (which also he never helped me financially for instead left me in debt) he started to be more controlling, I didn't leave the house and I was out of a job due to the surgery...while trying to find a job he would say he will take care of me since he wanted to make it up to me ...... but it didnt work that way. Instead when he would get angry at me he would say I'm not helping him that I do nothing and I'm worthless, he'd threaten me and came close to hit me again.... we couldnt be together for 2 months because in the end he kicked me out. He said that he doesnt need me or want me and divorce is more important to him because he prefers his life alone or with friends.

I'm honestly here because I'm in a tough situation where I have no money, no friends and virtually cant work not because I dont want to but because we are in a pandemic moment. I wonder why would god let me go through this... and I dont think I'm a bad person to deserve this. But I need spiritual support now more then ever. I sometimes wish I could have been smarter... but at this time I feel alone. And I'd be grateful if God at least answers one of my prayers. ..... do you think I deserved being abused? Should I go back if he comes back? Do I wait for him to submit divorce? How do I forgive myself? Can I ever be loved again? Can God supply me a job and money?......
Awww poor Gee, dear sister you have gone through the mill haven't you? To answer your question, you are a dear gorgeous and precious daughter of the living creator God, so no you don't deserve all this that your ex has dished out to you, you deserve an amazing close, loving and protective relationship with God himself.

I have to say that marrying this guy was a huge mistake and I'm surprised that you don't seem to get that. I know that you say that you love him but sorry, he don't feel the same way about you, and he never did. He seduced you, you fell for his charms but the love between you was a one way street. For him to abuse you like he has and to go with other women and not try hard to hide it, is proof enough that he never loved you.

Had you asked God beforehand He would have told you He had much bigger, better plans for you than him. He's not a believer so God's an outsider in your marriage, never ideal. Reminds me a bit of the story of David and Bathsheba in 2 Samuel 11-12. It was born in adultery and cemented upon the murder of her husband and his best friend and despite this David didn't get how wrong the marriage was. It took a message from God via Nathan before he realised.

This guy is bad news, he's dragged you down, he's a drain on you financially, emotionally and your self esteem. Your relationship with God has taken a dive to the point that you feel estranged from Him.

Please please move on and reconnect with that other love in your life. He loves you with a love that has no limits, He'd even put His son's life on the line for you - in fact He did! God is with you wanting to put His arms around you and make it all better, all you need to do is return to Him and surrender control to Him.

Talk to God through prayer. Get to know Him, talking constantly, chatting about your fears and trepidations, ask for His Holy Spirit to give you the comfort, happiness and self-esteem that's been knocked out of you. Chat to Him about your day, your situation, ask Him about His will and plans for you. Of course lots of praise, why you love Him, reflect on what He's done for you and tell Him what it is about Him that you love so much.

Jesus tells us that with faith we can tell mountains to move. Get closer to Him, read your Bible every day. You didn't mention a church in your post. If you're not going to church, find one that's likely to enhance your faith, that has brothers and sisters that can encourage and support and befriend you.

I really hope and pray that this is the start of a new beginning, the return of a maybe not very prodigal daughter.

==========================

Dear father God, I pray for my lovely sweet sister Gee. She found herself in an awful mess and she needs you to sort it. She's vulnerable, lonely and frightened about her future. You love her God and want to take her under your wing and give her your protection, provision and blessings.

Thank you God that when we get ourselves in these mad situations, you are there for us to turn to and every time you rescue us and resolve all our problems.

I pray that your Holy Spirit will give her the comfort and peace of mind that comes with surrendering all to you, knowing that you are the all powerful and loving God that's making all things work together for good.

We love and adore you dear Lord because we're so dependent upon you, and that's how it should be.

Amen.
 
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Staff Member
Dear father God, I pray for my lovely sweet sister Gee. She found herself in an awful mess and she needs you to sort it. She's vulnerable, lonely and frightened about her future. You love her God and want to take her under your wing and give her your protection, provision and blessings.

Thank you God that when we get ourselves in these mad situations, you are there for us to turn to and every time you rescue us and resolve all our problems.

I pray that your Holy Spirit will give her the comfort and peace of mind that comes with surrendering all to you, knowing that you are the all powerful and loving God that's making all things work together for good.

We love and adore you dear Lord because we're so dependent upon you, and that's how it should be.

Amen.
amen
 
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