Brandon

[twcstp111]

I'm Brandon.

Son of Merry,
Son of David,

I was raised in a Mormon Church.


I threw my phone at my car today. I just got so angry, began cursing and having a fit. I'm heavy, heavy heart, heavy mind, heavy spirit, heavy body--everything from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep is confusion, desperation, weariness, longing.. etc. I wake up with a person that I can't wake up with anymore (my own self), and I just can't do it anymore. I can't handle my own confusion anymore. 'Lunatic,' is a well spoken word for what I am struggling with. I have been battling my own self, my own past, my own lunacy, both at the expense of others and of my own life; I have hundreds of questions and concerns pass through me each day that are distressing and disturbing..

Whenever I am learning, I have a need to reformat the material into a picture of coherency.
It feels like this: taking a dictionary and compressing 500 pages into a single page, to see the whole dictionary clearly.

 

[Andyindauk]

Hi Brandon,

Welcome to TJ and thank you for such a pictorial post. Would you like to share something about your faith and where you're up to with God? Are you still with the Mormon church?

Hope to chat with you soon.

Best wishes,


Andy

 

[Hekuran]

Brandon, this sounds really, really hard.

As I read your post, I thought it sounded like your own mind has turned against you. Does that resonate with how it feels for you.

I'll pray for you, that by God's grace you'll get through this difficult time. Can I urge you to do two things that might help you to restore a sense of balance?

The first is to find someone with pastoral skills that you can talk to and pray with. Forums such as this are great as far as they go, but nothing is quite like talking with someone older and wiser face-to-face.

The second is an imaginative excercise. Read the gospels taking note of all the characters who meet Jesus, and ask yourself, 'who in these stories is like me?' Look at how Jesus responds to them -- what he says and does. Then take your thoughts about that incident to God in your own prayers.

 

[Nicola Jane]

I'm Brandon.

Son of Merry,
Son of David,

I was raised in a Mormon Church.


I threw my phone at my car today. I just got so angry, began cursing and having a fit. I'm heavy, heavy heart, heavy mind, heavy spirit, heavy body--everything from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep is confusion, desperation, weariness, longing.. etc. I wake up with a person that I can't wake up with anymore (my own self), and I just can't do it anymore. I can't handle my own confusion anymore. 'Lunatic,' is a well spoken word for what I am struggling with. I have been battling my own self, my own past, my own lunacy, both at the expense of others and of my own life; I have hundreds of questions and concerns pass through me each day that are distressing and disturbing..

Whenever I am learning, I have a need to reformat the material into a picture of coherency.
It feels like this: taking a dictionary and compressing 500 pages into a single page, to see the whole dictionary clearly.

Hello brandon
you have come to a perfect place for where your at right now
be encouraged by Gods true saints they all bless me and pray for me and i learn so much and they will do the same for you also and know this always !
Jesus Loves you and so do we
God bless you x

 

[PloughBoy]

Honestly, that sounds like "The Heavy Hand of God"! on His Child. If He is "That Child of God" knows it, He might not tell everyone else what it is, That Child of God knows it! Maybe, just maybe, this child of God is living in right out "Rebellion". And God is not like your Mother and earthly Father. And when God is discipling some of His "Rebellious Children", The Devil run and hide! ask me how i know!

 

[Brother-Paul]

I'm Brandon.

Son of Merry,
Son of David,

I was raised in a Mormon Church.


I threw my phone at my car today. I just got so angry, began cursing and having a fit. I'm heavy, heavy heart, heavy mind, heavy spirit, heavy body--everything from the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep is confusion, desperation, weariness, longing.. etc. I wake up with a person that I can't wake up with anymore (my own self), and I just can't do it anymore. I can't handle my own confusion anymore. 'Lunatic,' is a well spoken word for what I am struggling with. I have been battling my own self, my own past, my own lunacy, both at the expense of others and of my own life; I have hundreds of questions and concerns pass through me each day that are distressing and disturbing..

Whenever I am learning, I have a need to reformat the material into a picture of coherency.
It feels like this: taking a dictionary and compressing 500 pages into a single page, to see the whole dictionary clearly.

Greetings Brandon

You need Jesus fella.

You are not the first to be in such a state, you will not be last, have you every thought, really thought, What does Jesus say?

Welcome to Talk Jesus

Bless you

 

[twcstp111]

I am 29, born in 1991.

I have lived all these years without love in my heart..

 

[twcstp111]

It's getting so dark in my head that I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I'm dealing with a duality issue.

 

[Br. Bear]

It's getting so dark in my head that I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I'm dealing with a duality issue.

shall be praying,


Bless you ....><>

 

[Hekuran]

It's getting so dark in my head that I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I'm dealing with a duality issue.

Are you struggling with psychosis? if so, talk to a medical or mental health professional as soon as you can. And keep seeking the support of brothers and sisters in Christ.

 

[Andyindauk]

It's getting so dark in my head that I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I'm dealing with a duality issue.

Hi Brandon,

I'm hoping I can switch a light on here. Quick quote, Luke 4:16-21.

Jesus came down from Heaven for two purposes. 1.) Blow sin to smithereens. 2.) Quash the penalty of God's law, oh and number 3, to one day welcome you into that indescribable, unimaginable place called Heaven to begin that eternity with Him.

All you need to do is accept God's forgiveness and follow Jesus and that's done by a simple prayer, and that's it. You then become sin free, a joint heir with Jesus and a son of the most high, creator God and with a personal 121 relationship with Him through prayer, mediation and continual celebration and praise. That's it.

You see it's not like the Mormon church, here's no list of rules, regulations, protocols, customs or anything else. There's none of this, 'Ya do gotta this - ya can't do that - ya can't do this - ya gotta do that.' They even tell you what you can and can't eat or drink. No, Jesus really didn't get on with the authorities at all and that's because He preached a gospel of freedom. He gave us two just commandments; love each other and proclaim the gospel and we that because we love Him, there's no quotas, no targets, we do that for His pleasure and because we love Him. I promise you, anyone telling you what to do / not to do and what not to eat -- just say, yes whatever, and give them a polite yawn.

So do Christians just sin away without a care in the world? Not at all. If you read 1 Corinthians 10:23, just because we can, we don't. Like I said before, we seek God's pleasure and approval. We follow God's law not because we have to but because we want to, to please Him.

Sounds idyllic doesn't it? It's actually better than that; I haven't mentioned another of God's precious gifts, not just forgiveness and a ticket to Heaven that no one can take away, not only a 121 constant relationship with almighty God who's in total control looking after us second by second, but He gives us His Holy Spirit and as such He lives within us constantly building us up, more like His image.

If you want some of that just say that prayer: 'God I want to give me to you, and I want to be yours ... '

Ongoing, can I recommend daily Bible reading and reflecting, lots of prayers and finding a church that teaches the gospel and worships God?

I promise you, God, Jesus and the Holy Spirit working together to bring a shining new light into your life.

God bless you. Me and a whole lot of other TJ'ers will be praying for you. Let us know how you get on, please keep posting updates.

 

[Fragrant Grace]

Welcome to Talk Jesus Brandon @twcstp111

Glad you are here

Your mind has been screwed up by Mormonism.

Jesus can break those bonds of confusion within you and make you new in Him

Commit all the confusion to the Lord and ask Him to open your eyes and heart to the truth

Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.
Psalm 119:105

The entrance of Thy words giveth light
Psalm 119:130

 

[twcstp111]

Jesus answered, "If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me."

At some point I fell away. I stopped working and stopped earning money to pay for expenses and food. I have been struggling to survive since the time that I lost the integrity to even pursue money, having gone through much difficulty even when working up to 60 hour weeks back-to-back for earnings amounting to 4-7$/hour and debts backed up in the thousands range. I gave up the prospects of having a home, having a career, having stability, all with the flow of cash at the center--this was a time before I starting learning of Jesus, although I had some of his teachings in my heart beforehand.

I asked, why is it so difficult to live? In other words, why is it so strenuous to have a place of rest and food to eat that it costs all of the time that I have? Why is a person with a 'better' job able to cover the expenses that cost me all the time I have and a month (still not enough), to cover that month's expense, in only a few days?

It's this disparity that is so great and so fixed in our societies that brought me to our Lord and God, and it is also the same disparity that gave me the insight that striving for strife (money) is so meaningless and miserable, especially when that money is needed for necessity and those things that are necessities still were unattainable.

I could easily make money criminally, with no risk, as today's laws do not count exploitative market practices criminal and these practices are highly lucrative--yet I would have all that I have need of physically and no heart.

I believe truth, and my heart believes that truth is greater than all things--even my own life, and this does make it very difficult to live in dominions where truth is in the street and not the house..

 

[Brother-Paul]

It's getting so dark in my head that I don't know what to do anymore.

I think I'm dealing with a duality issue.

Proverbs 3:5-6 (NKJV)
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding;
6 In all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths.