This is Elaina and I'm a new member. Drop by and say hello sometime in the introduction section. Thank you. This is about a testimony. Dealing with obsessions and masturbation. I suffered with being obsessed with cartoon characters, celeberties, rockstars and all that stuff. I grew up being misunderstood and I ended up finding these things and I started getting attracted to like it was beer. I never been an alcoholic, but it's like being on drugs and after I went through depression I got worse with it and I became stuck and it took over my whole life, Plus I was very vain during that time and I masterbated. It was so bad that I actually felt my actual physical flesh rotting from the inside. It was killing me... and I sinced it when it was almost to late and I felt like my soul was getting weaker. I lost my friend during that time too, and after that I cried to God told him all the bad stuff I did and I don't deserve him at all I never did. And sometimes I still feel that way. I been obsessed with things for a total of fifteen years. That's how long I've been a slave to it, but God set me free and now I'm following Christ and yearning and wanting to do God's will in this world. Man I have ADHD and later diagnose with depression, and most of the time people and my family never understood me. More stuff happened that made me end up turning that way and some stuff is shocking. God showed me that the things that people said like I'm f888888 retarded, stupid, nobody, a moron, crazy and etc. was not true but it was from the devil, because he did not want me to see or get to know God and had me hooked on these wild fantasies and imaginations. I was really stuck you guys. Look at me God gave me the talent to write about him and spread truth and I guess I'm not a nobody after all. I am someone. All I wanted my whole life was just someone to know who I am and understand me. A all powerful might God, I call him Yahweh, but now I mostly call him "I am" cause he is "I am". After all that was over I still had the rockstar in my head (the latest obsession), but you know what it doesn't have much power over me like it use to. I'm going out there living a normal routine that I never had and not prisoned to that stuff. And after that I still masterbated, but I was not vain like before. It was my imagination that I had that I struggled handing over to God because I didn't know how, but knowing and remebering that he loves me and yearns for me it made me realized that I don't have to be a slave and that I can do his will, but not by myself, but through his grace. Amen. And I will make a youtube video about this hopefull soon this month and I'll post it for you can all look at it. Man This stuff brings me to tears. Oh God, Father, Spirit, Yahweh, I am! Thank you so much for understanding me and giving me encouragement. I never had so much encouragement in my life, and for once someone can look at me without judging me or feeling ashamed of me and understands me, and who is it? That's God. Well God judges, but not in a way that humans do. You get what I mean.
And please dears comment. I would be honoured if you did. Just give feed back on this testimony. I love comments.