well higschool is almost over and graduation is almost near, i expect my self to join the marching to get our diploma, infortunately i failed 2 subjects,i felt like my prayers and hard work have been ignored, coz for 1 yr i studied hard and prayed to God to let me join the graduation but he did not, i am so depressed coz i have to go to skool for the whole summer! and didn't view that being on summer class can be good to!(having an allowance) but that FAILURE is God's blessing, why? coz if God let me graduated i will be get enrolled early and if i get enrolled early i will not be on afternoon classes(section N) and being on that section is so GREAT coz i meet new wonderfull friends, we are so close to each other that we became family! and 4 the 1st time in my skool yrs,i never felt so loved and wanted and it is da 1st time in my skool life i haven't been into ill feeling with oneof my classmates coz i love them all! but every story has it ends and 1st sem is over, we are so sad coz we might not see each other often, me it was more painfull coz my dad have no job, and since that time we have a financial disaster until now! i felt really ******! i BLAME GOD again,i am asking him why did he allow dat to happen to us! i am so mad at him during those time. and dat yr i meet Marcy, my gf, but during that time we are close friend online, i don't know what's on her that i am really close to her, maybe the fact that she listens to what i am saying, but i don't know, deep inside i love her but i am denieng it,(maybe i was just to afraid of rejection) well it's 2005, nothings change except on dat day, march 14 dat and it is 2 months since my last chat to Mardcy, well we in the middle of our chat i say i love you to her, she said she like dat i am honest, she said that she loves me to, well i am so happy coz she loves me to, but i am so afraid of the fact that she is far away from me and our culture is different, she lives in oklahoma u.s.a while i live in philipines in asia! other blessings i received these yr is dat my grandparents came from the u.s for a vist here, for a month we eat nothing but delicious FOOD, but still i am ignoring God, but the time comes when God really wants me to comeback, me and my gf had an argument(bcoz is as here if she know dis guy name alex, who is telling me that my gf is a hoe but has no prof on it!)and during that time, i am felt so depressed, then i realized that God can help me, that God can relive my sorrows, i also realize that God wants me to Go back to him, i answered his call, i repent, i stop watching porn, i made changes in my life, i became close to God, asking guidance for all the things that i am going to do, but he never failed me, my gf talks to me again, she said she loves and she 4gives me.i am so happy dat time plus the fact that God use her as an instrument for me to comeback to him, i realized that HE realy loves me, and i have been never been so close to God in all my life, i know i am stil weak, dat i need changes in my life, and i have dreams to pursue, isn't it great to know that God will be there for us in all our work? PRAISE GOD, THANK HIM ! I LOVE YOU GOD, I LOVE YOU