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  1. #1
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    Duties of a Christian Wife

    What Does The Bible Say About The Duties of a Christian Wife?
    The Christian Wife -- By Betty Miller
    Critical Words Destroy Marriages -- By Betty Miller


    The Christian Wife
    By Betty Miller

    In Titus 2:3-5, women are given some instructions regarding their husbands, children and homes. "The aged women likewise, that they be in behaviour as becometh holiness, not false accusers, not given to much wine, teachers of good things; That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children...that the word of God be not blasphemed." One thing we notice about these verses is that the older women are instructed to teach the younger women how to love their husbands. In our society we have the idea that when we fall in love with a man, this love (emotion) will keep the marriage together. This is far from the truth. Of course, emotional love is part of marriage, but the kind of love that the Scripture is referring to here in these verses has to be taught and learned. It is God's love as spoken of in 1 Corinthians 13. We might also call it character.

    The first step in learning how to love a husband, or anyone else for that matter, is to receive Christ into our hearts and let Him become our teacher. As we love Him and He loves us, that love spills over to those around us. We learn how to love others through reading, studying and applying God's Word to our hearts and our lives. Those who are older and more experienced can share with the younger ladies in order that they may be spared many heartaches by heeding their godly advice. Let us not think that we have all the answers but truly be open to the advice of those who are older and wiser whether they be in the church, or part of our family. Remember, the first commandment with a promise is the one that says, "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee" (Exodus 20:12).

    Even as small children, if we fail to obey our parents, our days can be shortened. For example, if a parent tells his child not to play in the street and he disobeys, he can be killed. God places elders as leaders and guides to help the younger Christians to mature. We need a submissive spirit to be able to learn from others.

    A necessary ingredient for a compatible union, in spite of the abuses that occur when men are wrongly taught about their headship, is that women submit to their husbands. What does God expect of women in this area? First of all, we must understand that submission is an attitude and not just an action. Submission begins in the heart. There is a story about a little boy that was instructed by his teacher to sit down and be quiet. Because of his rebellious nature he did not want to do this, but was forced to by his teacher. Later, the children in the class were chiding him by saying, "Boy, you really sat down and shut up when the teacher approached you with the paddle." The rebellious boy replied,"I may have been sitting down on the outside, but I was still standing up on the inside."

    Many times women who claim to be submissive are only outwardly going through the motions of submission while inwardly they are still resenting their position in life. A prayer of submission would be in order: "Father, help me to be content in the role you created me for and give me a submissive spirit, not only toward my mate, but also toward each member in the body of Christ. Let me serve and not expect to be served. Create within me a lamb-like spirit even as Christ our Lord had. Amen." Of course, as we have mentioned, there are limits to submission as it should always be "as unto the Lord." We must first submit to God and then the problems involving submission to others will be resolved by Him. Some results that can occur when women are not in a right relationship with men are divorce, rebellious children, emotional problems and sexual frigidity. (To read more on the proper submission to a husband click here: http://www.bible.com/answers/asubmit.html )

    One of the main causes for these problems is an evil spiritual force of female domination. In I Corinthians 11:3, Ephesians 5:22-25, and Ephesians 6:1-3, the divine order for families is stated. The husband is the head, then the wife is second in command, with the children in obedience to them. When the woman seeks to usurp this authority and rule the home, havoc results and the home is left wide open for Satanic attack. "As for my people, children are their oppressors, and women rule over them. O my people, they which lead thee cause thee to err, and destroy the way of thy paths" (Isaiah 3:12). In our land today, children are rebellious, causing strife in the homes, and women have become bossy and demanding. It is no wonder homes are falling apart. This type of spirit in a woman is a "Jezebel spirit." Just as Jezebel ruled her husband, King Ahab, in the Bible (I Kings 21:25), many women today are guilty of the same sin. This domineering and ruling spirit is not just found in women alone for we see it in men, too, when they use tyrannical means to rule their homes. The Lord would have our homes be examples of love, and the authority should be exercised in love. When someone has a "Jezebel spirit," it subtly manipulates the lives of everyone around him. Should we be guilty of this domineering spirit, let us ask the Lord to deliver us and create within us a sweet submissive spirit that is pleasing to the Lord. We will then be willing to listen to our husbands, knowing that the logic God gave man is for the protection of the woman.

    Man's logic and ideas, coupled with a woman's sensitivity, blend to aid each other in making decisions. Learning to hear the voice of the Lord is one area where both husband and wife can confirm to each other what the Spirit is saying as they each seek the will of God on any given circumstance. The woman will usually have a certain inclination about it, while the man will have a definite idea regarding the situation. The ideal is, of course, for both husband and wife to walk totally submitted unto the Lord. When this is not the case, the woman should not disregard her husband's advice, for the Lord can and does speak through unsaved husbands. When the wife is submitted to the Lord, the Lord will deal with her husband. Extreme submission where the wife never offers advice to her husband, or is never allowed to think for herself, is out of balance as God did not intend any human being to be another's "door mat." This is an example of that domineering "Jezebel spirit." People under this kind of dominance need deliverance, as do the ones imposing their domineering spirit. The Lord wants every area and dimension of our lives to be balanced in Him.

    CHRISTIAN DUTIES OF WIVES AND MOTHERS

    Another area where Satan tries to push women to extremes is in keeping household duties and spiritual pursuits in balance. Women who are unequally yoked are especially vulnerable in this area. Perhaps you know women who serve their husbands "tapes for breakfast," "Charismatic book reviews for lunch," and "Praise-the-Lord's for dinner." If this is not done under the Holy Spirit's unction and with His wisdom, it can turn husbands away from, not toward the Lord. A change of diet might speak more loudly than incessant talking about Jesus. A neat house, nice meals, and a genuine interest in the husband and his interests many times speaks louder than all the tapes. To fulfill her household duties, a woman may have to give up some of her "spiritual" activities. Three meetings a week really do not make us spiritual anyway.

    Real love is giving up what we would like to do in order to make another happy. We have all heard the old saying, "The way to a man's heart is through his stomach." If a wife has claimed her husband's heart for Jesus, she might try reaching it through his stomach, if all else has failed. Then, when he asks why the sudden change, she can humbly say the Lord spoke to her about neglecting him and the home, and that Jesus very much wants happy homes and happy husbands. He will be interested in knowing a God like that. It works with rebellious kids, too, applied a little differently. Many of our family members are really crying out for love through their very acts of rebellion. Let's remember to spend time with them, as God gave us the home first.

    Some wives neglect their husbands and homes by engaging in too many spiritual pursuits. Of course, the opposite problem can also exist in our homes. Other problems arise when wives are so neat and fastidious about their homes that so much time is spent on cleaning and cooking that they neglect the much needed time of family worship and fellowship. Houses then become a "shrine" to be admired, placing more emphasis on the residence than the residents. Women can become "Marthas" instead of "Marys.''

    "Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her" (Luke 10:38-42).

    The Lord wants both areas balanced in our lives, so let us remember not to be so "heavenly minded" that we are no "earthly good." And on the other hand, let's not get so earthbound that we miss the beauty of the Spirit.

    The woman has her primary responsibility in the home since the Scripture says she is to be the keeper of the home. "To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed" (Titus 2:5). Preparing meals for the family is one of her prime duties. The world has set the standard when it comes to eating, rather than the Word of God. Here is another area where we need to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit's guidance. Besides seeing to it that each member receives spiritual food, the Lord is emphasizing to His people that they need to make changes in their physical diets and receive the proper natural foods. Most of God's people have experienced His healing hand in their bodies, but one problem that seems to be prevalent is that after receiving healing, the devil comes to rob them of God's gift of healing. If we exercise our faith and rebuke the enemy in the name of Jesus, he will flee. If, however, you have done this and are still experiencing illness, perhaps the problem is one of maintaining the gift God has given you. By this I mean we must not only obey and keep spiritual laws, but also we must keep physical laws if we expect to walk in God's blessings.

    Our body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, and many of our temples are filled with trash and garbage. Yet we expect the Holy Spirit to abide there, too. As women, we can be instrumental in ministering the proper food to our families. Instead of eating according to the present mode, we need to eat according to God's Word. The Bible has much to say about diet and eating. Of course, the extreme we should avoid here is to become so "food-minded" that we allow cooking and diet to absorb too much of our time. Obesity has become such a problem for so many people in the U.S.A. that we need to seek God to control our appetites and help us in this all important area. The Lord wants us to learn self-discipline and temperance in all things. In and of ourselves, we may not be able to overcome our old eating habits, but through prayer, with the Lord's help, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13).

    Proverbs 31:10-31 gives us an excellent description of an ideal wife and mother. Verse 28 says, "Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also and he praiseth her." As wives and mothers we should examine our lives to see where we fall short and ask God to help us be like the companion and mother spoken about in these verses. Do our children call us blessed? What about our husbands? Are they praising us as wives? Perhaps our children are rebellious at this time; maybe our husbands are far from the Christian ideal, and neither is praising nor blessing us. Do we blame them and insist that the Lord change them, or do we look at ourselves and ask the Lord to turn the searchlight upon our own faults and failures so that He might work a change in us? Our number one problem is not our children, our mates, our job, or our circumstances--it is ourselves. Until we are willing to change ourselves, the Lord cannot begin the needed changes in our families.

    How does God effect these changes in our lives? First of all, we must be honest with God and face our shortcomings and sins. We must come confessing, "God, I am resentful toward this person; I can't help it; I don't want to be like this; help me change. Lord, help me to be the kind of wife and mother that will inspire my husband and children to rise up and call me blessed. Amen." As we yield to the Lord and follow His promptings, we shall surely see changes in our lives and in the lives of those we love.

    We must begin by seeing the kind of woman we are. The woman in Proverbs 31:28, "Her children arise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her," or the one in Proverbs 21:19, "It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman." I'm sure our desire is that we fit into the category of the first type, for we certainly do not want to be referred to as angry and contentious. But I wonder, if we honestly examined our hearts and motives and let the Lord turn His searchlight on us, if we might not see some areas where anger and contention do exist in our lives. Perhaps we do not openly voice our anger, but inside we feel it toward our husbands or children; and because we do not voice it, we have feelings of resentment toward them.

    Jesus, in the New Testament, talked much about our thought life and our inner feelings. Remember as he spoke to the religious leaders of His day, He reproved them for their evil hearts even though their outward deeds appeared to be right and good. We can outwardly do our duties as mothers and wives, but inside our hearts we may not really be lovingly ministering to them. We may be motivated by duty, not love. None of us really appreciate people doing things for us simply because it is their job. The real witness to others is when we do something simply because we love them. A lot of Spirit-filled Christians are eager to show the love of Jesus to everyone else, but those of their own households often suffer from a lack of love. Let us certainly show the love of Jesus to all we meet, but let's remember to show it in our homes first, asking the Lord to give us the true Spirit of love in performing our daily chores."Lord, may we turn the daily tasks into celebrations of love. Amen.''

    This article is taken from the book Neither Male Nor Female by Betty Miller. You may copy and circulate it freely.

    Critical Words Destroy Marriages

    By Betty Miller

    1 Peter 3:7-12:

    7 "Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.
    8 Finally, be ye all of one mind, having compassion one of another, love as brethren, be pitiful, be courteous:
    9 Not rendering evil for evil, or railing for railing: but contrariwise blessing; knowing that ye are thereunto called, that ye should inherit a blessing.
    10 For he that will love life, and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips that they speak no guile:
    11 Let him eschew evil, and do good; let him seek peace, and ensue it.
    12 For the eyes of the Lord are over the righteous, and his ears are open unto their prayers: but the face of the Lord is against them that do evil."


    One of the things that begin to erode a marriage away is when one spouse begins to speak critically to and of the other one. The things we say to and about the other one can either be uplifting and encouraging or they can bring disharmony and hurt. Little critical words will lead to a dissatisfaction with one's mate and can escalate to bring about a divorce. No person should threaten to divorce the other just to get their way, or manipulate the other to do something they really don't want to do. When any one threatens divorce this is like speaking words of murder to your marriage.

    Words can accumulate in the spirit and cause one to react lovingly or hateful by what is spoken. The above verses warn each spouse not to return "railing for railing" but "blessing for a railing." As kind words are returned this stops the cycle of "railing for railing."

    Proverbs 15:1 says, "A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger."

    We are admonished in the Bible to seek to do good and to seek peace, not to stir up trouble because we want to air our anger and wrath. As Christians we are to give our anger to Jesus and ask Him to remove it, and replace it with His love, patience and forgiveness. We are not to take it out on someone else, especially our mates.

    Some husbands can be very cruel criticizing their wives appearance. If the wife is on the thin side or over-weight, the husband should pray to help her make the necessary changes that will help her to be healthy, but never should he belittle her appearance. This can damage their relationship, where it is difficult for her to reach out and love him and receive love from him. (This, of course, applies to a woman criticizing her husband about his appearance too.)

    The Lord calls us to love our mates, as we would love a sister or brother in the Lord and to be courteous. Many times, after people get married, they cease to be courteous to one another and they are rude and unmannerly. These things start with little things they quit doing to please the other and soon they grow into gross neglect. We should be kind to one another and think about saying nice things that edify and build our marriages instead of the hurtful words that tear them down. This "little fox" of critical speech in little things can be the root cause that later destroys the marriage.

    Proverbs 18:21: "Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.
    22 Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD."


    This article was taken from the Overcoming Life Digest (Jan./Feb. 2000 Issue); click here to view Digest
    Last edited by Chad; 01-17-05 at 11:46 PM.

  2. #2
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    The Christian Wife

    Chad
    I am really impressed at reading the piece quote
    'For the Lord can and does speak through unsaved husbands,
    When the wife is submitted to the Lord
    the Lord will deal with her husband'
    HALLILULJAH
    perhaps that's why mine has started
    to ask me to choose the church for Sunday Morning Worship
    and he will go along Amen
    The hand of our God is upon all them for good that seek Him. Ezra 8 V22

  3. #3
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    Sorry But I dont have time to read through your whole post I just wonder what your iews (in brief) are on Women speaking in the church, doing readings and stuff like that.

  4. #4
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    God-pleasing wives

    God-Pleasing Wives



    Teach the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands so that no one will malign the Word of God.” Titus 2:3-5

    Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucks it down with her own hands.” Proverb 14:1

    We have a great book titled, As Unto the Lord. This is a great study for a wife (or wife to be), to learn how to be focused on meeting the needs of her husband. I remember when I first took a look at the inside pages and said to myself, “Wow! I need to study this book!

    If you want a great study tool that will help you to be a submissive wife, then this is it!




    Blessing Our Husbands
    (by Rachel Weaver)



    Ways that a Wife Can Bless Her Husband taken from ideas given by a group of husbands:

    1. Pray for your husband daily, not just casually ("God Bless Hubby") but for specific areas of need and blessing.

    2. Thank God for your husband's strengths, for the growth you see, and for the kindnesses that he shows you and the needs he meets in your life.

    3. Meditate often (at least once a week) on the Scriptures that teach your responsibilities and position in the home.

    4. Listen to him. Try to really hear what he is saying when he communicates with you.

    5. When he seems perplexed and troubled, do not pressure him. Support him by prayer, your presence, and words of encouragement.

    6. Be ready to share your observations and insights in a meek spirit, but openly and honestly, when he asks you. You can be his best counselor. You can anchor him when he needs it most.

    7. Encourage him. Do not nag him, or boss him. Do not argue with him even if you are sure he is wrong. He may have something in mind that you are not aware of or do not understand. Ask his counsel and advice.

    8. Only say up-building and affirming things about your husband to others. Do not criticize him even in a joking manner. Very rarely should you find yourself sharing anything about his faults or failings, and then only with someone who is truly in a position to help.

    9. Bless your husband in public. Do not apologize for his background, weaknesses or failures. This will build up your reverence for him and help establish the trust that you should both have for each other.

    10. If your husband has failed, entreat him in meekness, don't exaggerate the issue or berate him.

    11. Let him know that you want him to be your leader not only by what you say but by what you do. You get that message across by the way you respond to the leadership he does give you.

    12. Seek to please your husband even when he does not spell out what he wants you to do. Try to determine what his heart's desire is and do it as fully as possible.

    13. Teach your children to honor him, respect him, and bless him. You do this best by your own example.

    14. Depend on him. Be very sensitive to areas in which he wants you to act independently. Do not run away with this responsibility. Handle it carefully. If in question, choose dependence not independence.

    15. Seek opportunities to serve your husband in love. Find ways to show him that he is your “lord”.

    16. Be ready to make changes in your day or schedule to accommodate his needs or desires, especially if you run a home business and he needs you or the children to serve in some capacity.

    17. When you need to make an appeal, prepare carefully. Choose your words wisely. Choose the time well so that you can have his attention and time to explain yourself. That way you can be sure that he understands you. When he is weary, at the end of a long day is not a good time to communicate weighty matters.

    18. Always let your husband have the last word, the deciding vote, the majority rule.

    19. Don't say “I told you so.”

    20. Show appreciation for the way he provides for you.

    21. Let your husband know that you love his attention to you and his singleness of heart for you. Bask in this attention and help him relate discreetly to other women especially by letting him know what makes women respond.

    22. Reserve yourself, your beauty, and your charm for him. Maintain true modesty and reserve while relating to other men.




    There are many, many ways to bless your husband that were not even touched here. These are just a some of the ways some husbands discussed that would make them feel honored. Women tend to think of kisses, hugs, notes in lunch boxes and a meal spent together alone. I am sure that our men appreciate all of those things. But as I typed this list that husbands had made, I was extremely impressed with their need for support and encouragement. They need and want a visible show of this. It is born out in our everyday life in the way we walk and talk, and in the way we respond to their leadership, plans, and desires.

    I think that many times we ladies are blind to how much contriving and planning we do to get our own way. Perhaps not consciously, but non-the-less we often tend to get what we really desire. We think we just make good valid appeals. These appeals are in order sometimes, but where is your heart? Is it where your husband can safely rest or are you always pushing the limit? Are you always going to bat for your young people and helping your husband to see why this or that is such a good idea? No doubt you do have good ideas that need to be shared, sometimes. But I am fully persuaded that I, all too often, am really blind to my husband's true desires.

    Let us pray for each other and meditate on how we can be women whose husbands can safely trust in. Let us be supporters, encourages and blessers. Let us affirm our husbands and be there for them. I think it is especially important as our families grow up and husbands need to make boundaries and guidelines for our young people. Often these guidelines are hard to make and even harder to implement. Let us back our husbands up and help them in their sincere desire to guide our families right. We can make their job infinitely easier and thus build a relationship of trust that deepens through the years, rather than ones that erodes as our young people grow in maturity.

    What a valuable legacy to pass on to posterity! Can he trust you to stand by him?
    Onward for the Great Commission,

    Bible_Lover_Bill

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    I have been looking into the place of women in leadership roles in the church a lot lately. My desire has always been to obey God and His word and to fulfil the call that I believe He has placed in my heart. Sometimes these things seem to be in conflict due to some conservatist misconceptions.

    Here are some of my findings...
    Nympha was the pastor of a church in Colossae (Colossians 4:15)
    Chloe had a church in Cenchrea (1 Corinthians 1:11)
    Priscilla was a noted Bible teacher with her husband Aquila, who is usually, and significantly, mentioned second to her. They also had a church that met at their home for a time. (Romans 16:3, Acts 18:18, etc)
    Phoebe was a noted evangelist who "preached to the Barbarians" as noted by a secular historian. She travelled widely preaching the gospel and delivered the Letter to the Romans written by Paul. She is mentioned in the Bible in Romans 16:1 where some versions call her a deacon, but the Greek word used here is more often translated, in other places as "minister." Phoebe was a Christian minister in every sense of the word.
    In Romans chapter 16, ten other women are mentioned by Paul and commended for their service. This doesn't mean that they knitted socks or served cups of tea, these were front line people. Junias in mentioned, alongside Andronicus, possibly her husband, as being an apostle. (Romans 16:7)
    Philip's daughters were respected prophets

    Women have always featured prominently in revivals, etc.

    It is important that New Testament Scriptures be read as a whole to get the full picture of a woman's "place" in ministry.
    Yes - the husband is the head of the wife! The scriptures that talk about this are referring to the marriage state only, not church heirarchy.
    Yes - women (and men) should remain seated and not cause a disturbance during church proceedings. These verses refer to the congregation not to the speaker/leader, etc. If you read 1 Timothy 2:11-12 in the Greek it is really talking against usurping authority and causing a disturbance. It is not saying that a women, called of God, cannot in the correct context bring a message from God.

    A strange double standard that many people have is that a woman can become a missionary and "preach" to both men and women in a foreign country, but they are banned from preaching in their own church.

    Women, like men, need to be sure of their calling from God and submit to authority. No one likes a pushy, domineering, self serving personality, this seems to be particularly offensive in women. As a Christian our motivation should always be love and obeience to God.

    I hope this helps
    Last edited by evangeline; 02-02-05 at 09:02 PM.

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    Originally Posted by evangeline
    I have been looking into the place of women in leadership roles in the church a lot lately. My desire has always been to obey God and His word and to fulfil the call that I believe He has placed in my heart. Sometimes these things seem to be in conflict due to some conservatist misconceptions.

    Here are some of my findings...
    Nympha was the pastor of a church in Colossae (Colossians 4:15)
    Chloe had a church in Cenchrea (1 Corinthians 1:11)
    Priscilla was a noted Bible teacher with her husband Aquila, who is usually, and significantly, mentioned second to her. They also had a church that met at their home for a time. (Romans 16:3, Acts 18:18, etc)
    Phoebe was a noted evangelist who "preached to the Barbarians" as noted by a secular historian. She travelled widely preaching the gospel and delivered the Letter to the Romans written by Paul. She is mentioned in the Bible in Romans 16:1 where some versions call her a deacon, but the Greek word used here is more often translated, in other places as "minister." Phoebe was a Christian minister in every sense of the word.
    In Romans chapter 16, ten other women are mentioned by Paul and commended for their service. This doesn't mean that they knitted socks or served cups of tea, these were front line people. Junias in mentioned, alongside Andronicus, possibly her husband, as being an apostle. (Romans 16:7)
    Philip's daughters were respected prophets

    Women have always featured prominently in revivals, etc.

    It is important that New Testament Scriptures be read as a whole to get the full picture of a woman's "place" in ministry.
    Yes - the husband is the head of the wife! The scriptures that talk about this are referring to the marriage state only, not church heirarchy.
    Yes - women (and men) should remain seated and not cause a disturbance during church proceedings. These verses refer to the congregation not to the speaker/leader, etc. If you read 1 Timothy 2:11-12 in the Greek it is really talking against usurping authority and causing a disturbance. It is not saying that a women, called of God, cannot in the correct context bring a message from God.

    A strange double standard that many people have is that a women can become a missionary and "preach" to both men and women in a foreign country, but they are banned from preaching in their own church.

    Women, like men, need to be sure of their calling from God and submit to authority. No one likes a pushy, domineering, self serving personality, this seems to be particularly offensive in women. As a Christian our motivation should always be love and obeience to God.

    I hope this helps
    Dear Evangeline,

    The NT scriptures you are referring to, we have to consider the geographical and political conditions during those times. And of Paul's letters, each letter addressed specifically to a certain people and their customs at that time. Today's "here and now" times are different. God knows that. But the point of the scriptures, and how it is applied today, is what God is saying to us.

    I don't disagree with you, sister, I want to understand your view. Why do you feel there is a double standard? A pushy, domineering, self serving personality is something that may be unbecoming in any woman or a man. Are you referring to a person in leadership with that attitude or in general? I personally would not follow any shepherd or anyone be it a man or woman with that approach. How would I then expect to grow?

    I do feel you may have a burning in your heart for God's calling to go into leadership ministry? Wonderful!

    I am saying I do agree with you, Evangeline, but need you to break it down a bit more for me so I can understand how God is using you to help me learn here.

    Your brother in Christ Jesus.
    Last edited by Bobinfaith; 01-11-05 at 02:28 PM.
    :shock: Bobinfaith!

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    Hi Bobbinfaith,

    I do feel that people are more critical of women leaders. Many people don't feel that the Ephesians 4:11 ministries (prophet, evangelist, pastor, teacher) are applicable for women despite notable Biblical examples.

    Some people also think that the whole idea of women in leadership is offensive, that it is somehow against their intrinsic nature.

    As I mentioned in a previous post, some people/denominations who do not allow a woman to teach men in their own church, or in their own country, have no problem if that same women goes overseas and preaches to others (including men), as though foreigners are not classified as men.

    I can tell by your comments that I have not been clear to you. But I don't know how to make my thoughts more comprehensible. Basically I do feel that some women are called by God into leadership ministeries and that there is some (not a lot) of Biblical precedents to back this belief. Perhaps it is not a big issue in America, but in Australia it is rare for a woman to have a senior role in leadership which I think is sad. I know I have held back for many years because I thought it was unscriptural for me to have a leadership role in the Body of Christ. I'm still trying to find out precisely what my calling is, but I know that God is preparing something for me (Ephesians 2:10) as I continue to prepare myself.

    Is this any clearer...probably not....sorry...just some ramblings from someone who is still trying to work things out for herself in the Light of God's Word

    love
    evangeline

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    I think that one should always check the Truth with the Spirit. Then Peace will be knit together, and the garment of His Praise complete.

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    Why is that we are always talking about being submissive wives? O.k. I do know why, sorry. But why aren't there any lists telling men how they could bless their wives??? They are allowed to do that right? Sorry for the sarcasm...
    "Every man dies, but not every man really lives!" ~ Mel Gibson (Braveheart)
    "Shoot for the moon, if you miss you will still land among the stars!" ~ Unknown

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    about God-pleasing spouses

    Three Lists of Goals for Spouses Wanting God-Pleasing Marriages

    A. For both:
    1. Ideal things to think
    B -- I believe in you. I will boast about you because I appreciate you.
    E -- We can endure anything together. I always enjoy being with you.
    S -- I will stand-up and stand-by you whenever necessary. You completely satisfy me.
    T -- I will tolerate your unusual or strange habits. I am thankful for all of you.

    F -- I am so happy because you have let me become completely familiar with you. You are fantastic.
    R -- I rejoice for every smile and touch from you. We can have daily revival.
    I -- You are plenty intelligent enough for me. I greatly enjoy all types of intimacy with you.
    E -- You give me so much excitement and hope. Special energy comes from you and goes into me.
    N -- No one but you is the best for me. Nothing can stop my love for you.
    D -- You are the dearest person in the world. You are the best divine blessing for me every day.
    2. Both husband and wife should desire to frequently appreciate his/her spouse, who is the closest neighbor. This fulfills the Second Great Commandment. (Matthew 22:39) First, a true Christian should be doing frequently loving to God. Then each spouse should want to frequently appreciate to the beloved as the Holy Spirit urges. This requires living Proverbs 3:5 & 6 via prayer in order to be sensitive to the just mentioned. This is different than flattery because it includes no selfish motives. Appreciation without any expectations can be done in hundreds of different ways.
    3. Love for Holy Spirit guided affection. This is not just having what is called “the right chemistry” with another individual and usually there is way too much emphasis on sexual intercourse. God wants married couples to emphasize spiritual/peaceful/unselfish intimacy. There are so many forms (verbal and physical) of the love that comes from God (which is guided only by the Holy Spirit) compared to the common eros love ways. Unselfish affection loving will always result in peace, joy, supernatural feelings and physical reactions. There will be no guilt feelings or ungentle or forced physical actions.
    4. Each spouse should want to have the following agapč love instead of philčo and eros loves: 1 Corinthians 13:4-8a-- “Love endures long {and} is patient and kind; love never is envious {nor} boils over with jealousy, is not boastful {or} vainglorious, does not display itself haughtily. It is not conceited (arrogant and inflated with pride); it is not rude (unmannerly) {and} does not act unbecomingly. Love (God's love in us) does not insist on its own rights {or} its own way, {for} it is not self-seeking; it is not touchy {or} fretful {or} resentful; it takes no account of the evil done to it [it pays no attention to a suffered wrong]. It does not rejoice at injustice {and} unrighteousness, but rejoices when right {and} truth prevail. Love bears up under anything {and} everything that comes, is ever ready to believe the best of every person, its hopes are fadeless under all circumstances, and it endures everything [without weakening]. Love never fails [never fades out or becomes obsolete or comes to an end].” Also, each spouse should want Galatians 5:22-26 to be manifested in their lives: “But the fruit of the [Holy] Spirit [the work which His presence within accomplishes] is love, joy (gladness), peace, patience (an even temper, forbearance), kindness, goodness (benevolence), faithfulness, gentleness (meekness, humility), self-control (self-restraint, continence).”
    5. Each spouse should desire to be always honest and truthful. Trust can be broken so easily by not doing such. There should always be a willingness to share all feelings when and where appropriate. Constructive criticism should only be done in private and done as tactfully as possible. The only way to go against the wiles of the spiritual enemy (via human beings, fallen angels, and human nature) is being honest and truthful. Philippians Paul said that the top priority of thinking should be about “whatsoever is truth” and Ephesians 6 states that the first piece of spiritual armor represents truth. The Bible is full of examples and commandments for truthfulness and honesty.
    6. Each spouse should want to completely trust God. “Lean on, trust in, {and} be confident in the Lord with all your heart {and} mind and do not rely on your own insight {or} understanding (or past experiences). In all your ways know, recognize, {and} acknowledge Him, and He will direct {and} make straight {and} plain your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; reverently fear {and} worship the Lord and turn [entirely] away from evil. It shall be health to your nerves {and} sinews, and marrow {and} moistening to your bones.” Proverb 3:5-8
    God the Father should be at the top of the triangle of the marriage and Jesus Christ should be on the throne of each spouse's lives as He guides each of them via the Holy Spirit and the Bible. According to the first of the “Two Great Commandments” (Matthew 22:37), their first focus is to love God the Father, and as they do this and proceed up the triangle sides, they will get closer and more in love with each other. Each should love God so much more than his or her spouse.
    7. Both husband and wife should want to love and live the Bible more and more, especially the commandments of the New Testament. The just mentioned should be seen as God's best advice for how to relate to others. They all are contrary to the normal or common attitudes and actions, but especially Christian married couples should both live them so that they can be more and more Christ-like in this sinful world (which is full of selfishness, untruthfulness, prejudice, bitterness, hatred, etc.). They should also both love the promises of God for Christian believers. They require loving God or/and humbles.
    8. Christian spouses should have love for clean, non-offensive humor. Someone said, “If you don't have a sense of humor, you will not survive this negative world.” It took me over twenty-one years to do this; I was a serious, worrying, perfectionist until I realized that I needed to stop worrying about things and people I am not responsible about and to enjoy good humor. I wouldn't be sane now at age 58 if I didn't make these two changes in my thinking. Jokes or funny stories about marriage should be avoided or rejected.
    9. Love for same and similar hopes. This is last because true Christians will have the same and similar hopes because of the Holy Spirit urging such desires and unselfishness. So many spouses have used change of desires as the excuse for divorce. But what does Philippians 2:1-5 indicate:
    So by whatever [appeal to you there is in our mutual dwelling in Christ, by whatever] strengthening {and} consoling {and} encouraging [our relationship] in Him [affords], by whatever persuasive incentive there is in love, by whatever participation in the [Holy] Spirit [we share], and by whatever depth of affection and compassionate sympathy, fill up {and} complete my joy by living in harmony {and} being of the same mind {and} one in purpose, having the same love, being in full accord and of one harmonious mind {and} intention. Do nothing from factional motives [through contentiousness, strife, selfishness, or for unworthy ends] or prompted by conceit {and} empty arrogance. Instead, in the true spirit of humility (lowliness of mind) let each regard the others as better than {and} superior to himself or herself [thinking more highly of one another than you do of yourselves]. Let each of you esteem {and} look upon {and} be concerned for not [merely] his or her own interests, but also each for the interests of others. Let this same attitude {and} purpose {and} [humble] mind be in you which was in Christ Jesus. [Let Him be your example in humility.]


    B. For the husband:
    1. “For the husband is head of the wife as Christ is the Head of the church, Himself the Savior of [His] body.” Ephesians 5:23
    2. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her, so that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the Word, that He might present the church to Himself in glorious splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such things [that she might be holy and faultless].” Ephesians 5:25-26
    3. “Even so husbands should love their wives as [being in a sense] their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. For no man ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes {and} carefully protects and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members (parts) of His body.” Ephesians 5:28-30
    4. “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.” Ephesians 5:31
    5. “However, let each man of you [without exception] love his wife as [being in a sense] his very own self; ....” Ephesians 5:33
    Note: Verse 25 commands “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church.” In John 14-17, the following is what Jesus Christ said that He wanted for His disciples, His church. I have indicated what Christian husbands should want for their wives.
    6. for their hearts not to be troubled”-- John 14:1 & 27-28; 15:3; 16:1-11
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- do comfort, give assurance, hug/hold/cuddle his spouse to help eliminate her fears, and remind her of 2 Corinthians 10:13 and Romans 8:28 when needed.
    7. for them to keep trusting in God the Father, in Him (Jesus Christ), and the Holy Spirit-- John 14:1, 24b-31: 15:26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- when needed, remind her about Proverbs 3:5-6 living, the promises to true Christians, and the purposes of the Holy Spirit.
    8. for them to know that He is looking forward to eternal life future with them-- John 14:2-3, 18-20; 16:19-25; 17:2-3 & 24-26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- when needed, give her assurance of Salvation and what life in Heaven and the new Earth will be like.
    9. for them to know all about God the Father-- John 14:7-9 & 24b; 17:1-4 & 6-8
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- teach when desired about God’s attributes, wisdom, concerns, and desires (commandment living).
    10. for them to have good ministries as He did when on Earth-- John 14:12; 15:1-5 & 16
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- encourage her by good example to be compassionate and help others and expressing appreciation when she does.
    11. for them to have all of their God-pleasing desires fulfilled -- John 14:13-15; 15:7-8 & 16-17; 16:12-15 & 22-24
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse—please and serve (do things for) her when appropriate (not for selfish reasons).
    12. for them to obey His proper and helpful commandments because of their love and trust in Him-- John 14:15 & 21-23; 15:1-10; 17:6 & 13
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- suggest, by example and appropriate statements, only good, God-pleasing ways of thinking or doing based on what Scripture says for true Christians.

    13. for them to always have proper counsel and comfort even without Him being present-- John 14:16-17 & 26-27; 15:26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- encourage her to learn more from the Bible and the Holy Spirit.
    14. for them to know all about Him-- John 14:4-11; 15:26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- when appropriate, teach her more about Jesus Christ by example of Christ-likeness, reading with her Scripture about Him, and sharing other articles/books/sermons about Him. [Philippians 2-3 and Ephesians 5:1-18]
    15. for them to feel so close to Him, always being in their minds-- John 14:21-23 & 26-27
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- encourage her by example to make Jesus and the Holy Spirit more and more her best friends. (What are the characteristics of a true friendship?)
    16. for them to have abundant, divine-origin, peace and joy-- John 14:27 & 28b; 15:11; 16:20-22
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- remind her of Romans 14:17 and that her only responsibility is the righteousness part. We cannot produce that peace and joy; they are gifts from God for us doing 1 John 1:9 (along with any needed retribution and changes) and Proverbs 3:5-6.
    17. for them to have "fruitful" or properly successful futures-- John 15:1-8
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- help her understand that success will always happen if one lives Proverbs 3:5-6.
    18. for them never to feel completely alone or any stoppage of His sacrificial love-- John 14:18, 21-23, & 26-27
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- do comfort, give assurance, hug/hold/cuddle his spouse to help eliminate her fears. Make appropriate promises and read her examples from the Bible of God the Father’s and Jesus Christ’s unselfish love/compassion.
    19. for them to continue being His friend and loving others as He loved them while He was on Earth (with no untruthfulness)-- John 15:7-17
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- frequently express thankfulness for her words and actions of friendship to him and for others.
    20. for them to understand why others will respond to them favorably or with persecution-- John 15:18-25; 16:1-4
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- express thankfulness about other true Christian acquaintances/friends/relatives and at appropriate times, warning what could happen in the future to true Christians before the Second Coming, and share how others in the past responded to persecution because of what they believed. When appropriate, remind her of God’s promises in 2 Corinthians 10:13 and Romans 8:28.
    21. for them to speak or testify about Him-- John 15:27
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be an example of appropriately talking about Jesus Christ, voice appreciation when she does such sharing, and be willing to teach her how to share in other ways that she requests.
    22. for them not to give in to temptations to say or do things displeasing to God, by remembering His warnings-- John 16:1-4
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be a consistent example of responding to temptations as God commands and examples in the Bible indicate, warning/advising her when necessary, and congratulating her when she responds properly to temptation to sin.
    23. for them not to grieve because of His temporary physically being away from them-- John 16:7-33
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- give comfort, assurance, and promises that he will keep. Also, he might suggest some things to do to help her keep her mind from grieving or worrying.
    24. for them to always be teachable by the Holy Spirit and to realize His goodness-- John 14:26; 15:26; 16:12-15
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be a consistent example of being learning from others and her, and be eager to enthusiastically/thankfully teach whenever she requests information or/and guidance. (If he doesn’t know what to teach when requested, he should ask for time to find the information needed.)
    25. for them never to forget that there is a time in the future for great rejoicing when no one will again be able to take away their joy and a time of plain, completely understandable, oral communicating-- John 16:20-30
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- whenever she gets frustrated about current events, remind her about God’s promises about the future in Heaven and living on the new Earth.
    26. for them to realize the fullness of His victory over the world (Satan and non-God-pleasing statements, activities, and things by self-guided humans)-- John 16:33-17:4
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- whenever needed, remind her of what Jesus Christ has done and what He finished. This can even be done by reading the words to some of the old hymns about the just mentioned.
    27. for their divine protection from Satan etc. and for divine help in maintaining or preserving the unity between them-- John 17:12-15
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- do frequent intercessory prayer for her and others she cares about for safe travel and right choices.
    28. for them to become sanctified (completely righteous/holy)-- John 17:16-19
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- be a good example of becoming more and more Christ-like and teaching her when she requests help for her to be more God-pleasing. Knowledge of the commandments of God the Father and Jesus Christ is necessary to do such.
    29. for all of them and all future Christian disciples to develop complete unity to “let the world know” that He was sent by and loved by God the Father and that true disciples of Him are also sent and loved by the Almighty Creator of the Earth-- John 17:20-26
    Goal challenges for an Ephesians 5 husband for the benefit of his spouse-- patiently and appropriately attempt to be united with her in all of the ways possible (but not doing non-God-pleasing compromise). Do appropriate public expressing of thankfulness for her and being joyful and affectionate with her when appropriate. [Philippians 2:1-4]

    C. For the wife:
    1. “Wives, be subject (be submissive and adapt yourselves) to your own husbands as [a service] to the Lord.” Ephesians 5:22
    2. “As the church is subject to Christ, so let wives also be subject in everything to their husbands.” Ephesians 5:24
    3. “..... and let the wife see that she respects {and} reverences her husband [that she notices him, regards him, honors him, prefers him, venerates, and esteems him; and that she defers to him, praises him, and loves and admires him exceedingly].” Ephesians 5:33

    Blessing Our Husbands
    (by Rachel Weaver)

    Note: Ways that a Wife Can Bless Her Husband taken from ideas given by a group of husbands:
    1. Pray for your husband daily, not just casually ("God Bless Hubby") but for specific areas of need and blessing.
    2. Thank God for your husband's strengths, for the growth you see, and for the kindnesses that he shows you and the needs he meets in your life.
    3. Meditate often (at least once a week) on the Scriptures that teach your responsibilities and position in the home.
    4. Listen to him. Try to really hear what he is saying when he communicates with you.
    5. When he seems perplexed and troubled, do not pressure him. Support him by prayer, your presence, and words of encouragement.
    6. Be ready to share your observations and insights in a meek spirit, but openly and honestly, when he asks you. You can be his best counselor. You can anchor him when he needs it most.
    7. Encourage him. Do not nag him, or boss him. Do not argue with him even if you are sure he is wrong. He may have something in mind that you are not aware of or do not understand. Ask his counsel and advice.
    8. Only say up-building and affirming things about your husband to others. Do not criticize him even in a joking manner. Very rarely should you find yourself sharing anything about his faults or failings, and then only with someone who is truly in a position to help.
    9. Bless your husband in public. Do not apologize for his background, weaknesses or failures. This will build up your reverence for him and help establish the trust that you should both have for each other.
    10. If your husband has failed, entreat him in meekness, don't exaggerate the issue or berate him.
    11. Let him know that you want him to be your leader not only by what you say but by what you do. You get that message across by the way you respond to the leadership he does give you.
    12. Seek to please your husband even when he does not spell out what he wants you to do. Try to determine what his heart's desire is and do it as fully as possible.
    13. Teach your children to honor him, respect him, and bless him. You do this best by your own example.
    14. Depend on him. Be very sensitive to areas in which he wants you to act independently. Do not run away with this responsibility. Handle it carefully. If in question, choose dependence not independence.
    15. Seek opportunities to serve your husband in love. Find ways to show him that he is your “lord”.
    16. Be ready to make changes in your day or schedule to accommodate his needs or desires, especially if you run a home business and he needs you or the children to serve in some capacity.
    17. When you need to make an appeal, prepare carefully. Choose your words wisely. Choose the time well so that you can have his attention and time to explain yourself. That way you can be sure that he understands you. When he is weary, at the end of a long day is not a good time to communicate weighty matters.
    18. Always let your husband have the last word, the deciding vote, the majority rule.
    19. Don't say “I told you so.”
    20. Show appreciation for the way he provides for you.
    21. Let your husband know that you love his attention to you and his singleness of heart for you. Bask in this attention and help him relate discreetly to other women especially by letting him know what makes women respond.
    22. Reserve yourself, your beauty, and your charm for him. Maintain true modesty and reserve while relating to other men.

    There are many, many ways to bless your husband that were not even touched here. These are just a some of the ways some husbands discussed that would make them feel honored. Women tend to think of kisses, hugs, notes in lunch boxes and a meal spent together alone. I am sure that our men appreciate all of those things. But as I typed this list that husbands had made, I was extremely impressed with their need for support and encouragement. They need and want a visible show of this. It is born out in our everyday life in the way we walk and talk, and in the way we respond to their leadership, plans, and desires.
    I think that many times we ladies are blind to how much contriving and planning we do to get our own way. Perhaps not consciously, but non-the-less we often tend to get what we really desire. We think we just make good valid appeals. These appeals are in order sometimes, but where is your heart? Is it where your husband can safely rest or are you always pushing the limit? Are you always going to bat for your young people and helping your husband to see why this or that is such a good idea? No doubt you do have good ideas that need to be shared, sometimes. But I am fully persuaded that I, all too often, am really blind to my husband's true desires.
    Let us pray for each other and meditate on how we can be women whose husbands can safely trust in. Let us be supporters, encourages and blessers. Let us affirm our husbands and be there for them. I think it is especially important as our families grow up and husbands need to make boundaries and guidelines for our young people. Often these guidelines are hard to make and even harder to implement. Let us back our husbands up and help them in their sincere desire to guide our families right. We can make their job infinitely easier and thus build a relationship of trust that deepens through the years, rather than ones that erodes as our young people grow in maturity.
    What a valuable legacy to pass on to posterity! Can he trust you to stand by him?
    Onward for the Great Commission,

    Bible_Lover_Bill

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