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  1. #1
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    my marriage

    me and my wife has been separated now for 18 months, we where married for 6 years, no kids, and the day before our 6th anniversary(2011) she left. the only reason i know she left was that her mom told her if she didnt leave me she would loose her inherentence i tired to talk her out of it to stay with me, and we get thru our money problems, and that the lord was going to give me more money at work. she didnt believe me, and left. after she left we remained in contact by phone,but it just kept getting worse, arguing over money and the credit score, i told her we need to trust in the lord and he would help us, but we needed to trust him together. to shorten up.. i kept tring to reconcile, and the lord did give me more money, in the past 18 months i have gotten 4 pay raises.i do not talk to her now, because she wants to argue about money,( we do text by phone, but not much is said) and not really talk about our problem.last month she was in town and didnt even tell me she was here, but paid off a loan and stayed with a family member and left the next day, she told me she was coming up but she never told me she was in in town, i was worried she may have had an accident an called her, and she was on her way back to GA(i live in NC), i ask why she was up, she said to pay off a loan, but told me a few days before she wanted a dress we have in storage, she lied to me. and this past holiday(thanksgiveing) she was in town agian i thought i would try agian an talk to her face to face, and i offered to take her to lunch so we could talk, but she said she had other plains, a family member of hers was in town and she wanted to see them. she wouldnt even give me an hour of her time. Her mom butts in alot, pretending to be my wife, when wife leave her facebook open, she threaten me with a law suite, hurt me really bad,(thought it was my wife telling me that) and come to find out it wasnt my wife that said it but her mom(happened more than once). just seems every time i try to reconcile with her, her mom interfers with it.


    And being a minister it has hurt the ministery, other pastors dont call on me like they did, my heart is always burdened with this, not knowing if she is going to come back, or give me a divorce, or if she is seeing someone else. i have told my church family, that i dont know what to do any more, i have done all i know to do, i have confessed to my wife of every wrong that the lord has shown me that i may have done to her, and that i was very sorry for not being the husband i ought to be,i wasn't there for her when she needed me, and i told her i was sorry for that. it feels like part of me is missing... it hurts....

    and my health is not any better, been to the doctors at least 1-2 times a month this year for back problems. my family and i ahve been praying, i have prayed my self into sweats about this, and it just seems like God is not moving on it...i know he can work where no man can work, an work in ways we can not see. but from her action she is just getting further away from me.

    I can not tell you what to ask of God for me in this, but i know its not his will for husband an wife to be apart, but to be one,together..and i am praying his will be done. pray for us as the lord leads you, that his "WILL" be done.

    thank you and God bless all of you for helping pray.

  2. #2
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    I pray that the Lords will be done in your relationship with your wife.
    Do not look to dead things for life. Seek the Spirit while it may yet be found.

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  4. #3
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    I'll pray for your family brother:
    Please try to see her through God's eternal eyes as "in Christ"and not your temporary eyes that judge and react by good or evil reports.Believe God's report and that is Jesus Christ.

    I would have to venture to say she did not behave like this at one time.
    It's obvious that there are external factors involved that she had already overcome before she decided to get married.
    We war against spirits not people so it could just be a case of spiritual slumber.

    2 Corinthians 10:5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;

    Do you imagine that you have free will or that she or anyone else does?
    If I thought my wife or any person had absolute free will I don't think I could pray believing that I will recieve that which I request even knowing that it is God's will.

    Consider these verses.:

    Romans 11:32 For God has bound all men over to disobedience so that he may have mercy on them all.


    Proverbs 20:24 A man’s steps are directed by the LORD. How then can anyone understand his own way?

    Proverbs 21:1 The king’s heart is in the hand of the LORD; he directs it like a watercourse wherever he pleases.

    Proverbs 16:9 In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.

    Proverbs 21:30 There is no wisdom, no insight, no plan that can succeed against the LORD.

    I ask the Father to have mercy on you and your wife and your union which is "one".
    Father since no man can understand their own way I ask that you would direct the steps of each of these "one" into your love,grace and mercy and that you would direct their hearts like a watercourse to will and to do of your good pleasure.
    Thank you for sending Jesus that they would have abundant life.I ask these things in the name and divine plan of the the Lamb,the Lord Jesus Christ.Amen

    John 10:10 when he said:The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

    Mark 11:24 Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them.

    If we set aside the freewill and determinism argument,and just believe then we can fight for who they really are in Christ.I know because I only came to believe because people prayed for me.
    Last edited by Thiscrosshurts; 11-27-12 at 08:19 PM.
    Friends are for comfort and protection,
    enemies are for learning perfection

  5. #4
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    God almighty is with you...as i said before where you are now it not who you are!
    Greyce

  6. #5
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    May I suggest that you seek a professional Christian counselor. One that is not in the town that you live in. As a pastor does the denomination you serve under have a way to seek help? How are the people in your church supporting you? Prayer is very, very important and so is opening up to one friend just to be accountable to. In many men that are suddenly by them self, and that's when satan trys to attack you. With no one to be close with, I suggest you make it a point to stay away from being with a lady alone. By watching that there is nothing that could be brought back to your wife as something it is not. Protect yourself.

    I have a serious suggestion for you. If you do not have a the movie FIREPOOF go and get it. you may be very Also get the book LOVE DARE and I think if you follow or gleam from this material you just might be surprised. I have refered this before and I was told it helped. Besides this keep your prayer life and time in Scripture as a part of your life that is top on your agenda. Blessingsto you.

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  8. #6
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    Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea, I will uphold thee with the right hand of My righteousness.
    Isaiah 41:10

    If God be for us, who can be against us?
    Romans 8:31

    Praying brother that you will know and rejoice in the wonderful promises of our Lord, even when things around you seem so bleak.
    The Lord will never forsake you. You have committed all to Him so trust He will undertake.


    A little Spurgeon to encourage you in the never failing love of the Lord for you

    Be not dismayed by soul-trouble.
    Count it no strange thing, but a part of ordinary ministerial experience.
    Should the power of depression be more than ordinary, think not that all is over with your usefulness.
    Cast not away your confidence, for it hath great recompense of reward.
    Even if the enemy’s foot be on your neck, expect to rise and overthrow him.
    Cast the burden of the present, along with the sin of the past and the fear of the future, upon the Lord, who forsaketh not His saints.
    Live by the day....by the hour.
    Put no trust in frames and feelings......

    Trust in God alone, and lean not in the needs of human help.
    Be not surprised when friends fail you; it is a failing world.
    Never count upon immutability in man: inconstancy you may reckon upon without fear of disappointment.
    The disciples of Jesus forsook Him; be not amazed if your adherents wander away to other teachers: as they were not your all when with you, all is not gone from you with their departure.....

    Be content to be nothing, for that is what you are. When your own emptiness is painfully forced upon your consciousness, chide yourself that you ever dreamed of being full, except in the Lord.
    Set small store by present rewards; be grateful for earnests by the way, but look for the recompensing joy hereafter.
    Continue with double earnestness to serve your Lord when no visible result is before you.
    Any simpleton can follow the narrow path in the light: faith’s rare wisdom enables you us to march on in the dark with infallible accuracy, since she places her hand in that of her Great Guide.
    Between this and heaven there may be rougher weather yet, but it is all provided for by our covenant Head.
    In nothing let us be turned aside from the path which the divine call has urged us to pursue.
    Come fair or foul, the pulpit is our watchtower, and the ministry our warfare; be it ours, when we cannot see the face of God, to trust under the shadow of his wings.”

    C H Spurgeon
    I live yet not I, but Christ liveth in me
    Galatians 2:20

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  10. #7
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    farout i am doing all, accpet for counciling, but i do have christian friends to talk to, preachers, and family that are christian.... and i watched the movie, and i didnt like it...sorry.. cause the guy in the movie never once that i seen picked up a bible..

  11. #8
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    Kirk Cammeron isa evangelist and he and Ray Comfort have a web site livingwaters.com You have misjudged him. Don't let that stop you no matter what you thought od the movie. I am glad you have friends and preachers, but they are not likely able to go into real depth as to what part each of you had in the break up. I have very seldon seen a couple get back togethet unless there is a counsler that is netural that your wife mifgr confide in and that is a safe person to open up to. There really has to be some person not known to either of you, if you really want a chance to rebuild and renew your marraige. You need to rember that your covenant marriage was to death you are parted. Think of her as very sick needing a serious surgery, I am sure you would spare no expence to save her life....right? Well she needs you to do ALL you can to help her out of the clutches of satan. Do all you can to reach out to her. God will hold both of you accountable, this is nothing to go half hearted about.

    I am beibf rather hard on you, but any pastor worth his salt world tellu much the same. Unless its someone who is too close to you or the situation. Fight for her and you will never regret all the effort you make. Even if she walks away you will have given all you could. You will be glad you did. I will remember you in prayer and hope to hear back,

  12. #9
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    thanks to all for your prayers!!

  13. #10
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    Swords, God can soften her heart, but she has to allow Him in. God will not force anyone to love their husband, just as He won't force anyone to love Him. Love is given willingly.
    I know your hurt, and it is undescribable. No one who has not been through this can identify with it. They will say they understand, but they have no idea at all how this is.
    As for her mother, even if she is interfering, your wife chooses her and her money over you. That is your wife's choice to do that. She is supposed to cleave to her husband and she is not. She has forgotten where her loyalty should be placed. Her mother is not to blame for your wife's choices in life.
    As for your wife not wanting to see you. It seems she does not want you in her life anymore. This is harsh to say to you, but counsellors will tell you that by the time people split it is usually too late for counselling to do any good. They have been thinking of doing it for at least a year before they actually physically leave. I found that to be the case also in my case.

    If the unbelieving want to leave let them leave, the bible says. The wound cannot close until the acceptance of this. Then and only then will the scar begin to form. Scars toughen over time and are not tender, but always remain. Right now the cut is deep, it is open and bleeding. The pain is excrutiating. Accept that she has left, allow the wound to close by accepting your wife's obvious decision, keep living and don't spend your time waiting for something that may never happen and the Lord will help with the scars.

    I pray that you will have the comfort from the Lord and wisdom to know when to give up so that you can still have a life. You are young enough to build a new life.

    The Lord's will is that marriages stay together, but this cannot be forced on us by God.

    Im sorry if this sounds negative, there is nothing nice about someone breaking up a marriage, but it happens. Acceptance is the only way to keep living and moving forward. This takes a long time for most.

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