The title of this thread says it all, but I still feel the need to say more (much more), so here it goes:

I was born to Christian parents and have gone to church since I was a baby, but I've never felt anything about it. I went because my parents wanted me to, but there's not even a single moment in my life where I can say for certain that I felt God in any way. I felt like a stranger in church, not because I couldn't relate with the beliefs of those in there (I could, I've always believed) but because I had never felt God in my life the way I was supposed to.

Sometimes I would try to get closer to God, I would pray, read the bible, ask Him to give me the strength I needed to repent of my sins, worship Him as best as I could, ask Him for faith... but I never got any answer. I would feel like I was just talking to myself, and slowly I would decrease my efforts to search for Him and just give up. And this would go in cycles: praying for him > getting no answer > giving up > repeat.

It was like this ever since I can remember until I went to college, at the age of 19. Then things got even worse and I used college as an opportunity to stay away from God, and that's exactly what I did. I completely ignored God for this past 4 years and I've used all kind of excuses I could to avoid going to church... and I was successful in this. In the past 4 years (almost five) I went to church just about 9-10 times, maybe less.

Curiously, what brought me to my current situation (being here asking for your prayers) was a secular forum about video games, a forum where the anti-christian spirit is very, very strong, and even tough I started reading that forum simply for the video game news, I quickly started to let myself drown in all the "rational" and "scientific" arguments that people in there would use to discredit and make fun of Christians. I drowned so deep in them that I still can't help but to still think that some of those arguments make sense, even tough what I really want is to find out the Truth.

So, I was reading those forums, like I used to do almost every day, when someone posted a thread about the "found missing link" that has been so talked about these last few days. Immediately everyone used it as an opportunity to mock God and Christians, and one particular poster posted a message that he found on the other forums about the issue, as a way to show the ridicule of christian beliefs.

Even if I was as far away from God as one can be, I still didn't thought that the "missing link" proved anything (the existence of a creator ALWAYS made sense to me, even scientific sense, regardless of everything else), but still, because I was far from God, I didn't felt particularly offended by all that mocking of Christianity going on there. If anything, I was starting to get on their side. So, when I decided to click on the link to the other forums that they posted on that video game forum (to mock and ridicule) I didn't expect anything to happen. If anything, I expected to find more proof that Christians where totally out of their minds... but that's not what happened, as you can see by me being here.

I found TalkJesus trough the other forums and what made me decide to join this forum instead of the other one is because the other one made me turn to God for no other reason than fear of the apocalypse and eternal damnation, and that may be a valid way to bring someone to God at first, but I want more than that. How can I be saved if I'm just interested in escaping hell, but do not really love Jesus with all my heart? It doesn't seem to me like that would work. It's not that I'm saying that people in the other forums don't love Jesus (please don't read it that way), but I wanted more than simply being worried about the rapture and the end times, which was what was happening to me while reading those forums. That, and the fact that yesterday in my prayers I asked God if He wanted me to join this forum and ask for prayers here or not, but today I felt the urge to do it, so maybe that's His answer.

And so here I am, after a little more than a week of lurking around, reading the bible and praying, asking for answers... but it doesn't seem to be working. I don't feel absolutely nothing when I pray. I don't feel humble in His presence, I don't feel like crying over the guilt and shame of my sins, and even worse (and there's no point in denying this), I don't even feel like trully repenting of my sins and leaving them behind. And this, I feel, is the reason why none of my prayers seem to be answered, and I'm starting to feel like I'm just heading to another one of those "praying for him > getting no answer > giving up > repeat" cycles I used to go trough in the past. I try to be honest with God, and when I pray I do tell Him that I can't let go of sin and ask him to make me sensitive to the sin in my life, to make me hate sin and to lead me towards repentance. I can't do more than this. Maybe I should, but I can't, and as ugly as this might sound, the truth is that there are many sinfull things in my life that I love and can't imagine myself without them. I know, this is sad and worrying, but that's where I am right now.

These past few days have been some of the most tiring and frustrating days in my whole life, and I feel that if this goes on for much more I wont be able to resist the huge, incredibly huge will I have to just give up and get on with my life. As of right now my head is nothing but a huge turmoil of doubt and confusion. Doubts, doubts, doubts, doubts, doubts... In my heart, I'm always looking for all kinds of arguments as to why the bible might be nothing more but a mix of historical facts and fantasy elements, like many other mythological texts before and after it. And I do know about the bible prophecies, I do know about the bible having been written by a large number of people over a vast period of time, and still keeping it's integrity, but even then, I still find myself looking for arguments and "proofs" to dismiss those things. O God please forgive me!

This is so confusing, I'm feeling totally lost right now and I don't know what to do. Sure, the answer seems obvious: I need to repent. But I can't. I obviously don't have the strength or the will to repent, so I ask for His help, but how would God listen to a prayer of someone like me, who's searching for him without faith and, even worse, with no true and honest intentions of saying no to sin? It's as if I'm just giving Jesus a try and see what happens, as if I'm just putting Him to proof, then if nothing happens I'm ready to go back to sin saying "well, I tried but He wanted nothing with me". Deep down I know that this is what I'm doing right now, and it's painfull because I have no faith to think in any other way, and part of me is telling me that I'm just wasting my time and preventing myself from enjoying life and have fun, and the effort I'm doing to not listen to those thoughts in my mind is exhausting and I can't take it much longer.

Until I stumbled upon the other forums, I was someone with dreams and ambitions and I was working towards them, but now I just feel depressed and numb, without the will to do absolutely anything. I don't even feel like getting out of bed when I wake up in the morning. The biggest passion in my life is art, specifically drawing and painting, and for the last few years I've been training myself (and in college) to be either an animator or an illustrator, and drawing made me happy, but now I'm afraid that God might want to take this dream away from me. I'm afraid that it might not be what he wants for me. I know that I should put all my trust in Him and believe that whatever He brings into my future it will make me happy, because it will be the right thing, but that would just bring me back to the "total lack of faith" problem that I have. That, and the sin in my life that I can't let go off... because I don't want to, God help me.

Slowly I've been considering the possibility of using my love for drawing towards God, but because of my pride I see that possibility as being very limiting and allowing no room for the creativity and imagination that I have. May He help me to see things in a different way and lead me towards the right path, even against my will (because there will be no other way to do it but against my will)

And then there's lust, which is another major stumbling block in my path that I can't let go of (once again, because I don't want to, God help me), and I could write a whole book about this subject, but I'm afraid that everything would amount to nothing but worthless arguments to convince myself to keep in sin (something I've been doing a lot).

I think I've already written too much, certainly because of my lack of faith. If I had faith then I would just ask "pray for me" and be assured that God would work His way and do what it's best for me, but because of my pride and sin I feel the need to write and write in order to try and come up with arguments to justify my ways. The point is, there's so much doubt and confusion and sadness going on in my mind right now that I can't take it anymore. I feel I'm heading into a depression. I try to pray but I feel that my lack of faith and my love for sin is getting me nowhere and I feel distant from God. I feel that he doesn't listen to my prayers because he knows that my words are worthless and that I don't really want to leave my life of sin. So thats why I beg of you, please, pray for me. I don't feel like God listens to my prayers, but I'm hoping that at least he will listen to the prayers of the true Christians in this forum and change my life and bring me to repentance and get me out of this depression and apathy.

Again, sorry for all the text, but please please please pray for me, because right now I feel just a step away from giving up.

THE BIBLE’S DEFINITION OF REPENTANCE
According to the following verses, repentance is a supernatural work of God whereby a responsive sinner, being convicted by the Holy Spirit of his rebellion, turns to God from his sinful ways and trusts Jesus Christ for salvation. Bible examples of repentance show a clear change in people’s behavior. The change itself does not save us from sin, but IT IS the clear fruit of Bible salvation.


Exodus 13:17. “And it came to pass, when Pharaoh had let the people go, that God led them not through the way of the land of the Philistines, although that was near; for God said, Lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt.”

God led Israel through the wilderness rather than through the land of the Philistines “lest peradventure the people repent when they see war, and they return to Egypt.” God knew that their change of mind would result in a change of action. In this instance, a change of mind without the resulting change of action would have been meaningless. Repentance is defined in this verse as turning.

Judges 21:1,6,14. “And the children of Israel repented them for Benjamin their brother, and said, There is one tribe cut off from Israel this day.”

The men of Israel had sworn that they would not give any of their daughters as wives for the Benjamites, but they repented and gave them wives (vv. 6, 14). Again, the change of mind without the resulting change of action would have been meaningless.

1 Kings 8:47-48. “Yet if they shall bethink themselves in the land whither they were carried captives, and REPENT, and make supplication unto thee in the land of them that carried them captives, SAYING, WE HAVE SINNED, AND HAVE DONE PERVERSELY, we have committed wickedness; And so RETURN UNTO THEE WITH ALL THEIR HEART, AND WITH ALL THEIR SOUL, in the land of their enemies, which led them away captive, and pray unto thee toward their land, which thou gavest unto their fathers, the city which thou hast chosen, and the house which I have built for thy name.”

God promised that if captive Israel would repent He would hear them. He defined repentance as acknowledging their wickedness and turning to Him with the whole heart.

Job 42:6. “Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes.”

Here, again, we see that repentance is a change of mind that results in a change of action. Obviously, the dust and ashes were a change of action.

Jeremiah 8:6. “I hearkened and heard, but they spake not aright: no man repented him of his wickedness, saying, What have I done? every one turned to his course, as the horse rusheth into the battle.”

Repentance is defined here as acknowledging and turning from sin.

Ezekiel 14:6. “Therefore say unto the house of Israel, Thus saith the Lord GOD; Repent, and turn yourselves from your idols; and turn away your faces from all your abominations.”

God defined repentance as turning from sin and idols. Surely no one thinks that God would have been satisfied if they had merely changed their minds without changing their actions.

Ezekiel 18:30. “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways, saith the Lord GOD. Repent, and turn yourselves from all your transgressions; so iniquity shall not be your ruin.”

Again, repentance is defined as turning from sin and idols.

Jonah 3:5-8. “So the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them. For word came unto the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, and he laid his robe from him, and covered him with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. And he caused it to be proclaimed and published through Nineveh by the decree of the king and his nobles, saying, Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water: But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands.”

The word repentance is not used in the Jonah passage, but in Matt. 12:31 Jesus said they repented. The repentance of the people of Nineveh was witnessed in their actions. True repentance is always observable by a change in one’s manner of living.

Matthew 3:1,8. “And saying, Repent ye: for the kingdom of heaven is at hand. ... Bring forth therefore fruits meet for repentance.”

John the Baptist defined repentance as a change in life. He demanded “fruits meet for repentance,” which obviously meant that he wanted to see some evidence that they had repented, before he would baptize them. The specific changes of action are listed in the parallel passage of Luke 3:8-14. The various kinds of people had to show different changes of action, because their particular sins were different.

Matthew 9:13. “But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Jesus defined repentance as a sinner changing his attitude to sin.

Matthew 11:20-21. “Then began he to upbraid the cities wherein most of his mighty works were done, because they repented not: Woe unto thee, Chorazin! woe unto thee, Bethsaida! for if the mighty works, which were done in you, had been done in Tyre and Sidon, they would have repented long ago in sackcloth and ashes.”

Christ defined repentance as a dramatic change in one’s attitude toward God and His Word. He said this change of mind is evidenced by a change in action.

Matthew 12:41. “The men of Nineveh shall rise in judgment with this generation, and shall condemn it: because they repented at the preaching of Jonas; and, behold, a greater than Jonas is here.”

Jesus stated that the men of Nineveh “repented at the preaching of Jonas.” Jonah 3 shows that they heard the Word of God, believed God, fasted, put on sackcloth, and turned from their sin. Christ said their actions were the result of their repentance. Would He have approved what they did if there had been no change of action? The answer is obvious.

Matthew 21:28-29. “But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went.”

The son’s repentance was witnessed by his change of mind and his obedience. A mere change of mind without a change in action would not have satisfied the father’s command.

Luke 5:32. “I came not to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.”

Christ’s objective was not merely to bring men to a mental belief in the Gospel but to bring them to repentance, which, as we have seen, means a turning from sin, a change of mind that results in a change of life.

Luke 13:3-5. “I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish. Or those eighteen, upon whom the tower in Siloam fell, and slew them, think ye that they were sinners above all men that dwelt in Jerusalem? I tell you, Nay: but, except ye repent, ye shall all likewise perish.”

Christ absolutely requires repentance for salvation.

Luke 15:7-10. “I say unto you, that likewise joy shall be in heaven over one sinner that repenteth, more than over ninety and nine just persons, which need no repentance. Either what woman having ten pieces of silver, if she lose one piece, doth not light a candle, and sweep the house, and seek diligently till she find it? And when she hath found it, she calleth her friends and her neighbours together, saying, Rejoice with me; for I have found the piece which I had lost. Likewise, I say unto you, there is joy in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner that repenteth.”

Again, we see that Christ requires repentance for salvation. God and Heaven do not rejoice merely because someone prays a prayer in the name of Christ (Mt. 7:21) or because someone makes a mental assent to the Gospel (James 2:19-20). God and Heaven rejoice when a sinner repents.

Luke 19:1-10. “And Zacchaeus stood, and said unto the Lord; Behold, Lord, the half of my goods I give to the poor; and if I have taken any thing from any man by false accusation, I restore him fourfold. And Jesus said unto him, This day is salvation come to this house, forsomuch as he also is a son of Abraham. For the Son of man is come to seek and to save that which was lost.”

Zacchaeus’s repentance was a change of mind that resulted in a dramatic change of life. The evidence of his repentance was that he gave half his goods to the poor and restored five-fold that which he had stolen through his tax collecting business.

Luke 24:47. “And that repentance and remission of sins should be preached in his name among all nations, beginning at Jerusalem.”

Repentance is part of the Gospel message that is to be preached to the ends of the earth. Repentance is part of the Great Commission. Repentance precedes the remission of sins.

Acts 2:37-41. “Then Peter said unto them, Repent, and be baptized every one of you in the name of Jesus Christ for the remission of sins, and ye shall receive the gift of the Holy Ghost.”

The Jews in Acts 2 who heard Peter’s sermon repented, and the evidence was that they gladly received his word, were baptized, and joined themselves with the hated Christians. Again we see that repentance is to turn from sin and rebellion to God and obedience; it is a change of mind toward God and sin that results in a change of life. The first church was built on the preaching of repentance!

Acts 3:19. “Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.”

Repentance is God’s requirement for every sinner who will be saved. Repentance precedes and brings conversion and forgiveness of sin.

Acts 5:31. “Him hath God exalted with his right hand to be a Prince and a Saviour, for to give repentance to Israel, and forgiveness of sins.”

Repentance is required for and precedes forgiveness of sin. It is a work of Christ in the heart of the responsive sinner.

Acts 8:21-22. “Thou hast neither part nor lot in this matter: for thy heart is not right in the sight of God. Repent therefore of this thy wickedness, and pray God, if perhaps the thought of thine heart may be forgiven thee.”

Peter warned Simon to repent of his covetousness, which meant he was to turn from it, to reject it, to change his mind about it and to stop it.

Acts 11:18. “When they heard these things, they held their peace, and glorified God, saying, Then hath God also to the Gentiles granted repentance unto life.”

Note that the disciples described salvation as repentance. They thought of salvation commonly in these terms. Note, too, that repentance is a work of God in the heart of the responsive sinner.

Acts 17:30. “And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent.”

Paul preached repentance to the idolatrous people at Athens. He did not even mention faith in Christ, but he explained that God demands repentance. The preaching of God’s holiness and righteousness and man’s fallen condition and need of repentance precedes and prepares the way for the preaching of the Cross.

Acts 20:21. “Testifying both to the Jews, and also to the Greeks, repentance toward God, and faith toward our Lord Jesus Christ.”

This verse summarizes Paul’s preaching and the true Gospel message: repentance toward God and faith in Christ. The sinner must repent about his disobedience toward God and exercise faith in the death, burial, and resurrection of Christ for his sin.

Acts 26:20. “But showed first unto them of Damascus, and at Jerusalem, and throughout all the coasts of Judaea, and then to the Gentiles, that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance.”

Paul preached the same message as John the Baptist, so no one can limit this to the dispensation of the law. The words of this verse, “that they should repent and turn to God, and do works meet for repentance,” show that repentance is not a work! When we preach repentance for salvation, we are not preaching a works salvation, as some have charged. When we say that repentance produces a change of works, it would be ridiculous to say that the two are one. Food produces energy and strength; labor produces sweat; but they are different things, so repentance and works are two separate things. Repentance results in good works, but repentance itself is not works salvation. The bottom line is this: Paul preached repentance and required that repentance produce a change in the life, so we must do the same. Those who accept a mere prayer as salvation and who baptize people who demonstrate no change in life are not following the Bible pattern of evangelism.

Romans 2:4. “Or despisest thou the riches of his goodness and forbearance and longsuffering; not knowing that the goodness of God leadeth thee to repentance?”

God does many things with the objective of bringing men to repentance. This is another reminder that God desires that all men repent.

2 Corinthians 7:9-11. “For godly sorrow worketh repentance to salvation not to be repented of: but the sorrow of the world worketh death. For behold this selfsame thing, that ye sorrowed after a godly sort, what carefulness it wrought in you, yea, what clearing of yourselves, yea, what indignation, yea, what fear, yea, what vehement desire, yea, what zeal, yea, what revenge! In all things ye have approved yourselves to be clear in this matter.”

Consider some lessons from this important passage: First, we see that repentance is the product of God’s Word (v. 8; compare Jonah 3:5; Acts 2:38-41). Second, we see that repentance is a change of mind that results in a change of life. The Corinthians’ repentance produced a great change in their manner of living: “what carefulness ... what clearing of yourselves ... what indignation ... what fear ... what vehement desire ... what zeal ... what revenge.” Third, we see that repentance is not the same as reformation or other forms of “the sorrow of the world.” Repentance has to do with God and sin, whereas reformation has to do with people and with conditions and things in this world. Many folk, when they get into trouble, are sorry for the trouble and they determine to change certain things in their lives that produced that trouble. This is not repentance, because it does not deal with one’s wickedness against Almighty God and does not result in a change of attitude and action in relation to God. Fourth, we see that true repentance is permanent (v. 10).

2 Corinthians 12:21. “And lest, when I come again, my God will humble me among you, and that I shall bewail many which have sinned already, and have not repented of the uncleanness and fornication and lasciviousness which they have committed.”

Repentance is not merely about sin in general; it involves a change of mind and a change of action concerning specific sins.

1 Thessalonians 1:9-10. “For they themselves show of us what manner of entering in we had unto you, and how ye turned to God from idols to serve the living and true God; And to wait for his Son from heaven, whom he raised from the dead, even Jesus, which delivered us from the wrath to come.”

This passage gives the exact biblical definition of repentance for salvation. It is turning to God from idols to serve the living and true God. Note that repentance is directed to God (compare Acts 20:21; 26:20). Repentance results in a change of life (turning from idols to serve God).

2 Timothy 2:25-26. “In meekness instructing those that oppose themselves; if God peradventure will give them repentance to the acknowledging of the truth; And that they may recover themselves out of the snare of the devil, who are taken captive by him at his will.”

We see that repentance produces “acknowledging of the truth” and recovery out of the snare of the devil. We see also that repentance is a work of God in the heart of a responsive sinner. God convicts of sin and calls the sinner to repentance and faith in Christ, and if the sinner responds, God grants salvation and fulfills His work of repentance in the sinner’s life.

Hebrews 6:1. “Therefore leaving the principles of the doctrine of Christ, let us go on unto perfection; not laying again the foundation of repentance from dead works, and of faith toward God.”

The “repentance from dead works” is obviously a change of mind that results in a change of action.

Hebrews 12:17. “For ye know how that afterward, when he would have inherited the blessing, he was rejected: for he found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.”

Esau “found no place of repentance, though he sought it carefully with tears.” Bruce Lackey says: “Since there is no record of Esau trying to change the sale of his birthright to Jacob (Gen. 25:29-34), this must refer to his effort to get Isaac to change the blessing from Jacob back to himself (Gen. 27:34). Some interpret this to mean that Esau could not repent; I think it means that he could not get Isaac to repent of having given the firstborn’s blessing to Jacob. In either case, the meaning of repentance would be the same. Esau found a place to change his mind, but he could not find a place to change the action. This is one of the strongest proofs in Scripture that a change of action must take place, or there is no repentance.”

2 Peter 3:9. “The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.”

Again, we see that the Bible frequently describes salvation in terms of repentance. God requires repentance for salvation.

Revelation 2:5. “Remember therefore from whence thou art fallen, and repent, and do the first works; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will remove thy candlestick out of his place, except thou repent.”

Repentance obviously involves turning from actions that are wrong to doing actions that are right. It means to change one’s mind about a wrong behavior so that one determines to change that behavior by God’s grace.

Revelation 2:16. “Repent; or else I will come unto thee quickly, and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.”

The Christians at Pergamos were instructed to repent of the sin and error that they were allowing in the church, which meant they were to turn from the things that Christ mentioned.

Revelation 2:21-22. “And I gave her space to repent of her fornication; and she repented not. Behold, I will cast her into a bed, and them that commit adultery with her into great tribulation, except they repent of their deeds.”

Christ required that the people “repent of their deeds.” He surely would not have been satisfied with a change of mind without a change of action.

Revelation 3:3. “Remember therefore how thou hast received and heard, and hold fast, and repent. If therefore thou shalt not watch, I will come on thee as a thief, and thou shalt not know what hour I will come upon thee.”

The repentance Christ required produced a complete change in attitude and action about specific sin and error.

Revelation 9:20-21. “And the rest of the men which were not killed by these plagues yet repented not of the works of their hands, that they should not worship devils, and idols of gold, and silver, and brass, and stone, and of wood: which neither can see, nor hear, nor walk: Neither repented they of their murders, nor of their sorceries, nor of their fornication, nor of their thefts.”

From these verses, we see that repentance that is acceptable before God is to reject and turn from sin, idolatry, and error.

Revelation 16:9, 11. “And men were scorched with great heat, and blasphemed the name of God, which hath power over these plagues: and they repented not to give him glory. And the fifth angel poured out his vial upon the seat of the beast; and his kingdom was full of darkness; and they gnawed their tongues for pain, And blasphemed the God of heaven because of their pains and their sores, and repented not of their deeds.”

These passages say that tribulation sinners will not repent “of their deeds.” Their lack of repentance is associated with their refusal to turn from their evil doings. Repentance is a turning to God from sin, a change of mind about sin that results in a change of action.

hey i once was an alcoholic for 13 years, i lost 2 wives because of it, i was into porn heavily for 2 years, i loved to gamble my money that i did not have, so i have struggled with the sinfully things in life, and i loved the bar life and strange women, who would sleep with me no strings attached. until i picked up the bible because my grandma when i was a kid told me about JESUS and his returning to earth one day. i found out by reading the bible that i was not the cool and good person i thought i was, i learned i was heading on the path to hell because of my sins, for the wage of sin is death but the gift of GOD is eternal life through JESUS CHRIST our lord. i will tell you this it was JESUS CHRIST and what he did on that cross died and shed his blood for my sins that lead me to turning from my evil and wicked ways and turning to the lord JESUS for salvation and to be forgiven of all my sins that i committed against him what a beautifully savior he is. you have religion but not JESUS, YOU HAVE A HEART CONDITION and JESUS is knocking on the door question to you is are you going to let him in, or are you going to reject him and his mercy and die in your sins, which you will have to pay for all eternity i cant make your heart believe or give you faith to believe only GOD can do that, do you want eternal life, do you want to be forgiven of all your sins then choose JESUS, IF NOT then you have chosen death JESUS IS KNOCKING ON YOUR HEART are you going to let him in. i will pray for you

First God has only kids and never grand kids so seek Him for yourself.
Second what we reap is what we sow. Try spending as much time with Him as you do on that other stuff and your life will begin to change.
Third, a missing link to what? That is just another extinct species and does not resemble anyone in my family tree.
It has been my experience that so many of the facts thrown around by the God haters is simply theory that they have come up with as they rail against His Name. There is actually no proof that this guy has any relation to human beings.
Fourth God loves you and has a plan for your life. You will only find satisfaction when you find Him and you will be complete no where else than in the center of His will.
I am praying for you my friend.