What does the Bible say to do with a rebellious child?
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The child who exhibits a rebellious streak may be doing so for a variety of reasons. Harsh, unloving, and critical parenting will nearly always result in rebellion of some sort. Even the most compliant child will rebel—inwardly or outwardly—against such treatment. Naturally, this type of parenting is to be avoided. In addition, a certain amount of rebellion against parents is natural in teenagers who are slowly pulling away from their families in the process of establishing lives and identities of their own.

Assuming that the rebellious child naturally possesses a strong-willed personality, he will be characterized by an inclination to test limits, an overriding desire for control, and a commitment to resisting all authority. In other words, rebellion is his middle name. In addition, these strong-willed, rebellious children are often very intelligent and can “figure out” situations with amazing speed, finding ways to take control of the circumstances and people around them. These kids can be, for their parents, an extremely trying and exhausting challenge.

Fortunately, it is also true that God has made children who and what they are. He loves them, and He has not left parents without resources to meet the challenge. There are biblical principles that address dealing with the rebellious, strong-willed child with grace. First, Proverbs 22:6 tells us to “train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not turn from it.” For all children, the way they should go is toward God. Teaching children in God’s Word is crucial for all children, who must understand who God is and how to best serve Him. With the strong-willed child, understanding what motivates him—the desire for control—will go a long way to helping him find his “way.” The rebellious child is one who must understand that he is not in charge of the world—God is—and that he simply must do things God’s way. This requires parents to be absolutely convinced of this truth and to live accordingly. A parent who is himself in rebellion against God will not be able to convince his child to be submissive.

Once it has been established that God is the One making the rules, parents must establish in the child’s mind that they are God’s instruments and will do anything and everything necessary to carry out God’s plan for their families. A rebellious child must be taught that God’s plan is for the parents to lead and the child to follow. There can be no weakness on this point. The strong-willed child can spot indecisiveness a mile away and will jump at the opportunity to fill the leadership vacuum and take control. The principle of submitting to authority is crucial for the strong-willed child. If submission is not learned in childhood, the future will be characterized by conflicts with all authority, including employers, police, law courts, and military leaders. Romans 13:1-5 is clear that the authorities over us are established by God, and we are to submit to them.

Also, a strong-willed child will only willingly comply with rules or laws when they make sense to him. Give him a solid reason for a rule, constantly reiterating the truth that we do things the way God wants them done and that the fact is not negotiable. Explain that God has given parents the responsibility to love and discipline their children and that to fail to do so would mean the parents are disobeying Him. Whenever possible, however, give the child opportunities to help make decisions so that he does not feel completely powerless. For example, going to church is not negotiable because God commands us to gather together with other believers (Hebrews 10:25), but children can have a say (within reason) in what they wear, where the family sits, etc. Give them projects in which they can give input like planning the family vacation.

Further, parenting must be done with consistency and patience. Parents must try not to raise their voices or raise their hands in anger or lose their tempers. This will give the strong-willed child the sense of control he/she longs for, and he/she will quickly figure out how to control you by frustrating you to the point of making you react emotionally. Physical discipline often fails with these kids because they enjoy pushing parents to the breaking point so much that they feel a little pain is a worthwhile price to pay. Parents of strong-willed kids often report the kid laughs at them while they are being spanked, so spanking might not be the best method of discipline with them. Perhaps nowhere in life are the Christian fruits of the Spirit of patience and self-control (Galatians 5:23) more needed than with the strong-willed/rebellious child.

No matter how exasperating parenting these children can be, parents can take comfort in God’s promise not to test us beyond our ability to bear it (1 Corinthians 10:13). If God gives them a strong-willed child, parents can be sure He has not made a mistake and will provide the guidance and resources they need to do the job. Perhaps nowhere in the life of a parent do the words “pray without ceasing” (1 Thessalonians 5:17) have more meaning than with the strong-willed youngster. Parents of these children have to spend lots of their time on their knees before the Lord asking for wisdom, which He has promised to provide (James 1:5). Finally, there is comfort in the knowledge that strong-willed children who are trained well often grow up to be high-achieving, successful adults. Many rebellious children have turned into bold, committed Christians who use their considerable talents to serve the Lord they have come to love and respect through the efforts of their patient and diligent parents.

We have raised an EXTREMELY strong-willed granddaughter, who is a child of 2 EXTREMELY strong-willed people....she "put up with" our efforts to guide her until she hit 18 (she's now 19 1/2) but now she has thrown us off like a couple of used rags. She is defiant and is bringing drugs into the house, won't go to church at all, (or seldom, she goes when she senses that she needs to "appease us" slightly) comes in all hours of the night, and is just short of eating pig husks....we hate to make her move out because she has no place (good) to go. We are sooo TIRED! We have been battling this child since we had to hold her down to change her diaper. We are in our late 60s, and not in the best health....I still love God but have a problem with getting mad at Him.

Originally Posted by ReenieK

We have raised an EXTREMELY strong-willed granddaughter, who is a child of 2 EXTREMELY strong-willed people....she "put up with" our efforts to guide her until she hit 18 (she's now 19 1/2) but now she has thrown us off like a couple of used rags. She is defiant and is bringing drugs into the house, won't go to church at all, (or seldom, she goes when she senses that she needs to "appease us" slightly) comes in all hours of the night, and is just short of eating pig husks....we hate to make her move out because she has no place (good) to go. We are sooo TIRED! We have been battling this child since we had to hold her down to change her diaper. We are in our late 60s, and not in the best health....I still love God but have a problem with getting mad at Him.

Until she was 18.. I'm not sure how old she is now, but she is an adult.
I'm sure you love her and you hate to see people going down that road (trust me, I've been there with kids and step-kids).
The thing is, you can't change someone. After they are an adult we shouldn't even try to change them. Only God/Holy Spirit can do that.
We can pray, we can talk and persuade people, but in the end they either do what they want, or what God moves them to do.
Worrying about this won't help anything. Praying will. Things like this suck the life and emotions right out of us.
I'm sure you've heard this before and it may sound callous and un-caring, but it's certainly not meant to be.
All you can do is pray and give it to the Lord. That may sound cliche', but really, what else can you do? It may be that God is not only working on her,
but working on you here as well. Do you really trust him in this? Have you really given this over to him? Maybe that's what he is waiting for.
As far as getting mad at him, I think he is OK with that as long as you tell your heart to him. Holding a grudge only makes us bitter.
I have been mad at God also, because he didn't do things the way I thought he should have, or fast enough to suit me. What I learned from
that experience is that he is God, and I'm not. He does things his way, which is always better than what I have would have done anyway.
I'm sure he loves your grand-daughter and has a plan for her. It may not happen for years, or even in your life time, but that shouldn't
stop us from trusting and praying.

My take on raising strong willed children is let life be the teacher. Let the consequenses for rebellion be as natural as possible, but strong enough to get the point across.

Give them choices, and do not let them go back on their decision before the lesson is learned. For example..

We are raisng a strong willed 5 yr old. Gave her a choice between 2 activities one week end (that we didn't care either way). The one she chose took some time to prepare
for the day before. We were at a friend's house, and told her it was time to go so there would be enough time to get ready for our outing. She rebelled, and said she didn't
want to do that after all. We said ok, and stayed at the friends house awhile longer. In the car going home, she again changed her mind. We had to stick to our guns and say,
you made the decision, and now there is not enough time to get ready. Had to turn the radio up full blast to drown out the howling from the back seat. The next day she was
subdued and compliant when we went and did the second choice instead.

I was heartbroken when my 14 year old son told me hes not sure about God exsistent no more,its the biggest heartbreak you can go through for your children to say that,hes a lovely boy but i do have a hard time getting him of the internet and when i limit him he gets very cross and as a single mum its kind of scary,there is however alot of love between us both.

Originally Posted by ReenieK

we hate to make her move out because she has no place (good) to go. We are sooo TIRED! We have been battling this child since we had to hold her down to change her diaper. We are in our late 60s, and not in the best health....I still love God but have a problem with getting mad at Him.

A big reason for our childrens' rebellion is the free will all humans are born with. God gave it to us and challenges us to use it to choose Him. Evicting your granddaughter from your home is a tough decision, but it may very well be the wakeup call she needs; it may ultimately save her life.


Spirit Led Ed (SLE)

Id really don't think that being strong-willed has anything to do with rebellion. One can have a strong will to follow The LORD Your God, but as the original poster mentioned, one can also be strong-willed to disobey The LORD and live as they desire. I feel compelled to share a story from one IFB church I used to volunteer at. The church was (still is, in fact) a literalist church, meaning they take the bible as literally as one might take an instruction manual; of course, we do not kill disobedient youth, but physical "correction", as it were, was not out of the question. The year before I left, the son of one of our church families decided to become "Gothic", which (in our church, at least) was taken to be a form of worshipping the Darkness. He began listening to bands such as Lamb of God, Trivium, Avenged Sevenfold, and other such satanic bands, and this bothered his parents greatly, along with the clothing he chose to wear (bondage pants, fishnet shirts, etc.) (by the way, this issue of the Gothic lifestyle will be posted up on this forum under the polls section so I can get everyone's take on it.) One day, his Gothic girlfriend showed up to his house, and since she was not yet an adult, we could legally forbid the young man from going outside to meet her (several church members and volunteers in the clergy guarded the house to prevent him from leaving.) You can bet that after several run-ins with "those crazy fundamentalist Christians", she stopped coming by, and the church helped pitch in some money so the boy could be sent to a tough-love camp run by the church.
My point is, yes, sometimes we must take drastic measures, but in the end, we must all consider what is at stake, and that is nothing less than our childrens' souls.