If you have read my testimony in the Testimony part of the website, you know a good amount of my story.

I am NOT a 'battered and abused wife', BUT am a child of divorced parents. My father is/was very physically abusive. He didn't just use his hands either. He used his feet, throw pillows, yelled, etc. I have story after story of the times that he left a hand print on a arm or leg for at least the rest of the day.

Of the time I heard a noise one night. My brother had punched the door of the bathroom and there was a hole in it. My brother, Jonathan, told me that dad had slammed his head on the tub rim (the tub was an old one standing on feet with a big rim and no shower hook up). In the morning, I saw the big red mark on Jon's forehead. Jon never told the teachers what had really happened. He said he ran into a door. I guess he said that because he didn't want to find out what dad might do.

One other story I'll tell. I believe that my brother got most of the abuse that was physical. Dad got mad at him and grabbed his leg, digging his fingernails into Jon's leg until blood showed. Jon ran out of the house and to a friend's. He called our youth leaders who came and got him. He spent the night there. This next part I will never forget. My dad was taking a bath. My mom called and asked if dad would let her go get Jon. He said no, which I tearfully said to mom. Mom said I love you to me and we were both crying. The next morning, Jon came back.

Not too long after that, we went and lived with our mom after 8 or 9 years of that stuff.


My dad has bipolar (and I do too now). There have been some good times and those are a bit harder to remember because the bad are very vivid.

I am the oldest of all the children. My dad remarried and he and my step mom have four children together. My dad and step mom are no longer married. I don't know all the details of why they divorced, but it was my step mom's choice.

I know divorce is wrong. When the vows say 'until death', marriage should be 'until death'. But I also have to wonder, in those marriage vows it says to 'honor, love, and cherish'. Are abusers honoring, loving, and cherishing their spouse? Just something to think about.

I believe that as the oldest child I wanted to protect my younger siblings from hurt. Even when the youngest girl was 6 she knew that 'Daddy's bad'. So, don't think the children have no idea what is going on. They do.

I think that is all. I just wanted to share a different side.

Giggles4God,thank you for that.It reminded me i forgot to mention something in my reply.My ex came from a home where his father was very abusive to his mother.For 25 years she lived in a home where she was beat every day.Her 3 sons,including my ex,saw this.Every single day of their lives.She had the courage to leave a few times,but always ended up going back,because she always got word that he was looking for her.And he told her that when he found her he would kill the boys and make her watch.So instead of living a life looking over her shoulder,she decided for the boys sake to stay until they were old enough to defend themselves,which she did.
Not all,but a good many,children who grow up in abusive environments,take on the traits of the abusive parent.In the case of my ex and his brothers,2 out of three.They saw the abuse and also recieved the abuse,but on an emotional level.Experts say that by the age of three,children have developed their personality.Which will of couse turn them into the people they will be for the rest of their lives,unless God intervenes.
As a mother,that was a big part of my decision to leave for good.I knew that my son would grow up seeing this and it would affect him,and that was when i decided to break the chain.His father,and his grandfather may be like this,but if i can stop this behavior for the next generation,i will.So that the woman my son takes to be his wife someday,has a loving husband.
To God be the glory..
No mother

I think this is the crux pf this discussion. Regardless of the reasons for their behavior, abusive spouses are not honoring, loving, and cherishing their spouses. Had my wife chosen to dump me while I was drinking, I would have had no defense against that charge because of my history of verbal abuse. A pastor friend of mine puts it succinctly, "Not all marriages are made in heaven."

SLE