Dear brother in Christ
I would not describe you as an atheist because the philosophic basis for the atheist involves a totally absurd universe. Carl Saga described the cosmos as all there is, all there was, and all there will ever be, and this statement became the flagship statement for the atheist around the world. However in the only book he ever wrote titled "Contact" which starred Jodie Foster, Sagan alludes to there having been some kind of orderer to the universe. After all Sagan was a NASA scientist who studied the cosmos and noticed that there was some kind of order in the cosmos, so much so he could send space vehicles into space and bring them back to earth again. He also drove to work and wrote ordered statements and thesis which also are only possible if there is order in the universe. Jean Paul Sartre shared this view despite making moral judgements on the world stage about the French occupation of Algeria. Anthony Flew the high priest of atheist said that atheism could no longer be considered a valid belief system because science showed us that there is order in the cosmos. These men were great atheist yet their observation of the cosmos seemed to contradict their beliefs on metaphysics at every point. Atheism after all, says that there is no order in the universe. Clearly they are wrong as I write this response to you in an ordered way so that you can read it and understand it in an ordered way.
Also it seems to me that your faith is a strong faith with all the central tenets in the right places. God makes the revelation of Himself, and the recipient of that revelation, in such a way that love and truth are possibilities for us. Ever met an atheist who hated his wife or a Muslim? These people love their wives and children as much as I the Christian does, yet there is nothing inside their system to explain to them what love is. Despite their preference of belief system, they can love their families in the same way I love mine. This is how God made everyone and so this truth is true for everyone even if they don't know. In my opinion you are not backslidden, but rather you have questions that need answers that make sense to you and everyone else as opposed to the a priori applications given by most people.
When I ask my children what love is, they go straight to Genesis 1:1 and apply the term 'Elohim", used for God which is only applied in the plural tension. In this Trinitarian concept, we have 3 distinct equal beings whose mutual reciprocal actions between themselves, represents a unity of 'thought' and 'will'. For example the Christian might say, God is love and they would be appealing to this Trinitarian concept in Genesis 1:1. How many Christian's would begin here in understanding anything about the
bible? Very few indeed and so Christian's too have as many questions as the non-Christian. If Christian's struggle at this point, it follows that much that follows after will be problematic. Any belief system that attempts to begin minus a concept for thinking expressing beings like ourselves and our God, doesn't begin. Islam has a single entity deity concept. It seems an insurmountable task for Islam to exaplin how their deity could show them what love is or anything else relating to personality and its function. In essence the whole world behaves as if Christianity is true, but warrant an explanation from the Christian that makes sense to everyone and not just the Christian individual.
I wish I could go on but I have other responsibilities.
God Bless you my brother!
