This is Rev. TS Perkins wife Rev. Suzan Perkins! First pray. Keep in mind that Eve came from Adam's rib and not his heel. She came from the rib next to his heart, under his arm to help lift his hands to God. A husband is to love a wife as Jesus loved the Church. We are to remain with our spouse and be loving and faithful. Please check 1 Corinthians 7:10-16. We all sin, but by the Grace of Jesus Christ we are forgiven! Scripture tells us that if we have committed one sin it is as though we have committed them all. Is your wife a Christian? If she is not then your loving response may show her the love Christ has for his church. If she is a Christian, your loving actions may help her to repent. We really can't force someone to be the way we want or force them to do something they really don't want to to. I speak from past experience. My first husband was not a Christian and led a very sinful life. It was very painful to live in such a situation but I always knew God was very close to me. My ex-husband did end up leaving me and 4 young children, but God has blessed my life so much! I have a wonderful Christian husband and another child who is now 13 and many grandchildren. Don't worry about how your situation looks to others, just do what the scriptures tell you and pray always pray and praise God even when it looks like everything is falling apart! I will pray for you too! God bless you and your Wife! And my husband and I send our love to both of you!

A great and ongoing problem with the abuse of women, even in the church, is obvious these days. I am praying that these wise responses will be taken to heart and that with the revelation by the Holy Spirit, there can be a new love shown to your wife.

Originally Posted by Sandsurfgirl

Why are you apologizing for righteous anger? What he is talking about is perverted and sick and twisted. It sounds like some sick sexual dominance thing. There is no way ever in any circumstance that "spanking" or domineering over, or abusing, or hitting your wife is acceptable!!!! NEVER. EVER. This man needs a serious slap upside the head so that he doesn't harm someone! This thread is frightening in a hundred ways.

Smoothing it over and telling him that it's okay if it's mutually agreed upon is horrible. You stood up against something evil and wrong. Yes I said EVIL Mr. Dutchman. Now you are back pedaling why? Would Jesus back pedal with someone who had the intent to hit and harm his wife before he even met her? NO. Don't back pedal. Your first response was right.

To even consider the things Dutchman is proposing is perverted and reprehensible. He needs help, not platitudes.

I'm so sorry for your loss and I pray that you are comforted in Jesus as you go through this horrible loss. I was not back peddling...if said woman had agreed upon Dutch's view on this matter, how can I possibly argue? She knew what she was getting herself into is all I was trying to say. Granted, Dutch did not say anything about the woman being ok with this sort of situation at first, but, like I said, if it was agreed upon before, how can there be any argument?

I have gone through an abusive situation, trust me...it was horrible. But if I agreed to this sort of abuse before, then I have no one but myself to blame for getting involved with this individual.

Be blessed in Christ, dear sister.

Originally Posted by DutchChristian

Dear family in Christ Jesus,

I regret of not being more clear in my starting post and of being a bit blunt and a little bit disrespectful, unfortunately i cannot re-edit my starting post. So please bear with me this time and also i ask for your forgiveness, Also i should have stated that i am not a married person yet, but am researching on this subject to be prepared as a man for in a possible future period. Please forgive me for this.

Now my question is this: what if Adam strongly rebuked Eve instead of obeying her and loving her when she presented the fruit (from the tree that God forbade to eat from) to him instead of just standing by and loving her.


Please consider that thought for a moment dear brothers and sisters.

If Adam stepped up and rebuked his wife and did not obey her but rather obeyed God then that would have a lot different!

You see love can also mean a rebuke at times! Do not be fooled in this so called love love gospel... A man must at times be firm too towards his wife! If a wife is disobedient over and over again to her husband and the husband does not take control of the situation then God Will speak to the husband first! The man is responsible as the head of the wife, God gives the man the woman but the woman must not rule over the husband. So the husband for the benefit of the wife, himself and the marriage must if necessary at times step up and take the leadership role that God Has given him and give firm warning/rebuke done out of love.

The secular world and the devil says you can't do it that way, but i believe God wants the man to step up and take his leadership role of the house in love but also in rebuke when it is needed but of course only done in righteous judgement and love.

Also each man has his own responsibility to guide his family under the Headship of Christ by the Word of God. And not all men are the same neither are all women the same, neither is any couple the same you must know that some women are brought up in a very traditional family in which spanking was involved during their childhood and seen as perfectly normal. I can imagine that some of these women who marry want a man that will take firm control when necessary as with the example of disobedience over and over again, then the man must take a means (last resort spanking on the bottoms) that a man can use in my opinion if done with correction in peace and love not raging anger of course but with self-control. But this is not suitable for all couples nor for all men! nor towards all wives mind you! Also the wife must agree too in my opinion with this herself.

i am just saying this because too many marriages are falling apart because the man is not taking his leadership role as a man and does not dare to be firm at times and be the leader of his house as is the responsibility that was Given by The LORD to the man.

any other thoughts....?

After monitoring this thread for awhile and seeing some anger and hurt feelings coming into play, I am quite confused by your posts.
Can you please explain in as few sentences as possible what it is that your going for here?
I admit, the first post has some shock value. Maybe this will clear everything up for everyone including myself.

,

Originally Posted by DutchChristian

Is it ok to give a disobedient wife limitations for a while, like no contact with friends? I think it is ok. What is your experience? Wives can reply too, anyone here who has his/her advice?

What other ways does a good christian man have to correct a disobedient wife?

What is a husband's role to be? Is it to a loving, patient Christian leader in the family, or is it to be bossy and domineering? Your post confuses me. When I was first married, I tried bossy and domineering and it failed miserably; nearly wrecked my marriage.

SLE

Psa 18:25 With the merciful thou wilt shew thyself merciful; with an upright man thou wilt shew thyself upright;
Psa 18:26 With the pure thou wilt shew thyself pure; and with the froward thou wilt shew thyself froward.
Psa 18:27 For thou wilt save the afflicted people; but wilt bring down high looks.
Psa 18:28 For thou wilt light my candle: the LORD my God will enlighten my darkness.
Psa 18:29 For by thee I have run through a troop; and by my God have I leaped over a wall.
Psa 18:30 As for God, his way is perfect: the word of the LORD is tried: he is a buckler to all those that trust in him.
Psa 18:31 For who is God save the LORD? or who is a rock save our God?
Psa 18:32 It is God that girdeth me with strength, and maketh my way perfect.
Psa 18:33 He maketh my feet like hinds' feet, and setteth me upon my high places.

Not all the time, but most of the time those around us mirror what we are doing. Are people being overbearing, bossy, or dominate? Then they are probably reacting to what they are seeing, or being treated like themselves.

That is not to say that there are those who come against a humble person with pride on their sleeves, but most times we all create our own messes.

There are husbands (not mine, praise the Lord), that no matter how submissive a wife is, nor how much is done for them, it is never enough. They demand their own way on every little thing, and pull out the "your not being submissive" card when ever the wife voices an opinion. Then there are wives who demand their own way all the time and pull out the doormat conversation when they are not pampered.

Then there is a question of how the wife is being disobedient. Is she not paying the bills that are entrusted to her, or being wasteful with the resources her husband has provided? In that case, well, the duty of a husband would be to take the finances over. But how about when the husband is wasteful with the resources. Would the wife be in the wrong to try and hide a little nest egg to the side when she can. Then at the end of the day, the husband is singing her praises when they do have some fall back. Even though at the time he would have rebuked her for something that was kept from him.

It is my experience that the womans attitude and mindset, mostly, is a direct mirror to how the husband treats her. Not saying that she is not obstinate at times, but what is the reason for it. Is she acting out because of the way she is being treated, or out of the motive of wanting dominance? If she is continually put under a tyranical thumb, then what would the natural reaction to that be? Women are generally more emotionally charged. If the husband is only making demands without meeting some of those emotional needs in the wife, then there will be problems for sure.

Each person can grow with the grace of God in order to not be provoked into spouting out or being obstinate, but it is a process and everyone it seems has their tolerance level.

Originally Posted by kamiller1972

I'm so sorry for your loss and I pray that you are comforted in Jesus as you go through this horrible loss. I was not back peddling...if said woman had agreed upon Dutch's view on this matter, how can I possibly argue? She knew what she was getting herself into is all I was trying to say. Granted, Dutch did not say anything about the woman being ok with this sort of situation at first, but, like I said, if it was agreed upon before, how can there be any argument?

I have gone through an abusive situation, trust me...it was horrible. But if I agreed to this sort of abuse before, then I have no one but myself to blame for getting involved with this individual.

Be blessed in Christ, dear sister.

I would also like to add that I am not ok with this sort of behavior. If both parties are in agreement fine, and again I say I have no argument. But I would not and I cannot condone any sort of corporal punishment on any spouse, no matter what their sin or disobedient t issue is. Dutch did not make himself clear at first and as a result my feeling were hurt as well. Later on he added the "both people must be in agreement" statement, and though I don't see anything right about it, I cannot put my opinion over two consenting adults heads and say that I'm right and they're wrong.

Just had to clarify that.

LOL.........Can't help myself
He would have done better to post this in the men section! The initial reaction to what he wrote, was to "attack", so that what he in honestly was trying to communicate about what it means to be a man of God in marriage, in a leadership role as well as what should Adam have done. Was totally lost. The fact that he is not married was missed by a lot of people. Meaning these were queries only, and was looking for help in understanding something he was not familiar with. Also, the language could have been an issue (not an excuse) since English is probably not his native tongue. With that being said I hope the following will not only help him, but any other who may read this post.

I am not a marriage counselor so what I share is from the observation of my mom and fathers marriage which lasted until they both went home to be with the Lord, my in laws who were divorced and never spoke to each other again. Praying that both are with the Lord now. And my own which is still going after 28 years "Glory be to God". My wife gives the Glory to God as well!!!!

First: Both most have the Love of God as ones Savior foremost in their lives. With all this entails, praying together, worshiping together. Also, allowing each other to grow at the pace they are meant to grow at. You might be more knowledgeable (man or woman) but it doesn't mean that they will see it your way immediately. My example is the issue of abortion. I've been against it and still am, but my wife at one time was not. Talking to her, verse and scripture, made no difference. She believed what she believed. So did I beat her? Give her more chores? Nope. I went to the one who could change her heart, and open her mind to see the truth. Prayed and left it in his hands. One day out of the clear blue sky, she starts talking about, how she could no longer agree with abortion! Being the leader of the home sometimes means, allowing the one who is truly in control of everything, to do His work, by moving out of the way. One doesn't have to always be the vessel by which the Holy Spirit will do His work. Sometimes he works directly on the person. That is why being unevenly yoked can create great difficulties in a marriage. Eventually one will change or leave. We believers don't mix well with others. (My attempt at a joke only.)

Second: A love for each other. Without which one would never give one's life for the other. If you don't love each other, then you married for the wrong reasons and I pray that you find it.

Thirdly: "Like" each other or be each others best friend. Some would say this is incorporated into the second. In my own experience, when the love for whatever reason is not at a level it should be, which is normally during "issues" (Another word for having a fight.) that you actually like the person. Sometimes liking a person will provide one a greater understanding of who that person you're living with really is about as one has with a friend and why they might be reacting as they are. This will help after praying to provide a little clarity, at least for the moment anyway!

Fourth and fifth: A clean delineation of duties, or tasks, or jobs if you will. This should not only be about the level of responsibility, or the difficulty of the tasks, which both must be considered, but also the time involved in taking care of the task. Example: Does one equate taking out the trash at the level of cleaning up the mess in the kitchen? Cooking the meal, verses taking care of the bills. Also, does one like the tasks assigned? My wife is better with numbers, money. However, I take care of the bills. Why because it drives her crazy to see the bills! Whereas I see it as something that is necessary, like kicking off the dirt off my boots when I come into the house, so I don't make more work for her or me by tracking the dirt all over the house. Takes a lot of talking and being observant to iron these out. Doesn't always come easy. Pray, pray, pray and talk some more. This will take time to iron out, so Communication is a must!!!!! Something bothering you, find the right time and talk about it! Waiting for the other person to read your mind, doesn't work! Trust me on this one!

Sixth: Be courteous. We say excuse me when we bump into someone on the street or store, but when it's your wife or husband? Thank-you, you're welcome......let me hold that for you. These things which might seem minor to some, really are appreciated. I know I do, and by the look on my wife's face, I know she does as well. It's a confirmation to her that she trained me well!!!! Naah just joking. Mom did that

Seventh: Don't take things for granted. Being a man also means we can be courteous in many different ways. Women you too! Men want to hear that they are appreciated for doing things, just like you do and not be taken for granted. However, men when you're both going out somewhere and are getting into your vehicle. Do you hold the door open for her? This came from one of the most effective sermons I ever heard whose results were evidenced rather quickly!

Came to church I had never been to in Texas and watched as people got out of their vehicles. Curious you know? Seeing if I could tell something about the folks, men and women getting out of their vehicles at the same time from both sides. Anyway, the sermon went pretty much like this. Telling the men to sit straight up in the pews and to look neither left or right but straight ahead. The Pastor proceeded to ask the men questions about their wives and girlfriends. Things like, what kind of ear rings was she wearing? Was her hair down or up, or curled or straights. What kind of shoes was she wearing? This was great because you could hear the women move their feet under the pews so that special other person couldn't see her feet as they sweetly whispered in their ears to tell them the answer to that one! The sweat running down the backs of the men and boys, was not only due to the heat of the July day, I can tell you that much.

The pastor eventually let them off the hook, but left them with one thought. He asked them if they opened the car doors for them? Because he reminded them, if they didn't there probably was someone else out there who would.

After the service you would have been proud of the men. Everyone of them were opening the doors for that special woman in their life! The women were beaming, as if they had just received the most precious of gifts.

This story could be reversed in the other way for the women. Taking each other for granted for the things that are considered just routine daily actions, is opening the door to being unappreciated. Being unappreciated, can open the door for Satan to start putting thoughts into your head that should never belong against the one person outside of the Lord who should mean more than life itself to you.

SPECIAL ONE: Communicate with each other. Find time to talk. Whether it's over dinner, or before dinner, or immediately after work, or even towards the end of the day. Find that time when you can share your thoughts, the hard day you've had, the great day that you've had, and most importantly, to listen intently to what the others day was all about, even if you've heard it all before! It just means they need to get it out. Oh yeah, find time to take each other out somewhere special. Dinner, park, movie, church social, whatever. Just so it's both of you, without the kids! Need time to recharge the batteries and plan how you're both going to stop the kids from taking over the house! Sending them over to relatives or friends house permanently is not an option, except for this special time you spend together.

I share this scripture and verse with you. I can only speak for men, but if a woman will allow the man to see that they look up to them. That means more to them, then another work tool........hummm maybe not, but real close! Yes it means more than a work tool.
YBIC
C4E

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.

Originally Posted by Christ4Ever

LOL.........Can't help myself
He would have done better to post this in the men section! The initial reaction to what he wrote, was to "attack", so that what he in honestly was trying to communicate about what it means to be a man of God in marriage, in a leadership role as well as what should Adam have done. Was totally lost. The fact that he is not married was missed by a lot of people. Meaning these were queries only, and was looking for help in understanding something he was not familiar with. Also, the language could have been an issue (not an excuse) since English is probably not his native tongue. With that being said I hope the following will not only help him, but any other who may read this post.

I am not a marriage counselor so what I share is from the observation of my mom and fathers marriage which lasted until they both went home to be with the Lord, my in laws who were divorced and never spoke to each other again. Praying that both are with the Lord now. And my own which is still going after 28 years "Glory be to God". My wife gives the Glory to God as well!!!!

First: Both most have the Love of God as ones Savior foremost in their lives. With all this entails, praying together, worshiping together. Also, allowing each other to grow at the pace they are meant to grow at. You might be more knowledgeable (man or woman) but it doesn't mean that they will see it your way immediately. My example is the issue of abortion. I've been against it and still am, but my wife at one time was not. Talking to her, verse and scripture, made no difference. She believed what she believed. So did I beat her? Give her more chores? Nope. I went to the one who could change her heart, and open her mind to see the truth. Prayed and left it in his hands. One day out of the clear blue sky, she starts talking about, how she could no longer agree with abortion! Being the leader of the home sometimes means, allowing the one who is truly in control of everything, to do His work, by moving out of the way. One doesn't have to always be the vessel by which the Holy Spirit will do His work. Sometimes he works directly on the person. That is why being unevenly yoked can create great difficulties in a marriage. Eventually one will change or leave. We believers don't mix well with others. (My attempt at a joke only.)

Second: A love for each other. Without which one would never give one's life for the other. If you don't love each other, then you married for the wrong reasons and I pray that you find it.

Thirdly: "Like" each other or be each others best friend. Some would say this is incorporated into the second. In my own experience, when the love for whatever reason is not at a level it should be, which is normally during "issues" (Another word for having a fight.) that you actually like the person. Sometimes liking a person will provide one a greater understanding of who that person you're living with really is about as one has with a friend and why they might be reacting as they are. This will help after praying to provide a little clarity, at least for the moment anyway!

Fourth and fifth: A clean delineation of duties, or tasks, or jobs if you will. This should not only be about the level of responsibility, or the difficulty of the tasks, which both must be considered, but also the time involved in taking care of the task. Example: Does one equate taking out the trash at the level of cleaning up the mess in the kitchen? Cooking the meal, verses taking care of the bills. Also, does one like the tasks assigned? My wife is better with numbers, money. However, I take care of the bills. Why because it drives her crazy to see the bills! Whereas I see it as something that is necessary, like kicking off the dirt off my boots when I come into the house, so I don't make more work for her or me by tracking the dirt all over the house. Takes a lot of talking and being observant to iron these out. Doesn't always come easy. Pray, pray, pray and talk some more. This will take time to iron out, so Communication is a must!!!!! Something bothering you, find the right time and talk about it! Waiting for the other person to read your mind, doesn't work! Trust me on this one!

Sixth: Be courteous. We say excuse me when we bump into someone on the street or store, but when it's your wife or husband? Thank-you, you're welcome......let me hold that for you. These things which might seem minor to some, really are appreciated. I know I do, and by the look on my wife's face, I know she does as well. It's a confirmation to her that she trained me well!!!! Naah just joking. Mom did that

Seventh: Don't take things for granted. Being a man also means we can be courteous in many different ways. Women you too! Men want to hear that they are appreciated for doing things, just like you do and not be taken for granted. However, men when you're both going out somewhere and are getting into your vehicle. Do you hold the door open for her? This came from one of the most effective sermons I ever heard whose results were evidenced rather quickly!

Came to church I had never been to in Texas and watched as people got out of their vehicles. Curious you know? Seeing if I could tell something about the folks, men and women getting out of their vehicles at the same time from both sides. Anyway, the sermon went pretty much like this. Telling the men to sit straight up in the pews and to look neither left or right but straight ahead. The Pastor proceeded to ask the men questions about their wives and girlfriends. Things like, what kind of ear rings was she wearing? Was her hair down or up, or curled or straights. What kind of shoes was she wearing? This was great because you could hear the women move their feet under the pews so that special other person couldn't see her feet as they sweetly whispered in their ears to tell them the answer to that one! The sweat running down the backs of the men and boys, was not only due to the heat of the July day, I can tell you that much.

The pastor eventually let them off the hook, but left them with one thought. He asked them if they opened the car doors for them? Because he reminded them, if they didn't there probably was someone else out there who would.

After the service you would have been proud of the men. Everyone of them were opening the doors for that special woman in their life! The women were beaming, as if they had just received the most precious of gifts.

This story could be reversed in the other way for the women. Taking each other for granted for the things that are considered just routine daily actions, is opening the door to being unappreciated. Being unappreciated, can open the door for Satan to start putting thoughts into your head that should never belong against the one person outside of the Lord who should mean more than life itself to you.

SPECIAL ONE: Communicate with each other. Find time to talk. Whether it's over dinner, or before dinner, or immediately after work, or even towards the end of the day. Find that time when you can share your thoughts, the hard day you've had, the great day that you've had, and most importantly, to listen intently to what the others day was all about, even if you've heard it all before! It just means they need to get it out. Oh yeah, find time to take each other out somewhere special. Dinner, park, movie, church social, whatever. Just so it's both of you, without the kids! Need time to recharge the batteries and plan how you're both going to stop the kids from taking over the house! Sending them over to relatives or friends house permanently is not an option, except for this special time you spend together.

I share this scripture and verse with you. I can only speak for men, but if a woman will allow the man to see that they look up to them. That means more to them, then another work tool........hummm maybe not, but real close! Yes it means more than a work tool.
YBIC
C4E

Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.

Thanks dear brother!

That is great advice from experience!

Communication is important too yes amen.


Have a fine day in The LORD Amen and Amen

dutchchristian

I almost fell out of my chair because of my laughter over this one! Who told any Christian man that his wife is a chattel? Whoever told any Christian man he had dominion over his wife?
Get with it guys. Read the WORD concerning this. The WORD talks to husbands at least three times more about how to be a husband, than it talks to women about how to be a wife.
Picture the sun and the moon. The husband is the sun...he shines his love on the wife and she, the moon, will reflect it right back at him. Kinda cool! Dominate your woman and she will break. There is NO scriptural basis for dominating your wife. NEVER!!!!

1 Peter 3:1-3

Amplified Bible (AMP)

3 In like manner, you married women, be submissive to your own husbands [subordinate yourselves as being secondary to and dependent on them, and adapt yourselves to them], so that even if any do not obey the Word [of God], they may be won over not by discussion but by the [godly] lives of their wives,

So... wives....Follow his lead as long as he is following JESUS' lead. If he strays ...follow Jesus' lead.

The only reason that the man is the leader of a marriage is simply that he is stronger (physically) and can bear the burdens and consequences of leadership better.