LOL.........Can't help myself
He would have done better to post this in the men section! The initial reaction to what he wrote, was to "attack", so that what he in honestly was trying to communicate about what it means to be a man of God in marriage, in a leadership role as well as what should Adam have done. Was totally lost. The fact that he is not married was missed by a lot of people. Meaning these were queries only, and was looking for help in understanding something he was not familiar with. Also, the language could have been an issue (not an excuse) since English is probably not his native tongue. With that being said I hope the following will not only help him, but any other who may read this post.
I am not a marriage counselor so what I share is from the observation of my mom and fathers marriage which lasted until they both went home to be with the Lord, my in laws who were divorced and never spoke to each other again. Praying that both are with the Lord now. And my own which is still going after 28 years "Glory be to God". My wife gives the Glory to God as well!!!!
First: Both most have the Love of God as ones Savior foremost in their lives. With all this entails, praying together, worshiping together. Also, allowing each other to grow at the pace they are meant to grow at. You might be more knowledgeable (man or woman) but it doesn't mean that they will see it your way immediately. My example is the issue of abortion. I've been against it and still am, but my wife at one time was not. Talking to her, verse and scripture, made no difference. She believed what she believed. So did I beat her? Give her more chores? Nope. I went to the one who could change her heart, and open her mind to see the truth. Prayed and left it in his hands. One day out of the clear blue sky, she starts talking about, how she could no longer agree with abortion! Being the leader of the home sometimes means, allowing the one who is truly in control of everything, to do His work, by moving out of the way. One doesn't have to always be the vessel by which the Holy Spirit will do His work. Sometimes he works directly on the person. That is why being unevenly yoked can create great difficulties in a marriage. Eventually one will change or leave. We believers don't mix well with others. (My attempt at a joke only.)
Second: A love for each other. Without which one would never give one's life for the other. If you don't love each other, then you married for the wrong reasons and I pray that you find it.
Thirdly: "Like" each other or be each others best friend. Some would say this is incorporated into the second. In my own experience, when the love for whatever reason is not at a level it should be, which is normally during "issues" (Another word for having a fight.) that you actually like the person. Sometimes liking a person will provide one a greater understanding of who that person you're living with really is about as one has with a friend and why they might be reacting as they are. This will help after praying to provide a little clarity, at least for the moment anyway!
Fourth and fifth: A clean delineation of duties, or tasks, or jobs if you will. This should not only be about the level of responsibility, or the difficulty of the tasks, which both must be considered, but also the time involved in taking care of the task. Example: Does one equate taking out the trash at the level of cleaning up the mess in the kitchen? Cooking the meal, verses taking care of the bills. Also, does one like the tasks assigned? My wife is better with numbers, money. However, I take care of the bills. Why because it drives her crazy to see the bills! Whereas I see it as something that is necessary, like kicking off the dirt off my boots when I come into the house, so I don't make more work for her or me by tracking the dirt all over the house. Takes a lot of talking and being observant to iron these out. Doesn't always come easy. Pray, pray, pray and talk some more. This will take time to iron out, so Communication is a must!!!!! Something bothering you, find the right time and talk about it! Waiting for the other person to read your mind, doesn't work! Trust me on this one!
Sixth: Be courteous. We say excuse me when we bump into someone on the street or store, but when it's your wife or husband? Thank-you, you're welcome......let me hold that for you. These things which might seem minor to some, really are appreciated. I know I do, and by the look on my wife's face, I know she does as well. It's a confirmation to her that she trained me well!!!! Naah just joking. Mom did that
Seventh: Don't take things for granted. Being a man also means we can be courteous in many different ways. Women you too! Men want to hear that they are appreciated for doing things, just like you do and not be taken for granted. However, men when you're both going out somewhere and are getting into your vehicle. Do you hold the door open for her? This came from one of the most effective sermons I ever heard whose results were evidenced rather quickly!
Came to church I had never been to in Texas and watched as people got out of their vehicles. Curious you know? Seeing if I could tell something about the folks, men and women getting out of their vehicles at the same time from both sides. Anyway, the sermon went pretty much like this. Telling the men to sit straight up in the pews and to look neither left or right but straight ahead. The Pastor proceeded to ask the men questions about their wives and girlfriends. Things like, what kind of ear rings was she wearing? Was her hair down or up, or curled or straights. What kind of shoes was she wearing? This was great because you could hear the women move their feet under the pews so that special other person couldn't see her feet as they sweetly whispered in their ears to tell them the answer to that one! The sweat running down the backs of the men and boys, was not only due to the heat of the July day, I can tell you that much.
The pastor eventually let them off the hook, but left them with one thought. He asked them if they opened the car doors for them? Because he reminded them, if they didn't there probably was someone else out there who would.
After the service you would have been proud of the men. Everyone of them were opening the doors for that special woman in their life! The women were beaming, as if they had just received the most precious of gifts.
This story could be reversed in the other way for the women. Taking each other for granted for the things that are considered just routine daily actions, is opening the door to being unappreciated. Being unappreciated, can open the door for Satan to start putting thoughts into your head that should never belong against the one person outside of the Lord who should mean more than life itself to you.
SPECIAL ONE: Communicate with each other. Find time to talk. Whether it's over dinner, or before dinner, or immediately after work, or even towards the end of the day. Find that time when you can share your thoughts, the hard day you've had, the great day that you've had, and most importantly, to listen intently to what the others day was all about, even if you've heard it all before! It just means they need to get it out. Oh yeah, find time to take each other out somewhere special. Dinner, park, movie, church social, whatever. Just so it's both of you, without the kids! Need time to recharge the batteries and plan how you're both going to stop the kids from taking over the house! Sending them over to relatives or friends house permanently is not an option, except for this special time you spend together.
I share this scripture and verse with you. I can only speak for men, but if a woman will allow the man to see that they look up to them. That means more to them, then another work tool........hummm maybe not, but real close! Yes it means more than a work tool.
Ephesians 5:33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife [see] that she reverence [her] husband.