Is it normal practice for a pastor to tell you how you should live. why I ask is I had a young woman confide in me about the pastor & his wife coming to visit her three times about some gossip they were told about this young woman.

They have never had the time of day to see her any other day except these. They told her she was sinning and what they thought of the things she was apparently doing. This woman is a new christian and now wants nothing to do with the church and is quite hurt that she has been purposely ignored from both the pastor and his wife since her last attempt at going to church. I feel this is not right especially when everyone knows for a fact that the pastors daughter is doing worse things. I dont mean for this to sound like a slinging match but I am quite upset about the way this has been approached. I haven't come across this kind of thing before.

thanks

smitties09,

It sounds as if that congregation is full of gossips. I hope that young woman finds another church.

SLE

I have seen things like this destroy people, pastors, and split churches. You have second hand information and it could come down to words that were not completed or even mispoken. Satan wants to cause this to blow up hurting everyone in this situation. Having had three doughters that all are grown with children, I can tell you things can really get out of hand, by misunderstood words. I am not sure but do you go to the church where this woman goes? If you do not then incourage the woman to go with a woman she respects to the pastor and see if she can tell hurt she feels and perhaps clear up things. Pastors make mistakes too, and we pastors are human juust like all the rest of us. This just might be a time of healing for everyone, is prayer aznd allowing the Holy Spirit work.


I would encourage you that in the future if someone comes to you and is upset with someone, ask if they have told whoever they are up set with and tslk with them again. Matthew 18 givves specfic advice on how to deal with this. Blessings.

Spiritleded:With brotherly love, respect and kindness, may I offer a suggestion, please.? Having been a pastor I can tell you form experience that second and third information can destroy pastors, churches and even the sheep of the flock. Matthew 18 might have been a better way to refer the woman who was hurt. So many times words get twisted, or even people don't own up to seroius sin. I personally think the pastor bringing his wife was wise for many reasons. But assume the pastor was worng, if the woman went with another and explained how hurt she was it might give healing for all concerned.

I did not get from the post that the church was full of gossoips. Maybe that is a little too much to draw from what was said. I have seen pastors accused of sone slanderious things, that I know for a fact what was said of him was a evil lie by a woman, who just wanted him out no matter what it took. She got her wish! The pastor left that ministry, after this woman made sure the next church heard her lies. This hurt the pastor's wife and children. For sure that was the work of the evil one.

Perhaps all of us should give more careful loving, kind advice and using Scripture as our guide such as Matthew 18. The World see's if we are genuine christians by the way we love each other.

Blessings

Thank you for your replies. Reality is that there are gossips everywhere. There are a select few that are spreading the gossip and the pastor jumps at everyone of them. This young lady isn't the first person to be caught up in the exact gossip of these select few. I attend the church also. I thank you farout for your input, it has been helpful to hear from a pastors point of view about these situations. Pastor or not though I cant seem to get past the fact that it is their role to tell people of how they should & shouldn't live etc. Who tells the pastor when we see and hear things on what his daughter is doing. eg. I'm a chef and I was asked by another one of his daughters if I would give her lessons (with her parents permission), I was very happy to pass on my knowledge but soon discovered that she wasn't interested in me teaching her how to cook but she was flirting & only interested in my teenage son. I immediately stopped teaching her and didn't say anything because others have had their head bitten off in doing so other times. But we have since prayed with the young woman involved and she has now moved away but said she will be looking for another church to attend. Im quite confused to be honest over the whole thing.

thanks :-)

Originally Posted by smitties09

I feel this is not right especially when everyone knows for a fact that the pastors daughter is doing worse things.

"Everyone knows for a fact....." is the statement that, in my opinion, says that that church is full of gossips.

SLE

Thanks for your help spiritleded.......

If your heart is still burdened by this woman's situation, maybe you could help her find a new church. It'll be terribly hard to explain to her why a pastor acts like that, but it would really help for her to know that not all pastors are like it. Its always sad when a new Christian stumbles because of the leaders, but it happens. :(

I can understand why she would feel vexed by this. A pastor is to preach against sin to the entire congregation, not pick out individual people. Maybe he should give a sermon about gossip in the future.

Originally Posted by smitties09

Is it normal practice for a pastor to tell you how you should live. why I ask is I had a young woman confide in me about the pastor & his wife coming to visit her three times about some gossip they were told about this young woman.

They have never had the time of day to see her any other day except these. They told her she was sinning and what they thought of the things she was apparently doing. This woman is a new christian and now wants nothing to do with the church and is quite hurt that she has been purposely ignored from both the pastor and his wife since her last attempt at going to church. I feel this is not right especially when everyone knows for a fact that the pastors daughter is doing worse things. I dont mean for this to sound like a slinging match but I am quite upset about the way this has been approached. I haven't come across this kind of thing before.

thanks

I agree with everyone else here. At my church, my pastor will talk with us privately about anything that he feels needs to be discussed, but he always ends the discussion with "I love you", so that no harsh feelings remain afterwards. Our pastor will talk to us not to condemn or lecture, but to see what is going on and shed light on it with the Bible. For example, if I were to constantly lie and I get caught, he will talk to me. But like I said, he does it lovingly. What you describe of this pastor is not loving. In fact, it goes on the line of childish if he ignores people in church.