I am in need of advice. I am at a place where I need to ask others to look at a situation and seek God before replying as I am not sure whether I am reacting with the flesh or in the spirit.
For most of past ten years I have been praying to God regarding the salvation of my husband and to help me out of this horrible domestic situation.
There were attempts on my life. He even threatened to kill me if I go to church. Pornography was his ruler. Alcohol was his medicine. Drugs was his freedom.
We since emmigrated to a new country and I have left him about 2 years ago. I have stayed truthful and faithful and never even attempted a relationship.
Throughout this time I have grown in faith in God and I have experienced God's love. The falsehood I was taught as I child and the verbal abuse that formed me from childhood and throughout my marriage was being removed from me.
Just more than 4 years ago I asked God whether I need to stay with my husband or leave him, I heard audibly that I need to stay. Within months we emmigrated and God has been moving in great ways that I never thought possible. God has provided for me in every means that the human mind can't comprehend.
Me leaving my husband was not a rushed thing, but something I and others prayed earnestly about.
Thing is, since I have left my husband, he has stopped drinking and gave his life to God. He is the man I fell in love with. Sure he still has his little irritating little habits that I do not think will ever die, but it is not something to be apart or leave a person.
I have never filed for divorce nor did he. He sees his kids every single day and he is at my house every day.
We get along ok, yet we both have very strong personalities. I know he is not as far as I am with my walk with God and as time pass he will learn more and surrender more.
Thing is I still care about him no matter how much hurt he has done to me. God is healing that what was taken away and replacing it with Himself.
The idea of him entering into a relationship with someone else hurts so much. I do not think he is in one, just the thought of it hurts.
Do I want him back into my life as a partner, I am not sure. Scared is more the reason. But also I do not want to walk a path where God is not leading me.
It feels if my spirit and heart is conflicting each other. Legalism are interfering me hearing what God wants me to do.