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  1. #1
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    Need Advice - Sad Family Situation

    Hi All! I need help in dealing biblically with a vexing family situation. I can’t discuss this with anyone, for fear of it turning into gossip.

    My brother "Charlie" is a middle-aged, strong Christian with a vibrant testimony. Before coming to Christ, he had been divorced twice. This spring, his (third) wife of 3 years filed for divorce (sadly, she has cancer and would not listen to reason about "till death do us part".)

    A couple months ago, Charlie’s best friend "Henry" died. My brother had often shared the Gospel with Henry and his wife "Gertrude", but as strong-willed, extremely worldly people, they rejected the offer.

    After Henry’s death, Charlie urgently pleaded with Gertrude to come to Christ. She attended church with him but remains unconverted.

    Two weeks ago, Charlie tersely informed me that he and Gertrude will marry, even though he knows it’s a major, public sin. This news angered and saddened his Christian therapist, his children (one is not a believer), the mother of his children (his first wife who is now a dear believer), our mother, and … just about everyone.

    My mother now informs me that Charlie and Gertrude actually eloped a while back in Las Vegas.

    1. Doesn’t this imply that they were "fully physically involved"?
    2. Is this grounds for ex-communication, even from evangelical Christian fellowships?
    3. How should I biblically respond?
    I know not to give them a wedding gift, but shunning Gertrude seems a bad Christian witness.
    4. What would the Apostle Paul do with an unrepentant brother in this situation?

    Thank you all in advance.
    Last edited by BlesdLady; 08-25-09 at 02:13 PM. Reason: formatting

  2. #2
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    wow Im sorry, I guess I dont understand the problem, let me try:

    This guy, who got divorced in spring (from his wife, who wanted the divorce) is single again and gets married to a woman, who*s husband has died?

    So two singles got married, is that right?

    If thats so, hmm . . .excuse my shocked reaction, where is the problem?
    :love: I'm not where I want to be, but Thank God I'm not where I used to be,
    I'm OK and I'm on my way :love:

  3. #3
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    im sorry again, I did not pray before opening my mouth, I will read over it again and pray before I return :love:

    still . . .could you just try to give it to me a little bit more simple?
    :love: I'm not where I want to be, but Thank God I'm not where I used to be,
    I'm OK and I'm on my way :love:

  4. #4
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    Hello, Peeps -

    My issue here is disappointment with a single guy who for 3 years loudly and publicly claimed to be a 100-percent committed, godly Christian with the gift of evangelism, secretly committing fornication (as defined in the Scriptures) with a vulnerable recent unsaved widow, then marrying her against his conscience and dropping out of church and his family life.

    Nobody's perfect! I know I can forgive him, and I'd love for him to repent (but my forgiveness is --not-- contingent upon any repentance!) I'd just like to talk to him, but he's in hiding right now.

    I really want this whole episode to play out as well as possible. It would be wonderful if "Gertrude" came to Christ and we have full repentance and reconciliation. It could happen.

    I'm just sad right now and feel that I've lost my best friend.

  5. #5
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    Originally Posted by BlesdLady View Post
    Hello, Peeps -

    My issue here is disappointment with a single guy who for 3 years loudly and publicly claimed to be a 100-percent committed, godly Christian with the gift of evangelism, secretly committing fornication (as defined in the Scriptures) with a vulnerable recent unsaved widow, then marrying her against his conscience and dropping out of church and his family life.

    Nobody's perfect! I know I can forgive him, and I'd love for him to repent (but my forgiveness is --not-- contingent upon any repentance!) I'd just like to talk to him, but he's in hiding right now.

    I really want this whole episode to play out as well as possible. It would be wonderful if "Gertrude" came to Christ and we have full repentance and reconciliation. It could happen.

    I'm just sad right now and feel that I've lost my best friend.
    You must be paitent.
    The "whole episode" has already played out. If your friend is a true "born again" Christian, then he already is forgiven, that's if he has sinned. But that is for God to decide.

    With all due respect, forgiveness is God's territory. Your responsibility, in this situation, is to be sure you do not have to ask your friend for forgiveness for judging him and calling for repentance and reconcilliation.

    Back to God: Assumming your friend is saved, then God has already forgiven him at the cross. The bible says that we are dead to sin but, it doesn't say anything about us being dead to sining!

    You ask for help, this is my suggestion:

    Pray for understanding, ask your friend for forgiveness (your heart will tell you if this is necessary) and support him and his new wife whether she is born again yet or not and the Lord will do the rest!
    Peace, Love and Blessings.
    Last edited by RJ; 08-25-09 at 08:11 PM.
    " I'll see you here or I will see you up there or I will see you in the air"!.....Beam me up , Lord!

  6. #6
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    c

    Originally Posted by BlesdLady View Post
    My issue here is disappointment with a single guy who for 3 years loudly and publicly claimed to be a 100-percent committed, godly Christian with the gift of evangelism, secretly committing fornication (as defined in the Scriptures)
    Blesd Lady, your use of the phrase "loudly and publicly claimed" is a dead giveaway as to what this man really is - an arrogant, prideful jerk who pretended to be a Christian leader. Several years ago, I read a quote from Margaret Thatcher that has helped me to spot that kind of person. She said, "Being a leader is like being a lady. If you have to tell people you are, you probably aren't."


    SLE
    Last edited by SpiritLedEd; 08-26-09 at 01:07 AM.
    I want to be a coin in God's pocket that He can spend any way He wishes.

  7. #7
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    hi blesdlady :love:

    Thank you for taking the time again to explain your situation to me. . .It sounded easier for me know, I like the advice of Joe Johnston:

    Pray for understanding, ask your friend for forgiveness (your heart will tell you if this is necessary) and support him and his new wife whether she is born again yet or not and the Lord will do the rest!
    Once, I was so very hurt too, about a friend misusing the friendship factor for the right to intrude into family life with a destructive power, I cancelled the friendship as soon as i found out, in my mind i closed him behind a cave rock and figured i had the right too . . .for all I care he could starve . ..I was through . . .how rude. . .you know . . .

    Then . . .about a year later . . .a message in a church service came across, what if we had 24 hours left to live. . what would we do . . how would we spend it? would there be any things left we had to take care off before we stand before our heavenly father and say: I did everything I could to walk your footsteps!

    Well, I knew I had not only one, but two ppl locked in that cave . .. and I knew it wasnt my right to keep them there . . .I wrote them both an email and asked for forgiveness that I attacked them so hard last year, that I hoped not to hurt them and damaged them with MY behaviour and I cant remember the rest . . however. . next day I had my answer from the female part at least . . up to this day no answer from the male part. . .She forgives me, can partly understand my point from back then and wishes me a good road ahead to find my way. . .

    There was no use of trying to explain why I!!! got hurt. . .They didnt think they acted wrong you see. . .
    But I judged them like they did the worlds worst crime, however. . .sometimes things happen and WE think, we had them under control . . not our job to have them in control . . .

    We can pray though . . .We can speak to God about it and act with Jesus love different than any other person confronting ppl who dont have the Holy Spirit guiding them . . .

    We can bring all our thoughts, pain and disappointment to God, ask Him for healing and power to walk with His love into the next day and trust Him to do His job right for sure :love:

    I pray you will find this peace again, not to worry about the future of your brother and new sis-in-law . . Yes it would be great if your brother can bring her Christ love as near as possible. . .so can you :love:

    Give it a try and you will discover that your "friend" is still there :love:
    :love: I'm not where I want to be, but Thank God I'm not where I used to be,
    I'm OK and I'm on my way :love:

  8. #8
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    Originally Posted by BlesdLady View Post
    Hi All! I need help in dealing biblically with a vexing family situation. I can’t discuss this with anyone, for fear of it turning into gossip.

    My brother "Charlie" is a middle-aged, strong Christian with a vibrant testimony. Before coming to Christ, he had been divorced twice. This spring, his (third) wife of 3 years filed for divorce (sadly, she has cancer and would not listen to reason about "till death do us part".)

    A couple months ago, Charlie’s best friend "Henry" died. My brother had often shared the Gospel with Henry and his wife "Gertrude", but as strong-willed, extremely worldly people, they rejected the offer.

    After Henry’s death, Charlie urgently pleaded with Gertrude to come to Christ. She attended church with him but remains unconverted.

    Two weeks ago, Charlie tersely informed me that he and Gertrude will marry, even though he knows it’s a major, public sin. This news angered and saddened his Christian therapist, his children (one is not a believer), the mother of his children (his first wife who is now a dear believer), our mother, and … just about everyone.

    My mother now informs me that Charlie and Gertrude actually eloped a while back in Las Vegas.

    1. Doesn’t this imply that they were "fully physically involved"?
    2. Is this grounds for ex-communication, even from evangelical Christian fellowships?
    3. How should I biblically respond?
    I know not to give them a wedding gift, but shunning Gertrude seems a bad Christian witness.
    4. What would the Apostle Paul do with an unrepentant brother in this situation?

    Thank you all in advance.

    Praying for you at this time....and the situation

    In His Love
    Jesus said "I am the WAY the TRUTH and the LIFE"......Without the WAY there is no GOING, without the TRUTH there is no KNOWING without the LIFE there is no LIVING....Thats what Jesus said.

  9. #9
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    Thank you for all these responses! I am encouraged.

    I am determined now to wait patiently on the Lord, as He is in control of all situations. This will bring about His glory!

    There's no need for a confrontation, as my brother already admitted that he's greatly sinning and is avoiding Christians.

    As I wait, I can pray that all pride and disobedience will be brought out and banished, and that we'll have full restoration of fellowship.

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