hmmm...I've read over your questions & thoughts and I find it very thought provoking. It's too bad you are giving up. Some things in life are difficult to understand but there is one thing you/we have to know is that we are sinners plain and simple. Without Christ there is no way to God and without God we are just spinning our wheels here on earth. All the best to you.

Malachi, It is God's desire that everyone come to know Jesus Christ as Saviour. It is merely by their choice alone that they don't come to know Him. The Bible is unlike any religious book ever written in that it is alive. God uses His Word the Bible to transform lives.

2Pe 3:9 The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance.

Rom 10:17 So then faith [cometh] by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Hbr 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.


Most people are agnostic because they have to have tangible evidence that Jesus Christ is God that He died and was buried and rose from the dead. But Jesus wants us to come to Him like a little child believing in who He is. A little child doesn't require scientific answers. They accept "just because I said so". Jesus asks us to believe in Him because He is who He said He is the creator and Lord of the universe.
Every time that you set down in a chair you have faith that the chair will be strong enough to support you. Without even thinking about this we do it everyday.
Why is so hard to believe in someone that gave His everything so that could have everything.? a gift is not a hard thing to accept when a friend offers one to us.
Malachi today God would like for you to accept the gift of salvation! Jesus paid the price for it on Calvary and rose victorious as a testimony to who He was and that redemption is paid in full. All He asks is that you accept the gift He offers.

I am not really sure why you will not go back to church. I will say this though don't let anyone keep you from having a relationship with Jesus. You would miss out on the most awesome relationship there is.